Literallyawoman

Hey sorry to hear how you’re feeling but I’m proud of you for reaching out and for being able to express yourself so well!

As a female teen coming from an abusive household with a mom who viewed me as competition, I had gender dysphoria in that I was anxious about seemingly presenting male. I thought I looked masculine and acted masculine because I didn’t have a female role model who assured me being a woman doesn’t mean fitting the male gaze or stereotypes.

So I started wearing a lot of jewelry because as a kid that was feminine to me, and I wore my hair long. In reality I have a really curvy build, healthy weight, and look like a feminine stereotype-but in my minds eye I was masculine, ugly, fat. It came from low self esteem and a toxic environment. I struggled with feeling “not like the other girls” because I was fed the lie that women are stereotypes, when in reality all of us go through feeling alone and different especially as a teen.

Once I was able to accept myself away from my abusive past, I realized being a woman is simply being born one, and women can present any way they choose it will never change our sex or make us less female. What I found most empowering was after years of mostly befriending men, I forged female friendships and found real support, validation, and relatability through them. From butch lesbian, to girly-girl, from gals who dress comfy without makeup or who dyed their hair crazy colors-we are all born women and there is no right way to be one.

My advice is to radically love yourself; instead of questioning if you want to be a woman, work on parts of your life that you can realistically improve-talk to people in your family and friends who don’t pressure you to feel a certain way-the people who just listen. Focus on small joys in your day, like making or eating your favorite meal, taking long walks with your favorite music on, taking a hot bath, listing positive affirmations to yourself before bed. Therapy is helpful but the work always comes from inside, from self love and that’s something you can practice right now, every day.

Think about what you like about yourself and what you can change-maybe being more active, cleaning the house on a daily basis for 30 minutes at a time, having more active hobbies to start? I started ultimate frisbee, cycling an hour a day, and painting (despite not being good) which was really therapeutic and allowed me to express myself outside of just what I wear or how I present. Focus on who you are as a person, not what your gender identity might be. You deserve love, self-love especially, and you WILL get through what you’re feeling. You are strong enough to feel emotions like sadness and anger, sit in them, find where they come from, and let them pass.

So much for me in accepting myself and realizing my gender identity was neither important to my true self or a quick fix for my mental health came from allowing myself to have bad days and accepting there will BE bad days without it meaning I couldn’t work through it-and YOU can work through it one day at a time by radically allowing yourself to feel emotion, and recognize they come and go and do not define us or control us. But I firmly believe it starts with exercise everyday of your body and mind.