My TIM "friend" claimed I was mansplaining to "her", so I'm done being friends

submitted by TurtleFuzz from self.GenderCritical

This "friend" came out to me last year that he was going to transition from male to female. I, of course, showed support because he is an adult and can make his own decisions regarding his life. As recently as a few days ago, I said I support his use of female pronouns and names, because that's what friends do, right?

Shortly thereafter, he started sending our group texts of him in caked on make up, making gross duck faces in his selfies, and asking how he looked. Again, I tried to be supportive of him because I'm sure this was a tough time for him. But the "fishing for compliments" pictures never stopped. So I started offering suggestions on how to take better pictures (have the light behind the camera so you don't look washed out, that's basic stuff!) and he would snap back at me.

He confided in me how happy he was to be growing breasts. I have large breasts so I would joke about how lucky he was so have small breasts. He would retort about how lucky I was to have had breasts all this time, like I won some kind of lottery? Lol

But I noticed last month that he would fly off the handle if anyone made any kind of remark about LGB or trans issues and how personally attacked he felt. It came to a head today, when our friends were texting about how women's clothes don't often have pockets. He said he wanted yoga pants with pickets so he could go running.

I used to do hot yoga before the pandemic, and I know that yoga pants are the worst thing to wear when you get hot and sweaty. So I told him that. He shoots back, saying I'm mansplaining clothing and exercise to him.

So I lost my mind. I told him mansplaining is when a man explains a women's issue to a woman. Yoga pants are NOT a women's issue. And saying that is insulting, and he clearly doesn't understand women's issues at all.

He called me a TERF, and I ended our friendship. The fact that he could not see how misogynistic that comment was really tipped me over the edge. And I'm honestly not upset about losing this friendship, because he was always my husband's friend first.

But it just boggles my mind that he claimed a woman was mansplaining to a TIM. It's just insane to me how deluded he truly is. That Kool-aid must taste real good if he's consumed so much of it.

all 33 comments
sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun

[–]yishengqingwa666 63 insightful - 4 fun63 insightful - 3 fun64 insightful - 4 fun -  (3 children)

Never be friends with Gendurrspecials. They are toxic, unhinged misogynists.

[–]TurtleFuzz[S] 13 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I know this now! Lol

[–]SameOldBS 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Yup. To a man.

[–]MezozoicGay 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

And it is mostly comes from self-centering, because all this NB and trans stuff nowadays is just "look at me, I want attention", and they are very focused on themselves and only themselves. So there can't be any relationship with them, they will be always taking and never giving.

This gender ideology is almost opposite of transexuals of the past, who wanted to blend with everyone else, so no one notice that they are different. While current ones in most cases are not even trying to be like woman, but trying to force everyone to still call them a woman (and call their man parts as woman parts).

[–]meranii 53 insightful - 2 fun53 insightful - 1 fun54 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Ugh, sounds like he wasn't just fishing for compliments, he was also fishing for someone he could come into conflict with. I bet everyone around him was supportive and he can't properly feel like a victim if there's no "terf" to fight against.

I totally get your anger, OP, and commend you for your patience (personally would've probably started to ignore him as soon as the selfies started, but I bet he would've had a roblem with that as well), you tried to give actual good advice that you'd give to an inexperienced girlfriend. But of course the rampant narcissism (weird how they always think being feminine means being a self-involved drama queen) left no space for pragmatic advice, and accusing you of mansplaining is the height of hypocrisy.

Do you think he'll try to tell everyone you know how "transphobic" you are? He might blatantly change stuff around like "she told me I can't wear yoga pants because I'm not a real woman, boohoo".

[–][deleted] 21 insightful - 3 fun21 insightful - 2 fun22 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Yep. This is why the TiMs are now attacking gaybros on reddit.

[–]TurtleFuzz[S] 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks for your kind reply. I have 2 young girls so I like to think I am very patient! But this was just a step too far. And I do think this dude wants to be a victim. I have a good feeling he will try to tell anyone that I am a huge, raging TERF. But honestly, I don't really care. He consumes so much trans-focused media, and I think he only goes on the soft boi support groups, so it doesn't matter what they think.

[–]Eurowoman24 39 insightful - 3 fun39 insightful - 2 fun40 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

lmao mansplaining has the word man in it. How dense can someone be?

[–]TurtleFuzz[S] 19 insightful - 2 fun19 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

That's why I got so mad! How could I be mansplaining?! Lol

[–]Tikiri 34 insightful - 2 fun34 insightful - 1 fun35 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Good👏🏽For👏🏽You👏🏽‼️ B.t.w., is he still friends with your husband? I wonder how long your other female friends will put up with him.

[–]TurtleFuzz[S] 23 insightful - 3 fun23 insightful - 2 fun24 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

My husband still wants to have a friendship with him, but luckily my hub realizes that these comments he's making are really gross and uncalled for. This crazy witch hunt among all his friends is really annoying my husband lol

[–]ladyreason 27 insightful - 10 fun27 insightful - 9 fun28 insightful - 10 fun -  (1 child)

Mansplain?

But you're a woman! Isn't misgendering someone literal violence? How could she?!

[–]TurtleFuzz[S] 14 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

:V HURR DURR gender violence :V lol

[–][deleted] 27 insightful - 3 fun27 insightful - 2 fun28 insightful - 3 fun -  (4 children)

LOL they always make the duck face. Another look I noticed on the dating app is when they tilt their head forward, and look up with this angry eye look, as if it is sexy. LMAO. Where are they getting this crap from? Do they see ANY other women tilting their heads down, furling their brow, and then looking up as if this is some sexy pose! I am laughing because I am a lesbian on dating apps, and it is ALWAYS the same with these guys.

They are doing their makeup like MIMI from the Drew Carey Show.

"fly off the handle"--typical Trans identified male chite right there. They act like children, throwing tantrums. I believe the cross sex hormones, for TiMs specifically, keep them perpetually in this state. Someone please chime in who has evidence of this or a source. They are like a young teen and stuck there, frozen in time, going off ALL the time. It gets worse when they go through estradiol withdrawals when injecting.

Did you notice (unsure if you can go back and view texts or not, or if you even care) that he was going off weekly? They almost all go through weekly withdrawals, because their docs do not give them enough (they even all complain about this on reddit forums) and some of them will go out and black market obtain pills, which will hit their systems hard and cause toxicity.

Of course, the person with narcissistic personality disorder did not want to be told what to wear--how fecking dare you have an opinion! (sarcasm). You will only give your opinion when it is asked of you, and when it supports fawning him.

Everything you stated screams super bad NPD traits. Begging for the compliments. Comparing the two of you and putting you down for having breasts, as if you should feel guilty for that. Claiming to be the victim, when he is the attacker. And then, you had to tell him he was making the wrong clothing choice, you should be stoned, tarred and feathered for your crimes!

I hope things are OK with your hubby and what might be a strained dynamic there. Maybe your hubby will see him to be ridiculous as well, and just part ways,

One can only hope.

Hang in there!

[–]TurtleFuzz[S] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Thanks so much for your kind wishes! And yes, omg, he also does the downward head tilt with the eyes looking up! It's such an awful look for anyone lol!

Unfortunately I don't remember if he was going off on is weekly. I deleted his texts and blocked his number because he kept spamming my phone. But it was definitely happening a lot more often. It was probably due to the withdrawal. I would also love to see if anyone has evidence of this trend.

And as far as the clothing goes, one of my male friends, who runs as his exercise of choice, also chimed in saying running shorts would be better than yoga pants. He also got the "mansplaining" thrown at him, but the runner friend was also correct. This dude just didn't like to be told that yoga pants are not good except as shapewear lol

My husband supports me, as he thinks this Tim has been really annoying with his witch hunts among our friend group. I told my husband if he wants to continue to see this guy, it will not be in our house.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

"Side effects of estrogens may include migraines, mood swings, hot flashes, and weight gain" You don't say? Haha right on the trans website. The mood swings alone happen with the injection, and then they also get the weekly withdrawals. Wowsas.

I only know about the withdrawals because of the number of TiMs that chase me on dating apps because of my height, so for quite a time I talked to them out of curiosity and got them to open up to me about things. A lot of them do not even see a doctor, they just go to planned parenthood, no diagnosis, and get their drugs.

I am so sorry again you are having to go throughthis. I have a lot of experience with them in person and chasing me all over the place as I am the holy grail for them to date because I validate them with my height. Ugh.

Soon I will age out of the dating scene entirely, and life will be grand.

https://transcare.ucsf.edu/guidelines/feminizing-hormone-therapy

[–]SameOldBS 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Yet more proof that AGP is just the gender flip side of NPD.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yep! I am sure this has been discussed before in the subs on Reddit, but I am certain they hide AGP because it would be seen as a sexual deviance, and a kink, and something damaging. So they hide who they are to the world. Blanchard did not just think this stuff up, his patients all came to him and told him. It is has been one big cover up since.

[–]Literallyawoman 18 insightful - 2 fun18 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

God it feels good to end toxic friendships

[–]TurtleFuzz[S] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Right, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders! Now I don't have to worry about tiptoeing around this dude

[–]SameOldBS 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I wish more people knew this. I was raised by narcissists, so naturally drew them into my life for years into adulthood (which isn't difficult, it's getting increasingly hard to avoid them.) Then various things led to an epiphany where I realised that many of my friends were deeply toxic and self-centred, and eventually did things so provoking I dumped most of them. My life has been immeasurably better since.

[–]TurtleFuzz[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply. I'm glad you were able to escape your toxic friendships. I already feel so much better. And I got a great night's sleep lol

[–]shveya 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

This doesn't surprise me, whenever they accuse someone of "transmisogyny" it's usually a woman.

[–]TurtleFuzz[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, he is in for a rude awakening when he finds out he scared off all his few female friends

[–]SameOldBS 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Usual common-or-garden narcissist that makes everything all about themselves. You are so much better off without them

[–]TurtleFuzz[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply. I do feel a lot better today!

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 4 fun6 insightful - 3 fun7 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Man doesn’t understand the meaning of mansplaining. Sounds about right.