Sunday Social - open chat!

Destresse · 2024-01-24T17:26:34+00:00

I haven't visited this space in so long! It's comforting to see some people are still here haha

Well, I guess I just felt like saying that I was glad to have this 3 years ago when I was still feeling alone and hadn't found my own GC support network yet. Now I have found "my people" so to speak, and I'm even in a relationship!

So, thank you mods and everyone else for giving past-me a place to vent and feel less crazy, it was important to me. I hope you are all doing well!

Destresse · 2023-03-30T17:07:15+00:00

What a sad state of affairs

Destresse · 2023-03-25T06:25:01+00:00

I'm always ready to show restraint in my judging, but then I see comments of them say stuff like "I love surprising guys with my tits", and "I give no warnings" and how they love seeing the "surprise" on their face, and this is the sole reason she'll miss her breasts and then how the op says "that's the best way to do it"

and it's really hard not to immediately go "okay: sadistic rapist, derives joy from 'tricking' people and worsening uncomfortable situations"

I'll instead assume all those guys were straight or bi or other trans guys and happy to see her breasts.

Destresse · 2023-03-16T07:53:03+00:00

Yeah, what are transmen if not females who think it possible to identify out of oppression? It's telling I think, positive thinking taken to its delusional extreme. They have to rewrite the bad parts and put a positive spin on it, like it was actually a good thing

Destresse · 2023-03-10T12:24:30+00:00

"it makes you smell, it makes you horny, you grow a tiny dick and get facial hair" Dreamy. Why do they still argue that 'iF iT's AbOuT gEnItAlS tHeN wHy Do YoU rEjEcT tRaNs MeN tOo?!' Because of this. Also because those are women who hate themselves and I wouldn't date them any more than I would a drug addict or a self-harmer

Anyway, this post's title made me laugh a lot before I got to reading the text 😆

Destresse · 2022-10-01T20:40:54+00:00

So much of this is heartbreaking, to be honest. The typical "pre-teen me didn't want breasts" interview, the weirdo "I was so euphoric I took selfies and sent them to all of my friends" and the "safe practices" list at the end.

I didn't know, but when you bind, don't exercise, apparently. Don't sweat. Or drink more. And then there are tips for a flat chest if you don't have a binder. I have a naturally flat chest, and I've always felt really glad for this, but I can't help but imagine what it must be like for girls with obvious curves and all. The desperation is real. What is this world doing to girls, seriously.

Destresse · 2022-09-26T13:56:49+00:00

Just saying hello again 👋

Destresse · 2022-09-26T12:19:08+00:00

13 year-old, I'm pretty sure. Cannot be an adult

Destresse · 2022-04-27T00:27:54+00:00

Ah, the French election was last Sunday, and I have kept thinking about this. The two political parties that used to be the expected ones to make it are now gathering at max... 4.8% of votes. Lol. And that was the right, the "republicans". The left, the "socialists", got 1%. What is popular now are : Macron's "no labels" politics, the far right, the far left, in order. In short: politics that are ever-changing depending on where the wind is blowing. Literal family of ex-nazi sympathiser. And anti-capitalism idealism which is tempting no doubt, but in reality fails at acknowledging our resources and capabilities (reality), so of course, yes, ultra woke, too.

I did vote far left five years ago, because I honestly think that would have been the right time for a change of the system, and cancel-culture etc hadn't made it to France yet. Now, though. I don't think anyone other than Macron can handle the huge crisis we've got coming, so I'm glad it's him again, even if he's... Macron. Lol. Seeing how the last five years went, he has experience handling crises, and we're going to need this more than someone who wants to change everything.

I don't tell many people my vote went to him lmao. Shameful 😒. I despair when I see the choices we had. I am not the one voting for extremists here... Only pragmatically.

So yes, "polical moderate" fits me, and it blows my mind to see people calling the extremists the "right" and the "left" now. No, that's the FAR right and the FAR left. Moderate right and left have left the game. Only Macron remains, reigning supreme. Which was his goal five years ago lol. Good job Manu. I gotta say his speech was pretty good though. And then some guys in the crowd shouted "get naked Macron" and "break my ass Manu" and I am still laughing. Yes, yes, everyone is saying he will fuck us over once again. (Retirement will now be at 65 years old 💀)

Well, that's life, no regrets though.

Destresse · 2022-03-18T22:54:29+00:00

Lmao, I hope this is a fake story. Adoption is not that easy is it?

Seriously though... "it". Only English can do this thank god lol

Destresse · 2022-03-18T22:48:21+00:00

This reads like a made-up situation shared for earning pity points.

Destresse · 2022-03-16T18:15:20+00:00

Lol I just have to say, this is worded perfectly and I wholly agree this is what's going on

Destresse · 2022-01-08T08:36:03+00:00

Same. Zero effort goes into dating lately

But anytime I've tried, I've only approached the clearly 'gender critical' women. No way I'm dealing with the stress of 'will she leave me or vilainize me if I say one wrong thing'

Destresse · 2022-01-07T13:52:41+00:00

QuEeR mEaNs "AsK mE mOrE qUeStIoNs If YoU'rE cUrIoUs"

In other words: I'm an attention seeker.

Edited just to laugh at how I just realised this literally means "I know no one knows what I mean by this word and it's the point actually" 😂

Destresse · 2022-01-07T13:45:19+00:00

Hahahaha I used to feel creepy but now I accept I'm a lesbian hahaha so gayyyyy yeah I'm here and I'm queer yes we're all gayyyyy here gay gay gay that's so gay y'all

Destresse · 2022-01-06T01:50:35+00:00

Crazy how they all sound like bots when trying to argue. And when the programming runs out of lines, retreat and silence.

Destresse · 2022-01-02T08:30:22+00:00

I want my dad to be disappointed that he'll never get a daughter-in-law. I want my mom to judge how long my hair is.

Lol. Good luck with that.

And also the part about "the token gay friend" and how her gay friend doesn't talk about guys and exes to her. I WONDER WHY lmao

So is she a lesbian, a straight girl, or bisexual and totally confused? I also used to feel very uncomfortable when confronted with lesbian romance, back when I was in so much denial I couldn't even tell left from right. Ah, this is so sad to see. (But also very funny.)

Destresse · 2021-12-29T01:16:22+00:00

Oh, reminds of that one comment I saw on reddit, made by a transwoman that went something like: the Matrix is about a transwoman slowly accepting herself and being loved by a lesbian. 😂

Destresse · 2021-12-24T16:08:20+00:00

Merry Christmas to you all! :)

Nothing notable to say on the topic. Every year it's the same struggle to pick clothes and try not to look like my everyday jeans-and-sweatshirt self. I rate my success on my stepmother's reaction.

Destresse · 2021-12-24T07:44:15+00:00

Lol. Do they ever think before they speak? The fact homosexuality cannot result in reproduction is the very reason it's been so vilified over the years. No, we can't have bio kids with the person we love. Yes, it's "unpractical" or whatever else. No, we won't date trans people for bio children. No, we cannot fall in love and have sexual desire for people of the opposite sex. And no, most of us won't sacrifice a chance to feel love just for bio kids.

Oh my god I am so tired of LGBTQIAetc "issues" being in the spotlight, witnessing people who know nothing of homosexuality run their mouth like they're an expert and our spokesperson. Shut up and leave us alone...

Destresse · 2021-12-23T17:46:30+00:00

Lol, for a moment I forgot straight women existed and I was thinking "why the hell would any woman want to be in a space full of men"

Destresse · 2021-12-23T06:25:39+00:00

Lesbian is allowed but not gay? Lmao what is this joke...

Destresse · 2021-12-22T17:54:05+00:00

Men and hommes

But why? I'm triggered.

Destresse · 2021-12-20T17:27:08+00:00

I don't like how "coming out" is used about everything nowadays. There is a difference between having a controversial opinion and being homo/bi-sexual. Being shamed for your values is nothing like being shamed for what you are, so I think the distinction should remain. We're losing enough of our words and culture as it is.

Destresse · 2021-12-19T19:13:32+00:00

Oh you could have continued. There is this gem later on, about the acceptance of trans people:

One major part is that we’re actually more visible in gay porn these days and I think that has helped a lot

Destresse · 2021-12-18T13:09:51+00:00

Lol I was going to say this. "11-18 asexuals", already the article started bad

Destresse · 2021-12-16T20:01:32+00:00

"This will no longer be you." Shows kid trying to reach the top shelf.

What a great way to let us know you think we're underdeveloped. He really takes us for absolute idiots doesn't he? Lol. What kind of adult would think those are good arguments? This isn't even satire.

I reach the top shelf because I specifically put my furniture at a height that is comfortable for me. Like any intelligent adult would. Lmao.

Destresse · 2021-12-14T21:02:14+00:00

Everything you've said is extremely familiar, lol.

Well, I can attest that the scariest thing with people like this, is that even after knowing them for over 20 years, you still don't know who they are, exactly. They are capable of molding themselves into any shape, as long as it gets them a semblance of love. Realising that fact is very uncomfortable.

I'm impressed that you can see through it so quickly. 27 years later my mum still doesn't make any sense, still is deeply absorbed in her own little world, and I still can't accept that fact lol.

The good thing about this experience is that you'll be able to spot the red flags more easily now, and know exactly what they entail and what you don't want to deal with.

Never again, right? 😆

Destresse · 2021-12-09T15:00:42+00:00

My mum is a million miles away from getting diagnosed so I don't know exactly what's wrong with her, but yes it sounds like BPD and yeah, it's... unpredictable and guilt-inducing.

Oh man, it's the worst when they go all "I'm so sorry!" and they cry and it all sounds so dramatic so you give them a chance, you think maybe they get it now, maybe things will change, and then nothing changes. Lol. They're always using their tears and distress to manipulate people. It's good that you can see it clearly for what it is. They are way too good at demonising you when you dare be a human being and not their comfort pillow.

It is truly hard when you can see the good parts as well as the bad parts. When you like the good parts you always want to hope that the bad will improve. It's a trap though... Honestly, it's hard to tell the difference between someone who wants to get better, and someone who doesn't. Because getting better requires efforts and pain for these people, and isn't always worth it. When they grab onto someone to suck them dry and the person stays, why would they want things to change? Why would they want someone to be less dedicated to them? To give them less reassurance? Playing the victim usually pays off, unfortunately... Even though this isn't the best solution for anyone involved. But they have noooo idea what's good for them. That's what makes us so empathetic and want to help them, reassure them, etc.

It's really complicated, and I honestly think those people are beyond help. No, okay, too harsh. I do think they can get better, but I don't have much faith in them wanting to.

Destresse · 2021-12-09T14:25:14+00:00

A TikTok teacher has revealed that he wears heels to school most days to creative a safe space.

"To creative"? "TikTok teacher"? Lol

Destresse · 2021-12-08T22:24:55+00:00

She said she's pre-everything though, so it's not the hormones.

Destresse · 2021-12-08T22:06:38+00:00

Ah, the infamous "look at how you're hurting me" when you're the one who endured hurt upon hurt for years. I have a mother like this. What a nightmare.

You have to stand your ground. These people have absolutely no boundaries and will cross yours repeatedly, even when you've voiced them, even when they've agreed not to cross them. Perfectly illustrated multiple times in what you've written. I know you know but I just want to say you did the right choice and encourage you to stick to it this time. Or she'll keep injecting her slow poison. People with BPD in particular have no sense of identity, and so they glue themselves to others and copy their likes/dislikes/values. Has she shown signs of this too? Also, of course, low empathy...

Keep your chin up and don't despair, it is hard right now but it will pass. I know online is limited, but don't hesitate to reach out in the meantime. I guess that's what this community is also for :)

Destresse · 2021-12-06T07:13:45+00:00

Right? It must have been some very specific statistic like... How many people of X years old born in X city who studied X thing in 2020-2021 has chosen to pursue technical studies in 2021-2022 lol

Honestly the woman I had on the phone said we met before, so I assume she's the one who put my name in the goblet of fire. I didn't pay enough attention to her to remember her though. Maybe she invented that stat to make me feel unique and good about myself, but that tends to have the opposite effect on me 🤣

Destresse · 2021-12-05T22:19:48+00:00

I was approached by people who work for the state to participate in promotional content about my job and line of work. Can you believe that. I wondered why it had to be me, out of the few millions of people in this country, and apparently, I am the only woman in my region who chose to pursue technical studies this year. So they said it'd be good to promote gender equality in the industrial field. I know women are rare in industries, but this is ridiculous lol. The only one. The only one. I won't recover from knowing this. I feel weird now.

Destresse · 2021-12-04T06:05:01+00:00

They just know they’re stepping outside their bubble into the real world in which we all must deal with uncensored reality and other people’s feelings and needs, not just our own.

Lol yeah, there's that comment saying "it's my business" to justify not saying it to potential sexual partners 🙃

Destresse · 2021-11-30T23:03:55+00:00

Isn't it funny how names vary so little in the western world? It's like we're circling through the same 30 something names with slight variations depending on the language. Françoise and Matthieu etc. I once heard a Japanese guy be really surprised that it's common in France to meet someone with the same name as you. In my class there are 8 eight people who share a name in total. Eight.

If all the 'Marie' decided to group together I'm sure they could take over the country.

(I went on a tangent sorry 😂)

Destresse · 2021-11-29T17:34:59+00:00

Idk if it exists anymore but there used to be a “True”Lesbians sub and that one I believe was the main terf zone. Edit: a brief search confirms they do not exist anymore as they were banned for promoting hate. THE SYSTEM SOMETIMES WORKS!

Hah... I almost forgot we got banned for "promoting hate"

Destresse · 2021-11-29T17:22:58+00:00

I might get aggressive but understand it’s justified. Please stop saying that vulvas are gross

I can't read past that, I'm laughing too hard

Destresse · 2021-11-29T17:15:38+00:00

Lol, yeah. This idea has been floating around the internet for years, but I have never observed it, so I wonder. I only have 1 gay friend and it was pure luck, we've known each other since we were toddlers. I could have befriended the typical "queer" group in high school, I suppose, but it included proud "yaoi fans" so... Lol. So I went for the more discreet people. 6 straights, 1 bi, and me. Not a bad statistic, but definitely not "we all turned out to be ~queer~" either.

Destresse · 2021-11-24T21:19:34+00:00

Honestly anytime I see them say something stupid I wanna repeat it with a silly voice and I'm reminded of that spongebob meme. It perfectly embodies my feelings on the matter lol

Destresse · 2021-11-23T20:12:24+00:00

It's always the same stuff, when they don't want to answer to logic. "Sexuality is fluid", "gender is weird", "identity is complicated"

Destresse · 2021-11-22T17:45:49+00:00

I didn't even know some of these stereotypes existed. I do walk fast and sit weird lol, but apparently that's reserved for bisexuals!

More seriously though, a few years ago when I first realised I was a lesbian, I was really bothered and nervous about not fitting most (if any...?) of the stereotypes about lesbians. I thought, naively, that fitting those would make me... I don't know, feel like I belonged somewhere among people like me, I suppose. But I knew no lesbian, and my mental image was full of stereotypes, so I felt too unique, if that makes sense. I was worried other lesbians would not believe I was one of them haha. So I hyperfocused on those silly details and examined each and every one of them under a microscope to find something, one tiny thing, that could fit me.

It passed, like all things. I don't really care anymore, I wear what I like and am what I am and don't worry too much about it. But I think this is the root cause in many cases: the need to belong.

Destresse · 2021-11-20T09:21:41+00:00

"bi+"....? Lol what is this again

Destresse · 2021-11-19T12:14:31+00:00

Right? 😂

But then consider this... They have children.

Destresse · 2021-11-14T15:55:09+00:00

This doesn't work everywhere obviously. I've worked some purely technical/manual jobs where you basically have zero interaction with clients. No one cares what your political views are as long as you get the job done. What are they gonna do to a gender critical plumber honestly? Or a gender critical miller? Or a gender critical welder? I doubt their employers would care one bit. But 'TERFs' are women and women don't work these jobs and since they're women their image is important, right? Lol. Ahh... I'm tired.

Destresse · 2021-11-10T02:14:58+00:00

I stopped reading at "gender is complicated for example I identify with" boy"and not "man" "

Destresse · 2021-11-09T20:19:11+00:00

According to a YouTube "everything about your soulmate!" video, she is practical and independent, has her own business, and we will be a power couple together. Also it's a "love at first sight" kind of deal, but apparently our sex life will be difficult in the beginning. She might or might not have ombre hair and we might or might not meet in February.

I'm lonely too. 🙃🤣

Destresse · 2021-11-09T19:59:13+00:00

A bunch of my classmates are One Piece fans and I have recently learned there was a pretty big controversy on... this character's gender identity.

So the author had to confirm, yes, that is a woman. Some people were outraged. Lmao.

Destresse · 2021-11-08T19:13:00+00:00

Funnily enough it's not the word lesbian he's defining wrong. Nothing loving about pursuing a category of people who are physically incapable of desiring you...

Oh wait there's the "trans lesbian" oxymoron. Nevermind

Destresse · 2021-11-08T00:05:30+00:00

Lol this might be the first time I've seen straight women be so open about their physical attraction to men.

... But it's also entirely possible that they just don't feel comfortable talking about these things with me personally 🤣

Destresse · 2021-11-07T23:51:50+00:00

Haha, yes. I jumped on every single occasion I found to join a french gender critical network of people 😆

I think it might be harder for you Americans, since your country is the size of a continent lol. I suppose it doesn't make it easy to find each other.

Destresse · 2021-11-07T07:02:00+00:00

I used to feel this way, but since then I've found a good number of lesbians/bi women from my country who are critical of the trans movement. So now my environment is way more gender critical than the other way around. It's only when I browse the internet that I see all the pro-trans stuff. And even then, YouTube only recommends gender critical stuff since that's what I've been watching lol. I don't have twitter/tumblr/instagram whatever other social network exists nowadays. So that helps avoiding it.

But I also don't frequent lesbian bars or lesbian events or anything, so I don't know the state of things in our irl community. I'm told things are relatively good, as long as you don't start a debate on the question lol.

Destresse · 2021-11-03T19:28:35+00:00

Oh no... How old is she? Did you take her to the vet because she had symptoms?

Destresse · 2021-10-20T17:56:00+00:00

This person's pronouns come across as: me, me & me.

This comment made me laugh out loud 🤣

Destresse · 2021-10-17T07:12:25+00:00

Thank you 🤣

Destresse · 2021-10-17T07:06:22+00:00

I have theories. 😆

Historically, women have been kept inside households and out of the public eye. This is a behaviour that can still be observed to this day with parents raising their boys to be more active and outdoors compared to their girls. That research is quite a few years old though. But in any case, that is something we can reproduce without thinking, keeping discrete, out of the public eye, not sharing our thoughts etc. Lesbians are stereotyped to be more "indoors", I think there's a reason for that lol.

Another possibility is that we are so used to lacking allies and empathy from people, that's we've learned not to show weakness. Personally, the only times I've tried opening up about subjects like shame, I've been pretty brutally dismissed. By what I suspect are closeted bi women (or confused straight women? I honestly don't know). The one time it was received with respect was from my straight uncle. (I was surprised but at the same time not really. He is one of those straight people who actually questioned their sexuality and came out of it thinking 'yes OK I really am straight so I have to look elsewhere for an explanation on why all my relationships fail' lol)

I still have lots of thoughts on the matter but I think those two make up for the majority. What do you think? Does that fit in your experience?

Destresse · 2021-10-16T20:54:42+00:00

Yeah. First time I read a lesbian opening up about the struggles of homosexuality, it was a detrans woman.

I feel like the only lesbian who is uncomfortable with my orientation to be honest lol

I know it's not true because I've talked with various other lesbians who felt the same way, but yes. Nothing public, ever

Destresse · 2021-10-16T08:20:21+00:00

The more they push for "LGBTQA+ visibility", the more I want to crawl into a hole and hide

Destresse · 2021-10-16T08:08:41+00:00

Oh, is Twitter restricting access to those who don't have an account? It's been harassing me with "you need an account to see this" lately and now I only get a black screen with "try again" lol

Too bad, morbid curiosity always made me click on those twitter links to see what next level of screwed up they were reaching 😆

Destresse · 2021-10-13T17:32:48+00:00

She... thinks her date is out to get her and will murder her because some gay guys on reddit told her gay men aren't into females? Lol. What the hell. Their lives always sound so pathetically sad. Also: "I'm not biologically female because my brain is male and brain is part of biology" sounds like a 5-year-old's logic 😭

Destresse · 2021-10-13T16:49:02+00:00

I can't help but imagine myself in his shoes. I'd go insane, seriously.

Destresse · 2021-10-11T21:25:21+00:00

Is Halloween a big thing in the US? I vaguely remember someone telling me yes.

In France we... kind of ignore it. Lol. I mean, there sure are orange and black decorations in the supermarkets but in the past six years or so I've had something like 3 kids ring my doorbell. That I ignored, because I didn't have any candy. This scenario is very frequent. When I was a teenager I received one or two invitations to "Halloween parties". One from a French-American lol. It was a bit awkward dressing up. Past a certain age and with no children accompanying you, people are gonna look at you weird. Basically the Halloween spirit totally dies when you have no child in your life.

So, what is it you normally do during Halloween season? Do you dress up and hang out at night? Are people wearing funny things in the streets?

Destresse · 2021-10-09T16:08:08+00:00

Honestly... breasts reductions are more life-saving than breasts augmentation. But what would they know 🙄

It's so infuriating how ignorant they are when they speak with so much confidence.

Destresse · 2021-10-09T15:04:19+00:00

Ah... Well, about that. Minister of education recently vowed to make schools "better and safer" for trans people, so, you know. Access to changing rooms and all. 🙃

I really thought we wouldn't go there, and yet...

Destresse · 2021-10-08T13:35:32+00:00

I'd like one 🙋‍♀️😊

Destresse · 2021-10-04T16:21:56+00:00

Why did I click this. Damn curiosity. 🤮

Destresse · 2021-10-02T18:36:37+00:00

F a c t s

Destresse · 2021-09-30T17:30:28+00:00

Guilty 🙋‍♀️

Destresse · 2021-09-29T19:34:18+00:00

Message received. Will continue to behave as I see fit.

Destresse · 2021-09-28T17:28:01+00:00

Lol.

Come on... We knew your child is a girl the moment you said you wanted her to live a life "without sexism." And at 4 years old, she says she's a boy. Funny. Completely unpredictable. Who would have thought.

Destresse · 2021-09-26T15:34:59+00:00

UuUurRrgh... There they go again, with their "boomer" accusations and "right-wing" this and that.

I haven't watched a single video of this guy and I don't care to know what's he's all about and how they're eating their own, lol, I'm just so mad and disgusted anytime they use those tactics to discredit someone. Some of my strongest relationships are with old people! Bugger off with your twenty years of human existence, you've got nothing on seventy-year-olds

Destresse · 2021-09-25T15:21:07+00:00

About this:

bisexuals only have value (to the community) if they're with the same sex

I don't think it's true. Or, err, let's say it's complex. A few het-partnered bisexuals are involved in LGB-related fights and are precious allies. Just because they've been with an opposite sex partner for a while doesn't mean they don't get same-sex attraction, it's just that their perspective is very different from ours.

I get what you're saying about bi-women experiences being generalised on the Internet though. Most "queer" memes and humour are bi-women memes and humour. They still call it "queer" and "gay". Most things "queer" on the net, I just ignore. It's all very superficial.

Destresse · 2021-09-24T16:43:44+00:00

Is there no law that protects workers in anglo countries? Can you really get someone fired for this, or is she dreaming?

Destresse · 2021-09-23T17:54:58+00:00

Yeah, the dynamic completely changes between a couple and a... a group. Lol.

3 and more is a group, and follows group rules. 2 isn't a group, and allows for more... how can I say this. It's more flexible.

Destresse · 2021-09-19T04:53:20+00:00

Yeah, I've read about it without truly realising that's... this. It's such a foreign concept I kept it as a concept and never thought about how it actually works in reality o_o

Destresse · 2021-09-18T23:54:17+00:00

He would totally have sex with himself if he could, right? It's so weird. Get out of your own head...

Destresse · 2021-09-18T23:45:21+00:00

🙃

I... You know what, I have no words for this amount of stupid lol

Destresse · 2021-09-13T17:26:04+00:00

How pragmatic 🤣

Destresse · 2021-09-13T16:45:51+00:00

Homosexuality was penalised again in France after World War... two, I think. The law was against "inappropriate public behaviours" though, lol. So the discrimination is invisible. It got tweaked multiple times, I don't remember which president finally removed homosexuality from "inappropriate public behaviours."

Sad when fellow countrymen and women think the Americans gave us our rights lol

Destresse · 2021-09-13T16:34:33+00:00

Yeah, this started because when we're kids we're taught "masculine wins over feminine" as a way to remember that an adjective will always be masculine as long as there is 1 male subject in the sentence. 100 female subjects and 1 male - > adjective will be male gendered.

I get the intention, but our language wasn't always like this. Before, it was which noun was last that "won" the adjective. A man and a woman are.... - > female gendered adjective. A woman and a man are.... - > male gendered adjective. It would solve the issue if we went back to this. Plus it sounds better to the ear.

I'm not too fond of inclusive writing. It's a hassle. But it's the norm in left-leaning universities and feminist articles/blogs/writings. It hasn't caught on further than that though.

Destresse · 2021-09-13T16:23:49+00:00

Huh? As far as I know, those terms are feminist, uh, quirks? Basically feminising every word (noues instead of nous for example, ect)

Some feminist hetero women call themselves hetera lol. It's not derogatory. I don't know in what context it was used but it just means "female heterosexual"

It's all feminist slang basically.

Destresse · 2021-09-11T09:58:08+00:00

Have you seen that person suggesting she watches The Matrix because:

Trinity is a lesbian in love with a trans woman discovering herself, it's extremely relevant to OP's situation.

🤣🤣 I can't even tell if it's a troll or not at this point, they have said such ridiculous things over the years

Destresse · 2021-09-11T05:49:34+00:00

She sounds low-empathy and thrill-seeking. Run.

Lol, in all seriousness though, you don't say one bad thing about her in there and I still got a super negative image. Why is that?

This raised a question in me, do you have a pattern of falling for low-empathy women?

Something to consider: self-hate isn't innate, people develop this strategy to make sense of abusive environments. "It must be me" gives an illusion of control. It's easier than thinking "I'm in danger and have no way out." This is why many, many, many people with low self-esteem generally fall for shitty people and show no interest in balanced people. Ironically it's the safe option. It's what they know, it's familiar, "it must be me" means shitty people don't exist and they're safe. And if they get hurt then it's not a shitty person who hurt them, since "it must be me", right? They flagelate themselves for a while and go on to fall for the next low-empathy person they can find. It validates the self-hate, and allows them to keep avoiding their early trauma that made them hate themselves in the first place.

I'm not sure you needed that lecture lol. That was also very simplified as self-hate manifests in many different ways. But if you do have a pattern of falling for low-empathy women, then... It's not that you're disgusting, it's that you're unconsciously trying to protect yourself.

Destresse · 2021-09-10T20:03:27+00:00

Huh... That's interesting. I read his post and was a bit surprised. Gender roles are not enforced to that extent around me. Sure, in an environment full of men I'm usually assumed to be the one the guys confide in. But after 5min of talking to me, people usually understand that, no, I'm not the one equiped for that. And the guys have no problem going to the guy who is equiped for that for emotional support.

As usual my brain went in a million different directions.

Maybe he lives in a place where gender roles are way more enforced, maybe he hasn't actually tried vey hard to be close to his guy friends because he's limited by his beliefs, maybe he has those kinds of personalities — like mine lol — that makes him lose himself in his thoughts and lose sight of reality for a few minutes, maybe he's socially awkward, maybe he's being dramatic, maybe it's a matter of giving-receiving and he doesn't realise he's not giving much and that's the reason he's not getting anything.

Whatever it is, it's sad to see.

Destresse · 2021-09-09T17:18:41+00:00

IT'S NOT A COMPETITION

🤣

Then why word it this way? They're so funny

Destresse · 2021-09-09T16:30:46+00:00

Thanks for explaining what's going on here, I would've felt stupid asking 😂

Destresse · 2021-09-08T18:32:40+00:00

I agree. It was the same for me, too.

If those two come from a country where homosexuality is punishable, then it's definitely possible. Survival overrides many many things

Destresse · 2021-09-06T21:15:49+00:00

His PhD is in History. He queered his PhD

Destresse · 2021-09-06T17:51:39+00:00

My day ended with a 2h long Toeic mock exam. To gauge the level we're at. And this is France, the level we're required to have is around 700. I got 990. That is the perfect score, of course 😎 I felt like my super smart math teacher who goes "Huh? But this is trivial.." anytime he's asked to explain something he did in his own head, writing down the end result just like that. English test? TRIVIAL

I aspire to be like my math teacher in the future. Pissing everyone off with their effortless exploits 🤣

Destresse · 2021-09-05T20:41:03+00:00

Well, what is it that bothers you exactly?

I feel the same as you, for the record, but for me it is:

the fact I have been bombarded my entire life with messages that female homosexuality doesn't really exist, and therefore seeing "lesbians" talking about their relationships with men, saying they truly loved them or whatever, upsets me. It feels like one more "female homosexuality doesn't really exist and you're the only one who can't have sex with men. You really are a defect."
I hear straight women talk about men. I hear bi women talk about men. Hearing a lesbian talk about men feels like everyday life, drowned in heterosexuality. I don't want it.
I've never been in a relationship so I don't know how I'd react exactly, but I suspect I'd be pretty upset at my girlfriend mentioning men regularly. I'd feel extremely inadequate, because heterosexuality is the norm and in more cases than not, is more enviable than homosexuality. So I'd wonder, am I wasting her time? If she likes men, why the heck is she bothering with being with me? Lol I know bi women get upset about this line of thought, but it's how I feel. (Sorry bi women)

So, I mean... You don't necessarily have anything to "get over". Depends on where your feelings come from. I'm going to be honest, it really surprises me that you'd consider therapy for this. You're a lesbian, you're not attracted to men, why is it a problem when you dislike when other lesbians (if they are lesbians at all) talk about men as though they're fine with dating them? Also, what you're describing is just plain old identification. You hear this and put yourself in their shoes and it makes you feel awful because it'd be an awful experience for you. There is nothing wrong with that...

Destresse · 2021-09-05T11:21:48+00:00

Ah, can you find comfort elsewhere? Work, activities outside of the home maybe?

roommate issues

And this is why I have never compromised on "I want to live alone" even though the rent is more expensive lol

Destresse · 2021-09-02T20:26:27+00:00

My cat is gay

😂

He only humps men

🤣 I'm crying...

Does she know cats aren't humans? Humping for a dog is social behaviour, like "pay attention to me" or even stress/nervosity, or a lack of confidence. My female dog humps her own sister. Imagine what she'd call my dog. A lesbian with a fetish for incest? LOL. Man, when you take a pet, you should be prepared not to judge it by human standards.

You're ill, miss.

Destresse · 2021-09-02T19:47:01+00:00

You don’t have to feel fem to be a woman you just have to believe your a women and make sure people know your a woman

Ohhh, do they tire me

Destresse · 2021-08-28T14:24:16+00:00

The world has wronged you. I don't know what else to say... I am part of those people who fight injustice and unfairness with pettiness and anger. It makes me angry. Why in the world should you be the one caving and disappearing when the world finds you unsightly? No one's entitled to your life. There are other angry unsightly people who you definitely belong with.

You know, I read this while sitting next to the water on a forest path with my dog sniffing grass behind me. And I thought about how far away and alone we all are, us "transphobic" LGB. How unfair is that? We're being isolated for daring to assert our right to, hah, how ironic, exist. The thing trans people constantly complain about. "OuR rIgHt tO eXiSt." Between us and them, we all know who are the ones living authentically. Are you going to give up existing? Are you going to let them have that win over you? Okay, that's a bit provocative and I sound like a sports coach lol. But, you have options, and disappearing is just what those deranged people want. People like you are on the front lines to be honest, so I can't imagine what it must be like for you. But if you go down, it's going to hit moral pretty damn hard. The fact you're still standing is inspiring hope in and of itself.

Here are some thoughts: You mentioned two other male youtubers who do gender critical stuff, why not come in contact with them and ask for a collab/an interview/I don't know what else? I've seen quite a lot of youtubers become fast friends when their share content and stuff, maybe it can help with the loneliness a bit.

Is there an LGB alliance where you're from, or any kind of gender critical LGB org? You could either volunteer to work with them (and make new nice colleagues) or they could help get you in contact with other gender critical LGBs in your area. With any luck there might gay men in the lot. In any case, it could be a good idea to get info on this front.

Also we'll have an LGB sub without all the TQ bull soon, so it'll be easier to connect in a more light-hearted way. There might be people on here who live close by too. I remember the recurrent "anyone living in X?" posts on r/truelesbians lol.

I've tried to write this as well as I could and I still feel like a failure. Comforting people is hard when you don't know them, so I'm deciding to publish this in a "hit or miss" state of mind.

I hope you will feel better soon.

Destresse · 2021-08-24T18:16:19+00:00

Lol, yes. Stepmother, sorry 😂

Destresse · 2021-08-23T18:50:44+00:00

I started class today. What have I done. Why did I think being ambitious was a good thing. I wanna go to sleep and wake up in three years with my diploma in my pocket.

In short, I have underestimated my laziness. I'm gonna have to actually study this year, and I'm already whining.

Destresse · 2021-08-23T18:17:08+00:00

I used to take it personally, but now I just let it slide lol.

Have you had the "confused straight woman" flavour? The one who, after you put everything into words without going into too much information, eventually asks you ".... but what is attraction? I don't think I understand?" 😭🤣 and then you're obligated to go into tmi

Destresse · 2021-08-23T18:09:01+00:00

I also wondered if some women tie being attractive to men into their self image

Yes, definitely. From my perspective, I've seen this when they insist on giving me "a makeover", or when they act concerned and even offended at how they judge my clothes not flattering enough. They often interpret it as self-hate. Or trauma. They can't wrap their head around the fact I'm not interested in looking pretty or feminine. And I'm not even gender non-conforming. I look pretty plain in fact. But lots show frustration at how I don't, ah, how do they put it... show my assets? Something like that.

Yeah, it's disheartening when it comes from someone close. Reminds me of my mother-in-law, last time I told her I met someone, she immediately went "a man??" lmao. Nope, sorry to disappoint, still homosexual. But this one is a case of "I clearly have no idea what homosexuality is" lol.

Geez, I'm frustrated. I wish I had a clear answer but all I can do is theorise endlessly. I never mustered the courage to ask point blank "why are you reacting like this". I bet they don't even know themselves.

Destresse · 2021-08-23T11:00:39+00:00

Oh, that's interesting. I have the same experience with women, some react strangely to my lack of attraction to males. It's mostly "but... are you sure?", "aren't you just scared?", "I think it's narrow-minded to claim men will never be an option for you", going into judging territory real fast. I could be married to a woman and they'd say the same I'm pretty sure. "Nothing is set in stone" etc.

Short answer: they don't believe homosexuality exists. So when you say you're homosexual, what they hear is: "I consciously choose to exclude all you people from my options because I don't like you" lol

Sounds familiar? 🤣

Second possibility: they're uncomfortable with talking about sexual orientation because it puts them in a position they dislike. I've seen this with closeted bi people or confused straight people. "but, but, wait. You don't mean you feel NO attraction to the opposite sex, do you? Even I can find other women hot. So surely...?" Being faced with someone who knows what they want makes their own confusion obvious and some of them can kind of freak out as a result, trying to make you admit that you're just as confused as them, and they're totally normal, okay, nothing to see here.

Those are the two main answers I've thought of.

Destresse · 2021-08-22T19:43:04+00:00

The green eyebrows are there to match those super natural green eyes, obviously

Destresse