Kinda lonely

midnight305 · 2020-09-09T13:06:54+00:00

I know it super sucks . I hate being alone with my thoughts because it's mostly yeet stuff .

hugs

midnight305 · 2020-08-08T12:49:48+00:00

Damn that sucks I'm sorry. Yeah I quit my job and went to college like a dumbass. Lol but I'm happier doing art than I ever was being a maid .

Yeah i haven't seen most of mine but we stay in touch over fb messager for thr most part and we see each other when we can. Damn pandemic ruining everything hasvpit me in a bad mood.

Yeah that sounds like some internet friends i lost cuz they just didn't understand ended up making a group n posting proof to spread around so people would be aware .

Right i been working on more personal art in Hope's of saling some work down the road. Because of this trans stuff it's mostly bern about pride or fractured pride stuff and how i feel anymore.

What kind of stuff have you gotten done ?

midnight305 · 2020-08-08T12:43:08+00:00

Sounds like fun .

midnight305 · 2020-08-08T12:42:17+00:00

I feel that I been dealing with always being sick and lost a lot if friends because they thought I was faking it. First it was a heart condition, then endometriosis, then gallstones, then thyroid issues, then bladder issues, now bowl issues all ontop of being fat and unable to lose weight because the meds to help my endometriosis fucked my body up n now I have thyroid problems so losing weight is impossible all ontop of dealing with extreme pain from where I got attacked by two dogs but I try to ignore it.

Hope you dont mind me asking but what's your disability?

Abd I wish I could find a magic pill to fix me. Anti depressants react bad with me and mostly act like a sedative no matter what kind of anti depressants it is. And I hate it because I dont want to sleep all day. I'm already tired all the time and have no energy for nothing.

Sucks your friends make front if your disability I would call them out on it. My friends know I would and vise versa if I was being a little shit. Lol had to get on my friend about his moody hr was trying to lose weight. He was like " I had no idea I was acting that way ...sorry " .

That sounds nice I like staring up at the sky watching the stars or the sunset staring at the moon and just enjoying nature. I dont drink either though. 32 and dont do any of that stuff. Lol dont want to risk it with my families addictive personality plus dont need it . Lol I prefer junk food or food in general.

Yep that's all I want too. Been like 10 years since I been cuddled or anything.

Edit: how could I forget about the snake noodles....what kinds do you got?

midnight305 · 2020-08-08T12:31:08+00:00

Sure thing no problem. And I guess the Revis a lot out there that feels the same way .

midnight305 · 2020-08-08T12:29:08+00:00

Yes?

midnight305 · 2020-08-07T05:06:44+00:00

What kinda work do you do ?

midnight305 · 2020-08-07T05:06:16+00:00

Oh yeah my friends hate seeing me sad and I hate crying infront of people.

A friend the other day felt bad cuz I got sick after we hung out but I told him not to feel bad . He got upset and started crying cuz he blamed himself but I was like " my bodies a stupid cunt. I'll live . "

And oh yeah my moms aggravated with me cuz I up and quit my job and up and went to college but I'm like bad health sick of being a maid I dont want to work a 9to 5 plus job everyday .

What threw me over was when my coworkers started dripping like flies and I saw my own health declining where I decided " not going to fucking die on the floor. " and left.

Yeah it sucks you forget about yourself then when you look in the mirror your like " man I look like I do drugs " because your so run down n tired.

And I kinda want to do both. I bern working on me for awhile. Like I quit my job n started going to college and plan on making a career out of art. I'm hoping to learn more skills like furniture making or glass blowing.

And away thanks you can message me any time. I love making new friends. I'm except for class to start because of it. But it might all be virtual again which sucks....damn vivid pissing me off among other things .

midnight305 · 2020-08-07T04:56:57+00:00

Oh yeah they deserve it. They been my friends since middle school and we have healthy debates about stuff we disagree on.

Yeah I plan on getting on in a year or two. At the moment I'm trying to focus on my dog now too.

midnight305 · 2020-08-06T23:00:22+00:00

Whys that ?

midnight305 · 2020-08-06T23:00:12+00:00

I only have like 5 friends left all except two busy with working there life away.

I quit that life got sick of it....the constant grinding never being able to just sit and relax ...got short old super fast. Plus my bad health has caught up to me so I cant really work as hard as I used to.

My friends care they really do. I guess I just want a gf in the scene that I can sleep over at her house n vise versa and when I'm sad she'll already be here. Kinds thing.

Me n my friends are like a family though because of work they cant always be around . I haven't hung out with one since October. Certain festivals and cons was our way of hanging out together every year because he could get vacation and we could go out n have fun. With covid it's all canceled so I'm teting to convense him to just go camping. Really enjoyed it last time ....being a country girl living in the city is killing my spirit. Lol so I got spoiled going camping that one time.

My best friend who is like my bread to my butter goy suck and like me he's sick all the time to so we dont hang out as much because of it. Truly sucks.

And yeah social media sucks and I do feel like the only lesbian sometimes too.

midnight305 · 2020-08-06T22:51:32+00:00

Sounds like something I would do.

My dream is to get a tiny home or shipping container home and turn it into a tiny home I can move easily to go out and see the world. I heard there super affordable.

Archer is a nice show . I haven't seen it in awhile .

And right it's like when my mom n friends used to ask mr what time I get off work and got mad when I said. I get off when I'm done . Lol

And yeah I hate people. but at the same time seem to always be there for them.....kind of pathetic huh ?

My true love died a couple months ago and iys been super hard trying to cope without my kitty cat. We been through so much together in the end I think covid made him sick .

midnight305 · 2020-07-27T23:13:41+00:00

Lol aren't we all. Lol

midnight305 · 2020-07-27T23:12:24+00:00

Out of my system fuck no. I lost my cat. My incur, and my reddit home in less than s couple weeks of each other so I'm a pissed off mother fucker.

But anyways nice to meet you.

midnight305 · 2020-07-27T14:50:03+00:00

Hehe see I is smart I is kind I is important.

midnight305 · 2020-07-27T14:48:30+00:00

Yeets phone * spell check seriously hates me...yes I meant canine.

It once changed my eating food and cleaning to

Looking for good and clean ingredients

midnight305 · 2020-07-27T01:05:08+00:00

Conservatives are more nicer than most liberals now a days so you should be fine .I know I was taught that way to....di ad mommy says do as your family says ...never talk back....stuff like that

midnight305 · 2020-07-27T01:01:26+00:00

Mine is more long the lines of I attracted guys because I'm more boyish in personality so they tend to fall for me so it's also to crib them from asking me out.

midnight305 · 2020-07-27T00:53:45+00:00

Lol

midnight305 · 2020-07-26T13:49:15+00:00

I'm told I'm to clingy....which is funny because the last person I dated only came around ever 3 months , and before that I was told I was to skinny ,

Also been told I'm a user which is funny because god forbid I dont pay for something on my own once in my whole life. Like I'm used to always paying for myself and my friends....so I dont know where they get that I'm a user from if someone offers to pay then that's their problem not mine.

I also hold a grudge to long people say , but after seeing my mom getting hurt over n over n over by the same people " she forgave" all the time then it's hard for me to be like " ok I forgive you "

midnight305 · 2020-07-26T13:42:06+00:00

No dick , but other than that no clue.

Someone adventurous mostly cuz I dont like just sitting at home all day every day letting my life pass me by I want to see the world and explore.

Someone who can tolerate my sarcastic ass.lol

midnight305 · 2020-07-26T13:35:59+00:00

I use one that a vender at tsbasacon was selling.

Its purple yellow pink and green called sappic ( couodvif got the order of the colors wrong )

I use this one the most because it's not stereotypically all pink. And the colors are pretty diverse

That or the people battle ax flag is the only two I use.

I refuse to use the new one or old one because its stereotypically pink and the new one includes trans and non binary in it so fuck that.

Also it's nice to try to celebrate something ....and to try to attract a partner ....if anything cuz how is a girl gonna know I'm a kesbian unless I show it.....right ?

midnight305 · 2020-07-26T13:07:53+00:00

If it doesnt kill her by the smell alone are you even a woman ?

Lol mine are silent most of the time ....so......

midnight305 · 2020-07-26T12:56:06+00:00

Not working now really , but my clients know I'm a lesbian and non religious.

They often forget though.

Sometimes when their changing infront of me to ask me if they look good in so n so or help them unhook their bra. Their like " good thing your not a lesbian " and I laugh and be like " but I am "

I've worked as a maid since 08 I seen enough naked bodies to last me a life time , plus I'm an art student so looking at nude models and naked bronze and marble statues all day doesnt do anything for me. So I'm always chill around a naked body like it's no big deal.

Some family members and family friends feared my muslim clients was going to kill me for being a lesbian and I just laughed at them.

My muslim clients are the nicest, sweetest people I ever meet.

Even before when I worked in the hotel they knew I was a lesbian and people just forget. Had one talk about how gay marriage was wrong infront of me and have her a telling to , but other than that never ran into any problems.

midnight305 · 2020-07-26T12:48:05+00:00

My extended family is mostly straight, white, Christian , conservative family.

They know I'm a lesbian they dont seem to care much anymore .

Actually they cared more about me not being s Christian anymore and having black friends more than anything

Some forget im a lesbian and go all " when you going to get married and have kids " crap on me.

So I think your going to be ok.

If im fine with a super redneck family then im sure your be ok too.

And remember you don't owe your family shit . It's your life dont worry about their approval or it'll just hold you back.

midnight305 · 2020-07-26T12:42:40+00:00

2010 or even eailer than that , but because being gay Is such a "sin". I tried to convince myself I was straight so dated guys . After high school I was raped a few times. Tried to convince myself that i didnt like it because of endometriosis.

But then i realized i dont like guys private parts , I hated sex with them , it did nothing for me.

This was around the time I started saying I was bi..around 2005.

Then after i broke up with my bf in 2010 after i realized he was bad for me and kept disappearing 3 months at a time . I realized I'm just a lesbian.

So here i am still looking for a gf for over 10 years now.

Thing is I was mostly raised by a mostly guy family so I guess I just dont know how to talk to girls. shrugs

midnight305 · 2020-07-26T12:34:46+00:00

Sounds like hippies to me.

midnight305 · 2020-07-26T12:32:38+00:00

Drugs or drinking or smoking.

Addiction runs in my family and I dont want to get with someone who cant live without drinking doing drugs or smoking pot every single day to function. Let alone getting with a chain smoker that's absolutely a deal breaker.

I want to be with someone who is present and not high all the time or smells like disgusting cigarettes all the time or drinks all the time. It gets super annoying .

Now I dont mind anyone smoking pot as long as it isn't like candy to you...same for drinking .

But alcohol makes me very uncomfortable because drunks run in my family and often leads to a very abusive relationship so I rather skip all the annoying drama.

I also have a k9 scence of smell and I absolutely hate the smell of cigarettes or alcohol. That and I been around smokers most of my life and with my bad health I just cant handle cigarette smoke or pot smoke anymore it gives me massive migraines , water eyes, and triggers my asthma.

midnight305 · 2020-07-26T12:21:07+00:00

Basically they hit me up take me to dinner then drive me out to bfe hoping to score when I already told them no , then get mad once we get there because I said no , then I never hear from them again.

Basically how all my dates go regardless of mr saying I'm not a one night stand and I dont have sex on the first date .

That was years ago I can't get anyone to meet me nowadays I always get stood up.

Haven't went on a date or anything since 2010. Be nice if I can break this boring cycle of zero dates and zero meets.

midnight305 · 2020-07-25T04:03:01+00:00

Thank you

midnight305 · 2020-07-21T10:55:14+00:00

Yeah last time I did that I got a spam of pussy pics and when i said i admire a lady with more respect than that i got attacked for " what do you expect presenting yourself in a sexual manner for " when i asked them to elaborate they said it's my own fault for putting lesbian on my profile.

I was like wtf dude????

Apparently if i say I'm a lesbian then that's all I'm interested in....rolls eyes

I guess I just do my best and see what happens

midnight305 · 2020-07-12T13:16:22+00:00

I'm sorry that happened to you. It's so hard on us when we are beat or told or even trying to br forced to like something.

No one should ever have to go through that stuff ever. And I agree the community chewed itself up and spat itself back out again.and yeah I dont see sexuality as cool or hip like they do . I see it as just a part of who I am.

midnight305 · 2020-07-12T13:11:03+00:00

Oh yeah I been wanting out of out shit state for years now. Thought of moving to ohio closer to fsmily....

Also thought about getting a tiny home I can move around in and see the world with.

And yeah I been single so long and had dealt with health issues so after so long of being single I decided I'm ready to date again.

I sure hope so . Maybe I'll find one in college.

midnight305 · 2020-07-11T06:12:43+00:00

I dont want instant and I'm non religious no churches, no bars and no clubs.

Unless out of a miracle I find a rave club .

I want to meet people online first talk a few months then meet......meet fir a few months then go from there .

But since trans is on dating sites and couples and guys are on the lesbisn only ones.

I'm not sure how to talk to a woman being from wv.

I'm not a shy person.

Though I'm not the type to be in bars and stuff like that . Or volentree or a church.

And would go to a pride event but....trans...

midnight305 · 2020-07-11T06:08:09+00:00

The LGBT community was never my friend or ally. I ran to them when I was 16 and I was basically chewed up and spit out. Been telling people how toxic they was for years now ,but no one wanted to listen.

To late now huh?

I went in vi and come out a lesbian. At first it was bi hate and " you cant be both "

But then I was raped 3 times or so bu guys ,had endometriosis at the time , and was more or less in a Male relationship because of my families " have kids get married " shit .

Never liked guys sexually never will it's how I found out I was a lesbian.

Now the trans are pushing the same thing guys did back in the early 2000s

midnight305 · 2020-07-11T06:03:07+00:00

Yeah where all exposed to so many cults as a kid.

My family was religious christains and I learned I could t have poc friends ,be non religious, ot anything other than straight

My mom was a Democrat and I was more or less always pushed into....your white , your straight , your a Christian, your Democrat etc because my family was. Wasnt until I was 16 when I finally said no I'm my own person.

Now I'm a lesbian ,non religious, woman looking for a gf to share my life with.

midnight305 · 2020-07-07T21:04:08+00:00

I am a confidant person I'm not shy at all. It's just hard to tell who is and who isnt .

Be nice if someone just approached me first you know.

midnight305 · 2020-07-05T15:58:39+00:00

Backup ones have t been open yet.

Not sure where to go.

I don't want to join something like lesbians and find guys in it. If you know what I mean.

Already got the child mods from itsafetish insulting me. Lol

midnight305 · 2020-07-02T15:05:29+00:00

My English class was true crime themed and one of the discussions was why do we automatically assume that the narrator in take take heart is male.

Most did say because poe was Male but my professor tried to dig deeper.

We even got into questioning what makes people mad .

Like how the narrator says their not mad in the story...like is the narrator mad or is it just an attempt to think there mad so they can away with a murder . Kind of thing.

Our class had a lot of sweet debates about such things . It was really fun to think about said things.

midnight305 · 2020-07-02T13:39:06+00:00

Wait it's wrong they made him as a guy, but I thought he was a black trans woman. Lol

midnight305 · 2020-07-02T13:23:57+00:00

I've got called scum etc for not being a liberal they automatically assumed I was a conservative and hacked on me .

Like there's more things just liberal and conservatives.

Like me I'm a independent, naturalist, equalistist

I'm on a lot of right wing pages though because I can a totally have a conversation without insults by them. Unlike liberals who jump to " I'm in fear for my life" when you wasnt even talking to them.

Like if we say fuck holidays or something. Lol

midnight305 · 2020-07-02T13:13:37+00:00

Yes

What gender male or female is the narrator of tale tale heart and why do you think so ?

midnight305 · 2020-07-02T13:04:52+00:00

As long as there civil I'm ok with it which is why I joined a lot of right wing groups because there civil.

You cant talk to a liberal without them being " that's literal violence, hate speech, and misogynistic, you terf scum . Get fucked" ...so yeah .

I like seeing other veiw points and stuff because it's just who I am. I even been studying different cultures and religions so I can see just for myself how " horrible and violent " they are . Like my muslim clients they all know I'm a lesbian and non religious and they haven't chopped my head off or anything yet. Lol

midnight305 · 2020-07-02T00:02:33+00:00

I see.

midnight305 · 2020-07-01T23:56:11+00:00

Yep I already got the young bucks calling me names. I have to admit I actually like it. I mean there so creative and I cant remember the last time someone was creative in their insults and used different names to describe me .

It's so nice and refreshing it makes my heart skip a beat.

midnight305 · 2020-07-01T23:52:08+00:00

Aww why thank you.

Bless your heart

midnight305 · 2020-07-01T23:51:36+00:00

Thing is I dont have a genital fetish . I never been attracted to any private parts. I'm attracted to the body the whole body itself. I'm not even attracted to naked bodies ...

But I'm attracted to the person. Females inheritel Smell different than males do. Its scientific fact . Before deodorant and perfumes we used to relie more on scent in finding a mate because people often forget we are animals.

I'm attracted to how a womans body is how she smells etc. Its disrespectful to tell me I have to love an altered body or a man when I'm not attracted to one because of my animal based instincts and reactions to said female bodies.

midnight305 · 2020-07-01T23:46:25+00:00

Man I love the things people call me on said it it's a breath of fresh ass.

midnight305 · 2020-07-01T01:34:19+00:00

Cool

midnight305 · 2020-07-01T01:33:55+00:00

Oh a narrator interesting

midnight305 · 2020-07-01T01:32:12+00:00

That's rude I don't even smoke

midnight305 · 2020-06-30T16:22:16+00:00

Thing is everyone goes through a stage of puberty that makes them uncomfortable in there on skin.

Women learn about periods in school in 5th grade ....its still a terrible experience to learn from teachers stuff our parents should teach us. In Highschool we learn about sex and drugs and we become even more uncomfortable. Because by that time everyone is already doing drugs or having sex and your made front of for still being s virgin at 16 and called a boring person if you dont do drugs.

Peer pressure makes us feel uncomfortable and ashamed of our bodies. Kids still call others f*g as a slur etc and even my nephew said he doesnt want to be a homo because of the on going bulling he already gets for being white .

I think young kids are being groomed there valuable they have all the same feelings about hating there body like we did or still do when we was kids. Its dangerous to tell kids there trans just because they hate there body because we all went through it .

I wish we could go into schools as a guest speaker to talk to kids about this stuff .

midnight305 · 2020-06-30T16:03:23+00:00

I decided to make signs and go stand outside city hall just to show the world what's happening. They cant shut us up.

I'm not going back into the closet I'll be damned .

Seems my protest piece everyone hated was right .

They want to throw us in the closet tied up with tape on our mouth with terf burned into our forehead.

midnight305 · 2020-06-30T15:53:44+00:00

I would love to meet some decent people for s change and have meet ups and stuff

midnight305 · 2020-06-30T15:52:26+00:00

Thanks it's been a rough year thatd for sure .

It's nice to meet you guys.

midnight305 · 2020-06-30T15:51:55+00:00

Should make it into a sub here .lol

midnight305 · 2020-06-30T15:51:17+00:00

I don't mind it to be honest at least on the right wing LGBT group we all could have a decent conversation like human beings and most trans agreed that it's wrong to force us to date them on that group.

Since the liberals are taking away our right to say no away along with other things . I would say it's no surprise that they lumped us together as alt right .

I used to be a liberal but since this dangerous movement started I switched my opinions.

I'm not really a conservative either , but more like an equalitytist . Equal rights for all and stuff .

LGBT conservatives you can actually talk to LGBT liberals you can't. That's how I see it anyways .

midnight305 · 2020-06-30T03:33:49+00:00

I'm a refugee as well. Its a sad day. People keep saying it's not happening or we are lieing , but they keep sensoring us

midnight305