Vaginas are the best

carrotcake · 2020-08-07T22:43:58+00:00

Vaginas, vaginas taste, a woman's smell. Oh my god.

carrotcake · 2020-08-12T01:07:29+00:00

There's only like three things in this whole list that make sense. I always thought that later bloomer bisexuals called themselves lesbians because older generations don't really take bisexuality seriously, but honestly it just feels that these people don't care about lesbians.

For me this one wins the award: "Birthdays, Christmases, holidays, families: I feel as if my life would be less complicated with a woman.". Yeah. Sure. So much less complicated.

carrotcake · 2020-08-04T03:11:46+00:00

It seems that the people commenting don't even like women?? They're either saying that they don't want to deal with that part of themselves because it's new and hard (I'm pretty sure if you did like women you'd most likely feel like you HAVE to deal with it) or saying that the op changed their mind and now they'll look for women. Shouldn't they be looking all along if they're bisexual?

carrotcake · 2020-09-08T14:23:45+00:00

I've always seen my straight friends constantly do things that took a lot of time and effort just to impress men. I'm not talking about dating, just daily they were doing things to impress men they weren't even interested in. Lesbians don't tend to do that. We tend to have more time to us and a healthier way of seeing ourselves because unlike straight women are with men, we don't need to be constantly worried about other women's judgment. That's not a universal experience of course but I'd say it's common that we tend to spend less energy on that kind of stuff.

Another great thing is that we tend to have higher self confidence than the average woman. Having to accept ourselves and getting the courage to live our lives truthfully hardens us up. Again I don't have statistics for that but in my experience lesbians are way more assertive and confident than the majority of straight women.

carrotcake · 2020-08-15T17:43:45+00:00

I guess Gentleman Jack fits your description

carrotcake · 2020-09-24T06:15:34+00:00

You also can't say lesbians have sex with women because non-binary lesbians exist! Don't erase them!

carrotcake · 2020-08-14T17:30:28+00:00

Have you considered that the problem isn't only the fact that she's gained weight but that she seems to be unmotivated to change? People that don't have will to change what's harming them can become really unattractive to me. I'm saying this because you said:

"when she was working actively to shed the pounds, even though it was going slow, I was able to be attracted to her (probably for reasons other than physical things honestly)"

Maybe you just need to see your wife to have this determination again. Is she determined in other areas of her life? Does it bother you that she's not working like she was before and not trying to change this situation? Is she doing anything for her mental health? Her job was really demanding and fucked her mental health, but when things get to this point, the work isn't the only problem.

A more practical advice is that you and her could go to therapy, separately. She could so she can work on her mental health and hopefully in the long run it can make her a more determined person. You could do it so you can discover what's up with your attraction to her. Is it only the weight? Maybe it is and idk if you can change this in therapy. But remember, if she's going to therapy without wanting to go, there's a bigger chance that it won't work.

carrotcake · 2020-08-30T00:14:58+00:00

How does she talk about her attraction to woman? Does she look at you with desire? She started dating woman older but how was her process of coming to terms with her own sexual orientation? Maybe the answers to these questions can give you good grounds to answer this question, but you can only know for sure with time.

carrotcake · 2020-09-16T12:11:37+00:00

I don't know what's worst. That they're denying they are lesbians or the denial that they're women.

carrotcake · 2020-09-25T03:01:30+00:00

Wait... Trans women became mods??? Not even trans men? That doesn't make sense at all. So frustrating.

carrotcake · 2020-09-03T23:34:30+00:00

Being with a man isn't statistically safer but it feels safer because everyone around you will treat you normally. Just like cars aren't statistically safer than airplanes but people will more likely be afraid of flying because being in the sky it's such a foreign concept to them.

carrotcake · 2020-09-03T16:40:13+00:00

While I was reading this post I thought about something. The only trans women that I know of that don't make ANY efforts to look like a female or to ditch shitty male behaviors are trans lesbians. Trans straight woman don't usually do that because no man would date them. Patriarchy gives them power and confidence enough not to date women just because they don't have a big butt, imagine if they'd ever date someone who claims is a woman but looks just like a man and acts just like one. 'Queer' women on the other hand will make anything 'valid'.

carrotcake · 2020-08-01T21:27:14+00:00

I feel that sometimes lesbians use this split attraction model when they don't want to recognize that they are actually lesbians - because they are "biromantic". Maybe more like internalized homophobia?

It's weird seeing straight women that only say "boyfriend/husband" when talking about hypothetical partners calling themselves bisexual, people that are bisexual calling themselves lesbians and actual lesbians failing to recognize that they are lesbians.

carrotcake · 2020-09-18T06:29:58+00:00

I don't think it's a problem that she doesn't have photos with you in her social media as long as she isn't the kind of person that shares everything online. BUT what I do find weird is that you describe her as "openly and proudly bisexual" but then she's saying that she can't be public because it'll offend others? I didn't quite understand if she was talking about social media or about life in general but it doesn't sound right either way. How come she's proudly bi and cares about "offending others" just by being in a lesbian relationship?

carrotcake · 2020-08-04T14:40:41+00:00

Yeah I completely agree with you. I have no problem with bi women choosing to date only women, i think that's actually a bold choice and that they'll most definitely face less misogyny (from her partner). My problem is with the way they're talking. They seem to choose women not because they love women and because they've had actual better experiences with women and aren't able to see themselves in a relationship with a man anymore - which are some of the reasons I've seen some febfem on the internet talking about. They are basically saying that women were their second option and idolizing a lesbian relationship

carrotcake · 2020-08-12T01:28:00+00:00

I love holidays and family reunions as well! I was trying to be ironic hahahaha these situations are usually so much harder being a lesbian because there's almost no chance your whole family will be 100% ok and open

carrotcake · 2020-09-18T18:02:01+00:00

Why are you on a little break right now?

carrotcake · 2020-09-10T03:55:05+00:00

I love it

carrotcake · 2020-08-10T01:28:06+00:00

I love when i notice that she's not just following everybody's opinions or trying to be a stereotype. I love someone that looks lightly to life yet is able to see its darkness.

carrotcake · 2020-09-10T04:15:14+00:00

I'd love some kafkaesque lesbian shit.

carrotcake · 2020-09-01T15:16:02+00:00

I feel the same. I have this overpowering feeling that men describe when they are talking about sexual attraction. The difference is that I've been on the other side and have been sexualized and treated like an object for being a woman so I know better how to act and what to do with my feelings. In other words I know how to control this non-controllable feeling they talk about.

Having said that, I never thought I was asexual. On the other hand I did think for a while that I wasn't a lesbian, I was just sexualizing women's bodies because I live in a world that does that so that's what I learned to do. We always find ways to fool ourselves.

carrotcake · 2020-09-07T05:41:14+00:00

My boss is a lesbian and she asked me once in what era I'd like to live and I said that being woman and gay I would have to choose today. She was immediately like "ooooh man but Paris in the 1920s was probably easier for us than today. And the clothing was awesome"

carrotcake · 2020-08-24T22:08:49+00:00

I cannot understand when a lesbian always calls herself "queer". It doesn't say anything about your sexual orientation, it can even be a gender descriptor. It feels like a deliberate choice to hide the fact that you're only same-sex attracted. I get it when it's someone that is discovering her sexuality and isn't sure yet or when it's used sometimes, but I can't understand why it would be your go to answer when describing your sexual orientation. I personally wouldn't use in any of those cases, but some of them I understand.

carrotcake · 2020-08-20T21:34:51+00:00

Yes. All the fucking time. I honestly still can't understand if women really are more aesthetically pleasing or I'm just really biased.

carrotcake · 2020-08-10T01:14:16+00:00

I've had similar experiences. Today i'm able to deal with straight men in a daily basis just fine. It's actually easier to talk to men in a superficial level, like i said in another post. It's also become so much easier since i came out because they aren't really expecting anything from me. But when i was younger i tried so hard to be more than a sexual object to men and it honestly destroyed me. At first i tried to be friends with them, but they always wanted more and i had to either run away from the friendship or pretend i didn't notice. Then i got to a point that my self esteem was so low that i developed several eating disorders and just wanted to disappear - I was so sexualized when i was young that all i wanted was for nobody to see me. Men catcalled me everywhere i went or looked at me with those "im eating you out" eyes. I was a fucking child at that time. In my teenage years i had to really just stop talking to straight men for a good year so i could function. It's really frustrating. One thing that helped a lot is not prioritizing or even caring too much about friendships with men. It has definitely helped that men have stopped to sexualize me so much, probably because i started to present more masculine. Which is also frustrating lol

carrotcake · 2020-08-06T23:00:51+00:00

Most lesbians i know only came out as lesbians after high school. Maybe some of these bi girls or even the straight ones will realize they are actually lesbians later in life.

carrotcake · 2020-09-12T04:37:59+00:00

Yeah I don't care about "representation". I don't want to see movies about lesbian sexuality or lesbian romances, especially if the problem is coming out or men. I don't care. It has been talked about enough already. I wanna see a protagonist that lives her life and happens to be gay. And I want good storylines. Just a normal good movie idk why that's so much to ask.

carrotcake · 2020-08-27T02:28:48+00:00

I didn't know she said that. I just heard people telling she's a lesbian and saw she was dating only woman. Thought I could delete the post after people said that she was bi but the discussion stands without her as an example so I didn't delete it

carrotcake · 2020-08-26T21:52:09+00:00

Lol I could be wrong too. People that I know have called her a leabian so after knowing that she doesn't like labels I searched and she only has dated women after breaking up with Pattinson so I figured she wasn't bi and dated guys before bc she thought she was straight. But I don't fancy her as well I was just sad bc I thought she was a lesbian

Edit: if she's bi I'm sorry hahahah. I kinda hope she is so it's not one more lesbian to the list of not liking the word

carrotcake · 2020-07-29T05:52:17+00:00

When i was a teenager and realized i liked women, i stopped wearing skirts. It wasn't something that felt super great, liberating. It wasn't like "oh man finally i can stop wearing skirts because i know who i am and I don't owe anything to anyone". It was a little bit of this conflicting feeling that you're describing. With time i realized that I didn't want to stop. Take your time. Maybe you'll cut your hair and realize it isn't your thing. Maybe it is. Or maybe you won't have to do it to know that you don't want to.

I feel like things like this come and go, though. Years after that, I'm dating a woman who struggles a lot with feminity and some of her struggles are starting to get to me. I've cut my hair really short recently, and she has kind of stated that she prefers it this way because she's gender critical. I don't agree with this statement at all for numerous reasons. But it kind of got to me and I'm once again a little bit bothered by expressing myself independently of masculinity/femininity ideals.

From what i can grasp, it isn't just a hair thing, and it's normal for lesbians to go through phases that they are confused of how they should express themselves and navigate those stereotypes. Especially for people that just found out about their sexuality, I've heard that it is a common experience. Don't worry too much about it. Since it is the second time that I'm experiencing this feeling, i can tell you that it gets easier.

carrotcake · 2020-09-29T03:56:18+00:00

If you are sexually attracted to men, but you don't want to date them, you could call yourself a febfem: female exclusive bisexual female. Usually it's bi women that have a strong preference for women and only feel like they could be happy in a relationship with another women so they make a choice not to be with men. I don't know how it works if they fall in love with a man, whether they just stop calling themselves febfems or if it happens they'll just run away from the guy... But yeah I guess if you're bi even with a preference for women you could end up with a guy. That doesn't mean that your attraction to women is a phase though. But if, differently than you implied, are not sexually attracted to men, you are a lesbian and that's not a phase. Maybe this could explain the feelings you have when you think about a relationship with a man but that's not necessarily the only answer in my eyes.

Probably your post will be deleted though. Good luck figuring yourself out.

carrotcake · 2020-09-27T14:03:40+00:00

Yeah. Thinking about it that way I agree with you. With someone who I know has a good hygiene and/or is my girlfriend I don't differentiate, but I see why her girfriend would. Anyways I'd be totally ok with my gf thinking it's more intimate as long as that doesn't stop her from doing it lol. I don't think I would be down to date someone who doesn't reciprocate sex wise. If it happened to me I'd probably try talking to her. Its got to be something more than "it's too intimate". They have been together for 4 months.

carrotcake · 2020-09-12T05:38:02+00:00

When I hadn't admitted to myself that I was a lesbian the presence of this one friend of mine would always irritate me so much. I didn't feel any sexual attraction to men and just because I admired them I thought I was bisexual and this woman was telling to my face that she liked fucking and kissing guys and that she did it for fun and how hot men were but she was a lesbian... No wonder why I was so annoyed. I told her so many times that she isn't a lesbian. Weirdly enough I'm kinda scared of telling her that I'm actually a lesbian. I'm worried that she'll dismiss me. She's a good friend besides that.

carrotcake · 2020-08-27T02:48:42+00:00

100% agreed I'm sorry if I sounded like I thought female excluive bis were lesbians lol. I just didn't know that she liked guys and should've researched more :D

carrotcake · 2020-08-27T02:37:43+00:00

Yes from what people are saying I'm guess she's probably bi. Just edited the post to don't delete it.

carrotcake · 2020-08-19T16:25:48+00:00

I've personally never experienced it, but i can totally see it happening. I think it may be a mix of homophobia and their experiences with men. Straight woman tend to mention their bf whenever they're talking to a man they just met because they know that otherwise this guy will see her as a potential target. They probably think lesbians act the same way as straight men because we also like woman. Add homophobia to that and this kind of situation will be even more likely to happen.

carrotcake · 2020-08-15T17:58:38+00:00

I wouldn't give up on her but at the same time I'd be talking to other women. Try not to keep all your hopes on her. You can meet someone that's a better match/has the time for you right now. I just wouldn't stop talking to her if i thought she was interested because she seems to be a great match.

I talked to my gf one month before our first date and she couldn't make it twice. She would let me know why and she gave me reasonable explanations. She seemed to like me and she was quite frank about that. It wasn't good timing. I wasn't keeping my hopes up and talked to other women but the day we met we both knew we'd have something together.

carrotcake · 2020-08-10T22:11:48+00:00

I would! I used to love watching movies but in the last years i always need someone to push me to do it. Maybe social media and university ruined that for me. When i was reading i thought about one suggestion. We could maybe do one week classic/important lesbian movies and the other week classic/important movies that aren't related to lesbians necessarily. Just for variety. But i don't know what do you guys think. I'd be down for pretty much anything.

carrotcake · 2020-08-08T04:05:05+00:00

I do believe that being friends after a really long relationship probably will be a lot harder and maybe not worth it. I don't think we should do just because it seems cool. Saying that i feel like there are people that i really want to have in my life, bc they're not like everyone else. That was the case for me. It was painful as fuck in the beginning, but me and her have such a good connection that it was worth it.

I feel like it is a stereotype with somewhat good grounds because lesbians will see each other everywhere they go so sometimes it's easier to be friends with your ex than not. Oh and also straight people can date people that have NOTHING in common with them, and it's not so normal to see that with lesbians. If we date people we like for other reasons than just sex, it will be more likely to maintain a friendship as well.

carrotcake · 2020-07-28T19:11:46+00:00

I vary between tailored goth/punk and tomboy-ish 90's aesthetic. But i can also be tailored tomboy-ish or 90's femme-ish. Right now my hair is short

carrotcake · 2020-07-26T02:49:08+00:00

I've kinda been there too. The only different thing is that it wasn't god, but that our souls where connected spiritually since our early lives. The sex was great though so i don't count as a completely bad date lol

carrotcake · 2020-09-26T17:23:44+00:00

Ok. I understood your point now. But women that feel pressured to sleep with men because it's cool to be pansexual and fluid are still being PRESSURED to sleep with men. Whether it's old day homophobia or cool homophobia, they aren't doing it for fun or because they are fluid. They're doing it because they feel like it's what they are supposed to do.

Edit: but your friends could just be bi that lean towards women as well.

carrotcake · 2020-09-12T18:04:07+00:00

Yes! We both are from 21-25 . I'm not sure about her age but she isn't older than 25. You're completely right. I cannot imagine 30+ women saying this sort of shit.

carrotcake · 2020-09-06T02:53:09+00:00

I'm not speaking for everyone but most people I've met that claimed they were an "empath" were not empathetic at all in a day to day basis. Sure everyone is empathetic in some areas but this word just rubs me the wrong way.

carrotcake · 2020-09-04T20:02:11+00:00

I think that's a complicated thing that's blurred mainly by semantics, but also by our memories and experiences as a child. Firstly because our definitions of what a "crush" can change depending on how well we know about our sexual desires. For example, I do not believe that homosexual biromantic people exist. I think that they are gay people that are confusing a strong admiration for a crush. Or a bisexual that is in denial about their sexual attraction. They can call it a non sexual crush how much they want, but the way I see it, it isn't. It's just admiration if you are a sexual person that doesn't have sexual attraction to this person's sex. When we are children, since we're told so many times that when we like a boy it means we like him romantically, we can assume that we have a crush without really having them. In the same way a biromantic homosexual woman does, we are calling a feeling of admiration a crush. As kids we don't really dig the meaning of words so that's easier to do. We aren't really aware of our sexual feelings too so that makes it even easier. We do not know, as children, that romantic feelings are basically the mixture of sexual feelings to admiration. So we can call a crush what it isn't.

What we define crushes can be moulded by our experiences as well. For example, I never had crushes in boys untill a female friend tell me "oh you must like this guy, you seem totally into him". So I would then say to myself "oh I like this boy then", but never actually have sexual feelings for him. I had, on the other hand, sexual feelings for my girl friends. Of course, it was as sexual as a kid can go, but it was sexual. I found them incredibly beautiful and when they touched me I felt things. I felt sexual attraction for female bodies on TV and so on too. Never felt it for a male body. But I never would say I had a crush for a girl because the way I understood this word would mean "admiration for a boy". I know that my sexual attraction was developed really early in life and I was aware of the existence of sex and masturbation and I could get wet as a child. Not all children develop the same way. So probably there are children without sexual feelings, I'm not experienced in any way in psychology to say for sure but I know that development is different for everyone.

And the last thing that plays a part in this is memory. We do not remember things completely as they were. Especially in childhood. As adults we try to make sense of our past and create a narrative that makes sense for us. But it never is completely right because we'll interpret memories however we think they were but we can never achieve the whole "truth". Plus we only remember part of them.

So... My opinion in the end I guess is, if as an adult and a teenager a woman is a woman who feels sexual attraction for women only, they are lesbians. Because these stages in life are the stages in which our sexual feelings are developed and our memories and vocabulary use don't betray us so much anymore.

carrotcake · 2020-08-27T00:17:51+00:00

I like lesbian too, it's more descriptive. Recently it's been more and more lesbians calling themselves gay or queer, but I have seen some going the no labels route. I'm glad in my country gay and especially queer aren't used for homosexual females. And about Kirsten, yeah I didn't realize that maybe she's bi because I've heard she's a lesbian before and I looked it up and she only dated women after the first one

carrotcake · 2020-08-26T23:05:24+00:00

Yeah you're right. And I said that I think it's ok that someone famous isn't out, it just saddens me when she's out but she doesn't say that she's a lesbian. But that's ok too. As you said they're people with problems and internalized homophobia just like we are. It's just unfair that this happens in a systemic level. I guess more to lesbians than to other LGBT people. I probably phrased it like it was her problem but I agree with you.

carrotcake · 2020-08-22T03:10:04+00:00

Awww that's so cute!

carrotcake · 2020-08-18T06:32:47+00:00

I've never felt sexual attraction towards men. My sexual attraction to women was overpowering, the female body did wonders to me. I thought that i felt this way because women were a "different" thing and a new thing when i was 15. Then i had experiences with women and the feeling didn't disappear. I thought i was sexualizing women and just buying patriarchal rhetoric. But no matter how much I've learned about feminism my attraction to women was there and i wasn't sexualizing women, i was just fucking attracted to them and wasn't attracted to men. The first time i saw a naked woman body in porn when i was young i had an orgasm without even touching myself. The first time i saw a penis in porn i shivered and couldn't believe it was so disgusting to me. But then my straight friends said it was normal and i made myself believe i was bi for longer than it made sense. Kisses with men felt awkward, but i thought it was because men weren't great at it. I ran a lot from men that wanted a relationship or sex with me and i had no desire to do it. When i ran from a woman was because i had so much feelings for her that i was afraid to pursue them. I was also afraid of homophobia. The feelings that made me run away were different. I ran away from one woman and she was the first one that had reciprocated my feelings while i did it with multiple men.

I had one relationship with a man, after i ran from this woman. I cried all the time and i wanted it to work so bad because he was such a great guy. He and i made all the efforts that were possible but it didn't work. I couldn't feel empathy towards him, i only wanted his company when i started to feel like I wasn't enough on my own. I tried to run away from him too but i told him i always did this and that it was "auto-sabotage". He then stook by my side and didn't let me run. I never felt sexual attraction to his body, but i thought he had something wrong and not that i was a lesbian. I wanted to be with women the whole time i was with him. I thought I wasn't monogamous because i felt trapped. But I would always want to have women and not other man while with him. I thought i was a bad bisexual because i missed women while in a relationship with a man.

Since I didn't have any sexual attraction or didn't think a man face was appealing to me I'd think i was falling in love with men that i admired intellectually. I wanted to talk to them and to be around them because i admired them. So i thought it was a crush. Some of them were beautiful by beauty standards but thinking about a relationship with them made me cringe. Still, thought it was crush and thought i was bi.

Sorry for the long post but these were the main signs i wasn't bisexual. I was just really really trying to fool myself. I had so much internalized homophobia and it was pretty hard for me to admit because I'm such a feminist and that made me feel really bad. Another thing that helped me to realize was my parents good reaction to the first girlfriend i brought home. I finally freed myself because i thought "oh i can have a good relationship with my parents while being with a woman. They can recognize her as my girlfriend and i can imagine her in my family. I didn't have to bring a man to do that.". But i know I'm lucky with my parents so that's probably not good advice.

carrotcake · 2020-08-15T22:33:37+00:00

Yeah same in here. Gay men are a lot more popular in national media. But i agree that in the US media lesbians tend to be more common.

carrotcake · 2020-08-15T03:40:20+00:00

I sometimes wonder if my cats understand human language too. They definitely understand what we are feeling, though. Back when my cats had just arrived and didn't sleep with me yet, i had a really strong migrane and they slept with me, in a way that i was spooning/hugging them. Once i was really sad and crying and one of them stood by my side the whole time, and she was actually putting her paws on my tears. Idk if she was playing to them or "wiping" my tears. She didn't seem very playful though. After i stopped crying she went away and the other one came and lied on my lap.

carrotcake · 2020-08-14T12:30:30+00:00

I forget about it in the sense that i don't think about it the rest of the month. Then there's always one time at the month that i start getting back pain, pimples and/or a huge appetite and I'm like oooh i I'm probably pmsing. I look on my app and I'm usually right.

carrotcake · 2020-08-07T23:01:07+00:00

Yes i think that's why op mentioned that when she's single she doesn't really bother to trim them

carrotcake · 2020-07-23T05:33:15+00:00

There's this new podcast with leisha hailey and katherine moennig (alice and shane from the l word). They don't really talk about being a lesbian, they just answer some fan questions and chat with each other. They are best friends so they have a good dynamic and its fun to listen to. But i guess if you never saw the l word you'll miss a lot of what they're saying.

Edit: the name of the podcast is Pants

carrotcake · 2020-09-03T06:48:38+00:00

Ew. It's like our super power that we don't have to deal with sperm in sex, why would we simulate that.

carrotcake · 2020-08-10T22:28:39+00:00

Oh well. For me it seems like the answer for your question is right here. Maybe she's a very female leaning bisexual and when she met you she said to herself something like "wow that woman is great but i can't date her because I'm bi. Wait. Am i bi?". What I'm trying to say is that maybe she's been fooling herself too since then and now she's in a phase where her attraction to men is coming back? Just a guess

Edit: i read the rest of the thread and maybe she's just lying to you. If she has lied A LOT, that would be just another lie. I wouldn't care if my gf said she found out she's bi but i would definitely break up if i found out she was a constant liar

carrotcake · 2020-09-29T00:42:06+00:00

My therapist says that in the first 6 months of a relationship we have this idealized notion of our partners. It can last more or less than that, depending on your personality and the relationhship. Now, I feel like right after a breakup we tend to only focus on this idea of the person. An idea that we had before really knowing her and before things got shitty. There's no way the perfect girl you first described would've done all of this to you. The love of your life wouldn't have treated you this way. With time you'll realize that. Also it helped me to make some effort to remember to myself all of her personality not just the good parts, and how I really felt in the relationship, not only how I felt when I was happy.

carrotcake · 2020-09-15T22:26:52+00:00

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I also think you should go to therapy, it can really help you. You DON'T have to have sex with a man to find out if you're a lesbian. Please don't do that to yourself. One thing would be if you were desiring man, another completely different is wanting to have sex with men because you feel bad for not desiring them. That doesn't sound bisexual at all.

carrotcake · 2020-09-10T04:09:48+00:00

It's hard to have online classes. I can concentrate during the class which I've heard is a big problem for people but my biggest problem is that I miss getting out of the house. I had to go out everyday early and I I was home when it was starting to get dark. I almost always wake up feeling like I won't have the energy to get through the day but that used to go away when I had to leave the house, to deal with traffic, to interact with people. Even if the feeling didn't go away, I had to force myself not to give up. Seeing people and having to deal with other things helped a lot with my university related anxiety because I had other things to worry about. I'm woking from home so I also miss that environment. Right now is harder not to think constantly about my future and the things I should be doing. I can't find a good balance between studying too much or too little. I miss having to go out and I miss my friends. I'm so fucking anxious right now ohhh man.

carrotcake · 2020-08-30T17:44:58+00:00

I'd be ok with an open relationship, depending on the circumstances. Full polyamory on the other hand just seems exhausting and I cannot see myself being able to commit enough to more than one relationship. Usually poly people are all the way up into the queer train so they're not my type too, but if it makes them happy it's fine as long as nobody's doing it to please their partner. Nothing against threesomes but I probably wouldn't do it with a woman who's in a relationship with me.

carrotcake · 2020-08-28T03:57:41+00:00

People that need to mention weed in their bio are not for me. People that have something like "let's grab a drink" are ok but I've seen some weird stuff about alcohol or even women jokingly state that they're alcoholic. Also not for me. That's what I've thought that isn't here yet.

carrotcake · 2020-08-26T23:07:26+00:00

Exactly!!

carrotcake · 2020-08-24T04:15:37+00:00

That sucks, I'm sorry. You guys are so sweet though ❤️

carrotcake · 2020-08-21T02:59:17+00:00

Hahahahahhhaha oh god i felt exactly the same way. Every school, boys were never attractive and girls always were

carrotcake · 2020-08-12T01:44:02+00:00

I feel a lot but I'm really reserved about my feelings. I've gotten better with expressing what's been going on since i started therapy but I'm still on the closed book side.

carrotcake · 2020-08-11T03:08:27+00:00

I also agree that it comes down to misogyny. Female sexuality is dismissed. Female homosexual sexuality then... That's two human beings that aren't allowed to have sexual feelings without a man's consent having sexual feelings for each other.

carrotcake · 2020-08-08T11:43:10+00:00

I believe i have a gay aunt but she's never really talked about it so I've never had that role model too hahahha that would indeed be great

carrotcake · 2020-08-08T00:09:19+00:00

Talking to a therapist and being friends with other lesbians/bi women are both things that have really helped me.

carrotcake · 2020-08-07T22:53:56+00:00

I know a lesbian that plays acoustic guitar and has one hand with long nails and the other with short nails. Even the truest of the stereotypes isn't always true lol

In general i do fit a lot of stereotypes. I have short nails, short hair, hairy legs, two cats, love to diy and i often use "men's clothes".

Edit: i also wear combat boots a lot and am really good friends with my ex

carrotcake · 2020-07-27T01:12:17+00:00

Oh my god i know it's not nice to laugh about someone's dream but making Disney world lines faster?? Lol. Then she has the guts to tell you your research is ridiculous because bacteria don't live inside people. Hahahhaha that's crazy

carrotcake · 2020-07-22T17:43:34+00:00

Your post reminded me of myself so much that i created an user just to say a few words to you. I'm so sorry that you feel this way. I've struggled with depression for as long as i can remember and sometimes i feel even worse for being high functiong because nobody sees it. I too am pretty successful with studies, friends, dating etc from the outside. I believed so much in the image i created for myself that a partner had to tell me i was really depressed for me to realize it. At the time i started therapy because of him, because i really wanted to make the relationship work. I tried really fucking hard not because of me, but i got lucky that my therapist was good and that my medication worked. In the long run i realized that we didn't work and now i see that we never would because i was trying so hard to be bisexual and not admitting to myself i was a lesbian. Anyway. The important thing here is that i would never have done it for myself. I hated life so much that i didn't believe i could get out of this, ever. I still don't think i would have done it without that extra push. The relationship was crappy, i didn't feel happy and the fact that he was a man made my depression even worst. But he was the push i needed to try so fucking hard to get better. I guess that's ironic bc i kinda got better because i had so much internalized homophobia and fear but oh well. I know you don't want to hear advice so maybe that enormoys rant was not that bad, but I'm giving a little advice anyway. I agree with you, you probably won't be able to have an 100% healthy relationship unless you like your life just a little bit (but you can have good enough ones). I also believe that therapy doesn't work unless you really really want it to and you really commit to it. But maybe you'll find a reason to commit to getting better. Maybe it's within yourself or maybe it's an external stimuli just like it was for me. If you do get that feeling, please please seek help. With a good therapist, a lot of trying and the right meds, it is possible to live a fulfilling life. I hated living with every ounce of my body, and i could do it. I believe in you. It's hard as fuck and at first i got worst. But keep going. I hope one day you'll be able to feel a little bit more at peace with yourself. I feel like a self help book right now so i should stop. Sorry for writing so much.

carrotcake · 2020-09-07T05:37:00+00:00

Ohhh not even when you're wearing a fancy tuxedo? I'd use one if I had the chance to fully dress up to a wedding or something lmao

carrotcake · 2020-09-27T13:48:55+00:00

I started watching some of her videos after she came out as a lesbian. I really do think that she's a lesbian but the way she talks about it sometimes is just...... "You can be gay if you want to" was the worst thing possible for me. And then I went to the comments to see if anyone was saying something like "oh be careful with saying that kind of thing" but everybody was like "ohhh I'm so happy that she said we can be gay if we want to"

carrotcake · 2020-09-16T22:07:54+00:00

I don't really care what the first message is about as long as it isn't insulting. What matters to me is whether the conversation is good after that and if we have anything in common. When I was using dating apps I'd just say hi or ask something about her profile. I used to ask people how was their week going instead of the normal how are you bc I saw that it would give us something else to talk about after.

carrotcake · 2020-09-16T12:29:22+00:00

Yess. In my case it's also true

carrotcake · 2020-09-12T18:07:20+00:00

That's sooo disappointing. They can't see that they are contributing to men dismissing our sexuality?

carrotcake · 2020-08-27T19:22:57+00:00

I'd say there's always something to love about a woman, but this something is not always enough to make me fall in love for her. Or enough to make us a good couple.

carrotcake · 2020-08-27T02:46:15+00:00

Yes! I don't know a lot about her but from the few interviews I have seen she's awesome!

carrotcake · 2020-08-23T03:19:20+00:00

I feel like Kate and Leisha would find their way to freedom - maybe building a boat with wood from the trees? They'd charm and be friends with everybody and with Gertrude's networking skills nobody would be able to harm them.

Edit: Yes, I've decided that Gertrude Stein would be their third friend and the other one that would survive lol. It doesn't make too much sense but it did when I first thought about it.

carrotcake · 2020-08-22T03:07:32+00:00

You sound like you could be a great historian too. It's never too late!

carrotcake · 2020-08-21T03:47:43+00:00

I relate to this in a way. I always felt really uncomfortable with girls changing in front of me and to change in front of them, was always scared to even look at them if they were talking to me while changing their clothes. When I started to realise I liked women, I stopped being affectionate and being able to touch my female friends like I used to. Or even saying things like I love you. I also think that one of the things that kept me from being out earlier is that I knew my friends would all be somewhat ok with me liking girls but they wouldn't be 100% ok and it would make things uncomfortable. Luckily most of these straight friends became better people with time and maturity, so I haven't dealt with any homophobia from them after I came out. But I'm also used to shun away from my life people that won't accept me so maybe I only stayed friends with the ones that would be fine with my sexuality. Oh and I also relate to the betraying the sisterhood thing. As women we have so much in common, I like talking and sharing experiences with straight women so I hate making them feel uncomfortable?

Anyways that's my experience. Idk if it helps. I really agree with you that being confident is the way to go. Most lesbians that I've observed that are treated normally by straight girls are really confident in themselves and in their sexuality. I stopped feeling so awkward around straight women or any topic that touched sexuality while around them when I became more confident. I feel that talking about this with this one straight friend that is really close to you can be a good idea. Maybe it'll make you feel better. Good luck :)

carrotcake · 2020-08-09T05:55:10+00:00

Financial stability/security
Fulfilling work
Time left to myself and to spend with people i love

carrotcake · 2020-08-08T12:07:06+00:00

I have the same problem. I either use men's button ups open with a shirt underneath or wear them inside of a mid/high waisted pant. If you want a button up that really fits well and won't look like a box you'll either need to get a loose one tailored or if you're lucky you'll eventually find them in the women's section. In my experience at least men's button ups will never look fitted if you have big boobs and a waist. With a normal long sleeve shirt or a jacket is a lot easier. Sometimes they'll be long in your arms or the jacket won't look good closed but that's never been a problem for me. I live in somewhere warm though

carrotcake · 2020-08-08T00:02:19+00:00

Yes! I completely agree with you. And also i would be down for this thread

carrotcake · 2020-08-06T03:26:33+00:00

Oh i really identify with this

carrotcake · 2020-07-30T19:28:24+00:00

Actually lesbians identifying as such. Some of them do buy the queer/non-binary/whatever rhetoric, but at least the ones I've met only date other females. I'm not from the US though, and in here it's not that common for people to transition etc. It's becoming more common, but it isn't widespread

carrotcake · 2020-09-06T20:11:58+00:00

Yay! Thank you so much! Subscribed to her channel already and will try it tomorrow.

carrotcake · 2020-08-03T03:53:08+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened. I hope you're safe and wish you luck and patience to deal with that situation.

Do you know why your mother did that?

carrotcake · 2020-07-27T00:31:06+00:00

Thank you. I'll do my best to not be afraid!

carrotcake · 2020-07-26T14:46:48+00:00

I'm always amazed of how crazy people can be

carrotcake · 2020-09-27T13:38:45+00:00

Yeah I agree it would be horrible not receiving, but for me it's not necessarily more intimate than other sex acts. I just think it as a part of sex because if I'm down to have sex with her it implies already that I'm down to oral sex lmao. But that makes sense.

carrotcake · 2020-09-27T10:27:03+00:00

I've heard stories of guys telling this as an excuse not to go down on women. I've also heard from straight female friends that they think oral sex is more intimate than penetration. Since I've never heard this in the context of lesbians, I thought it had something to do with straight people considering penetration the main sex act and I guess compared to oral it can be un-intimate? In my head this logic doesn't make sense for lesbians but I could be wrong.

carrotcake · 2020-09-24T06:35:14+00:00

I'm better now (or I was before covid) but I used to get nervous and act weird whenever I was talking about my sexuality with straight friends. And all of them were 100% accepting of me. I wanted to show them and myself that I was ok with liking women so it was even worst because I'd feel bad during the conversation and after.

carrotcake · 2020-09-20T05:43:49+00:00

Yes and no. I believe in love as a feeling you build up for and with somebody, a feeling that is fed with companionship, support and respect. I believe love is something you have to work hard to maintain and you have to choose keep on feeding everyday. I believe that a lot of people have the potential to be the love of our lives. I don't believe in love at first sight or soulmates. I don't believe that it is the only thing that make humans happy and fulfilled. I don't believe that there is a person that will be perfect for me and fit into all of my dreams. I also don't believe that it only happens once.

carrotcake · 2020-09-16T21:59:59+00:00

Ask her! Now I'm curious for you too.

carrotcake · 2020-09-13T09:40:23+00:00

Wow. That's fucked up. I'm so sorry your going through that.

carrotcake