Do children have the ability to have crushes?

Loil · 2020-09-04T16:37:21+00:00

I'm guessing my comment is one of the reasons you made this post: https://saidit.net/s/Lesbians/comments/6bpt/sucks_to_be_a_lesbian_sometimes/oiyz?context=3

children don't have sex drives. I'm not making that up because I'm a homophobic straight person. It just is how it is. So, if a child experiences a "crush" on someone/something it's not because they want to have sex with it. Like I said kids get crushes on animals cartoon characters. I don't think that indicates their sexuality

To me, you are confusing sexual attraction with any kind of attraction. Attraction to others can come in the form of admiration, respect, appreciation etc. You can be attracted to a persons qualities without wanting to have sex with them just saying.

You act like this is exclusive to homosexuals. Straight kids are the same way. When I was a kid my best friend and I had "crushes" on each other and wanted to get married and live in a cottage in the countryside and pick berries. Well she's straight. Her childhood "crush" on me didn't indicate anything.

But more importantly, what does it matter? If a girl who had a crush on a boy grows up to be a woman who only wants to be with women she will be a lesbian to the whole world regardless of what we think of her childhood crush.

But if the problem you have is with a woman who had a crush on a boy as a child calling herself a lesbian then think of it this way: Instead of calling herself a lesbian, she tells people who ask her sexuality that she is only interested in women. They are going to see her as a lesbian anyway 🤷

Gearbeta · 2020-09-04T17:37:57+00:00

I have to disagree with this: " Aren't children's attraction the most honest representation of their sexuality before they become older and have homophobic rhetoric instilled in them?"

Because I can't agree that children's attraction is an honest representation of their sexuality. Many people have no sexual attraction to anyone at all before puberty and almost none of them go on to be asexual as adults. As for children who do have crushes, I would question whether ANY crush, straight or gay was real, prepuberty. Teens most certainly have the ability to have crushes and legitimate relationships etc so I would say if you are crushing on men/boys as a teen then you are, at least a little bisexual.

StrictlyDykley · 2020-09-04T19:10:15+00:00

Kids look fairly similar, despite sexes, when they haven’t gone through puberty so i think it’s digging pretty deep for anyone to imagine kids pre-pubescent crushes on other kids their own age as a qualifier for “not lesbian,” if that is what people are insisting. All the prettiest boys in grade school looked much different after puberty, and the girls just kept looking cuter and cuter to my lesbian eyes. Fighting about this stuff is a bit of a waste of energy. Plenty of women say they are lesbians from the ages of like 15-30 and then suddenly come out as bisexual, they are the most disappointing in my eyes. How far back do we need to go to prove lesbianism? Lol

Loil · 2020-09-04T19:39:29+00:00

No one shut you down. I even asked you to explain your views more and you told me to leave you alone.

lovvlie · 2020-09-04T16:56:12+00:00

the silly crushes i had when i was 7 were not sexual in nature & i can say with confidence i have not & will never be attracted to men, but if y'all think that makes me straight anyway then adios. :)

edit: just saw your edit, i'm not trying to guilt trip you i promise!! i don't think i'm anywhere near that important lol. just sayin farewell.

knownasness · 2020-09-04T17:13:04+00:00

i have no opinion on this topic, i just want to reiterate that bisexual lesbians aren't a thing.

piylot · 2020-09-04T16:30:46+00:00

So which is it?

Different people have different thoughts on it, that's why there's no consistent stance. We're not a hive mind and shouldn't be. What do you think?

Destresse · 2020-09-04T17:33:16+00:00

This was still a controversial topic in psychology circles a few years ago actually. Do children get crushes? Do they have a libido?

I can only speak for myself but I did, yeah. It was a very immature libido, meaning I wasn't interested in doing anything. But I was interested. In my own body, and adult women's bodies. Not at all in men's. One day I saw my dad naked and my brain had a moment of disturbed stuttering like.... what the hell is that, is he malformed? lol. I didn't react the same way with my mom. I would always try to catch her naked, and I know, I know, that's disturbing to think about as an adult lol. But there weren't any weird intentions behind it, just... indefinable curiosity. I asked her lots of questions.

I didn't think anything of it. Girls had crushes on boys and that was that, so I called whatever I wanted a crush, as long as it was about a boy. I didn't really get any crushes as a child, I think...? Just, uh, a developing libido focused on women only. I think it's very rare for people to remember their "sexual" feelings when they were kids. I remember waaay too much about my childhood. So maybe everyone focuses on admiration/affection when talking about childhood crushes? That would indeed not mean much about their sexual orientation. But affection can be guided by interest/curiosity created by the libido, so I think that'd explain why some crushes are considered significant, while others aren't.

That's my theory at least 😅

carrotcake · 2020-09-04T20:02:11+00:00

I think that's a complicated thing that's blurred mainly by semantics, but also by our memories and experiences as a child. Firstly because our definitions of what a "crush" can change depending on how well we know about our sexual desires. For example, I do not believe that homosexual biromantic people exist. I think that they are gay people that are confusing a strong admiration for a crush. Or a bisexual that is in denial about their sexual attraction. They can call it a non sexual crush how much they want, but the way I see it, it isn't. It's just admiration if you are a sexual person that doesn't have sexual attraction to this person's sex. When we are children, since we're told so many times that when we like a boy it means we like him romantically, we can assume that we have a crush without really having them. In the same way a biromantic homosexual woman does, we are calling a feeling of admiration a crush. As kids we don't really dig the meaning of words so that's easier to do. We aren't really aware of our sexual feelings too so that makes it even easier. We do not know, as children, that romantic feelings are basically the mixture of sexual feelings to admiration. So we can call a crush what it isn't.

What we define crushes can be moulded by our experiences as well. For example, I never had crushes in boys untill a female friend tell me "oh you must like this guy, you seem totally into him". So I would then say to myself "oh I like this boy then", but never actually have sexual feelings for him. I had, on the other hand, sexual feelings for my girl friends. Of course, it was as sexual as a kid can go, but it was sexual. I found them incredibly beautiful and when they touched me I felt things. I felt sexual attraction for female bodies on TV and so on too. Never felt it for a male body. But I never would say I had a crush for a girl because the way I understood this word would mean "admiration for a boy". I know that my sexual attraction was developed really early in life and I was aware of the existence of sex and masturbation and I could get wet as a child. Not all children develop the same way. So probably there are children without sexual feelings, I'm not experienced in any way in psychology to say for sure but I know that development is different for everyone.

And the last thing that plays a part in this is memory. We do not remember things completely as they were. Especially in childhood. As adults we try to make sense of our past and create a narrative that makes sense for us. But it never is completely right because we'll interpret memories however we think they were but we can never achieve the whole "truth". Plus we only remember part of them.

So... My opinion in the end I guess is, if as an adult and a teenager a woman is a woman who feels sexual attraction for women only, they are lesbians. Because these stages in life are the stages in which our sexual feelings are developed and our memories and vocabulary use don't betray us so much anymore.

VioletRemi · 2020-09-04T16:46:41+00:00

You know, puberty can start around 8-9 years. And bump of hormones can make you think a lot of things :)

biggreensunglasses · 2020-09-04T18:10:42+00:00

So around age 7 I was convinced I had a crush on my then BFF Stuart (lol no sorry Stuart)

Then at 10 I had what I would now describe as my first ABSOLUTE OBSESSION and that was Wendy. I didn't realise it was a crush at the time, because 10, and not aware of sexuality, but in hindsight it definitely was.

Jessica1993 · 2020-09-04T20:29:03+00:00

Bisexual lesbians are not a thing and will never be a thing

SailorMoon2020 · 2020-09-04T16:22:51+00:00

I believe in that thread some people may be confusing crushes for admiration. I also believe some of the comments the users may be in denial of their bisexuality. There are also a few comments I disagree with such as kids not having libido or sexual desire.

Are Lesbians capable of attraction to males up until a certain point in their lives?

I said it before and I'll say it again. Not only is the word lesbian a stolen word from a small culture east of Greece, but it was never historically used nor meant to mean exclusive to women.

Lesbians

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