Threesomes or polyamory

submitted by Jessica1993 from self.Lesbians

Has anyone here has ever been in a threesome ? I mean lesbian threesome of course or have you even been in a poly relashionship with two girls ? Me personally i haven't but i know people in irl who have and they told me that as long as everyone is on board with each other and are open to each other, they don't have any problems . I'm monogomous and i don't know how i can suffer seeing my gf doing stuff with another person even if i am involved in it but at the same time, if these people are consensual adults and they aren't hurting anybody, more power to them i guess .

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[–]VioletRemi 18 insightful - 11 fun18 insightful - 10 fun19 insightful - 11 fun -  (9 children)

For introvert like myself this sounds like some kind of heresy or blasphemy :D

[–]florasis 7 insightful - 4 fun7 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Preach, sister. Preach.

[–]Jessica1993[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

Well for some, even being gay is heresy and blasphemy, i'm willing to be more open minded even though i'm not involved in it, like i said as long as it doesn't concern me, people can do whatever they want and i shouldn't be able to judge them just based on my notions .

[–]VioletRemi 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

It is hard to see it normal, because how much it is fetishized and pushed on us. So it is not clear if people wanting polygamy is their own wish, or just what society want them to be.

I am not judgging others choices as well, but for me it is something beyond understanding.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Very well put

[–]Jessica1993[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I mean if it was the typical FFM threesome or relashionship i would agree with you, especially how it's so male centered but three girls without any man involved in it, i don't see how it's fetishised or pushed on us but every person is different, just because we are all lesbians doesn't mean we are a monolith, just like straight people, we have different views and lifestyles and we should respect that and not shame one another, especially in such a small community like ours .

[–]VioletRemi 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Well, even FFF or FFFF, etc, all is sexualized, at least here. And when decade ago I was checking porn there were often "lesbian orgy" (maybe it is less popular nowadays, tho?).

And as I said, I am not shaming, I just can't understand that.

just because we are all lesbians doesn't mean we are a monolith

Well, only thing that is uniting us - is that we all loving other women and only women :)

[–]Jessica1993[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I mean tbf, anything is sexualized, even normal lesbian relashionships, does that mean we should stop loving who we love because some pervert out there might get off at the idea of us being together ? And yeah i agree about your last point .

[–]VioletRemi 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Fair point.

[–]yayblueberries 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This anti-shame bullshit and never possibly hurting anybody's feelings ever is ridiculous, there are people who are greedy as fuck, even if everybody seems on board it is highly possible one person is only "consenting" to a poly relationship or a threesome out of fear of upsetting their partner and the one who wants it is greedy, sex of all three has NOTHING to do with that.

I'm also sick of the attitude of better not upset other lesbians in other way because the community is so small! I'm not catering to an entire goddamn group just so I can find one partner. This garbage is leading right to homosexuality being about having a club membership, not an inborn, probably genetically based sexual orientation. Fuck that.

[–][deleted] 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

Polyamory is a hard pass for me. Just causally dating more then one person at a time was exhausting, and that was in my 20’s. I couldn’t imagine doing it full time, or choosing it as lifestyle. Most of the time when I’ve met someone involved in it they seemed insecure about the situation on one level or another. Looking at the relationships from the outside it always seemed to consist of one dominant person and a few doormats, just my opinion.

Threesomes always seemed to be drunken adventures. Never with anyone I actually cared for, established couples, or anyone that I had more then just a physical attraction to. The thought of seeing someone I care for with someone else isn’t something I’ve ever been down for.

[–]TarshishJupiter 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

The thought of seeing someone I care for with someone else isn’t something I’ve ever been down for.

Same. Poly advocates sometimes say that jealousy in that case is bad, but I believe there are some cases where jealousy is natural or even warranted. I want my woman to myself, thank you very much, and I'm willing to do the same for her.

[–][deleted] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I would say my problem would be more of sharing the intimate side of the relationship. There’s a reason I committed myself to someone, if I wanted someone else I wouldn’t have done it.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Jealously is totally natural. Animals are jealous, I’ve seen pets get jealous. It’s important to protect the intimacy of your connection to your partner. You build it together. Random people nosing in on that have the potential to destroy it. I don’t get poly-logic

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

My mare that I’ve had for 20 years tries to kill my wife at least once a week because she’s way to invested in protecting her position with me. According to her my actual wife is the other woman.

All jokes aside I don’t feel threatened by someone flirting with or hitting on my wife. She’s loyal, honest to a fault, she’s not going anywhere and for some reason she loves me. So people can look all they want, hell they can even try and take a shot, but god help them if they try to touch her.

[–]spirette 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Exactly. Who the hell has the time to date multiple people? Not me. One person is plenty enough. These poly people seem to spend all their time in some sort of weird drama. I don't buy the "there's no jealousy, we're above that!" bs either.

Never had a threesome. Again, to me that's too many women. One is plenty enough.

[–][deleted] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I see it as a being so insecure that you’re willing to let your SO go and be in whatever relationship they want as long as they pay attention to you every so often. Hence doormat.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Basically these poly folks don’t really have many hobbies apart from being in relationships with people, because it’s so much work to maintain multiple partner things. I think some people say they are poly when they mean “open” and they just fuck ppl

[–][deleted] 12 insightful - 6 fun12 insightful - 5 fun13 insightful - 6 fun -  (2 children)

I had conversations with poly les on Reddit and they were kind enough to answer my dumb questions. It honestly seemed exhausting and one of them admitted that it was for her, which made me wonder.. whyyy?

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Although it’s not for me, I definitely like to have open and honest conversations with those who do have these types of relationships to gain perspective.

    [–]Disillusioned 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    It's not my cup of tea. I think anyone can do what they want but I don't wanna be treated like a bigot because I seriously believe in monogamy and want an exclusive monogamous relationship (so no threesomes, open relationships and polyamory).

    [–][deleted]  (6 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]Jessica1993[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      Well i guess some people have more game than others, lol !

      [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 5 fun3 insightful - 4 fun4 insightful - 5 fun -  (4 children)

      West Hollywood and Dinah Shore weekend. That’s how.

      [–][deleted]  (3 children)

      [deleted]

        [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

        If you ever make it buy the all access pass and have yourself a debauchery filled time.

        [–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

        How is Dinah now with the TRA wanting access to things?

        [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

        No clue. I haven’t been in 11 years. Marriage and Dinah aren’t very compatible.

        [–]Jinera 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

        I have been sexually involved with a woman who was in a polyamorous relationship with another woman and her husband. I am personally not possessive at all and spend 3 weeks living in her house not giving a fuck about what those three were up to as long as I got my alone time with her. I would be perfectly fine having a relationship like that in the future.

        Currently seeing a woman sexually who just got married to her wife and is in an open relationship. We had our first (platonic) date today, and it was great and we are definitely planning on doing things in the future.

        Dont get me wrong, I am a jealous bitch when it comes to other things, but somehow I am not in relationships.

        I dont think I could ever have a threesome though. I am already awkward enough no need for someone else to witness that 😂😂

        [–]Jessica1993[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

        That's cool, thanks for sharing your experience, it's nice to also see an opposite view which is why i said people shouldn't judge other people for what they are into . Also is the wife in question also involved or are you only with that woman ?

        [–]Jinera 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        No the wife is not involved at all. I mean if me and the woman keep dating I would like to hang out with her some time just to chat, ( or play games or something?) but nothing else.

        [–]florasis 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        I don't care what people do in their private life. Surely, that's not my thing.

        [–]carrotcake 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        I'd be ok with an open relationship, depending on the circumstances. Full polyamory on the other hand just seems exhausting and I cannot see myself being able to commit enough to more than one relationship. Usually poly people are all the way up into the queer train so they're not my type too, but if it makes them happy it's fine as long as nobody's doing it to please their partner. Nothing against threesomes but I probably wouldn't do it with a woman who's in a relationship with me.

        [–]knownasness 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        i know you can't and don't own people, but i don't share. it's exhausting enough getting to know, learning and making time for one person, never mind two or more.. i just don't have the patience for it. and group sex straight up has never been appealing to me. people can do whatever they want as long as they don't include me in their nonsense.

        [–]FlanJam 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        Nope, polyamory is not for me. I guess I wouldn't be against a threesome if I were single, but I wouldn't do it if I had a gf.

        [–]Lessom 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        Threesome when single maybe but would never be interested in a poly relationship. Relationships to me is about loyalty and monogamy.

        [–][deleted]  (2 children)

        [deleted]

          [–]Jessica1993[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

          Lol, no one said you have to, calm down, i was just asking people's opinion on the subject

          [–][deleted]  (2 children)

          [deleted]

            [–]Jessica1993[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

            Was the friend a lesbian also ?

            [–]Lizzythelezzo 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

            I've tried polyamory and it didn't work that well for me. I think a big part of the problem is that a large percentage of people who are involved in the scene are doing it as a way of coping with their attachment trauma and other issues. I'd prefer monogamy but wouldn't rule out polyamory under the right circumstances, with the right people (which seems unlikely to ever happen but hey, who knows).