all 14 comments

[–][deleted] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

No one will hate you. If they haven’t shown hate they are not going to. I get the fear though. But you will be fine.

Usually when people react poorly it happens right away.

The bad feelings you are having are temporary and will eventually pass. They did for me, and probably all the other women who have been out for a while.

[–]carrotcake[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Thank you. I've been out for a while for everyone except my extended family but never felt this. Remembering it's temporary definitely helps.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I remind myself that anything garbage I feel is temporary all the time. I remember being afraid to come out because I wanted people to see me as myself and not just a lesbian.

[–]VioletRemi 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It is your life and your body. So live as you feel right, live as you want. Do not be afraid to be who you are or call yourself lesbian at loud. Especially in such calm surroundings, it seems that maximum they may be is just dissapointed, but not really against you or hateful. And do not afraid, act as you always acted.

[–]carrotcake[S] 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you. I'll do my best to not be afraid!

[–]Dykexmachina 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

You'll be okay, I think most of us have experienced this when we first came out. Just keep being yourself, be how you've always been around them. Just remember as long as they're not crazy or violent people you'll be physically safe, nothing will happen to you.

[–]carrotcake[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think the problem is that i never experienced this shame/approval seeking mood since i first came out to my mom and all of my friends, like 4 years ago. They were all super supportive and awesome so maybe my privileged experience didn't toughen me up? Okay, i didn't came out as a lesbian but as bisexual first, but I don't think that is the difference. Especially since I didn't tell my extended family whether i was gay or bi. Thank you for your advice. They are not crazy nor violent. One of them is really conservative but he's such a nice person other than that. He's kind of my favorite uncle so maybe that played a part in my fear too.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I never took anyone I was with to Utah to meet the LDS part of my family, we all know how Mormons feel about same sex relationships. When I finally took my wife, girlfriend and the time, to meet them the entire drive down there I was a wreck. Every horrible possibility was screaming in my head. I spent the first few days stuck in my head freaking out about how they really felt, what they said when I wasn’t there, how long until they tried to introduce us to some “nice return missionaries”. What really happened was they accepted her into the family and we had a great time. A week later on our way out the door my grandma told me “I hope you’re dating her with intention” that was her way of saying don’t fuck it up. Looking back the only thing I wish I would have done differently was trust the first interactions they had together. Everything was fine and still is.

[–]carrotcake[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Aw that's a really nice story! I'm glad they reacted well, especially your grandma. That was a nice way to say that she was totally fine with you being a lesbian

Edit: the thing you said on thinking about what they said when you weren't there. YES. That's so true. That's been in my head since then too. Thank you for sharing this!

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

They knew since I was in my late teens, they just hadn’t seen it until I was 31. It was very unspoken for a long time with all of my 9 aunts/uncles and 39 cousins on that side of the family. I do have one uncle (I will never admit he’s related to me in public) that has a problem with it but he’s such a chauvinistic ass hat he can’t get anyone to rally to his cause.

[–]midnight305 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

My extended family is mostly straight, white, Christian , conservative family.

They know I'm a lesbian they dont seem to care much anymore .

Actually they cared more about me not being s Christian anymore and having black friends more than anything

Some forget im a lesbian and go all " when you going to get married and have kids " crap on me.

So I think your going to be ok.

If im fine with a super redneck family then im sure your be ok too.

And remember you don't owe your family shit . It's your life dont worry about their approval or it'll just hold you back.

[–]carrotcake[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yeah. I am not worried about my other uncles/aunts because they are going to be cool with it. These ones are the trump supporter type so it made me worry a little bit more. They are not super conservative nor bad people though so it would made me feel bad if they liked me less now. But oh well. Like you said, we don't owe them shit. It's hard sometimes not to seek approval, but I'll get there. I'm happy you're doing fine while having a redneck family! My girlfriend family is like that as well but they aren't ok with her being gay. I even feel kind of dumb talking about that with her, since she's faced much worse.

[–]midnight305 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Conservatives are more nicer than most liberals now a days so you should be fine .I know I was taught that way to....di ad mommy says do as your family says ...never talk back....stuff like that

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]carrotcake[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I'm sorry for your granddad. My grandparents are also not ok with homosexuality so i wouldn't tell my grandmothers unless i was going to marry and maybe not even that. Especially on my father's side, since she's pretty conservative/religious