Social media signaling by reluctant_commenter in LGBmemes

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

This person's experience is that when they make a typical post on social media-- a few people respond (represented by the small crowd in the top right panel). If they make a post on social media that mentions the fact that they are gay-- then a ton more people respond (represented by the massive crowd in the bottom right panel).

One reason for this difference is that many of the people in the bottom right panel may be trying to signal that they are supportive of gay people, LGBTQ+ rights, or otherwise publicly signal that they're openminded and gain social credit that way. (That's the cynical interpretation, of course; it's also possible that some just aren't interested in the typical posts of the gay person, but still want to communicate that they support that person!)

Oh bugger off with your creepy yaoi fetish by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

het relationships are based on the man objectifying the woman

Good lord, is this really how straight girls see their own relationships? No wonder they want to opt out of heterosexuality.

Not sure what age group you're in, but I'm in my early 20s and I have absolutely been fed this line for years; it seems like all the straight women my age (or even somewhat older) seem to believe this. I think it's worth observing and talking about how men objectify women... but sometimes I hear people talk about this topic in a way that seems a little defeatist, as if they believe that no matter what, all men will act like that and thus these women have a lot of negative feelings about being straight. It may sound crazy but that's what I've observed among a surprising number of my friends.

Oh bugger off with your creepy yaoi fetish by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ew. Ew, just all around. The language these people are using sounds so infantilizing. "Gay relationships are so pure and innocent and soft" get the fuck out of here with your homophobia.

The reality is that same-sex relationships can be just as filled with pain and interpersonal conflict as opposite-sex ones. I learned that one the hard way... and pretty much every other LGB person I've talked to has, too.

Welcome to the gay community you wanted to be here so badly.... by Hannibalboy93 in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Just curious, do you know any good resources where I can read more about this? I've never been interested in casual sex myself (and am a woman), but many of my straight female friends have defended casual sex to me, so I've always thought I was just a weirdo.

How can I date and find a boyfriend if I am a gay transgender man who doesn't pass... by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I guess all trans people can't be excluded from LGB because that is a generalization then, right?

That's not a "broad generalization," that's a boundary. Stating, "Hey, we think that LGB people should be able to have our own groups that aren't centered around trans issues" makes no assumptions or judgments about the characteristics of the people involved; it is simply expression of a desire (and a reasonable one at that!).

A "broad generalization" is a statement about the fundamental characteristics of a group and this type of all-or-nothing, "black and white thinking" statement statements is not conducive to critical thinking. It's commonly described as a cognitive distortion (see the "overgeneralization" section). People don't have to use cognitive distortions in order to be able to think!

Peers trying to ship you with random other gay person - Take 2 by reluctant_commenter in LGBmemes

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Social media signaling by reluctant_commenter in LGBmemes

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ellen Page 1-Year Before Identifying as Elliot Page: "I was distinctly told, by people in the industry, when I started to become known: ‘People cannot know you’re gay.’" by yousaythosethings in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I appreciate you posting about this and respecting the clear role that homophobia has played in her life. Sometimes I see people on this forum bash her for seeming shallow, but it seems so obvious that there was a ton of negative pressure on her to not come out and it really damaged her career. How unfair is it that if we come out, it ruins our careers? Straight people can virtue signal right and left about how it's "okay" to come out now, but there are so many examples like this where it really did ruin the career and/or relationships of the person who came out.

It crushes me to see Ellen's example in particular, just because I have related to her for a long time, I'm GNC to a similar degree as she was after coming out (before identifying as transgender) and I thought it was so cool to see someone I could actually relate to in the media, I could never really relate to many of the other lesbian or otherwise LGB high-profile actors/politicians/famous people. Now her actions are sending the message that if you're LGB and GNC, you need to transition or else people won't accept you how you are. It's so sad.

Anyway. Thanks for the post.

Sunday Social - open chat! by TumbleweedFireflies in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yep, I listened to the whole thing, it was great! Also good starter material for someone new to these topics.

What is the context for that clip, if you don't mind me asking? Did he mistake the guy for someone else who came out on the show, lol?

One GNC lesbian woman's experience with being mistaken for a man in a women's bathroom by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Do you have any links to like, places where she talks about that? I would love to learn more! I've speculated for a while that CBT would be a good approach to dealing with it but hadn't heard of any real-life examples where someone had actually done that.

/r/LGBT schools us big meanie cis gays by artetolife in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Aw, thanks!! <3 I'm really glad :)

Haha, my username was actually originally in reference to the fact that I was nervous to post on s/lesbians back when I first joined it in summer 2020, because all the salty r/actuallesbians people were saying they were crazy transphobes or whatever. Now I don't even post on there, but I've also grown a lot more confident about talking about LGB issues. Funny how things change.

Sunday Social - open chat! by TumbleweedFireflies in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I watched that 1-hour Swedish documentary that Chunkeeguy posted about a few days ago. It's really, really good. Straightforward and to the point, no distracting frills. If you are trying to spread awareness about child transing to a friend or family member, this is a great resource to show them and/or watch with them.

Direct link to documentary: https://www.svtplay.se/video/33358590/uppdrag-granskning/mission-investigate-trans-children-avsnitt-1?position=111&id=jp9dBRA

edit: Here's an article about the documentary and about the Karolinska institute, which was featured in the documentary. https://4w.pub/children-suffered-health-problems-after-puberty-blockers-sweden/

/r/LGBT schools us big meanie cis gays by artetolife in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Lol I always love the visual details in your comments. Such a good comparison.

/r/LGBT schools us big meanie cis gays by artetolife in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I appreciate that man, sure seems like it's getting more and more difficult to say that these days without catching flak from the trans "rights" movement.

The men of /r/actuallesbians are soooooooooo sick of men dontcha know by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

"I'm so sick of men." is not a type of lesbian. Honestly, that sounds like the homophobic "political lesbianism" concept. Straight women LARPing once again.

A new form of acceptance by reluctant_commenter in LGBmemes

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What were the obvious signs you were LGBTIQXYZWTF in the womb? I'll go first... by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 16 insightful - 12 fun16 insightful - 11 fun17 insightful - 12 fun -  (0 children)

Whoa, that doesn't involve any quizzes or "lesbian masterdocs" or all your friends coming out as trans! Banned.

What were the obvious signs you were LGBTIQXYZWTF in the womb? I'll go first... by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 10 insightful - 9 fun10 insightful - 8 fun11 insightful - 9 fun -  (0 children)

Lol, this post was made for your flair.

What were the obvious signs you were LGBTIQXYZWTF in the womb? I'll go first... by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 15 insightful - 3 fun15 insightful - 2 fun16 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

I'm not queer, I'm just a very very empathetic ally

Yikes. I've seen too many posts that say stuff like "If you think you're just a really empathetic ally, you're wrong! You MUST be q*eer!"

One GNC lesbian woman's experience with being mistaken for a man in a women's bathroom by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm sorry to hear that's happened to her.

There are absolutely right-wingers in the US who are lumping GNC women in with trans women and who are being absolute assholes about it.

Yep, totally makes sense. More reason for us to separate from the T and be clear about the harms of gender identity beliefs.

How do we secede from this "nation"? by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Will repeat it until I'm blue in the face... I'm not a part of any LGBTQ community or communities. LGBTQ organizations don't represent me, and broadly speaking, they are doing a worse-than-terrible job of addressing discrimination faced by LGB people. People I talk to IRL would get pissed off if I told them this, but the TQ+ movement is becoming so extreme that I'm starting to feel like I have to be more vocal about holding this opinion, or else I'd be going against my own values and beliefs.

Also-- I was gonna make a post about this court case, I saw someone tried to a few days ago but it got removed. I actually think this is a really relevant court case for LGB rights in the US! Aside from the fact that "LGBTQ Nation" wrote this article.

Note that the angle the plaintiffs are taking is based on religious belief:

Several of the plaintiffs said that being in custody with trans women violates their religious beliefs.

In the US, at least, I think that we might have to take this approach, too, when defending LGB rights and issues. Ultimately, gender identity theory functions like a religion, and it's a religion that hates and tries to deny the existence of same-sex attraction. And LGB people are all same-sex-attracted. I think these sorts of cases may end up playing out in a surprisingly similar pattern to the debates with Christians over the "morality" of being gay.

More homophobic "sexuality is fluid" stuff by jay-day in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It might sound crazy, but among people my age in IRL conversations, I actually have heard that message directed at straight people! A few times, I heard the straight person state clearly that they know what they like and just aren't interested in the same sex like that, but support those who do. Other times, I heard the straight person express that they are "openminded" and seem open to the sexual fluidity idea, despite having no same-sex interest.

I don't think it's even remotely as common as TQ-identified people trying to shame and pressure gay people into saying our sexuality is "fluid," but... I really do think that in gen Z and younger, this actually is happening. Then you end up with confused straight people like Helena who think they're bi/gay but aren't. LGB people don't have a monopoly on questioning their sexualities, but many people in gen Z seem to think that if you question you might be X, then you must be X.

More homophobic "sexuality is fluid" stuff by jay-day in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Because there are way more people who identify as TQ+ than there are LGB people. It's easy for a subset of people from the majority group (straight people) to talk over us because we are a numerically tiny minority, and an invisible one at that.

I know your question is rhetorical but I do think it's important to keep this in mind.

More homophobic "sexuality is fluid" stuff by jay-day in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Key word: "identities." Objective sexual orientation (homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual, asexual) is fixed. People's knowledge and understanding of their respective sexual orientations-- that knowledge might change over time.

The thing that never happens, happened again: "I'm saying it's transphobic to say you won't be with a trans person because of their genitals" by ThrowMeAway2879 in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh, god. Sounds OP is a lesbian/bisexual woman trying to pull the same bullshit that AGP men do to lesbians. Please don't.

The reason why aliens took us off their radar forever by DickFreeBacon in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

They get bonus points for homosexual AND bisexual erasure.

One GNC lesbian woman's experience with being mistaken for a man in a women's bathroom by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 14 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I saw this thread and thought other people here might find it interesting. It's just one person's experience, but I wanted to amplify this person's voice as someone who is actually in this demographic because sometimes TRAs hold up GNC lesbian women as a "Gotcha!" to suggest that women shouldn't defend their sex-based spaces. Whatever the case, this particular incident seemed like a wholesome encounter.

Text:

I have to share a thing. Today was the very first day in my life where, at a pub in the temple bar district of Dublin, I was challenged in a bathroom because a lovely lady thought I was a man. She couldn't see my face just my hair from behind and what I was wearing.

Her words to me where "Excuse me, this is a women's bathroom", to which I turned around and replied "of course it is that's why I'm standing in it". I had a massive smile on my face.

I was not annoyed, I was not offended at being 'misgendered', or rather 'incorrectly sexed'. I was so pleased, I asked her if I could give her a hug and congratulated her for protecting women's spaces because that takes guts.

I received about 100 apologies after, but I told the lady it was perfectly fine and that she didn't do anything wrong at all. It was a genuine mistake, there was no offence taken and I do have short hair and masculine presentation after all.

Most butch lesbians don't get harassed in toilets by women, we get challenged by boundaried and concerned women who make an honest mistake and apologise immediately. This is how it's done 🔥👍

Trans surgery ‘may be judged’ a mistake by future generations - The Australian by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Twitter: https://mobile.twitter.com/frenchie_irish/status/1464356586365857793

There's a comments section for the article but I can't seem to find a way to access it. If anyone else can, I would much appreciate seeing it.

From the article:

Demand is rising in rich countries for this procedure, often rebadged as “top surgery” or “chest reconstruction” because even the word “breast” is seen as distressing for teenage girls and young women who want a masculine look.

Writing in the prestigious journal, Archives of Sexual Behavior, Melbourne psychiatrist Alison Clayton argues that transgender mastectomy may with time be seen as “dangerous medicine” like discredited past practices such as psychiatric lobotomy, which won a Nobel prize in 1949.

Article includes a great discussion about and comparison between the lobotomy movement and the medical transition movement. (Sometimes I wonder if we might've been able to prevent some of this harm by having better history lessons.)

Bonus: lying about the scientific basis for transitioning surgeries...

In that 2018 study, lead author Dr Olson-Kennedy said there was no previous data showing the effect of chest surgery on minors.

Yet three years before, she had already been promoting this procedure, claiming it was “easy, safe, available, and ‘absolutely lifesaving’,” Dr Clayton says in her peer-reviewed letter to Archives of Sexual Behavior.

The God Complex of the TQ+ community by nbailey73 in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I completely agree; gender identity theory closely resembles a religious belief system. (We've had a few other threads discussing this; if you're interested, I can go try and dig them up.) It's worth emphasizing that by almost all people's definitions, the concept of "gender identity" is defined as an entirely subjectively experienced sense of one's "gender" (definitions varying), which cannot be observed by anyone from the outside, an individual can only experience their own and can only experience it subjectively. Gender identity literature suggests that it is NOT true that "appearance and bodily characteristics are linked to gender identity."

If you can't see, smell, hear, taste, or touch something that another person is trying to tell you exists... then you have to rely on faith alone in order to hold any belief that that thing exists. Sometimes that faith is warranted, sometimes it's not. In the case of gender identity, believers of the theory claim that it will never be possible to objectively observe gender identity. That means that "gender identity" is right up there with the Christian "Holy Spirit" and other faith-alone concepts.

So yeah, many of the beliefs that are commonly held in TQ+ communities-- such as the belief in "gender identity"-- are essentially superstitious/religious/spiritual. That's fine if people want to hold those beliefs, but my rights as a same-sex-attracted person are NOT contingent upon whether I hold these beliefs-- as Allison Bailey recently put so eloquently.

Updated rules! by reluctant_commenter in LGBmemes

[–]reluctant_commenter[S,M] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I can't control how you perceive me, and I can tell you that I certainly don't intend to seem condescending! I'm sorry if I came across that way. I'm just trying to be clear about what the rules are on this sub, since you broke them.

If you have any questions about what the rules are, let me know. Otherwise, I think we're at the end of this conversation. Have a good one.

And in this episode of 'I Hate It Here': by DickFreeBacon in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Aw, thanks Elvira :)

Updated rules! by reluctant_commenter in LGBmemes

[–]reluctant_commenter[S,M] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I don't mod on those subs and I can't justify or explain the decisions of mods of other subs. I'm sorry to hear that you were banned from there. This sub is really not intended to be a debate sub, though; s/LGBmemes is for memes. You could try s/GCdebatesQT? I've talked with a few people over the last several months about maybe starting a s/askLGB or s/askLGBdropthetT; it sounds like you might be interested in something like that. This sub is my current priority, though.

I'm going to have to remove your comment for "Disallowed Language", though, like I said. These rules are like boundaries; you don't have to participate here if you don't want to, but if you do want to participate here, you need to respect them.

Updated rules! by reluctant_commenter in LGBmemes

[–]reluctant_commenter[S,M] 1 insightful - 3 fun1 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Unfortunately, it does exist, despite your apparent lack of belief that it does. That's just reality, and from here on out I'll be removing comments or posts that promote it, minimize its harms, or deny its existence-- including comments like the ones you made on the other post (and this one). It sounds like you may not have had much experience with it personally. However, I've talked to many other bisexual people who have been affected by it, and I'd like for this sub to be a welcoming place for all LGB people, not just ones who aren't affected by biphobia (or homophobia, or any particular type of experience that happens to a subset of LGB people).

Furthermore, one doesn't have to be bisexual in order to know that biphobia exists. It's an observable phenomenon with a clear definition and there are many examples of it happening. It's also worth noting that bisexual erasure negatively harms homosexual (L/G) people as well, pressuring some bisexual people to be in the closet about their bisexuality and claim that they're gay/lesbian when they're not.

If you're not sure what I mean by biphobia, I gave you a clear example of it in this post. However, if you're looking to engage in a debate about biphobia (or a debate about anything, really), this is the wrong sub to do it on. I suggest s/LGBDroptheT, or when the mods eventually open it, s/LGB.

CEO of local disabilities charity praises rainbow crosswalks for representing diversity "not just with gender, but with disability and race" by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah I don't understand why (some) people think that's empowering.

How can I date and find a boyfriend if I am a gay transgender man who doesn't pass... by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Goes to show equally disgustingly fetishistic and homophobic women are

That, my friend, is called a "broad generalization" and that statement does imply that women, generally speaking, are "fetishistic and homophobic" by nature. Which does technically allow for exceptions but it IS, in fact, stereotyping and applying a generalization to all women.

The sidebar says don't make broad generalizations. That's one of them. I'm calling it out, because it's bullshit.

Does that make a little more sense?

How can I date and find a boyfriend if I am a gay transgender man who doesn't pass... by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That statement was a part of the problem, as well as bringing RadFems into the conversation for literally no reason. Sound familiar to anyone?

I think the guy I was replying to didn't realize that there is a troll on this sub who keeps making accounts like this, so out of context, they probably thought a ban for a comment was unreasonable. I think that's where the confusion came from.

It's interesting to me that no one is thinking twice about

I did actually think about it and it bothered me, lol. But I wasn't quite sure how to address it, so I just picked a different broad generalization to start with. I grew up hearing a lot of sexist comments like that myself, so I sometimes find it hard to articulate what specifically is logically unreasonable about them when I see them.

Change the sexualities around to one of LGB, and there would be a riot about homophobia/biphobia, and how wrong it is to make such broad, sweeping statements. If it's not OK to generalize LGB like that, it's also not OK to generalize straight people either.

Completely agree.

How can I date and find a boyfriend if I am a gay transgender man who doesn't pass... by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I do think the comment should have been removed per the rules. But I hear you; I'm not sure if you are aware, but there is a troll who has made tons of accounts and keeps harassing this sub; that comment sounded suspiciously like that troll, so that might've been why the account got banned.

LGBTQ memes are full of stereotypes and group-signaling, not actual lived experiences by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ah, that makes sense, yeah the age gap might be part of the difference. I'm in my early 20s. Generally speaking, I believe people when they tell me their sexual orientation, but there have been several people I've met who seem very likely to just be experimenting. I knew someone in college who self-identified as lesbian but regularly had sex with men... like dude, I'm not sure you know what that word means, lol.

Mission: Investigate: Trans children (Swedish with subtitles) Must see and quite harrowing. by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Good to know. I guess the top quality stuff just gets around!

And in this episode of 'I Hate It Here': by DickFreeBacon in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, exactly. That is literally what people say on Tumblr, that "if you could hypothetically be into a person of the same gender/sex, even though you're not, then you're bisexual" lol I could hypothetically turn into a chicken and fly off into the sunset but that's not gonna happen for multiple reasons.

How can I date and find a boyfriend if I am a gay transgender man who doesn't pass... by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That guy was suggesting that "all women are fetishistic and homophobic," which is bullshit and an overly broad generalization. Do you honestly think that's a reasonable statement to make? As a counterexample, there are a lot of women on this sub who aren't homophobic or fetishistic...

How can I date and find a boyfriend if I am a gay transgender man who doesn't pass... by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Yup, knew a guy in high school who did the same.

How can I date and find a boyfriend if I am a gay transgender man who doesn't pass... by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Trans rights activists probably won't go after monogamy as a major part of their efforts, though, because there are too many monogamous straight couples. LGB people are an easier target because there are fewer of us.

And in this episode of 'I Hate It Here': by DickFreeBacon in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Who, bisexuals? I dunno... the T and Q are leading this gravy train, not the B.

I think a lot of people who say "I'm bisexual, I'm so openminded!1!1!" are just LARPing straight people who don't know what bisexual means, either.

And in this episode of 'I Hate It Here': by DickFreeBacon in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I hear you. I think homosexual people need to do a better job of including bisexuality in conversations about same-sex rights and issues. It is its own legitimate thing, and it has its own set of unique experiences. (This is part of why I am more supportive of LGB Alliance than I am of LGN.)

Which is how we end up with bisexual people who call themselves gay or straight. Because they really believe that they are. There's no third option, after all. And that way lies "lesbians who like dick/gay men who like pussy"... which isn't good for ANY of us :(

Yup exactly. It is in everyone's best interest to call out bisexual erasure when it happens! That does affect L/G people, whether we take the time to call it out or not.

And in this episode of 'I Hate It Here': by DickFreeBacon in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

And there are straight men and women who call themselves gay/lesbian. And straight people who say they're bisexual but have no same-sex interest. I've met people like this IRL; the cognitive dissonance is staggering to witness.

TRAs understand lesbians so much better than lesbians themselves by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Disgusting homophobia. This sort of claim is called "progressive" by some, but it's just a repeat of the same old message: "GNC women are wannabe men." Ironically, the person saying this is a man who wants to be a woman.

Mission: Investigate: Trans children (Swedish with subtitles) Must see and quite harrowing. by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Just started watching but this looks amazing. Thanks for sharing.

Where'd you find this? I sometimes worry that we're missing a lot of content that is in other languages than English.

The rise of woke homophobia, with James Dreyfus | The Brendan O'Neill Show by xandit in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Great video. I appreciate him bringing attention to these issues.

At 30:13:

Yes, it's conversion therapy, it's called transing away the gay, there's been numerous examples, numerous videos of mothers, especially in America, saying, "There's no way I'm going to have a gay son, my husband won't have that, so-- you know, he played with a girl, so we made this decision and he said yes"-- well of course he said yes, he's four fucking years old...

...And this is a big move to take, to put these kids on what chemically castrated Alan Turing-- which, and it does do irreversible damage; and your brain isn't fully formed til you're 25. So of course you've got this confusion, because nobody really wants a f***** son, and nobody really wants a lesbian daughter anymore... This is what's astonishing to me, is that homophobia's back...

At 47:10:

When people ask you, "What are your pronouns?" This is not a question. This is a test. Because if you don't answer: "Oh, um, he him," immediately, and you say to them "Oh you can just call me James"-- "oh. Oh." That person will go to someone else: "He's a transphobe." It's a test.

They go on to talk about Monty Python's Life of Brian. A breath of fresh air.

Wrong target audience by reluctant_commenter in LGBmemes

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hope this hasn't ever happened to anyone here by reluctant_commenter in LGBmemes

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Joy Behar slammed for telling gay people to just “come out” and “see what happens” by PatsyStone in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I am so sorry that happened to you. That's horrific.

Hope you've been able to find some peace after that event. I appreciate you sharing your story. I think many straight people underestimate the real dangers of coming out around people who violently hate LGB people.

LGBTQ memes are full of stereotypes and group-signaling, not actual lived experiences by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

as long as people understand it's not compulsory and just do it because they want to.

That's the key part. I agree with your view. However, the people I am talking about would likely not. My own experience with LGBTQ-identifying people my age has been that whenever I try to emphasize this (the point that you made), I am met with hostility and derision. I've been asked before if I feel bad about being gay just because I don't often wear clothes with rainbows on them. Seriously, people??

Some people might be actively changing their behaviour in a way that is more reflective of who they are, because they feel like they now have permission to do so.

Some, but not others. A good example: US Democratic candidate Pete Buttigieg, who is gay, was criticized by many in the LGBTQ+ movement as "being too straight". He is literally a gay man with a husband, but just because he doesn't live up to the expectations of the LGBTQ community, people claimed he must be "secretly straight" or something. That's just ridiculous.

CEO of local disabilities charity praises rainbow crosswalks for representing diversity "not just with gender, but with disability and race" by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

He actually admits in the article that it could harm people with impaired vision:

"The problem is not necessarily people who are blind but people with low vision, perhaps elderly people who might be confused by it because it’s not what they expect"

NHS trust 'believes all girls who don't like pink must be transgender', says Dr. David Bell - Daily Mail article (UK) by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Same here. It's total bullshit that one specific individual preference for a color is seen by many in the trans rights movements as a sign that children are "born in the wrong body." Same sexism, new marketing spin.

Shut your damn mouth and listen to the trans women by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 4 insightful - 4 fun4 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

I don't know about that. Could definitely see a male TRA cutting his cargo shorts a bit shorter and calling himself a lesbian based off of that description, lol.

NHS trust 'believes all girls who don't like pink must be transgender', says Dr. David Bell - Daily Mail article (UK) by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

archive link: https://archive.md/MIemn

Shared from: https://twitter.com/Olgachristie/status/1463008062877413381

Top comments on the article:

I hated pink and still do and I am not transgender doctors are twisting things to suit there own agendas

There's something badly wrong when the NHS has money for this sort of thing but not for vital operations.

I can't read the article. I'm a woman, female and very much heterosexual. As a little girl I never liked pink or playing with dolls. I preferred lego and toy cars, climbing trees and riding my bike and no I wasn't a Tom boy either. I was a girl.

What a load of tripe. My youngest daughter didn't like barbie and preferred action man loved her garage set also played football and fought with the boys. Grew up to be one of the most feminine women ever .

Needs to be banned. Only counselling until they're adult.

CEO of local disabilities charity praises rainbow crosswalks for representing diversity "not just with gender, but with disability and race" by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Twitter link: https://twitter.com/ripx4nutmeg?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor

archive link: https://archive.md/sCHxW

I thought it was funny that this guy went out of his way to say that the rainbows represent gender/disability/race identities, but didn't mention sexual orientation. Seems the rainbow isn't for us anymore.

Does anyone else find men playing "lesbian" roles and women playing "gay man" roles problematic? by UWUness in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah of course. The only reason why this doesn't get as much backlash as when it happens with other minority groups is because LGB people are a tiny percentage of the population. And right now, gender identity beliefs are hip and trendy, whereas legitimate homosexuality/bisexuality isn't.

Their deranged obsession with being lesbians by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The "gay stereotypes" that they co-opt like drag and lesbian fashion' are things that we created to find each other in a heterosexist world NOT the things that define our group.

I love how you put this. Succinct.

Their deranged obsession with being lesbians by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

The optimistic side of me is hoping she is actually lesbian but just brainwashed into this nb, mogai stuff.

Perhaps terrible of me to say, but-- I hope she's not, because I would hope that the people in my dating pool are not this lacking in critical thinking skills. Lol

Their deranged obsession with being lesbians by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

"We're not even gonna get into how pronouns don't equate to gender"

Oh, really? So you don't need me to use your special pronouns, then? Good to know, thanks.

Autigender and ADHDgender by jay-day in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I bet this person is "self-diagnosed"... which is not a real or legitimate form of diagnosis. So they're doubly colonizing invisible minority groups: people with neurodevelopmental disorders AND people who are LGB. Awesome.

Do you ever try to peak people? by superbi in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yup, I agree with that strategy. I think it's more persuasive when it's a relevant issue that comes up, rather than listing a bunch of issues at once-- unless it's someone who really seems curious to talk at length on the subject.

Do you ever try to peak people? by superbi in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't know that one party or the other is a particularly better option, at least in the US (I'm guessing you're referring to the Conservative party in the UK). But I agree, it would be amazing to get this sub that big.

If I have more time, I'd like to go do some advertising for this sub on LGB-friendly Youtube channels and Twitter threads, that sort of thing. I bet there are a lot of people on non-Reddit platforms who don't even know we exist!

Do you ever try to peak people? by superbi in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah I have tried, several times.

So far:

  • I told one straight friend about homophobia in the trans movement, and her reaction was complete indifference. Which I found a little dismaying; I was hoping she'd at least express some sort of empathy for how it affects LGB people, but I'm also relieved that she doesn't mind at all what my views are on the subject.

  • I told two separate friends of mine who are straight guys, and they were both in complete agreement and had criticisms of the trans rights movement, and scoffed at people virtual signaling. They didn't seem very interested in discussing the more harmful side of gender identity ideology, though, just the cringe. Which I don't mind joking about a bit, but it doesn't make for a very substantive conversation, unfortunately.

  • I told a close friend I've known for years, about r/AL and the whole "cotton ceiling" BS. I had to go slow, but I've slowly gotten into conversations with him about the big stuff-- transing children, the definition of gender identity, what should society ideally do to be actually accepting of gender-nonconforming people, etc. It felt so nice to be able to just talk to someone about it.

But with all these people, I've been very wary when starting conversations about homophobia within LGBTQ+ communities. Criticizing the TQ+ movement is socially taboo, at least where I live. I still have never just had a 100% unfiltered, "speak my mind freely" type of conversation with anyone about this topic, IRL. Currently, the only place I can do that is this sub. Which is why I appreciate you people so much :)

Just found this sub! by BonesReds in LGBmemes

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It really reminds me of 5-10 years ago when we could be gay and make some jokes about it without the TQ coming in and starting their spiel about how "transphobic" we are.

Wow, I'm so glad!! That makes me so happy to hear :) I am too young and also came out too late to have participated in that era, so I don't know what that was like but I so wish I did. If it seems like we're re-creating that atmosphere, then I am really glad to hear it! Thanks for posting, and yeah feel free to drop some memes!

One of the realities of biological sex... by reluctant_commenter in LGBmemes

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah it seems like it must've been on purpose, haha.

LGBTQ memes are full of stereotypes and group-signaling, not actual lived experiences by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

But I knew no lesbian, and my mental image was full of stereotypes, so I felt too unique, if that makes sense.

Yes, it does!! At least to me. I was told by homophobic family members that "all lesbians shave their heads" and ridiculous stuff like that; that's a large part of why I assumed for so long that I couldn't possibly be lesbian. These things may seem trivial to many people but they can really confuse people who are LGB and don't realize it, and are also under the pressure of living in a homophobic culture.

So I hyperfocused on those silly details and examined each and every one of them under a microscope to find something, one tiny thing, that could fit me.

Yeah I think that's part of why some people I know are seeking so fervently to "seem gay." I just wish they would realize that you don't have to do anything extra in order to be, you know, legitimately gay! I guess that does take some time to sink in, for some people, but.. I find it frustrating to watch.

But I think this is the root cause in many cases: the need to belong.

Yup, absolutely. Acceptance, from somebody.

Bisexual woman repeatedly assaulted by her AGP husband, called an anti-trans bigot when sharing her story - article by Jo Bartosch by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh, I didn't realize he interviewed her! Thank you for sharing.

Bisexual woman repeatedly assaulted by her AGP husband, called an anti-trans bigot when sharing her story - article by Jo Bartosch by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That's a good question. I'm not sure, but I'll take a look.

Bisexual woman repeatedly assaulted by her AGP husband, called an anti-trans bigot when sharing her story - article by Jo Bartosch by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

CW: rape, domestic violence, child neglect and abuse.

This story is really, really disturbing, so if you're not feeling well today, you might want to take a pass on this one; it'll probably make you feel worse.

I want to highlight a part of this story that is particularly relevant to this sub's focus on LGB issues. This autogynephilic man specifically pressured his wife into having sex with him by suggesting that she "wasn't a legitimate bisexual" if she didn't have sex with him:

Herself a victim of childhood sexual abuse, Jennifer opened up about her own experiences and feelings. When she told him that she thought she was bisexual, he used it against her. She explains that soon he began to demand they had sex when he was in his “woman” clothes and persona. Jennifer “didn’t like it and told him so.”

“But he began to mess with my mind. He would say ‘I thought you said you were bisexual. I’m a lesbian because I’m a woman inside so — why wouldn’t you sleep with me as a woman? I’m a woman too, and you’re hurting me.’ I didn’t want to be cruel to this person I was already in love with. He often told me I was snotty or closed-minded and I began to doubt myself.”

Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting, appalling behavior, this manipulation and all his other actions throughout the story. I wanted to highlight this specifically, though, because I think this guy was very intentionally manipulating her using a common biphobic stereotype about bisexual women, that they are not really bisexual and are just straight unless they "prove" it.

I think this story illustrates the depths of manipulation which many of these predatory AGP men are delighted to descend to. This poor woman. We need to talk about AGP frankly and openly, and we need a better world for people like her who are afraid to come forward.

Twitter discussion: https://mobile.twitter.com/jo_bartosch/status/1462164225602859009

LGBT+ casting in London, they say they want diversity by jet199 in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Pretty sure "cis" LGB people don't win any diversity points these days, lol.

Gay dating at 9 years old... by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

WTF? That guy claims to be 21 and being a single father to a nine year old?

Yeah wtf. I'm leaning towards your suggestion as well, not convinced this isn't a LARPer.

Gay dating at 9 years old... by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

OP reports on their profile that they are 21 years old with a 9 y/o son. Unless the son is adopted, seems a little unlikely to me. FtM trying to RP as a father, maybe?

Account was created about 5 days ago.

Trans lobby group Stonewall brands lesbians 'sexual racists' by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That's true! I was just thinking, I don't think I've ever actually heard them described that way in a mainstream news article. Functionally speaking, it's accurate; I wouldn't be surprised if they'll try and go after Daily Mail and get it changed because on paper they claim to represent other groups.

Sunday Social - open chat! by TumbleweedFireflies in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Once again, I cannot remember what I was going to write on the Sunday thread this week and will probably remember in a day or two.

I have several projects, longer posts and whatnot, for this sub that I'd very much like to get started on, but stuff IRL's been way too busy for me to get a chance to, yet.

It's really bracing to see all the attention that LGB issues are finally getting in the UK. Now I'm sitting here wondering when, if ever (goes the thought), some of that will soak over to the US. It feels like no one's paying attention to LGB issues over here :/ but then, I remind myself that before the Keira Bell ruling, we were all wondering, "when's this finally gonna hit mainstream?" And now it has, in some countries. So even if it feels forever away here in the US, it probably isn't.

Sunday Social - open chat! by TumbleweedFireflies in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Well, they showed up, but wouldn't have affect their score if they hadn't, apparently. Lol

Can you help me respond to this homophobic question please? by UWUness in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Turns out it was a TRA. Funny how many TRAs sound exactly like classic conservative homophobes; they often use the same arguments, so it really is hard to tell sometimes.

Trans lobby group Stonewall brands lesbians 'sexual racists' by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Fixed it for them. No qualifier needed, good lordy!

Thank you. Many news articles poorly communicate this point.

Trans lobby group Stonewall brands lesbians 'sexual racists' by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]reluctant_commenter 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I saw this article earlier. Wow. Just wow. They just come right out and say it. The "cotton ceiling" concept is not sexual racism, whatever the fuck that means. It is a homophobic argument that an extremely vocal minority of straight men are using in an attempt to pressure lesbian women into having sex with them.

I am super glad this article came out. However, I do wish they had tried to make the title clearer. The comments section is filled with people who were confused by the title. It is rather long, and if you're not familiar with this topic at all, I could easily see why people would find it confusing. Because the whole thing's so ludicrous!