all 78 comments

[–]verystablegenius 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

accepting queer theory and the trans narrative. such a turn off

[–][deleted] 20 insightful - 2 fun20 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 2 fun -  (31 children)

A constant need to fill silence. It drives me insane.

[–][deleted] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Being in silence with your partner is a great indicator of comfort

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 5 fun3 insightful - 4 fun4 insightful - 5 fun -  (1 child)

It’s was also an indicator if I’m repeating STFU over and over in my head that it was time for a break up

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Loooooooool

[–]lmaonope333 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (26 children)

I had a FWB who'd constantly tell me I need to talk more because she's uncomfortable with silence...

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It’s not like I don’t talk, I just really like calm and quiet. But FFS there’s no need for running commentary on everything that’s happening.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (24 children)

Like during sex? Lolol

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 3 fun -  (22 children)

Lol that maybe the only time it’s acceptable to give a play by play

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (21 children)

It sure is! I’m like “Tell me more!”

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (20 children)

Nothing’s worse then having sex with someone who gives little to no input or goes totally silent. It’s a god damn team sport fucking communicate!

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (19 children)

I always figure she’s concentrating. Lol. But no input whatsoever makes me wonder if she’s fallen asleep. Which as happened. Lol. There is such a thing as too long of sex sessions

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 4 fun -  (18 children)

I fell asleep on someone, got woken up by a slap across the face.

[–]Freetochoose 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I busted out laughing after reading this. Lolol!

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (16 children)

Like a hot slap or not so much? Lol.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (15 children)

Like the kind where you get yelled at after for being an asshole lol

[–]lmaonope333 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

no like whenever we were hanging out or going on walks she expected me to constantly entertain her with a stream of useless commentary

[–]knownasness 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

hell yeah! i love silence. sometimes you just need to shut the fuck up. i don't get why so many people have a problem with that. silence is never awkward to me.

[–]plotbunny 20 insightful - 2 fun20 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Someone without a backbone and self-confidence and who acts like a doormat. Differences of opinion make life interesting. I can't stand when someone agrees with everybody and has no strong convictions about anything.

[–]BigMommyMilkers 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I second this.

[–]Dravidian 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh, closely related for me - someone that isn't out and that cares mroe about what her family thinks than how to be happy living her life with me. I've been with hesitant lesbians or bi girls that only wanted to live in the shadows and tell their parents they were dating a dude. I hated every damn minute of it.

My current fiancée told everybody that didn't accept her to fuck off and crossed the country to be with me. No pussyfooting about moms not being open minded.

[–]emilyprentiss 17 insightful - 2 fun17 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Dishonesty/not being authentic. For me, lying is unnecessary at best, and destructive at worst.

I don't judge people for their passions and interests. I think people are most attractive when they have passions and interests of their own, and aren't embarrassed to be dorky about it. When someone downplays or covers up who they are to impress the people around them, it's an immediate turn-off.

[–]RedditHatesLesbians 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Absolutely this, was going to comment something very similar. Confidence is so alluring, no matter how embarrassing you think your interest/passion is, own it anyway!

[–]emilyprentiss 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes! Especially dating. Out with your passion for Scrabble! It’s adorable and anyway you can’t hide forever!!!

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    yes despite what the internet says being filthy is not quirky or cute or a sign of higher intelligence and creativity.

    [–]knownasness 5 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

    is that what your part of the internet is saying? mine is saying filth is ok because its a sign of a depression and you cant help being depressed. it's a shit part of the internet.

    [–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I've read the crap about messy people being more creative. If I don't organize my space, I feel depressed and unmotivated to create anything.

    [–]SerpensInferna 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    1. Affected helplessness.

    2. Being a 'mean girl'.

    3. Littering.

    4. Lately, wokeness.

    [–]TarshishJupiter 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    I would agree with you there - that's pretty unattractive.

    My biggest turn-off is someone who interrupts you to claim that her views are better than yours - someone who doesn't listen or even debate in a friendly way, but rather gets mad if you don't share every single idea with her. The reason this is so much of a deal-breaker to me is that I know I'm not going to share every value or view with someone, so I need someone who knows how to distinguish what's important and what's not.

    Shout-out to the guy I worked with who would do this over minuscule topics, such as whether Bach was "objectively the best composer ever", or whether men could write movies from the perspective of women without consulting them. It made me realize how annoying this trait was.

    [–]ColdSoup[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Completely agree with everything you've said here. I think the interrupting thing is a very male trait, but I've met women like that too. It's a type of arrogance where men are always trying to teach women things. I hate people who see a conversation as waiting for their turn to speak in general.

    [–]Lessom 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Poor hygiene and bad manners.

    [–]MyLongestJourney 13 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

    1.Poor hygiene.

    2.Personality disorders.

    3.Stupidity.

    [–]Depressed 13 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

    When someone bases their personality on categories like zodiacs, that 16 personalities test or "being an empath." Also when people are obsessed with labels in general and their whole identity is just a host of labels and adjectives. It's so off-putting because I feel like those people are trying to be quirky while only succeeding in being totally blasé, and they also box themselves into categories. Just be yourself. Let the label describe the behaviour, don't behave to match the label.

    [–]carrotcake 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I'm not speaking for everyone but most people I've met that claimed they were an "empath" were not empathetic at all in a day to day basis. Sure everyone is empathetic in some areas but this word just rubs me the wrong way.

    [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    Dang I keep seeing people really dislike "empaths" here. I wouldn't say I'm one, and I've never met anyone who claims to be one. Where are y'all finding these people?

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      This makes a lot of sense. Thank you for clarifying for someone who is inexperienced with what everyone is talking about.

      [–][deleted] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      Lack of passion or drive.

      I want a person who has goals in life. Whose eyes light up when they speak about things they like and/or are working on. Someone who is curious about things in life and explores them.

      I’m pretty lucky there with my gf, but yea it’s something that bothered when I dated before.

      [–]CJLez 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

      People who live for gossip. Do I find hearing that person ABC did thing XYZ interesting? Occasionally, sure. I can't stand people who treat other's lives like real-life soap operas though, it just feels quite boring to live through other people.

      Plus, if they're willing to gossip to me then they'd be willing to gossip about me and I wouldn't feel comfortable opening up to them about my past or my family if I thought it would get spread around to all and sundry.

      [–]knownasness 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

      tardiness. i can understand if you're late once or twice, but it shouldn't be a habit. i need you to respect my time like i respect yours. there was one woman that i liked in almost every way but she was constantly tardy so i had to let her go. literally begged me to hang out all the time, but whenever we made plans, she was always late. not 5 or 10 mins, like.. an hour. i can't get down with that. we lasted 2 dates/3 hang outs before i said i'm good. it sucks cause she was dope and i was excited to get to know her more.. but if you can't manage your time properly then we will never work. i'm always at least 15 mins early anywhere.

      [–][deleted] 7 insightful - 3 fun7 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 3 fun -  (11 children)

      Trying to communicate a grievance to a partner and having her make it all about her own feelings.

      [–][deleted] 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (10 children)

      I thought everyone loved it when someone tries to pull some slick ass mental kung fu moves and try to make it sound like you’re the problem that you’re having with them.

      [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

      I had an almost 4 year relationship with someone who did that repeatedly. Lol. I was always so confused. Recently one of my friends did the same thing to me and i was like “Just stop talking if all you want is to turn this into a situation where I am expected to reassure YOU.” My friend had a mega tantrum after that. Some people can’t handle a boundary

      [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (8 children)

      I would have ended up on an episode of snapped after a few moths of dating someone like that.

      [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

      I’m a sucker sometimes when i love someone. I was a bigtime sucker in that relationship. But i think after a while it kind of takes you out of reality a bit and into your partners sort of crazy reality and you end up just crunching yourself down to make things work, when that really doesn’t help. That’s what i did, at least. I can be so strong and then turn into a dumb pretzel for a gf

      [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

      I’ve always had the opposite problem. I lock in and hold my ground very easily. My wife and I have only be in one fight, it lasted 2 weeks because we are both very head strong. We came to the agreement to just talk it out any time we feel any type of way about things because if we don’t shit gets very awkward.

      [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

      Omg i would not survive a two week fight. If anything makes me ready to hit the road it’s being withdrawn from and the silent treatment. Lol. Did you guys just not speak for that whole time? I can’t even imagine the level of fury I would have reached by the time 2 weeks had passed. I would be melting the scenery within 10 feet of me with my burning anger.

      [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

      It was what the fight that ended all fights. She wanted me to quit chasing shows and amateur rodeo and finally be home all year round, I however wanted to do whatever the hell I felt like. We went at each other for about an hour, I left the house, then she moved my stuff into a guest room and we didn’t talk for 2 weeks. My never being willing to compromise is what really lead to it. In the end she won, but it was for the best I basically have been surviving Gabapentin and muscle relaxers for the past 15 years from all the good and crazy times I’ve had. Her main point was I was destroying myself chasing a dream. My point was I don’t care, I do what I want.

      [–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

      I’m on her side. Lol.

      You either:

      A) want a partner

      Or,

      B) want to do what you want, when you want to do it, and how you want to do it

      Those are two incompatible ways to exist. I dumped a woman for that exact thing. I would have been REALLY torn with you though because it would be really hard to tell the woman I love that she needs to stop having a dream to be home with me. I bet it took her a good while to even make that ultimatum.

      But you sound like a stubborn ass and that’s why you love that ass of yours so much. Kindred spirits. What a handful. You’re wife is probably better at wrangling women than you, low key, so as to not hurt your cowgirl pride and all.

      [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

      I probably helps that she’s about 9 years older then me. I spent a lot of time purposely dating women that were easily ran over, she’s not one of them. When we first met she wanted nothing to do with me, can’t blame her I was 30 and sleeping with 23 year olds and doing what I wanted because I knew that would let me. It’s been stated several times that I was a fixer upper project for her lol.

      [–]yousaythosethings 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      Lack of passion and curiosity about anything. She doesn’t have to be into all my interests but if she doesn’t really seem to be interested or excited about anything? That would feel really dull.

      [–]Mobymaybe 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      This was my ex and when I realized this about her, and it killed the relationship pretty quick. She had no hobbies or interests. She never traveled anywhere. Hadn’t ever been on a plane. No career aspirations. I’m surprised we lasted 3.5 months.

      [–]begonia_skies 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

      I would say bad hygiene, untidy (i.e. their apartment is a mess and dirty), unhealthy habits such as smoking or a poor diet, and poor money management.

      [–][deleted]  (3 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]begonia_skies 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

        Honestly, just planning out your meals before you go to the grocery store and cooking large portions that you can have as leftovers are the best way to eat healthily and save money. For example, I love chipotle but it's expensive, so I found a chipotle chicken copycat recipe and then just add some brown rice, black beans, lettuce, and guacamole and there you go! I will make enough to last about 4 days. I also buy frozen, canned, and fresh vegetables. I'll roast the fresh vegetables after shopping (I like baby asparagus and broccolini) and then later in the week use the canned or frozen vegetables, yes they lack slightly compared to fresh veggies, but it's better than not eating vegetables. I also eat a few pieces of fruit a day, I just bring them to work with me and that will be my snack. Nothing is worse than buying fruit and not eating it and throwing it out, so I try and stick with things I know I like and that I will eat, for me that is bananas, kiwis, oranges, and peaches.

        I also just don't buy "snacks" so that forces me to snack on fruit, nuts, or vegetables like carrots. It probably sounds insane, but I never buy chips, ice cream, cookies, etc. If I don't own it, I can't eat it. I also don't drink any soda, it's terrible for you and loaded with sugar. So I save money on snacks and soda. I hope that helped, lol.

        [–]knownasness 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        definitely get a deep freezer, it helps! i go to costco every 3 or 4 months and stock up on meat. it's not feasible for everyone but you can get a ton of chicken for like $60(also the cost of membership) and produce is never too expensive regardless where you go. i can't eat starchy foods, but if i could i would load up on rice, potatoes, beans and pastas too. all super cheap wherever you go. if you don't like to cook every night you can make it all at once and throw it in the freezer, just hit up the dollar store and load up on containers and get to work! yummly.com is my go to for recipes. you can filter it so that it includes ingredients you have or don't have.

        [–]Rubyredpython 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        Someone who talks down to or treats those in customer service or service industry badly.

        Poor hygiene/grooming

        Someone pessimistic. I'm a happy, optimistic person and won't rain on my own parade.

        Someone shorter than me. I'm really short and like dating women taller than me.

        [–]Spiritual_ 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        bad listening skills, cutting off other people who are talking, being so self absorbed and just talking about themselves the whole time or somehow find a way to make any topic about themselves.

        [–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        Entitlement. When someone feels entitled. Wokeness is a form of entitlement. At least that's the way it's comming across these days.

        [–]southpaw 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        Arrogance and/or not being motivated to do anything. I think out of the two, arrogance is the bigger turnoff for me.

        [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        Not wanting to be mature and refusing any responsibility is a major turnoff. My ex lived with her parents, and did nothing productive. Her mom had to make her help around the house. She believed her parents were supposed to take care of her, and encouraged me to mooch off mine. She was in her 30s.

        [–]Aurelius 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        Eghh... Myself. Besides that, if she was negative a lot of the time and talks shit about others. It's fine if you want to complain sometimes, but every day vitriol makes me feel uneasy.

        On the flip side, being optimistic and chill while going with the flow is quite affective. I'm working on myself being that way by practicing buddhism.

        [–]HelloMomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        Vaping. I feel like, along with wokeness, vaping is the second thing taking over my generation. And because it smells less viscerally repulsive than tobacco smoke, people who would never smoke inside will vape inside. Like dude, I thought you were better than this?