Conservative vs Woke Homophobia

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-09-26T13:29:25+00:00

I'd rather have old-school homophobia. Better to have homophobes picketing outside our spaces than demanding that we roll out the rainbow carpet and welcome them with open arms (and open legs).

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-09-19T15:00:55+00:00

Yeah, but I think a person who is legally and culturally Japanese could very reasonably say "I am Japanese" even if she were not ethnically Japanese. (I grant you that people who meet this description are rare, but they do exist; I have met one.) Pinning down ethnicity and nationality can be complex—people immigrate, people hold dual citizenship, people come from mixed-ethnicity backgrounds. With rare exceptions for intersex people, sex is always straightforward.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-09-12T10:21:07+00:00

Japan is not generous about granting citizenship, but it is possible to become a Japanese citizen, especially if you marry into it. It's also theoretically possible—not likely, but possible—that she could have been adopted by a Japanese family as a child and grown up in Japan, learned Japanese as a first language, experienced Japanese culture as her native culture, and so on.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-09-04T23:20:16+00:00

Biden.

Significantly lesser of two evils 2020.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-09-04T23:16:42+00:00

Absolutely. There's close to zero question in my mind.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-08-24T23:24:25+00:00

It's UK English—they say "sport" instead of "sports."

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-08-21T01:44:17+00:00

I don't want female bisexuality (or homosexuality) to be stigmatized, but neither do I want it to be glamorized. Being bi/lesbian (or claiming to be) shouldn't make anyone exotic or exciting; it should be a minor statistical anomaly no more interesting than having type AB blood.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-08-06T21:24:43+00:00

This accidentally ventures close to the unspeakable truth: many MtFs transition because they desperately wish to be lesbians, and many FtMs transition because they desperately wish to be gay men. "Gaygender" is unwitting code for autohomoeroticism, and "lesbiangender" for the subset of AGP that r/itsafetish used to call autosapphoeroticism.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-08-06T21:18:10+00:00

I'll grant you that the penis and the clitoris are homologous structures (this is not true for the penis and the vagina), but homology is not homonymy. You might as well ask why arms aren't wings—after all, human arms develop in utero from upper limb buds, just like bird wings and bat wings.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-08-02T14:40:28+00:00

"Mom . . . Dad . . . I don't want to have casual hook-ups or one-night stands. I only want to have sex with someone after we've formed a strong emotional bond."

Yeah, kid, no one's going to beat you or throw you out on the streets for making that announcement.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-31T03:06:36+00:00

I'd describe my personal style as "got dressed in the dark at REI"

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-29T03:58:40+00:00

This reeks of internalized misogyny and frustrated fujo. Sorry, @fuckterfss, but hating other women won't make you hate yourself less. You should find a better hobby than snarling into the digital void while you wait for your seme yaoi hasubando, because you're gong to be waiting a long time.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-29T03:43:15+00:00

I have no issue with trans people being parents—I'm sure there are individual trans people who have no business raising children, but that's true of many non-trans individuals as well.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-27T03:57:57+00:00

Biden. Lesser of two evils, particularly when it comes to environmental protections/global warming and reproductive rights. I just hope he surrounds himself with good advisers, because I do fear that he is in the early stages of dementia. And I'm also praying that RBG will hang on until January.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-27T03:36:41+00:00

JasmineTheGothBunny

CowboysLovingBoys

AceOfQuiddles

. . . could there be any three user names that more perfectly embody autogynephilia, autohomoeroticism, and attention-seeking gender woo respectively?

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-27T01:48:48+00:00

How to do it safely

Don't.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-27T01:18:24+00:00

Average masculine (39%), low feminine (33%), undifferentiated androgynous.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-25T03:16:01+00:00

Countless genderists have invoked Buck Angel as proof that TMAM. "Would you be comfortable sharing a restroom with someone who looks like Buck Angel?" they demand. "Would you, as a lesbian, be attracted to someone who looks like Buck Angel?" When I first waded into the GC vs. QT fray, I didn't have a clear mental picture of Buck Angel, so I did a Google Image search, which means that I have seen quite a bit of Buck Angel's vulva. So yup, I'm pretty darn comfortable calling her "she."

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-23T17:55:54+00:00

This, but with wasabi.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-23T17:38:59+00:00

Lo these many moons ago, I wrote a comment (on topic) on r/LesbianActually arguing that lesbians didn't have to apologize for loving pussy and having no interest in dick. You can guess how well that went over with the mods.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-23T02:49:24+00:00

I don't believe you read any of the linked sources; I believe you skimmed until you found the first thing you could attack.

I need to walk the dog, but let me very quickly respond to this in particular:

Regarding the Pew poll, soooo what? Men and women are not interchangeable and are different. What people would want out of men or women is obviously also going to be different. I don't get what you think this proves.

You really think that it is not indicative of misogyny that the trait most highly valued in women is attractiveness? Really?

Just to confirm—apparently you also believe that compelling women to carry unwanted pregnancies to term has nothing to do with systemic sexism? You don't see at all see how restricting abortion access has anything to do with restricting women's rights?

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-23T02:07:05+00:00

Yeah, sure. You're obviously extremely familiar with feminism, which is why you think Judith Butler is a radical feminist.

Let's start with four claims. Which of the following do you doubt? On what grounds do you reject the evidence linked?

Systemic bias against female job candidates pervades many fields. Reams of studies have shown that employers tend to rate fictional female candidates as less hireable and less competent than equally-qualified male candidates.

http://faculty.fiu.edu/~aeaton/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Eaton-Saunders-Jacobson-West-2019.pdf

https://www.insidehighered.com/news/2012/09/21/study-offers-new-evidence-scientists-are-biased-against-women

https://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/why-employers-favor-men

Women in heterosexual relationships perform the lion's share of childcare, often driving them onto the "mommy track" or out of the workforce altogether while their husbands' careers continue uninterrupted by fatherhood. Men can have their cake and eat it too; becoming a parent entails much greater sacrifice for women.

https://www.americanprogress.org/issues/women/reports/2018/05/18/450972/unequal-division-labor/

https://www.nber.org/papers/w16582

https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0190657

In many parts of the United States, women who wish to terminate an unwanted pregnancy will find it difficult to do so, thanks to concerted legislative efforts to restrict women's access to abortion

https://www.guttmacher.org/united-states/abortion

Girls are taught that their looks are integral to their worth in a way that boys are not. Women are encouraged to pursue often unattainable beauty ideals and viewed as lesser when they fail to live up to those ideals in a way that men are not.

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/227762679_Body_Image_and_Self-Esteem_Among_Adolescent_Girls_Testing_the_Influence_of_Sociocultural_Factors

https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2017/12/05/americans-see-different-expectations-for-men-and-women/

Now, maybe you think that women are on average less competent than men and employers reluctant to seriously consider female candidates are just exercising common sense. Maybe you think that evolution has fashioned women to be caretakers and homemakers and it is best for all concerned if they are herded into these roles. Maybe you think that women who are pregnant should carry the pregnancy to term whether they want to or not (the selfish little sluts). Maybe you think that women should be invisible if they're not ornamental because, really, what else are women good for? I suspect that these statements do describe your beliefs to some extent, because the people who deny that sex-based oppression exists will usually, if pushed, admit that what they really mean is that sex-based oppression is good and and right and natural and therefore not truly oppression at all.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-22T23:22:48+00:00

Bro, I'm not pleading. My feelings about you begin and end with mild irritation and, increasingly, a soupçon of contempt.

I'm not asking you to embrace Jesus. I'm asking you to do research—to seek hard cold evidence that might challenge your current views. I see you don't want to do that (apparently exposing oneself to information that doesn't fit one's worldview is "self-brainwashing"?), so I repeat: have a nice day.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-22T22:30:52+00:00

I'm observing the rules of this sub, which call for tolerance of a diversity of opinions. I'm also not wasting my time on a futile cause. I could spend every waking second of my existence arguing with men who believe some version of "sexism don't real (so shut your ugly cunt faces, you whiny feminazi bitches)" and even if I succeeded in changing a few minds, there would still be millions more like them. And I probably wouldn't succeed in changing many minds; perversely enough, people confronted with evidence challenging their beliefs tend to dig in and espouse those beliefs even more strongly. I've been debating online long enough to know that it's really all about scratching one's own itch to argue—and like I said, this isn't the right place and I'm not in the mood.

So here's my challenge to you: go out and collect the strongest evidence you can demonstrating that women face pervasive sexism that exerts a significant negative effect on their lives. If you like, pretend that you have been assigned to write a research paper making this argument. I'm not going to give you a reading list; I just ask that you choose sources that seem credible, or at least worthy of consideration. It's easy enough to dismiss the SJW squawking of some teen on Tumblr. But try to find some thoughtful, fact-based writing about sexism that you can't dismiss out of hand. (Or don't—your choice, of course.)

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-22T21:37:22+00:00

I'm not going to argue with you about whether sexism against women is real, common, and significant. It is, but I have better things to do than try and convince you of that. Have a nice day.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-22T20:58:15+00:00

Your point is taken—one need not be a radical feminist to reject the wackaloonery of trans activists—but for what it's worth, vanishingly few radical feminists are Butlerians. Butler is a darling of the sex-don't-real, gender-uber-alles camp.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-21T20:27:54+00:00

I worship myself

A bit on the nose, innit.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-21T19:42:07+00:00

"Gold star" lesbian here, and I don't care about anyone's gold star. I don't want to date women who are Kinsey 2 bisexuals looking to have some fun before they settle down with Mr. Right, but I certainly don't think of women who have been with men as "tainted." This is true even if we're talking about women who were with men 100% voluntarily and enjoyed it, but the fact you were raped just made makes the situation even sadder. I'm really sorry that the community has made you feel like you're not good enough, because that's not the case at all.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-21T19:35:13+00:00

My earliest memory of being attracted to women was when I was seven or eight, when I began to have fantasies about asking my teacher (a very pretty young woman) to marry me. I say "fantasies," but I should clarify that they were totally non-sexual; "day dreams" might be a better term. I was confused and embarrassed by these thoughts. I was a sheltered kid. My classmates would snicker at the word "gay," and I had absolutely no idea what they thought was funny, because I didn't know that being gay was even a thing.

A few years later, as I headed into puberty, I started having sexual thoughts about attractive female classmates and female celebrities and I developed a (retrospectively highly embarrassing) painful crush on a friend of mine. At this point, I was aware of homosexuality, and I started to suspect that maybe the word applied to me, although it took me several more years to really come to terms with that. I dated a couple of boys in high school, hated every second of it, and fortunately never went past second base. Despite suffering through some more embarrassing crushes, I didn't actually find a girlfriend until the summer after high school.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-21T19:25:51+00:00

Cynical advice: Just keep patiently swiping through the unicorn hunters, they/them genderflux demiboys, and AGPs on the dating apps until you hit jackpot and find a compatible girlfriend. And in the mean time, make some normie straight friends and hang out with them. The ᴸᴳᴮTTT community in any big democratic city is not the right place to seek friends or lovers, at least if you're a lesbian.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-21T18:35:32+00:00

Not really. I don't actively pretend to be straight (no inventing stories about boyfriends or pretending to have crushes on male celebrities or what have you), but I haven't let anyone know I'm a lesbian either. I'm friendly with my coworkers, but I'm not exactly friends. The fact that most of them are straight (or, I guess, possibly closeted bi) women makes me even more reluctant to come out; I don't want them to think that I'm creeping on them.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-21T14:02:59+00:00

Yes, so I could downvote this comment. "Neener neener neener"—which is what OP amounts to—isn't quality discourse or good praxis. It just shits up the sub.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-21T14:01:07+00:00

Amen.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-20T22:35:17+00:00

Courtesy. I've compiled my thoughts on pronoun etiquette into a handy reference guide.

Forms of pronoun-related assholery from the pro-trans camp

Asking people to use neo-pronouns
Asking people to use pronouns that are obviously incongruent with your sex and getting offended if they slip up
Expecting people to magically intuit your sex-incongruous pronouns because you're wearing eyeliner or a bowtie or whatever
Testing people for pronoun heresy—e.g., pushing them to use the "right" pronouns instead of talking around pronouns
Asking pronouns or using pronouns that aren't sex-based without being asked (GNC women are especially likely to encounter this flavor of jackassery)
Forcing employees to state pronouns in their email signatures, wear pronoun badges, etc.

Forms of pronoun-related assholery from the gender critical camp

Deliberately using sex-based pronouns to refer to a trans person in front of that trans person for the purpose of hurting their feelings and/or letting them know that you think their gender identity is silly. Being a civil adult means sometimes paying lip service to other people's pet dogma. An analogy: If a religious person says that they believe their deceased mother is watching over them from heaven, even if you're a die-hard atheist, the decent thing to do is to say "yes, I'm sure she is" instead of "your mother is dead and rotting in the ground." Saying "Titus was just telling me about his new foster dog" instead of "This woman who's calling herself, get a load of this, Titus, was just telling me about her new foster dog" is the same sort of thing.

Edited to add that I won't use "preferred pronouns" for children. If you're an adult and you've chosen to pursue transition, I can make reasonable concessions to avoid causing you psychological distress. But I refuse to do anything that sanctions or normalizes childhood transition.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-20T19:26:34+00:00

Chihuahuas can be cute, though.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-20T19:02:02+00:00

As a contrast, male-attracted trans men appear to be almost entirely a 21st century phenomenon.

Well, there was Lou Reed (the OG autohomoerotic FtM) all the way back in the eighties. But inasmuch as trans activism is a straight people's sexual "rights" movement, it makes sense that males were the first beneficiaries and females came second.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-20T18:57:18+00:00

Increasingly, I have come to perceive a fundamental incompatibility between trans ideology and feminism. There are individual trans people who are perfectly decent, even exceptional (in a good way) human beings. But the notion that men are men and women are women because of how we think and feel is inimical to women's liberation.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-20T18:47:39+00:00

Wasn't this same question posted on the old debate sub?

A man is an adult human male. Most men have penises; a few rare exceptions do not.

Neophalluses are not penises for the same reason that glass eyes aren't eyes.

Lapis_Lazuli · 2020-07-20T17:32:46+00:00

It's not just that she wants sex—she wants gay sex as a gay man. That's the fetish. It's never going to happen, but she'll ruin her body and her life chasing the impossible fantasy.

Lapis_Lazuli