all 28 comments

[–]piylot 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

What does "accepting" mean to you?

I was around 18/19 when I realised I was a lesbian. I was around 10 when I first noticed I was experiencing attraction to women- I didn't want to be gay and had read in a sex ed book that many girls experience that and it's a phase.

I'd say I was about 22/23 the first time I felt I enjoyed being a lesbian, but then I have periods of time where I don't enjoy it again.

[–]RedditHatesLesbians[S] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Accepting means to me being comfortable with it at least in your own head and not being in denial.

I realised I was attracted to girls at the same age as you, but I tried to force myself into believing I'm only bicurious for years and seriously downplayed that attraction as something "all girls experience because women are just so much more beautiful than men. Objectively in an aesthetic sort of way." This was genuinely something I said while still thinking I'm straight haha.

I think lots of women don't enjoy being a lesbian. We enjoy our attracton to women, but lesbianism is a whole kettle of fish that comes with so many issues and obstacles we wouldn't otherwise have that at times I do wish I wasn't one, even though I've accepted that part of me will never change.

[–]VioletRemi 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think lots of women don't enjoy being a lesbian. We enjoy our attracton to women, but lesbianism is a whole kettle of fish that comes with so many issues and obstacles we wouldn't otherwise have that at times I do wish I wasn't one, even though I've accepted that part of me will never change.

And it is only society failure. Society failed us.

Main problem here is that lesbians everywhere is downplayed, almost never appearing anywhere, in mainstream media they are serving only to please men's gaze (and they are bisexuals in mainstream media anyways), even in LGBT lesbians are least represented, and now with this stupid "Transwoman is woman, so their dick is lesbian dick" agenda pushing on lesbians it is even worse. And society is all time pushing on women in general about marrying men and making kids, and that is especially hard for lesbians.

[–]HelloMomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

"all girls experience because women are just so much more beautiful than men. Objectively in an aesthetic sort of way."

That was my #1 justification for years!! "It's not my opinion if it's objectively true." It framed it as not a personal thing, so I didn't have to own it.

[–]CJLez 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Age I realised - 13. Willow and Tara fell in love on Buffy and, for the first time, I finally knew that I wasn't the only woman in the world who liked women - I had previously assumed that I was just born broken somehow.

Age I accepted it - 32/33. I was watching Dragula and Louisiana Purchase talked about how they had come out in their late 30s and that the only thing they regretted was not doing it sooner and I just broke down in floods of tears. The weight of being closeted finally became too much to bear and, as the next day was my birthday, I decided to come out as my birthday present to myself.

Best damn birthday present I ever got.

[–]VioletRemi 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh yes, Buffy, and Xena with Gabriel as well. People here were saying to me, that it is fine, they are just close friends, nothing romantic or sexual. "You know, it is how close friends are lightly kissing each other or hugging in schools, it is normal to girls". And I believed them! Pfff.

[–]VioletRemi 9 insightful - 4 fun9 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

I had my first crush on girl around age of 10-11, but I learned that woman can be with another woman only around age of 20, and I accepted me being lesbian and loving women exclusively - only around age of 25-26.

[–]a_blue_bird 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I never felt like there is anything to ''accept''. It was just a fact of life.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I realized at an early age that I was different then the other girls. My mom said she knew when I was about 5. Luckily I had an awesome lesbian aunt that took me under her wing and my moms side of the family started pumping up my self confidence in hopes I could avoid her struggles. I’m glad they did or I may have missed out on the bi sexual foreign exchange student that blew that door wide open when I was 16. There was no looking back at that point.

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

good question! the age disparity between the two is depressing for me. age i knew: 5 years old. age i accepted it and went looking for a girlfriend: 29.

[–]LesChameleon 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

In hindsight, I was attracted to women even in elementary school, but I never realized it as attraction and only thought of it like "oh, that teacher/woman is just really cool". I even made out with one of my friends at 15 (but wasn't particularly attracted to her) so that kinda delayed my complete realization. Then in college I thought I was bi (at 19) and only at 23 I accepted it and came out. What really got me realize was the first time I had sex with a girl at 20. I was just so...mindblown. Even though I had no idea what I was doing and it was super short, it was still so much better than anything with a guy.

[–]blackrainbow 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

14 and 22

[–]yayblueberries 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

At around 13 I realized I was "different" from my friends at school. They wanted to talk boys and hot male celebrities. I was interested in none of it. But we didn't have cell phones/Internet back then so I didn't have any word for being into girls. Then I met other girls into girls when I was 16 and realized I was a lesbian then.

I didn't actually accept I was a lesbian until 35 thanks to how violently hateful society still is (and trying to make myself be hetero). After a whole bunch of terrible, failed relationships with men, I saw a probably lesbian couple holding hands enjoying a nature walk together and I was envious of them and acknowledged that that was what was missing from my life.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Recognized feeling attracted to women at age 16. Did not act on it until around age 21 but did not fully come out until age 27.

[–]oofreesouloo 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Realised at 14. Fully accepted myself at 16/17.

[–]Innisfree 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I knew since about age 5 but didnt have a name for it till my teens.

When I was little there was this older girl in our village - butch and cool as a cucumber. When we kids played family she was always the dad and I think I must've thought to myself hell, I reckon I'm like her. Now I said it, I wonder where did she and the other girl who played mom disappear so often (they were both about 17 then). Hmm...

[–]yousaythosethings 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

I started noticing my attraction to girls at 12/13, but I could go back and recount many examples of me being obsessed with/fixated on particular girls and also kind of a creepy child perv such as watching the “Paint Me Like One of Your French Girls, Jack” scene in Titanic on repeat on vhs whenever I was left home alone around ~10. I started opening up about my attraction to women to some close friends briefly at 17 but got kind of freaked out and went in denial mode. In college I got in a relationship with my later husband and he always knew I was attracted to women. It became more of a casual lighthearted thing we talked about though. I hate to admit it’s because society and ourselves included doesn’t take female-female sexual attraction/relationships seriously. Anyway I continued to be attracted to women and go through the constant cycle of having crushes and pushing them away. At ~30 I accepted that I wasn’t attracted to men and that my attraction to women was the beginning and end of my sexual orientation, and I accepted that that made me a lesbian and came out as such to close friends and family.

[–]Destresse 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

I was also a creepy child perv 😂

[–]yousaythosethings 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Solidarity! Glad I'm not alone.

[–]candiedDagon 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Realized my attraction to women was serious at 19. And then accepted my lack of attraction to men at 22.

[–]Destresse 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm not sure I understand your question but, there are lots of moments in childhood and teenage years that should have made it obvious to me and yet. I only see them in hindsight.

Not that I didn't notice something was... er, off. I mean, when I was 12 I was super paranoid that people would think I was a lesbian. Over the the most silly things. It's like I felt I was walking around with the word marked on my forehead and if I moved too much it would light up bright red or something. Even though I did literally nothing that could have made anyone recognize me as gay. So I guess deep down I knew?

I accepted it at 21, just shy of turning 22. It was horrible lol. I had spent so much time and energy and creativity coming up with "reasons I'm not a lesbian" and in the span of one day, decades of work went down the drain 😂 suddenly reality hit me in the face and I could do nothing but weep.

To be honest it's still hard for me. I freeze and panic when asked about my love life. I wonder why nature thought it'd be a good idea to make me gay.

[–]Shroomba 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've always had an affinity for other girls since I can remember. I realized the intensity of these feelings alongside the onset of attraction that develops with puberty, so like 10 or 11. Went through a subsequent delusional phase of hoping I would develop at least romantic attraction for some guy so I could be bisexual, marry a man, be "normal". I have a vivid memory of being 14 and asking myself, would I ever want to do anything with a dick? The answer was a resounding FUCK NO. I knew I liked only females and not males whether I liked it or not at the time. In other words, I was never in denial of my same-sex attraction but for a brief period I denied my obvious repulsion to males.

[–]HelloMomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I was consciously aware I was uninterested in boys by the time I was 10. I was 19 before I realize my attraction to girls was anything other than the standard-variety "well of course I prefer female friends, all women do, and of course they're pretty, everyone knows that."

[–]hufflepuff-poet 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Knew when I was 15 and came out but went back in the closet pretty quick. Accepted it and came out again at 25/26

[–]carrotcake 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I knew i was attracted to girls since i was pretty young. Probably around 6. I realized that meant i wasn't straight when i was 11, and i told myself i would never come out. The first time i seriously considered i was a lesbian i was 15. Then i came out as bisexual with 17 and only accepted I'm actually a lesbian with 21.

[–]killerjen231 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

So in late elementary/ early middle school, as the kids around me began to date in hetero relationships I found myself not seeking that. At all. After "dating" my best friend, experiencing my first kiss with him, and feeling absolutely nothing I knew something was wrong.

Since it was the early 2000s, I checked the internet. I knew a boy who said he was gay, and had been exposed to some pop culture stuff (think The L Word and MTV VMAs Madonna/Britney kiss). I already had a feeling I was probably a lesbian, but that research sealed the deal for me.

I was about 12. For years though, I had knows I was very different. I had no female friends up to this point, only male. I was a HUGE tomboy (hint hint lol).

I accepted it at that age as soon as I understood what the words meant and how they perfectly described me. And although it was still tough and unsafe until leaving my parent's house at age 18, it was never a doubt in my mind that I was who I was and I liked who I liked and there was nothing wrong with me.

In summary, age 8-9 for knowing i was different. Age 11-12 for knowing i was a lesbian and accepting it.

[–]Gacho666 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

In retrospect I realize that I should have noticed that I was a lesbian at age 4 (of course at that age you don't think like an adult and maybe you don't even know the word lesbian) but I accepted it until I was 16 or 17.

[–]Skipdip 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I realized it when I fell hopelessly in love with a woman at age 18, that’s when I came out as bi. I continued to feel like an imposter until age 25 when I had my first girlfriend.