BBC Sounds - Nolan Investigates Stonewall by Rag3 in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The mums of mumsnet say its good, and that's good enough for me!

I’ve just listened to the first 2 episodes, this is brilliant! So much information collated together, I think this is going to be huge! They’ve spent months investigating Stonewall and how they’ve influenced government and the BBC, there’s no way they can come out looking good after this.

The sky is falling and the TW+ chickens are coming home to roost by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This is an extremely worrying time to be an LGBTQ+ person - particularly trans, non-binary or gender diverse.

Ah, so you agree? This is actually good news for LGB?

What's Up With "Gender Critical" Gay Guys? They are tacky, spiteful, and, so far, mostly British by millicentfawcett in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

The anti-Doctor Who bit is really weird. My oh my! Let's show how uncool, now unlikely to spread to other countries, this is by linking it to something that's lasted for decades and is very popular outside the UK...? And for that matter, Bake Off is certainly on the short-list of UK shows most popular in the US too.

That awful new flag is even scarier than you thought by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I have to admit, the one and only time I saw a rainbow sidewalk, I smiled.

It seemed fun. If nothing out, it has what my design teacher would call "visual interest" in a way that a plain sidewalk doesn't. It seemed to me more akin to getting local artists to do paint those metal boxes on downtown streets, than anything else.

Next time I see one, it's going to hit differently.

I'm so confused by Hannibalboy93 in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I thought Contrapoints was a pretty clear case of Blanchard's "pseudobisexuality". Ultimately straight, but into the idea of dating a man as like a prop to his identity as a woman.

I thought they had gotten tired of spamming AGB.... by Criticallacitirc in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I am endlessly amused about how legskin rods alienate everyone. Like there are lesbians who'd be ok with a dildo but not a penis. And gay men who want a penis, not a dildo. But no one wants a tube of legskin; that is creepy and alienating no matter what angle you come at it from.

Woman masturbates in front of gay men in a bathhouse by CaptainMoose in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Like gender is just. not. real. Like what the fuck, why are we all walking around here pretending that it is???

I dunno buddy, you're the one pretending it is, so...?

Not just UK leftist are tired of it, everyone is, cry more by Hannibalboy93 in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 9 insightful - 4 fun9 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

shadow ministers flirting openly

That's actually some pretty good fantasy imagery there. I'm squirreling that one away for a poem, or maybe the basis for a painting. The contradiction between shadow and openly doesn't exactly jive well, but I'll see if I can make it work.

Gender ideology is religion. by GatitoMalo in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I would phrase it more simply:

How do would you test for a "gender identity"? And remember, this must be a falsifiable and evidence-based type scientific test.

If you cannot test it in this manner, then it belongs in the realm of religion.

Tired of bisexuals being expected to be open to dating trans people by default because we like both biological males and females by UnapologeticMisandry in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The most concise phrasing of this idea that I've seen to date:

Bisexuals — and particularly bi women — are treated as a communal sexual resource.

City Of Sydney votes to replace rainbow flag with trans and hetero progress flag by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

wedge flag XD well played

Scotland primary school kiddies to be first in the world to learn about queer heroine Marsha P Johnson and why genital preferences are transphobic by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm remembering a passage from Irreversible Damage, something about how no other form of bullying in treated that way. If a Thai kid wore traditional Thai clothes to school and someone made fun of him, you'd punish the bully, say "We don't treat people that way," and then move on. You don't create a whole unit about Thai history. That would draw more attention to it, and probably be really embarrassing for the kid who got bullied.

That guy who's in lesbian subreddits by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I actually find it less bad than saying "transman" or whatever. Masculine is something they can actually be; they cannot actually be men. And I think it's less bad to make up your own word (no matter how weird or annoying) than to appropriate someone else's actual real life sex.

"Visibly queer" (?????) by DickFreeBacon in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Of course being gay isn't. But being "queer"? That is. And very often it is a visually distinguishable trait (short colored hair; pronoun pin; bowtie or whatever).

What’s a bit of experimenting on kids between gay doctors? by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

She only developed hips on one side... the other side was straight (no curvature).

I am baffled. What?? That's a thing that can happen???

Just another form of gay erasure? by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

People are really, really into that word "label". Like, what if you just called words "adjectives" instead? It really highlights how silly it is.

"Why do you have to use adjectives? Why don't you just... like... not speak, not describe your experiences of the world!"

"You're only Gender Critical because you're jealous" by Kai_Decadence in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I wonder if it has something to do with butch/femme history? Because every couple back then was 1 butch + 1 femme, that framed both of them as desirable.

Whereas feminine gay men don't have that. They don't really even have any normal-ass non-identarian words to describe them. Like there's no male equivalent to "butch" or "tomboy". The "tomboy" one I remember thinking about when I was like 10, and thinking how it was sad and unfair for the boys.

Conversation I had with my boyfriend that started after a NB tiktok he sent to me. Opinions? by ppja1995 in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If he can send you videos (rather than formulating and explaining his own ideas) then you can too right? You could send him Mr Menno's vids, or an interview with Helen Joyce, or something?

The Court of Appeal has overturned Kiera Bell's ruling by HelloMomo in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah. They didn't say these kids are mature enough to consent; just that it's a not a matter for the courts. Which itself goes against Gillick, where it was deemed appropriate for the court to make a ruling on a medical matter.

The Court of Appeal has overturned Kiera Bell's ruling by HelloMomo in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo[S] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

(my knowledge of this is patchy, so take this all with a grain of salt, but)

They talk a lot about "Gillick competence", which originates from a case in the 80s regarding whether girls under 16 could consent to their own medical treatment regarding the contraceptive pill. In the Gillick case, it was decided that they could. This means that parents don't have to approve, or even know, of their daughter getting birth control pills.

It's not the most talked about aspect, but I think (?) that kids circumventing their parents was an issue in the Bell case too. I think that's what Mrs A's case was about, her autistic daughter trying to transition against her mother's wishes?

Anyways, they cite Gillick as a precedent of under-16-year-olds having the power to make their own medical decisions (pretending that all medical decisions are created equal).

But Gillick never said all under 16s can consent to anything. The quote from that case is:

As a matter of Law the parental right to determine whether or not their minor child below the age of sixteen will have medical treatment terminates if and when the child achieves sufficient understanding and intelligence to understand fully what is proposed.

The original Bell case fit within that Gillick ruling. They decided that these kids don't meet the bar of "sufficient understanding and intelligence to understand fully what is proposed"

It is highly unlikely that a child aged 13 or under would be competent to give consent to the administration of puberty blockers. It is doubtful that a child aged 14 or 15 could understand and weigh the long-term risks and consequences of the administration of puberty blockers.

The Court of Appeal has overturned Kiera Bell's ruling by HelloMomo in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo[S] 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My understanding is that Kiera Bell's case was in the High Court, this was in the Court of Appeal, and Kiera is now going to take it to the Supreme Court, which is the highest court in the UK, and that will be the final trial. Is this correct? Could a Brit explain the UK process a bit more?

Ain't that just the way by DickFreeBacon in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I actually find a lot of fanfic to be vaguely... lesbian-adjacent, I guess? What I mean by that is:

  1. it's written by women, for women
  2. het fanfic is (in my experience, maybe this isn't universal across all fandoms) more often told from the male character's POV—aka the POV of desiring a woman, not the POV of desiring a man.

Why do LGB Alliance and LGN keep giving a platform to Julie Bindel, when she repeatedly makes homophobic and biphobic claims? by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 5 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

I know it's jsut a typo, and I'm only teasing here, but yes, the definition of "bisexual = attracted to opposite sexes" is indeed new to me XD

Why do LGB Alliance and LGN keep giving a platform to Julie Bindel, when she repeatedly makes homophobic and biphobic claims? by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't much like or agree with her, but I am basically in favor of heterodoxy. We still don't really have much in terms of conclusive scientific evidence of how sexual orientation forms. If she has a controversial take on that, ok then.

Mostly, I'm just quite against the forming of a new orthodoxy which everyone must adhere to or be deplatformed.

It seems like she's what we'd call a febfem, who's found a lot of happiness in that choice. And I dunno, creating new words and them trying to enforce those words on people from older generations who didn't use those words/concepts is just too much of a TRA-style move for me to really feel comfortable with it.

The New Gay Liberation Front 🌈 by HelloMomo in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's a older term. Using it is the same kind of move as using as using the original 8-striped rainbow flag, rather than later 6-striped one. Both are meant to harken back to "old school gay rights", as contrasted with the modern queer shit.

Bridesmaid demands bride disinvite her father or she will not attend the wedding. by Finnegan7921 in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I mean, "child" can mean "young person" but it can also mean "offspring" and mean someone's adult daughter or whatever.

Creating a bi space whitout the TQ+ invading it seems impossible (And I feel like sht about wanting one) by [deleted] in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It makes me feel like I'm chosing the rejection of my own family and society, that it's all my fault and that I have control over how I feel and shouldn't fuck things up "on purpose" like that.

I have no idea if this is helpful or not, but I've long thought bisexuals "opting in" like that, and accepting the consequences not just because there's no alternative, the way it is for homosexuals, but when bisexuals actually choosing it, in the face of other options, it's kinda sexy, in a "big romantic gesture" sort of way.

Not knowing if you can continue living in a world of Gender Woo as a Gender Critical person? by Kai_Decadence in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

All I can say is that I really do feel like we're reaching a tipping point.

JK Rowling spoke up, Keira Bell won her case, the LGB Alliance got charity status, Abigail Shrier published Irreversible Damage and it became an instant best-seller, Helen Joyce published Trans and it also became an instant best-seller. Think of how recent all these things are! Compare the top gender critical moments of 2018 with the top gender critical moments of 2020, and you'll see a difference. We're in the "darkest before the dawn" phase right now; I know things are still really bad, but the backlash is starting to arrive.

In my darkest moments, I rage about how I'm loosing my youth to the gender madness (and also to covid, but that's another story). I'm as young and hot as I'm ever going to be, and I can't even date anyone because of this bullshit! (Never mind that I'm a socially awkward turtle who probably would have trouble dating in any timeline.) But even in my darkest moments, I never fear this the start of a new dark age. I have no doubts that trans ideology will run itself out. As soon as the public understands what's really going on here, with sterilizing children and putting rapists in women's prisons and whatnot, public opinion is going to dry up. And I think anyone's whose remotely aware of things knows that. That's why Buck Angel and Blaire Whites are the way they are: they both know the backlash is coming, and they're basically trying to do damage control.

Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problem, and I promise this is temporary. Not temporary in the fast way we'd like, but temporary in the sense of if you let your natural lifespan do its work, you'll outlive this thing.

Study: Genetic patterns offer clues to evolution of homosexuality by Shales123 in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

To me it seems plausible that bi is the one-allele, heterozygous version, and full-on homosexuality is the two-allele, homozygous version.

An observation... by SerpensInferna in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Well put

Frustrations as a GNC Gay man (Trans/Nb Nonsense) by Kai_Decadence in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The way that Joey reacted when he saw old photos of Blaire before he started going for the bimbo look

Anyone got a link to that video? I'm curious now.

Where are things good? by HelloMomo in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Overall, I don't think living in Uk is bad and is my dream country

It looks to me that — of the English-speaking world — the UK is going to be the first to fix the situation. "Terf island" and all that. But I suspect that's still between 5 and 10 years off, before public opinion really comes around.

Pray Away on Netflix by Rial in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't agree with what LDS teaches, especially around homosexuality, but I still believe they have a right to teach those things to their kids. The alternative — the state dictating what parents can and cannot teach their children — is far worse.

I agree.

And honestly, peaking trans has opened my mind about people who disapprove of homosexuality. I don't like it, but I do think they're genuinely entitled to their opinions, in a way that I didn't before.

It's not my place to tell Jackie Hill-Perry how to live her life. And more than that, I think it's at least in the realm of possibility that her religious faith—and even adhering to it in this specific way—might bring her more peace and joy than a romantic relationship would. I don't know. But there's a supreme arrogance to saying that what I personally think is the one and only right answer.

OPINION: Being A Non-Binary Bear In A Toxic Masculine Space - Bear World Magazine by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

When I was like 14 and still entertaining this kind of stuff, this was one of the first cracks in it for me. It's bad worldbuilding.

Worldbuilding is supposed to go something like: "In my word, X thing is different," and then from there you need to follow the domino effect and explore all the logical consequences of that one change. But the genderists don't. And as a kid who loved fantasy books, that just seemed like really cheep and shoddy worldbuilding.

Has anyone read "The Transgender-Industrial Complex"? by HelloMomo in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

With Helen Joyce's book coming out in the UK, she's also getting attacked on the basis of "anti-Semitism". From what she says (and she's someone I really trust to be a good journalist) there were indeed 2 Jewish billionaires who donated lots of funding to the trans lobby. But her book doesn't wallow in their religion/ethnicity, though, while this book seems to (from what little I've read of it).

In the name of being skeptical of wokism, I guess I won't say that that Jewish conspiracies are categorically impossible, just because it's not PC. But like... I really think that the kind of Jewish people who might make plans with other Jewish people, and have any sort of Jewish infrastructure to back them, would be Orthodoxic Jews, not secular Jews?

A reminder that the long awaited book "Trans" by Helen Joyce is released today. by millicentfawcett in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Helen Joyce points to attending a detrans meeting full of young detrans lesbians as the thing that most horrified her, and galvanized her from "I should write this book," to "I will write this book, I must."

Some Discussion Questions for You Guys by Horror-Swordfish in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Same-sex marriage is legalized, and suddenly all of the people fighting for it have two options: (1) stop and go home and be happy that you achieved your goal, or (2) continue to fight and just find something else to fight for/about/over.

You're not wrong, but I do think it's worth remembering that for the people who were employed by a LGBT organizations, if they decided, "Well done, that's over now," then their employers would be closing up shop and they'd be out of a job. So they were incentivized. I'm trying to imagine a hypothetical situation in which that wouldn't be the case, and I'm coming up blank. How do you avoid that?

Feeling Isolated As A GC Bisexual. by Ladiablapequena in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've seen bisexuals get told they "have no excuse," and bisexuals (especially bi women) treated like some communal sexual resource. It's fucked up.

A reminder that the long awaited book "Trans" by Helen Joyce is released today. by millicentfawcett in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

She's straight, but in her interview with Megan Murphy, she talks about how of all the demographics in this, she's particularly concerned about the gay kids, and feels very protective of them. She's a mum, so I think that's why.

Is the word "homosexual" a slur, like GLAAD and TQs say? Should it not be used because "it's offensive" or "it's clinical"? by Fastandthecurious in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The term "homosexual" was coined by Karl-Maria Kertbeny in the 1800s, who advocated for gay rights. His groundbreaking new idea was that men committed sodomy not out of wickedness, but out of gayness. From what I've read about him, he seemed like a pretty cool guy, and I'm a fan.

Long road to motherhood: Lesbians fight for IVF in Europe by yousaythosethings in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think IVF kids should have the change to meet their fathers. Not that their dads should co-parent them or anything that extreme, but that they should be in their lives in a more uncle-like capacity.

GC: What are the differences between sex segregation and racial segregation? Why is the former required, while the latter is discriminatory? by Tea_Or_Coffee in GCdebatesQT

[–]HelloMomo 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

In middle school gym, I remember thinking about the topic of lesbians in the changing room, and being vaguely uncomfortable with the idea. I never said anything about it, because I had no better plan of how to reorganize things (where were the lesbians supposed to go, then?). But I do get that idea.

(Plot twist, turns out lesbians in the changing rooms were me + 2 of my closest friends at the time.)

But I was a middle schooler then. I thought that the idea of sex-segregated changing rooms was to protect people from lustful eyes, because that's sort of the friendly, down-peddled version of the story. I didn't know that the real reason for sex-segregated rooms is to protect women from literal assault, which is documented to happen much more in co-ed changing rooms. And I didn't know that because I was a kid. No one had ever told me, because they didn't want to scare me.

Respecting the "Pronouns" of Horrible People v. the Sexuality of "Bad" People by fuck_reddit in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Well put

Putting books in free libraries by HelloMomo in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's ok, I don't need him to be ideologically pure. Just that the fact that he's not means it felt prudent to double-check before investing money in it.

Putting books in free libraries by HelloMomo in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What's the deal with When Harry Became Sally? A quick google search revels that Ryan T. Anderson is against homosexuality—which is fine. He has every right to oppose it, and to speak only about that. Freed speech includes the right to speak offensively. Just like... maybe I don't need to be donating my money to speeding his works, then? Does When Harry Became Sally stay on topic? Or does it mix it together?

Who else here is experiencing "insanity fatigue"? by JulienMayfair in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 32 insightful - 1 fun32 insightful - 0 fun33 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I recommend signing up for a welding class at your local community college. Doing good old-fashioned blue collar work with my hands is helping me.

Would you date a transman? by Srime in Lesbians

[–]HelloMomo 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's still homosexual, sure, but seeing someone I loved do that to herself would break my heart.

I think I would date a detrans woman, though. To me, the issue is less physical and more ideological.

Breaking up w my gf over trans ideology.. by hufflepuff-poet in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It is that I am forced to do it to their face, otherwise face repercussion.

I hear you. If someone is saying "your fake god" in a context where they have religious freedom, that comes across like self-righteous atheist being a dick on purpose. If you change the context to a theocratic country where a person could face serious repercussions for that, suddenly that person seems like a brave rebel.

The difference I guess is "I'm deliberately doing this to provoke you, safe in the knowledge that you can't do anything about it - ha!" vs "I am risking a lot by saying this, but I'm doing it anyways because I believe this issue is important."

Breaking up w my gf over trans ideology.. by hufflepuff-poet in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That response was quite a surprise to me. Even though all of us here are critical of the trans ideology and gender bullshit, it appears that many of us wouldn't allow it to interfere with our romantic relationships. Of course, I respect everyone's opinion here and they are entitled to it - but it is curious to me that everyone here is so vociferously against this ideology but would demure if it was supported by their significant other.

I think one way in which we on the forum vary quite a bit is how willing we are to play along with pronouns.

I know some people are completely unwilling to play along with the facade to any degree — you give an inch, they'll take a mile. And I get that mindset.

But the pronouns game is the one area where I will compromise a little. Maybe this is just practicality on my part: I'm a college student, and I need to be able to exist there. Getting tarred and feathered as a terf in all my liberal arts classes would be a logistical problem for me.

But the way I justify it is that, in other contexts where I disbelieve something, I don't need to mention how I disbelieve it every single time I name it. If I don't believe in someone's religion, I don't feel the need to say "your fake god", I can just say "your god". And in that context, I do think it'd be rude to do otherwise — like yeah, we get it, you don't believe that, you don't need to bring it up every other sentence.

The key difference between that and pronouns is that with pronouns, playing along is seen as a sort of tacit agreement or endorsement. But I'm mostly a non-confrontational person, so I'm do that anyways.

Breaking up w my gf over trans ideology.. by hufflepuff-poet in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Just remember almost every family in law has people you going to hate from a sexist brother to a creepy aunt. The thing to look for is how much are they influencing your partner and how often will you have to deal with them.

That's a good point; I second that.

Breaking up w my gf over trans ideology.. by hufflepuff-poet in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Because of her sibling, I bet it's unlikely her views are ever going to change. (Except if the sibling detransitions.)

Since gender ideology is logically incoherent, it seems to me that 80% of people who believe it do so because it's emotionally satisfyingly to them somehow. And believing this out of love for your sibling... I mean, as emotional reasoning goes, that's pretty unshakable.

[Question] Are the phrases "butch identity" and "femme identity" bullshit made up by the TQ+ movement? And are there gay male equivalents by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

First off, if you're really interested in the topic, I recommend reading the book Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold. As a Young Person, everything I'm about to say about it comes from that book.

Butch and femme date back to the 50s, when they were... sort of both descriptors and identities? They were social roles, which were constructed and preformed. They were a social framework: a couple was a butch + a femme, never 2 butches or 2 femmes, and that was fundamental to the lesbian community. Women would pick which role they wanted to be, based on their personal preferences and inclinations. Lots of people's natural inclination probably wasn't 100% strictly one or the other, but because it was part of the social landscape, and being indecisive was stigmatized, they would pick one and adhere to that role anyways. They were very much identities in the sense that they were central to a women's self-conception, but they were also descriptors in that a person could call someone else a butch or femme and be correct in that, because the identities were outwardly and clearly expressed.

In the 70s, feminism got big and started criticizing butch/femme as being a reproduction of straight gender roles, and then a more androgynous kind of lesbian dating began.

After reading Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold, I find it hard to think of the terms butch and femme as meaningful anymore. I don't think they exist in the modern world. Being butch or femme isn't just being masculine or feminine; it's being masculine or feminine within a very specific social context, and that context does not exist anymore.

If you went to college, how are your official college LGBTQ resources (not student organizations) addressing LGB concerns? by JulienMayfair in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I went only once, this would've been 2017 or 2018 I think. We watching some video about a gay boy in middle school, I think it was produced by Ellen or something? Honestly, all I really remember is the beautiful bi girl at the meeting with two-tone blue hair.

Letter on Equality Act from my congressional rep: help me respond? by PenseePansy in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I got that same one.

Blaire White says in video supporting SuperStraights: "If you're a straight man who is into transwoman, you are probably a couple points from the side on the Kinsey scale" by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

it doesn't make them bisexual, but they are not, clearly-- 110% percent straight.

If you define "bisexual" in the way that is popular right now (aka anyone who's even a tiny bit bi) then you have an awful lot of people with very different experiences categorized under the banner "bisexual". Which I would assume is difficult for bisexuals. Like how do you even build a community when "bi" can mean so many different things?

So if someone is technically bi, but not like... routinely bi, and they want to call themselves something else, I at least see where they're coming from. Not condemning or condoning it, but I'm just saying I get it. I think using the words heteroflexible and homoflexible more would be useful for clear communication in this case.

Alabama passes state law to make child-transing (giving a child puberty blockers, hormones to "transition", etc.) a *felony* by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I hadn't heard it framed like that before, but you're totally right. That's really heartening.

Transgender ideology believers: "All invented sexualities are VALID!" Straight man: "I've invented a sexuality where I'm only attracted to female humans." TRAs: "INVALID" by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 19 insightful - 6 fun19 insightful - 5 fun20 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

Wait, no, my favorite might be this one, just because it's SUCH an on-point satire:

And I'm stunned someone set this up so fast.

And there is MERCH now and I am dying of laughter here

Transgender ideology believers: "All invented sexualities are VALID!" Straight man: "I've invented a sexuality where I'm only attracted to female humans." TRAs: "INVALID" by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 23 insightful - 11 fun23 insightful - 10 fun24 insightful - 11 fun -  (0 children)

Wow, ok this meme seems to have blown up really fast. I looked briefly under the #SuperStraight, and it's basically all straight allies being super supportive and funny. It's hilarious and I love it.

My favorite might have to be, though:

i am #supermario. we are people who are attracted to Super Mario, no other males, just mario

How to deal with straight hypocrisy... by [deleted] in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Lastly, how should one ideally respond when straight people try to make homophobia and transphobia into the same thing? Do you think just staying silent the best option? Also in these discussions is it best to try to leave out the fact that you are gay because straight people like to believe that straight opinion is more "objective".

When it comes to people who are super TRA, I'm not sure there's much to be done.

But when it comes to folks who don't know much about the issue and are inclined to go along with popular opinion because they're well-meaning and they don't know any better, I think it is important to talk to them about it. Particularly older liberal straight people. I think that might actually be one of the most tangible things we can do. I think a lot of them feel like, because they're straight, they're not "allowed" to have opinions on these things. They think LGBT is all one big rainbow blob — maybe they're not literally all the same, but they're all alike in the ways that matter, surely. They've probably got a couple gay friends from college, and think that supporting trans stuff is doing right by said gay friends.

And so, as gay and bi people, I think it's really important to explaining to straight friends and family that no, this isn't actually what we want from them as allies, and no, this stuff doesn't help us, and it actually harms us. We need to "give them permission" oppose it.

Gender dysphoria and anorexia - strange similarities by QueenOfTheNorth in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, the eating disorders rates are quite high among the trans population. This isn't a secret: lots of trans people will tell you this too.

When I was 14 and had my period of dysphoria, the anorexia was the biggest part of it. I experienced them as basically one and the same. I've always been pretty slender, so the fat I was trying to stave away was my breasts and hips. I knew that this amount of fat was the normal, healthy kind that you're supposed to have. I just didn't care—I didn't like it, and I didn't want it, and so I was going to do what I could to get rid of it, "normal" be damned.

But in some ways, my dysphoria sort of helped me stop the disordered eating too? I've never heard anyone else with a story like this, and I'm curious if I'm the only one this has ever happened to. But at the time, I didn't know that disordered eating was super common among trans people. The only model I had for disordered eating was "stupid straight girls who want to look like barbies because they've internalized dumb societal shit." (In hindsight I was a pretty mean and judgey 14-year-old.) And because I conceptualized disordered eating as so feminine, and that was at odds with my self-image, I was like, "Well why are you acting like a dumb straight girl?" And that really held me back from going too far with it, in some ways.

My view of disordered eating as feminine also played a role in which techniques I used. I treated my anorexia as an test of endurance, in contrast to the intricate, detail-focused anorexia I've heard other people describe. For example, I never counted calories, and I didn’t pay overmuch attention to which foods I ate — I would just fast. I never ate lunch, and other meals might be small. Talking about calories seemed like a stupid straight girl thing, while enduring hunger seemed tough and strong. I could endure a famine and survive it. Calories felt capitalistic and artificial, while good old-fashioned hunger seemed naturalistic.

on dating bi women/ ‘new lesbians’ by berlin13 in Lesbians

[–]HelloMomo 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

For the topic of the decline of sex within an otherwise happy relationship, I really recommend the work of Esther Perel. She's an absolutely brilliant couple's therapist who's done a lot of talks that are available on youtube. I'd probably recommend you start off with her ted talk although honestly I'd recommend basically all her works, for anyone.

Question: what do y'all think of gay male sex work? by ukrdude10 in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What I just really can't get around is that even if someone wants to be a prostitute in some vague sense, they don't the individual interactions. If the actually wanted to have sex with this customer, they wouldn't have to be bribed into it. The whole thing fundamentally hinges on the idea that sexual consent is a good which can be bought and sold. And that's just so rape-y.

Nothing makes me cringe and want to scream at the top of my lungs more than glorifying the word “queer” by nbailey73 in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've become suddenly fond of the word homosexual after learning about the guy who created it, Karl-Maria Kertbeny

Keira Bell court case, appeal by Tavistock - scheduled for June 23rd (lasting 2 days) by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ok, she said:

It is vital that myself and Mrs A are able to defend the judgment and this means I will need to raise significant funds to cover our legal expenses for this next stage. Although we won the case at the High Court, the amount of costs we were able to recover was limited by the court to £35,000. Even with the funds we had raised this left a significant deficit. I hope to also cover these costs. I will need to raise an initial sum of £20,000 and will need to stretch this to at least £75,000.

Keira Bell court case, appeal by Tavistock - scheduled for June 23rd (lasting 2 days) by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ok, so I went and checked, and the appeal is mentioned here. Should we be donating? Will they need more money for a second round of legal fees? Could someone give me the quick rundown on how appeals work?

Thomas Szasz's NYT article from 42 years ago. Fairly prophetic. by GatitoMalo in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

An archived version here:

Elliot Page files for divorce from Emma Portner by SailorMoon2020 in Lesbians

[–]HelloMomo 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I find it interesting that so many people seem to think she is going to detransition at some point. (Not that I disagree; I think she will too!) But I think it's a testament to how much faith so many people put in her that even despite this, some of that faith in her lingers.

Why is a lack of belief considered 'transphobia'? by [deleted] in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think the biggest difference is that religion is mostly about your beliefs about the cosmos, where as gender ideology is about your beliefs about the other person, which inherently makes it much more personal.

Why is a lack of belief considered 'transphobia'? by [deleted] in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Well, religious coexistence is somewhat new for the large scale. There were countless wars fought over these gods

That's a really good point.

Trans rights activists pretend that the only people who oppose their views are radfems. by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I recently saw "only terfs and conservatives think you can't change your sex" and it made me laugh. Only conservatives (roughly half of all voters) + some liberals as well = more than half of the population.

The definition of homophobia? by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I would distinguish 3 broadly different types. But they're then categorized under only 2 different names:

  1. Homoerotism is bad, unnatural. Don't do the homo sex.
  2. Why aren't you doing the hetero sex? You should. You have a duty to get married.
  3. Bisexuals are untrustworthy sex fiends. They will cheat on you. Bi men gave straight women AIDS, and this is isn't just a fluke of biology, but because they are immoral!

The third one is pretty clearly about bisexuals as an orientation. And the second one is less clear, but still basically about homosexuals as an orientation.

But the first one? It's about homoeroticism, which both homosexuals and bisexuals do. The objection is conceptually the same, whether it's 2 homosexuals, 2 bisexuals, or one of each.

(Also worth pointing out that the whole model of sexual orientation is a pretty modern concept. In this place and time, sexual orientation is a Thing, and people are sometimes dicks specifically because someone is homosexual or bisexual. For example: the TRA attack on lesbians boundaries, and treatment of bi women as a communal sexual recourse — these are both specifically based on orientation. But it is worth keeping in mind that this is not the only model, and that in many places and times, there was just behavior, and this wouldn't be relevant.)

This is one of multiple reasons I think this "phobia" vocabulary isn't particularly helpful. Likewise, old school homophobia is rooted in taboo and traditionalism, whereas woke homophobia is rooted in entitlement. The word "homophobia" groups a bunch of only roughly related concepts, and acts as if they're one and the same. Which, y'know, you can do. But I don't find it the most useful way to describe things and convey meaning.

Favorite LGB characters on TV – You have to pick 1 of each! by dilsency in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 3 insightful - 4 fun3 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Anne Lister from Gentleman Jack She's just so daring and confident and so fucking swoon-worthy. She reminds me of my wife.

I don't know what to say other than congratulations on your marriage

Feeling totally crazy after meeting a girl off tinder. by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]HelloMomo 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Like, why are you on tinder then?

I'll admit, I pulled that one once. She wanted something really serious; I thought I did to, and only halfway in did I realize that I wasn't actually in a good place for that. I told myself, "Yeah, its fine, I'll make time," but when it actually came down to it, school and my new kittens got higher priority. I should've figured that out first, yeah, but I really didn't know until the real situation was facing me.

Basically (low effort meme) by Mermer in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, why does "transphobe!" seem to pack more punch than "homophobe!"?

To be clear, I don't think we should be sinking to their level or resorting to their tactics. I think that labeling everyone who disagrees with you as a bigot is lazy and also fundamentally harmful to discourse.

But I have wondered: why does it seem to work for them, but not for us?

What's with the use of singular they? by [deleted] in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

'They' is seen as an impersonal personal pronoun, which can be used to refer to people in vague, non-specific ways:

Yeah, sometimes "they" is used to indicate an unknown person, even if the sex is known. Like when I was about to get a college roommate I found myself saying, stuff like, "Yeah, I should ask them about it before I go and get a fridge." The one and only thing I knew about my future roommate was that she'd be female. But my native-English-speaker inclination was still to use "they" to indicate the vague, unknown quality.

In the same way, I've heard non-bisexual people use "they" to refer to their future spouses.

What would LGB activism look like? by PeakingPeachEater in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, please, what needs to be done to get s/LGB up and running?

Q&A with Zoe, 18 year old gender critical lesbian by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

How dare I call women physically weaker than men? How dare I not say that women can do anything that a man can do? These girls, many of whom were taking anatomy classes, seemed to truly believe that women could be as strong as men. At the same time, they had a deep seated jealousy in regards to the teen boy athletes at school, complaining about how those boys got ripped so quickly doing the same workouts they were doing, and in a shorter amount of time.

As a teenager, I definitely remember feeling outraged out the physical strength difference thing. I think I knew it was true, but something about saying so, acknowledging it, seemed so demeaning. I thought that basically the polite thing to do would be to pretend that strength was equal, even if it wasn't, because I felt like nothing could be worse than admitting this unsurmountable inequality.

Am I needy or is being a lesbian in a predominantly hetero society that hard? by oofreesouloo in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

It's fucking hard. I've been reading Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold lately, and honestly, I think I might've preferred to be dating in the 50s than now.

L/G/B people - would you ever want to have kids and if so, through what means? by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I know it makes me a "bad millennial/gen z" but yes I do.

My whole generation seems absolutely horrified of pregnancy. They all frame it as an individual thing, but I think there's a larger cultural anxiety there, because it's not just, "Eh, I don't to, it's not for me," — they use words like revolted, terrified. I think it's one part the medicalization of pregnancy in the modern west, and another part the tropes that are popular in media (for example, death by childbirth was much less common in medieval times than fantasy stories depict)

Thoughts on the gay male flag? (the blue one) by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This! You put words to something that had been bouncing around my head for quite some time.

Humanities vs sciences by HelloMomo in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)


I really don't think that'll be necessary. Yes, AGPs are usually masculine men, and yes, there are masculine men in welding. But like... they're not that too-much-in-their-head nerd boy type? I'm really exited about this welding class; it seems very solid and practical.

I've got this hypothesis that gender ideology is feed by a broader disconnect of people with their bodies in the modern world, where office jobs are the norm, and exercising is something that people put aside time to do, rather than naturally doing the course of their day. I think that vocational training in hands-on work is one way to counteract that.

Humanities vs sciences by HelloMomo in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My classes are eclectic because it's a community college, and I'm just doing it on the side, not working toward any degree. So I literally just picked whatever looked interesting to me. Also, with online classes because covid, I can be in the costuming class that's actually from a college 2 towns away.

Does anyone else feel weird describing themselves as their sexual orientation, because the words have become so watered-down now? by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I really wasn't suppressing my same sex attraction. Just given the way close female friendships are framed by society—especially when you're young—I thought it was within the realm of normal friendship feelings. I was a lonely kid for most of my childhood, so if I was a bit obsessive about some of my friends, I thought it was just because I'd been lonely for so long before, and now here someone was to end that. And that women are ridiculously beautiful was just objectively true, not my option or anything... right? And sure, they cause aching longing in my chest sometimes, but all beautiful things do that, like Italian villas and gypsy vanner horses and the starry night sky. And I probably actually am less sexual than some people, so that helped. And whenever I thought I might be lesbian, I told myself, "No, you're just talking yourself into it because you want to be a lesbian. You have to be born lucky to be a lesbian, and you are not lucky."

Does anyone else feel weird describing themselves as their sexual orientation, because the words have become so watered-down now? by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I thought I was 100% asexual for a decade. During that time, one of my friends (who knew!) asked me out. I asked him, "What do you think asking out your asexual friend is going to yield?" and he said something along the lines of, "I dunno, I'm ace-spec too, and I thought maybe..." So yeah. I feel where you're coming from.

It seems like every girl I see is a they/them now by slax in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I recently was catching up with an old middle school friend, and it went like this:

Me: Yeah, so I grew up gay, but I'm still working on the "getting a girlfriend" part.

Her: Aah, I feel you on that! I too am queer.

I wanted to correct her on that. I'm not queer: I don't affiliate with that group, and I'm specifically homosexual and not hiding behind vagueness. But I didn't how know to phrase it without sounding aggressive. And so I didn't.

I'd bet you $10 she'd called herself "she/they" somewhere.

Happy New Year. Cupiosexuals have joined the party! by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]HelloMomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Mostly it's me borrowing from the work of the brilliant and amazing couple's therapist Esther Perel, who often uses the term "eroticism" to get away from a strictly literal definition of sexuality. That *strictly literal definition of sexuality is also extremely present in asexual discourse.

A quote from Esther Perel's book The State of Affairs:

Sexual alchemy is a term I choose to use rather than “sex” because I prefer a definition of sexuality that goes beyond Bill Clinton’s—one that does not stop at a narrow repertoire of sexual acts but includes a broader understanding of the erotic mind, body, and energy.

The whole point is that it's not about creating a checklist of things it does or does not include, which people can wring their hands on and argue their way around. It's more about the poetics of someone who makes your blood run hotter.