What are the things about being a women men can never grasp

submitted by midgetmetalhead19 from self.GenderCritical

What are the features of being a woman men (inc TIMs) can never fathom because they’re so alien to men.

For me, that feeling that everything I can do (above being chained to the stove) was fought for and hard won by the women of old, and the gratefulness that comes with it.

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[–]JoanofArc5 64 insightful - 1 fun64 insightful - 0 fun65 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

The instinct that we have for our safety, and that the instinct teaches us to be afraid of men.

I went swimming at a lake recently and I was wearing kind of a sexy bathing suit (I lost the other one). The best rock to swim off of had a group of like 20 guys on it.

Going to the same rock wearing a bathing suit was never going to be an option for me, I wouldn't even consider it. My evolutionary wisdom tells me ABSOLUTELY NOT. We went to the other side and entered through an area that was harder to walk on.

Some men can get that if you explain it to them, but they will never have the internal instinct for it. They also don't realize that male expressions of anger (yelling, throwing things, slamming things) are TERRIFYING.

It's a reason that we can't have men in our vulnerable spaces. If our locker rooms are filled with men, women will stop going to the gym. And that will have measurable economic and social impacts.

[–]msteacherlady 34 insightful - 1 fun34 insightful - 0 fun35 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Not to victim blame, but I'm absolutely astonished at some of the decisions transwomen make in this regard. Their male socialization truly is showing. Of course, many of them will fare better than I would in the same dangerous situation. The TiMs I actually know in person will boldly enter bars, street fairs, clubs and parties dressed like prostitutes and then be surprised when they're treated horribly. I know many on the internet feel this treatment is validating, but the ones I knew didn't find it as validating as they did frightening. Like, no shit. Men are dangerous. I will acknowledge they also have the added danger of most hetero men freaking the fuck out when they discover the woman they're hitting on is a man. It's like, don't you think? Men get used to just bullying their way through situations rather than avoiding them altogether.

[–]luckystar 26 insightful - 1 fun26 insightful - 0 fun27 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

The other day my husband seriously asked me why I don't wear clothing with cleavage in public, only around the house. Like he just had no idea that it could be dangerous at worst and unpleasant at best to go out in public dressed a certain way.

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I had an outfit I felt really confident in, and tried to go out in public in it once. It was a really cute gothic black dress with more cleavage than I usually show (but within normal public range). Never. Again.

[–]MadLass 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Good lord I went bike riding in a very plain dark blue sleeveless romper and even got catcalled and whistled at by some college kids including women! I stared at myself forever in the mirror when I got home wondering what it was about this outfit and I still have no idea as its not even that short. I remember picking it out for the reason it seemed casual.

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I was wearing nike shorts and a tshirt on the bus. This guy WOULD NOT stop staring at my thighs. So I placed a middle finger on my thigh for the rest of the bus ride. He definitely noticed. He couldn't have gotten mad though because he was the one looking, no one else noticed it lol

[–]3MistersAndAMissy 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I am so sorry that you feel you need to justify wearing the ‘sexy swimsuit’ because the other one was dirty. Hugs.

I think your comment illustrates how we feel we have to explain ourselves all the time, especially if our safety is in question.

[–]JoanofArc5 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

You're right - I did feel like I had the justify it. I was also wearing it because I was out with my boyfriend. It's true that this bathing suit is typically reserved for banya days, not outdoor activities (I prefer a more sporty one for like...hiking things). But I was still excited to wear it with my boyfriend.

Thanks for catching this. I'm usually unapologetic about my sexuality.

[–]xxPhoenixRising 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Always hyper aware of my surroundings and it's automatic. Never get out of the car until the garage overhead door is closed. Walking at night with keys between your fingers and purposely getting cross body bags to keep your stuff safer (you're still a target for robbery though...usually by a man). If I leave a store, I'm always scanning my surroundings to make sure I'm not being followed.

[–]MenAreFragileBabies 62 insightful - 2 fun62 insightful - 1 fun63 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

That feeling of being intentionally misunderstood because you are not male. I have had this happen so many times in my professional life. Men act like what you just said is crazy, makes no sense, is completely illogical, so much so that they give you a weird look and say they don't even know how to respond. Then it makes perfect sense when your male colleague says the same thing.

It's the most infuriating thing, and it happens all the time to me. It's because they don't listen to what you are saying, but the do listen to what a man says. It's not even intentional on their part. But men are always just waiting to reply to a woman. They don't actually listen to what we say.

[–]SillyMoneyGoose 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This. I thought it was unintentional as well, now I think a lot of the time it isn’t unfortunately. Some men just don’t discuss in good faith, and instinctively women are seen as easy targets, since the stigma of being “CraazYyy” has always been forced on those of us who don’t comply

[–][deleted] 51 insightful - 6 fun51 insightful - 5 fun52 insightful - 6 fun -  (3 children)

That we don't sexually fetishize our own bodies? When a male writer does a female character, they're always sexualized in weird ways, like they're hyper aware of their own tits and shit like that.

[–]msteacherlady 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Right!?! Look, I appreciate my rear-end. I can tell when it's looking sexy and I like that my husband likes it. But I don't get turned on looking at/touching my own ass.

[–]Complicated-Spirit 12 insightful - 13 fun12 insightful - 12 fun13 insightful - 13 fun -  (1 child)

I always thought it was weird how men in books were typically described in appearance as “He was tall, blond and lanky, with a wiry build and a farm boy’s warm face, kindly, youthful, with cornflower-blue eyes. As he made his way down the corridor, his walk seemed both hurried and relaxed, his steps wide but unstressed.” Whereas a woman’s is “She had on a purple pantsuit, a power suit, a corporate, business look, that was still well-tailored enough to show the curves of her buttocks and accommodate the slight sway of her hips as she walked ahead of him. He could see the slight upturn of the blazer where it met her lower waist, then turn inward and upward as it gently hugged her toned waistline. Her pace and stride suggested confidence, but he sensed a sort of cover - as though somewhere inside, those firm footfalls in the strappy black block heels were intent on hiding a well-buried vulnerability. With each click of her step, her black hair, soft yet emanating power, shifted slightly, falling in waves to the small of her back. When they reached the door, she turned to face him, the blazer opening on a bright white, satiny, buttonless blouse, into which her cleavage was curtained like a nude between drapes in a faux-Classical painting.”

That is: Men can be described in a couple sentences. Women have to be described in as many sentences as it takes before the male author reaches climax.

[–]our_team_is_winning 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

well-written! In my childhood reading, I noticed all the men had "close cropped hair"!

[–]JoanofArc5 50 insightful - 2 fun50 insightful - 1 fun51 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

How devastating it is to have sex that you don't want to have. It's not the same as doing some other chore you don't want to do, like the laundry. You can't just lie there and say it will be over in a few minutes. Having sex you don't want feels awful. This is our evolutionary wisdom again, because sex can have enormous costs for us (pregnancy).

I dated someone who was coercive about sex and later boyfriends just thought I was crazy/overreacting if I said that I used to bite my tongue, have the sex so my abusive ex wouldn't pick a fight, and then try not to cry the entire time.

[–]MonstrousRegiment 25 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 0 fun26 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

This one is huge in my opinion and experience. And I think it's another reason (besides pure selfishness) so many are ready to call prostitution "sex work".

[–]Chewedanddigested 33 insightful - 1 fun33 insightful - 0 fun34 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've seen multiple people on reddit compare penetrative sex for money to flipping burgers for money. I don't get how they don't get that literally having your body penetrated is different than having a low wage job. Not to say that capitalism isn't exploitative and abusive. But these things are not equivalent.

[–]JoanofArc5 43 insightful - 1 fun43 insightful - 0 fun44 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

How hard we have to work for people (men) to take us seriously. We can't just go into a business meeting and say natural words and be listened to. I am constantly thinking and rethinking about how best to present my position. Have I handled this person's ego enough? Have I made them feel important and powerful? How can I disagree with a man or tell him that he's wrong without making him angry because he feels demasculated?

[–]msteacherlady 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Recently I've been reviewing my emails looking for accommodating language and then removing it. I remember back in the day "Clippy" would check my documents for passive voice. Now I wish he'd check my writing for being unnecessarily obsequious. I'm hoping this eventually translates to how I speak, and I'm hoping that by digging in I can just force the issue of being taken seriously. It helps that I'm in a female dominated field though.

[–]RevengeOfTheCis 39 insightful - 1 fun39 insightful - 0 fun40 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I would say the psychological impact of being questioned and doubted your entire life over everything, no matter how small.

It is exhausting to deal with constantly being on the defensive your entire life. No one can accept that your knowledge is enough. If a man says "2 + 2 = 4", or even "2 + 2 = 5", everyone nods and agrees. If a woman says "2 + 2 = 4", everyone says "Are you sure? Can you prove it?"

Even the mythological perfectly-passing TIM can never fully understand this because for him, this questioning and doubting won't begin until he starts passing. He will have the experience of an entire childhood (or longer, in most cases) of this NOT happening to him, so even if it starts happening, the impact won't be the same on his confidence or his career trajectory.

[–]msteacherlady 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

And let's be honest, half the battle is going on in between our own ears. We've been socialized to doubt ourselves for so long that we respond to being doubted by doubting ourselves. TiMs don't. My cousin's big boss is a TiM. When he first took the position years ago, he faced tons of doubt from the new team he was inheriting. He didn't respond to that doubt. Like a man, he just forged ahead and now the same people who were suspicious of him treat him like the world's authority on everything. But, y'know, when I forge ahead, I'm still met with resistance, so it's an uphill struggle both internally and externally for women.

[–]sisterinsomnia 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This. I only realized recently that I have always been questioned, my expertise (founded on decades of study) is not accepted without a long quizzing. And so on.

And how women are inaudible in conversations and debates. This is not about speaking in a quiet voice but about the selective deafness of men. I have observed this over and over. A woman proposes something, silence follows, then some time later a man proposes the same thing, not giving her any credit, and everyone eagerly discusses the proposal. This is agonizingly common and has not changed over time.

[–]Terfenclaw 37 insightful - 1 fun37 insightful - 0 fun38 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Taking a look at r/actuallesbians, they don't notice their male gazeyness and how creepy af it is. They aspire to be objectified whereas most women find it creepy to be viewed like that in everyday circumstances.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I hate when people are creepy on that sub

[–]Dravidian 36 insightful - 1 fun36 insightful - 0 fun37 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

How much of a slog our body can be. I hate having periods. I hate being abjectely depressed when i have PMS. I hate having to wear a bra or else my back hurt and my nipples chaffe. I hate having to wear make up just to be considered professional. I have very thin hair and I just want to shave it all off again but I can't because I need to look normal to have a job. How miserable teenage was. When I see TIMs glamorizing and fetishizing every part that makes womanhood painful and overwhelming it makes me want to puke.

[–]msteacherlady 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

And now implying or outright telling you that your failures of performative femininity means you're a man.

[–]JoanofArc5 31 insightful - 1 fun31 insightful - 0 fun32 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Abortion rules are not about abortion, and you can't support any candidate who wants to criminalize abortion, because they don't think that women are people. Abortion is fundamentally about the control of your own body. With the exception of the military draft (rare, and extremely unpopular), there are no other rules that require you to endanger yourself for the benefit of someone else. If abortion laws were consistent, then we should force everyone to donate kidneys/livers while they are still alive because that will save lives.

Hell, you could make the argument that the best thing for humanity would be to sacrifice a small number of people because their donated organs could save six people. Six lives are better than one, right? We don't do this, because we believe that everyone has the right to live their own lives and bodily autonomy. Except those dirty sluts who got pregnant because they spread their legs.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

but abortions for the mistresses of the politicians is a ok

[–]jet199 30 insightful - 2 fun30 insightful - 1 fun31 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Not going to be popular because its psychological differences.

Men don't get women simply aren't as jealous or as competitive as them so they assume all female friendship groups must be backstabbing and envious of each other. Every conflict between 2 women must be due to jealously and not women disagreeing or not getting along.

It's because that's how men treat their own friends and colleagues. They get crazy jealous to the point it destroys them. You see this in TiMs especially.

[–]Catbug 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Omg yes the entire concept of cattiness. Women must all be petty and jealous of material things because they have no opinions that aren’t about shoes or how to make men buy them shoes. Never a disagreement in values, no such thing as conflicting personalities, women all share the one.

[–]joy1090 30 insightful - 1 fun30 insightful - 0 fun31 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Just bc you're criticizing another woman doesn't mean you're jealous of her.

[–]LasagnaRossa 28 insightful - 1 fun28 insightful - 0 fun29 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I agree with all of you, and I want to add: when your kindness is read as flirting. Men never have this problem and therefore are more friendly to strangers. If they are attacked they know that 1) they could fight back, 2) at worst the stranger wants their values. To us, being robbed would be the best of worst outcomes.

Unfortunately when you're a woman you know you're not just a person, but something more (less?), a piece of meat. You wear shorts? Oh, so sexy. You wear a tank top? Oh, so sexy. Whereas you are only trying to fight the hot weather. You smile? Oh, she wants me.

I wonder if in a few centuries women will be finally seen as people everywhere.

[–]Complicated-Spirit 28 insightful - 1 fun28 insightful - 0 fun29 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The general physical discomfort from the shit we have to wear.

A man’s formal getup is more or less the same as his casual clothes, just made out of different material. A woman’s, on the other hand, are first built on a foundation of underclothes meant to force our bodies into an unnatural shape, then covered with a dress, nowadays, even in formal contexts, intended to advertise our bodies as sexually desirable, and finished off with a bizarre hair finish, ridiculous heels on our shoes, and a face full of makeup.

The only women I know who seem to just love wearing heels, Spanx, and tight bandage dresses everywhere are the ones that pride themselves on being sexual objects. Otherwise, fuck you if you’re going to tell me you put on a skirt and heels and you felt “liberated”. It’s a fucking prison.

Yet we’re told that if we don’t meet these certain standards, there will be consequences. Sometimes you’re just ignored and end up staying in the same job with no promotion your whole life, because while you might perform your duties very well, who wants to promote a woman who won’t “take care of herself”? Otherwise, you might well be reprimanded for not making enough effort to just be clean and hygienic, but pretty - your workplace probably has a “must appear neat and well-groomed” policy, and while that may just mean “don’t smell too bad and make sure your hair isn’t too greasy” for a man, for a woman, it’s entirely different.

The constant pressure to look, look, look good enough. If you don’t, then if you’re lucky, you’ll just be ignored, like you don’t even exist as a human being. Or people will feel free to point out that you’re not attractive and it’s your fault.

[–]fuckingsealions 25 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 0 fun26 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I know this isn't really noticable to every woman, but the specific hormone cycling that women have every month, starting when we are still children.

[–]strawberryfields4evr 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'll never forget the first time I realised that men don't even see me as a human being with thoughts, feeling, emotions and a personal world of my own. Just a walking pair of tits.

[–]TeaAndCigarettes 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This was a hell of a day for me too. Nothing that had ever happened to me in my life made sense and I wondered why I kept being treated that way after trying so hard and i realized it was because I was auto-dehumanized by being female. Everything that had ever happened to me clicked into place.

[–]Complicated-Spirit 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Building on getting pregnant when you don’t want to be - there’s also the feeling that as far as the government and every medical and health authority you will ever encounter in your life is concerned, your life as a unique human individual with your own needs and goals, will always be overshadowed by your own fertility. You are not a human being in their eyes, so much as a valuable incubator of other human beings.

If you need a drug or medical procedure, even if your life depends on it, even if your life depends on it right now because it’s an emergency and you’re bleeding out on the table, it will be judged against the effect it will have on your fertility. If that medicine or treatment stands a chance of hurting your future possibilities of bearing healthy children, then you stand a chance of being allowed to die while the ethics committee hems and haws over whether or not it’s morally acceptable to safe your life.

If you are pregnant, the life of the fetus or embryo - despite whatever gestational age it has reached - will have as much, if not more, value than your own.

Women are advised by national and international medical authorities to prepare their bodies for pregnancy before being asked if they intend to have children. The CDC says we should consider ourselves “pre-pregnant”, due to the large number of unplanned pregnancies in the US - apparently the fact that so many women are getting pregnant without planning or preparation is not an issue, as far as the world’s most powerful government’s public health authority is concerned.

When a man asks for a vasectomy, he faces little opposition. A woman can be well into her 40s, have a pre-existing medical condition that makes pregnancy deathly dangerous, ask multiple physicians multiple times, and even be sternly informed that she better not have any more children if she doesn’t want to risk her life, yet will still be denied a sterilization procedure. Presumably, it is a woman’s job to not get pregnant if it is harmful to her, not a doctor’s job to protect her health. Also, perhaps there is that assumption that even if it does kill her, the woman and/or her family may ultimately decide another pregnancy is worth it. Again: her ultimate purpose is to be an incubator. Should she die to give birth, it’s not a tragedy, it’s beautiful, even if she leaves other children behind.

When it comes to reproduction, a man can decide what he wants to do with his body. A doctor cannot tell him he knows better. But a woman doesn’t have that agency. She will be told that she doesn’t have the ability to make that decision, unless it is to be fertile.

[–]MonstrousRegiment 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

How all-pervasive it is to be treated as a resource for other people.

[–]Complicated-Spirit 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

This. Whenever I’ve lived with a man, I end up just feeling like a household appliance. Only there to meet another person’s needs/conveniences. No appreciation - who says “thank you” to the washing machine? It’s just doing what it’s supposed to do. And what happens when the washing machine breaks down from overuse? It gets screamed at while its owner curses under his breath about how he works too hard and doesn’t have time for crap like this.

Even when a woman is granted a break, it’s just that - a break. A temporary relief. A breather. Then back to it.

[–]yishengqingwa666 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

https://radicalhubarchives.wordpress.com/radfem-101/#object

[–]msteacherlady 20 insightful - 2 fun20 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 2 fun -  (9 children)

That we are not different when it comes to things we are competent at, and that we are different when it comes to things men take for granted.

Examples: Idiot man complains about the computer he's using in a computer lab I managed, criticized how I went about solving the issue even after it was fixed.

Husband puts a grocery item only I use on a high shelf. Proceeds to explain to me that our height difference isn't that impactful. I have to stand on the counter to get it. I have to stand on the fucking counter for him to "get it".

[–]missdaisycan 7 insightful - 3 fun7 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 3 fun -  (5 children)

My Arrrrghhhh just woke the neighbors ( I live in a house - to indicate volume.)

This!!! The inherently male belief that if something isn't important to him/men, it isn't important at all. 99% of men have no capacity for empathy Men will never understand the constant social considerations women perform.

[–]msteacherlady 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

It is the most frustrating thing ever. Not to continue throwing my husband over the bus, but every time I talk about "trans stuff" he gets taciturn and his only response is "well I haven't heard anybody talking about it!" We listen to NPR together and almost every day there's some dumb sjw crap, and even then he keeps insisting it's such a small minority that I should ignore it and not let it get to me. I showed him the fucking trans manual they gave us at our last professional development (am high school teacher) and he still thinks it's just some nutty fringe thing and calls my administrator an idiot for letting this one-off weirdo run a training session. I'm trying to tell him this is much bigger and not something my admin has any control over. I showed him two issues of the National Science Teacher Association's high school publication that explicitly published writing about trans inclusion in science curriculum. No one is trying to wear gender-affirming high heels on his job site so therefore it's not a problem. He can reach the box of fig newtons, so it's not a problem.

I'm not going to wax on about how great he is otherwise, but I will say this: At least he's not a "feminist" blowing smoke up my ass while actively undermining feminism to include the trans cult. And at least we basically agree that this shit is nuts, he just doesn't think it's as prevalent as I do.

[–]yishengqingwa666 4 insightful - 6 fun4 insightful - 5 fun5 insightful - 6 fun -  (1 child)

Divorce him.

[–]msteacherlady 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice internet person.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

he still thinks it's just some nutty fringe thing

Maybe it's his way of trying to lift up your spirits 'by staying positive'?

[–]missdaisycan 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I showed him two issues of the National Science Teacher Association's high school publication that explicitly published writing about trans inclusion in science curriculum.

I've gotta ask about this... Contributions by trans to science or some make believe science of trans? (Biology degree/chemist by profession.)

[–]Marigold-plate 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

What did he say afterwards?

[–]msteacherlady 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Something like, "Get off the counter."

Following some larger argument later on, we had a calm sit-down conversation where he did express without prompting that he wanted to get better at making things easier for me to live here and trusting my judgement. We have our moments, but he's been doing pretty good. Covid has really been making living together challenging and I can't say he's the only unreasonable one at times!

[–]Marigold-plate 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I’m glad to hear something positive came out of it.

[–]JoanofArc5 19 insightful - 2 fun19 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

People ignoring your words in favor of your "signals." Everyone is always talking about the signals that women send to men. Fuck off, my words are the strongest signal I can send.

[–]quickbeam 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

From age 11 I was aware of what "rape" was and that it was a thing that could specifically target me. Plenty of women are aware of it earlier because they are raped as children. From age 11 on I took on that extra fear, and as I grew up I learned self-defense techniques and to always be hyper-aware of my surroundings. When I was dating my husband he suggested I bike home at 2 a.m. one night because he needed to get good sleep. I did bike home because it was early days, but the next day I had it out with him and explained to him that you're not safe at 2 a.m. as a woman just because you're on a bike and can "go fast." Today he's a great feminist man, but even someone who's become a great feminist man was clueless as to what it's like to be a woman and what risks we face before I educated him.

[–]Jalaces 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There are many things more serious but in this part of summer in my mind first is: sweating breasts. I think sometimes I have an oven on my chest that will cook my body.

[–]Catbug 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

How it felt to be 11 years old and have grown men comment about how you’re ‘becoming a woman’ or ‘getting a figure’ while they slowly look you up and down and let their eyes linger on your breast buds. The queasy fear and shame like you did something wrong to attract their attention by having a body.

Men believing it’s okay to touch you. The hand on your shoulder, or the small of your back like you needed to be guided, the way you would a lost sheep. How those big hands brush too close to your chest or butt, or how the fingers dig in and threaten you while their faces smile and chat.

[–]our_team_is_winning 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

These are not features of being a woman, but of being a woman in a man's world: Being told I'm a depreciating asset. That the ideal age for a woman is 22, and after that it's all downhill. Being told that men who acquire wealth have "resources" that 22 year old women will want, but a woman who acquires wealth has sacrificed her childbearing years for her "career" (which she isn't supposed to have!) Hearing that my eggs are all gone, but men can still father kids at 80. Overall being told that my value is measured by my usefulness and attractiveness to a man. Now if TiM really wanted the full "woman" experience when they decide to start LARPING at age 50, they would share in being invisible to men (and even other woman) and understand that of COURSE they won't be able to find a sexual partner if they weren't already married -- no good looking man will want to date them because they're not beautiful and 22. And they're STILL judging women by their age and looks, even their own fake "woman" selves, by wanting to do the little girl slumber party pillow fight thing -- in their 50s! They're admitting that being a 50+ "woman" is not what the signed up for because it isn't what men want.

[–]TeaAndCigarettes 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Literally got told this the other day. That I'm "running out of time" at 32. Men are just horrifying pieces of shit and do not see women as human.

[–]MadLass 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Wow 32 is still so young I literally laughed out loud. Or should I say cackled now that we are old hags in our early 30s. 🤣

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hearing that my eggs are all gone, but men can still father kids at 80.

So much disinformation these men spout!

Women may make new eggs throughout their reproductive years—challenging a longstanding tenet that females are born with finite supplies, a new study says. The discovery may also lead to new avenues for improving women's health and fertility.

Women Can Make New Eggs After All, Stem-Cell Study Hints

[–]bettergaythangrumpy 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Being defined and restricted as female since the day I was born.

Couple decades ago a (then) MtF friend pompously announced that he 'already knew everything about being a woman except what it's like growing up but that doesn't matter!' And I thought, "Doesn't matter? That's everything!"

Either you accept that society treats women differently or you don't. And if you don't, then why do you claim to be a woman stuck in a man's body?

edit:spelling

[–]Badmammajamma 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Had a convo with my BF the other day. He said he just recently realized all the little things women do to stay safe in the world, how we navigate the world to avoid harassment and violence.

[–]yishengqingwa666 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

And I'm sure he expects lots of asspats for that revelation.

[–]Badmammajamma 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Nah.