Gay MenWomen complain they feel invalidated on Grindr

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[–]germinare 67 insightful - 18 fun67 insightful - 17 fun68 insightful - 18 fun -  (10 children)

How did we wind up with an entire generation of little narcissists who honest-to-god believe that all other humans on earth are just NPC’s that exist for no reason but to constantly validate them?

These people are certifiable. Holy fuck.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 21 insightful - 2 fun21 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

Social media. Reality TV. Participation trophies. Lack of constructive criticism and proper discipline growing up. Decline in the strength of the family and of the community, resulting in the atomisation of people and the increase in selfishness.

[–]Tikiri 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

This. Here in the U.S. I think the “lack of constructive criticism and proper discipline” was crucial to the formation of these narcissistic monsters. I witnessed this firsthand back in the day - I used to work in a childcare place in the ‘90s, and these children were coddled and catered to an insane (to me) degree. I grew up in the ‘80s when we didn’t have that kind of helicopter parenting, but ‘90s and ‘00s parents I interacted with were crazy indulgent and protective of their little princes and princesses. I truly think that’s why they grew expecting that the whole world owes them love and worship.

[–]fuck_reddit 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Someone shouldve told those parents that princes and princesses should be held to the highest standards of behavior and responsibility...

[–]ukrdude10 11 insightful - 4 fun11 insightful - 3 fun12 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

I don't think the lack of discipline is the biggest issue. In countries like Israel or Sweden, children are coddled and treated generously, and parents are limited in their choice of discipline. However, they still generally grow up to be well adjusted. I think the broader societal environment is way more influential. The United States and it's aggressive individualism, combined with uncertain economic future, will foster these toxic attitudes.

[–]Preachy_Jerk 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The United States and it's aggressive individualism, combined with uncertain economic future, will foster these toxic attitudes.

Sounds very sciencey, not just a bunch of sophistry based on stereotypes, generalizations and your personal bigotry. Can I play too?

I've always wondered what it's like to be from a place where everybody's grandparents spent their childhood hungry and homeless and exposed to horrific violence and mass death, especially with the evidence that malnutrition and trauma cause epigenetic changes that can affect the health and well-being of your children and grandchildren. Do you think that's why Ukrainians are so drunk, poor and unhappy?

At least you caught a break with the wind blowing north that day and poisoning Belarus instead of you, huh?

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

How did we wind up with an entire generation of little narcissists

Just after some cursory Googling on a hunch, I suspect this free chapter of a book from 2017 might be illuminating.

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/321096728_Narcissism_and_Social_Media_Use_by_Children_and_Adolescents

[–]exponent2 50 insightful - 2 fun50 insightful - 1 fun51 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Does anyone notice that these people NEVER have to pass the test they try to harass gays and lesbians with? So, theyre straight women. These straight women are sexually attracted to males (straight ones). THEN, they magically transform their sex BUT she's still sexually attracted to men, so she's "gay" now. Notice how her heterosexuality is NEVER stressed, harassed or in conflict? She was always attracted to men when she was a straight woman...and now that she transitioned, she's STILL attracted to males...but she's asking gay males, who are attracted to males, to stress their homosexuality. Same with Straight male Transbians. Their heterosexuality never comes into conflict with their sexual targets. It's us who are asked to break our homosexuality for their heterosexual needs.

If theyre so flexible, then why not date someone of the same sex and "test" your sexuality to see whether you're a homosexual or not.

[–]Uranian 46 insightful - 9 fun46 insightful - 8 fun47 insightful - 9 fun -  (6 children)

The entitlement! The whole app has to change because you feel "invalidated"? Get with the programme sis, most gay men could tell you stories about being "invalidated" by the "community" for not meeting the standards of male attractiveness: too fat, too old, too disabled, too black...

Stop whining, set up your own fucking app and leave Grindr users alone. It's a solid gold guarantee that 99% of the men on there will not be interested in your manmuff

[–]ren-the-lotus 29 insightful - 2 fun29 insightful - 1 fun30 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

THIS!! the gay dating scene is a very hard and unforgiving space...

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Any dating scene is an unforgiving space. Dating is exclusionary by design. What don't they understand about that?

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 25 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 0 fun26 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

They’ve already ruined Grindr, now they’re ruining Scruff. Lesbians have lost Herr as well. Because these people don’t want to set up their own apps. They want control.

[–]Uranian 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Colonisation of all gay and lesbian spaces with their gender woo

[–]ukrdude10 14 insightful - 4 fun14 insightful - 3 fun15 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

Seeking validation on Grindr of all places lol. I get rejected all the time, even though I'm a 23 year old white guy on the slimmer side.

[–]Uranian 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've never been on Grindr but FFS did they honestly think a bunch of gay men looking for a fuck WOULDN'T be cock-oriented?

[–]GConly 38 insightful - 4 fun38 insightful - 3 fun39 insightful - 4 fun -  (4 children)

I so rarely see good footage of medically transitioned FTM.

My eye is immediately drawn to the smallness of their hand and how their arms seem to short for their height. The body shape isn't right where you can see it.

It's a little uncanny valley.

People, you aren't sending out the right visual cues for gay men. Plus, no dick. Big issue.

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 16 insightful - 5 fun16 insightful - 4 fun17 insightful - 5 fun -  (3 children)

I'll tell you a story from about 5 to 7 years ago when I was still in academia professoring. Back then trans wasn't the thing it is now. I got put on a faculty hiring committee in the social sciences because I was gay (not because of my discipline which is in the biological sciences, long story but basically tokenism, etc.) We had a candidate come through and I was assigned to having breakfast with him. I expected that he was LGBTQ because his research was some kind of quantitative analysis having to do with LGBQT issues (can't remember exactly what it was). We were mostly sitting down in the coffee shop and I just assumed that he was a gay man but there was something "off" about the way he looked and I couldn't put my finger on it. Later in the day I attended his seminar, and I kept thinking "this guy is really short and his body is really pear-shaped", not a totally formed conscious thought, just kind of a sensation. Then "he" finally outed himself as a transgender FtM and the light-bulb when on over my head, "OOOOOH". I can't believe I didn't see it immediately. Today I would never make that mistake. Also today I would never make the mistake of working in academia.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 12 insightful - 4 fun12 insightful - 3 fun13 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Being pear-shaped is very feminine trait. I'm very pear shaped like most mediterranean women. Women tend to storage fat in their ass and thighs. You can spot a female body by her wide hips.

[–]GConly 11 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

his body is really pear-shaped"

Same as mastectomy chick then.

This video made me realize women have slightly shorter arms than men. I've never consciously spotted it before.

I know that the extra y chromosome adds leg length (CAIS have extra height) it probably affects arms too.

[–]eddyelric 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The weird thing about mastectomies is that they make the chest unnaturally flat. Men, especially fit men, tend to have some material in their chest. Once I noticed that, I couldn't stop seeing it.

[–]linda_senora 33 insightful - 7 fun33 insightful - 6 fun34 insightful - 7 fun -  (0 children)

Of course, they still go with the narrative that Ts are LGB 's saviors.

I am glad Ts feel rejected. They deserve rejection.

[–]SuperGayIsOkay 31 insightful - 2 fun31 insightful - 1 fun32 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

This whole idea of pulling out the victim card for this sort of thing is really very absurd. You're putting gays and lesbians in particular into the awkward position of a) rejecting their own same-sex attraction so as to not appear bigoted according to you, or b) rejecting you because you are trans and therefore not the same sex as them.

Trans people are unlikely to find many gay or lesbian partners and that's simply because b) matters to the majority of people on the planet, and declaring yourself to be trans won't change that.

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

This whole idea of pulling out the victim card for this sort of thing is really very absurd. You're putting gays and lesbians in particular into the awkward position of a) rejecting their own same-sex attraction so as to not appear bigoted according to you, or b) rejecting you because you are trans and therefore not the same sex as them. Trans people are unlikely to find many gay or lesbian partners and that's simply because b) matters to the majority of people on the planet, and declaring yourself to be trans won't change that.

Exactly. I've been wondering if an effective way to defend against them is to point out that their "gender identity" is completely irrelevant to your sexual orientation, as that is based on biological sex. So whatever "trans"-ness has to do with... it's not whether LG people wanna get jiggy with the T. Apples and oranges. Might as well say that you should be attracted to blood type, or who someone believes they were in a past life. That's about as meaningful to your sexuality as genderfeelz are.

And if trans people object that ALL sexual attraction is really based on "gender"... ask them why they keep pursuing YOU guys-- those of the opposite sex-- rather than each other. They need to put their money (or junk) where their mouth is by choosing romantic/sexual partners EXCLUSIVELY by "gender identity"-- transbian with transbian, gay transman with gay transman. And leave you guys out of it. Because it's THEM preaching this it's-all-about-gender stuff, not you.

[–]SuperGayIsOkay 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If you point out that you care about sexual orientation, not "gender identity", they screech and throw tantrums about how invalidating you are. I think the real way forward that we're seeing is when the word "transphobia" has its power denied and erased. It is shown to be applied to situations which clearly are not phobia or bigotry towards trans people, and are simply people exercising their own sexual agency and wanting to reasonably say "no" to someone trans without having to risk being ostracized for it.

[–]NeedMoreCoffee~=[,,_,,]=^_^= 30 insightful - 1 fun30 insightful - 0 fun31 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I'm so over all of them. Make a trans and queer dating site and leave the sane people alone.

[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman🇬🇧🌳🟦 15 insightful - 12 fun15 insightful - 11 fun16 insightful - 12 fun -  (0 children)

StOp TelLing mE i DoN'T BeLoNg heRE

[–]Alma_Esmeraude 20 insightful - 2 fun20 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

They never will. They don't want their own spaces (because for one, that'd take work to build that they're not willing to do.) They hijack and control.

[–]censorshipment 21 insightful - 7 fun21 insightful - 6 fun22 insightful - 7 fun -  (2 children)

Gawd, they are so whiny which is the first clue that they're straight. Gay people tend to project strength even when we aren't feeling strong. We don't whine to receive pity because we aren't used to receiving any pity.

[–]Lessom 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Why is that one woman, the only one not wearing a shirt? Cutting off your boobs for cosmetic reasons is nothing to be proud of.

People have loads of negative (justified or not) experiences on dating apps or anywhere else. Such is life. Invading a space you don’t belong to will obviously increase those chances.

They need to create their own dating apps just like Christians have their own. Ideally, they come back to reality and accept their sex.

[–]NutterButterFlutterStill waving into the void 20 insightful - 2 fun20 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

lmao!

These are all the same complaints women have had for YEARS when trying to date guys online ... objectification, immediate sexualization, emotional labor, etc... what in god's name made them think that it would be any different on a hookup app for gay men?

[–]sadbihours 17 insightful - 3 fun17 insightful - 2 fun18 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Just Make a Trans dating app. Jfc. There’s a dating app for everyone now, even FARMERS! Come on now.

[–]Cable 15 insightful - 4 fun15 insightful - 3 fun16 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Their voices are just so annoying.

[–]socialistrobot 15 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

"Why is the first question you ask about genitals?" Homosexuals are... homosexual.

[–]MarkJeffersonTight defenses and we draw the line 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Cry me a river. The name Grindr indicates that it was not meant to be some pg-13 Disney app for clean chatting and the validation of your delusions. But a cutthroat hookup app.

[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman🇬🇧🌳🟦 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Grindr is trash.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think the ex premier of my country, Berlusconi, who is a pervert, want to buy it because it has tons of users all over the world lol

[–]caitlLesbian 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thankfully those in the comments seem mostly sane

[–]ImSuperCerial 8 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

"I only sit two letters behind you" FUCKING DEAD LOL

[–]odiusgay man 8 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

The women at 1 min 20 s aghast at how gay men talk to them sound exactly like you'd expect women who are trying to have sex with gay men would.

[–]Gottmituns 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

Just so you understand. When we win we will eliminate all discussions of nonsense, but it's nothing personal. We have sympathy for the misbegotten, but our mercy is harsh and fierce. It is justice unlike your parlors full of drugs and disease, the demented jewish 'experiments', the liberalized cities in full captivity and dysfunction.

[–]ChunkeeguyTeam T*RF Fuck Yeah[S] 11 insightful - 6 fun11 insightful - 5 fun12 insightful - 6 fun -  (1 child)

Clear evidence that tinfoil is no protection at all.

[–]SuperGayIsOkay 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Literally a nazi pretending his side is right despite us having fought and beaten them in a global war already.