Trans connection to pornography

wafflegaff · 2021-10-20T06:23:22+00:00

Assuming it's legit, and we've seen enough insanity that there's not a reason to dismiss it, I wonder how much of an epidemic this is, i.e. how many parents would make similar discoveries among their kids' online activities.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-20T06:21:25+00:00

I don't know why they bother to learn pornstars' names.

Street cred with their peers.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-20T04:38:35+00:00

They are never going to understand their bait-and-switch nature when they "pass" and don't disclose, apparently. Nobody else has boundaries or feelings.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-19T22:57:58+00:00

That looks like it was written by an AI that read too many TRA tweets.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-19T09:44:27+00:00

See also this thread and this thread.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-19T09:38:52+00:00

I would say that this is not a before-dinner appetizer, no.

That cruising section...I realize this is a thing and has been forever, but women trying to do it (FTMs) is so very antithetical to being a woman and not getting raped or killed. Seems pretty danged seedy as well. I can't help but wonder: Is that a life goal for an FTM? Being able to cruise in parks and men's bathrooms?

https://media.giphy.com/media/xUPGczofzl3QEh4glW/giphy.gif

wafflegaff · 2021-10-18T23:56:39+00:00

https://archive.ph/JqASV

wafflegaff · 2021-10-18T23:47:36+00:00

In the case of AGB it might depend on how many TRAs vs gay men were the ones commenting, though it is still a little odd it didn't get mentioned by any of them. It's a pretty new and short thread, though. That might change.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-18T23:23:53+00:00

I'm aware of all of the above, not in need of a lecture from you or anyone else, and now think the one fooling themselves is you. The thing is, dealing with this is a here and now situation. And that means understanding the odds, given the evidence, which we can well understand without waiting for confirmation, even when we don't have the science. It is a matter of self-defense and taking appropriate action here and now to deal with a real problem.

So I'm not sure why you are barking up this tree so piously right now but you definitely picked the wrong person to lecture about this. Stand down and consider the point being made instead of nitpicking a different one that will never be applicable to us dealing here and now with this issue. Thanks. When I warn people about this, it's because it's a bit of an emergency. We can be comforted by studies later. Right now, we have work to do. Are you engaged with that reality, or are you just here to poke holes for sport?

wafflegaff · 2021-10-18T20:05:05+00:00

Apropos of nothing in particular, this is incredibly telling, from an FTM who does not pass:

the way society at large reacts to me, and the fact that I'm still seen and treated as some stupid fucking girl no matter what I do

Wonder who taught her that attitude toward herself. :-(

wafflegaff · 2021-10-18T20:01:04+00:00

It's sad but not surprising, given that they really really want to see something different in the mirror. Now and then it works, or they were able to afford enough surgery to force it to work, but a lot of the time it doesn't. Nature doesn't hand out that option with any consistency.

I went poking around for research about this, and can't say yet if any exists, but also came across this—I've only read the OP so far, but thought it might be interesting to share: https://www.reddit.com/r/honesttransgender/comments/mtl7nw/paradox_gender_transition_can_make_your_gender/

wafflegaff · 2021-10-18T19:32:49+00:00

I am reminded of the perjorative term given to attendees of the infamous Rainbow Gatherings: "Drainbows." I think we know who I mean.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-18T19:30:49+00:00

I can't actually be sure if we are talking about the same thing since you haven't specified and I don't have time to dig up the one I mean at the moment.

Regardless, it doesn't take a genius to see the correlation every single day all over the place. This is not a mystery. It's a "duh" that maybe someday more studies will verify. Having studied Cluster B disorders for several years intensively myself, I will go with my assessment on this, which is that even whatever study you are thinking of likely is accurate even if unsatisfying.

The evidence is virtually drowning us at this point. So let's not kid ourselves.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-18T04:22:50+00:00

How can you be pansexual/bisexual/asexual AND a lesbian?

When words mean nothing. They're now accessories. Flair. Bling. You pin them on and then you show them off, while batting your eyelashes expectantly at the world (your adoring fans).

wafflegaff · 2021-10-18T04:20:44+00:00

The BPD correlation is real as far as I can tell (in addition to at least one study that has found a much higher incidence of Cluster B disorders among trans people). But I would emphasize that the constant trying on of different identities is what's going on there. It is not at all unusual for a person with BPD to "mirror" people around them, which can become weird and unnerving (surprise!) when they do things like copy mannerisms, language, manner of dress, etc.—it starts to feel stalkery.

And of course...that's what we are being subjected to, ultimately—a bunch of impulsive, noisy, immature people with little stable sense of self who are trying to construct one that will get them endless validation they feel that they need to exist and survive. We are merely bumps in the road on their way to that supposed destination. That's why we get run over.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-17T19:10:51+00:00

all they wanted to do was pass. They didn't bring up being trans all the time.

Yes, that describes probably two-thirds of the trans people I know and nearly all of the ones who transitioned before the last five years. The ones who are not clearly "out" pass way less often than I pretend they do, but I do that for their comfort to put them at ease, since our interaction contexts have nothing to do with dating or any other situation in which I'd actually have to care, and they are kind people. So I don't let on that I am aware. The only downside to that is if they need support for something that is about being trans, but presumably they have people to talk to for that. It's their choice to try to fly under the radar, so I take that as my cue to go along with it. They don't demand validation from me about anything. And they don't tart themselves up in silly clothes and (re: the MTFs) makeup either, they just look like everyday people. They are not on parade. And those are the people that I've always felt supportive and protective of, because they aren't trying to fuck with anyone else about anything. If anything they shrink from living full lives.

That's why I hate TRAs so much. They, like all other narcissists, ruin damned near everything they touch. It is not hard to be supportive of trans people as people just trying to get through life like everyone else, even if you don't agree with what they believe about biology, etc. But I know no one who is willing to get bullied, threatened, defamed, pushed around, gaslit, etc. by anyone, but especially not anyone who also has their head up their ass about biological reality. Some things can be overlooked in polite company that just become absolutely onerous to ignore when being actively harassed about it.

I don't even know what my quiet trans friends believe and I am sure it varies, but it doesn't matter, because again, they leave other people (and their sex-based rights) alone. Some of them have partners and some don't, at about the same frequency as other people I know, so they seem to be managing okay in that regard as well.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-17T18:59:38+00:00

Misread. Sometimes I employ understatement as a form of humor.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-17T12:57:06+00:00

It's profitable to say something outrageous in response so people share it.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-17T12:55:02+00:00

Posers gonna pose.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-17T12:52:39+00:00

I Googled those and once again, I just want to say to her: Who talked you into this shit?

wafflegaff · 2021-10-17T12:42:08+00:00

It all fits together, doesn't it. Except the ones who chase them apparently have more success.

It's all about self-image. They are always hunting for the right mirror. Which means the people they complain don't want them are in fact just objects to them, that are supposed to show them the right reflection (validation). They don't want to be chased FOR being trans. That's still coming from reality and that's not acceptable.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-17T12:38:02+00:00

https://archive.ph/BAsi2

wafflegaff · 2021-10-17T12:28:00+00:00

Do that. Don't give an inch on this.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-17T12:25:12+00:00

The same way that women think they have to have reasons to say no to straight men who pursue them ("I have a boyfriend," etc.). Like every one of those perpetrators, these don't understand that no means no, either.

But also: It's not a benign question if they have set up an implied transphobia accusation threat right behind it. It's a trap.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-17T12:17:42+00:00

It's such an out-of-date idea that gay means "opposite sex" it means opposite gender. we need a new language for genital preference if it's even actually a thing.

And this one can't even figure out what the word should mean in the first place, before breaking it. And then goes on to question the innateness of sexual orientation, it appears, first by calling it a preference and then suggesting it doesn't exist. Move along, no homophobia ("Why don't they LIKE US???" /whine) to see here...

wafflegaff · 2021-10-17T12:06:18+00:00

If I have to see another, 'I'm totally okay with trans people, I'm just not attracted to them' post, I'm going to lose it.

And it's fucking everywhere. Even the bisexuality subreddit is chock full of people giving their unasked-for opinions on trans people's bodies. No one asked.

They don't ask, they TELL us all, over and over and over again, in entitled, obtuse, and often rapey fashion. Hence the prompt and regular boundary assertion. Any time a TRA says "No one" at the start of a sentence, they're lying.

I still feel 1% sorry for them for feeling body shamed, but they 99% likely did that to themselves by pushing themselves on people who by definition are not going to want them. Crack a dictionary and save yourself some heartache, FFS. This wall ain't moving not matter how many times you bang your head against it.

And frankly I am glad to hear that bisexuals aren't as much of a soft target TRAs seemed to expect we would be. Again, learn what words mean. Then come up with your own terms to differentiate, so you can find the people who want to find you.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-17T11:48:05+00:00

I did not inspect the video closely enough to take a guess. You are better off not wanting the eye bleach.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-17T11:47:27+00:00

Indeed. The only novel thing about what they're doing is trying to make delusions stylish. Oh, wait...

wafflegaff · 2021-10-17T04:30:09+00:00

They really do think they are EDGY.

https://media.giphy.com/media/OHMkK8zl9fvSU/giphy.gif

wafflegaff · 2021-10-17T04:29:37+00:00

My first thought after "ew" was "I'm glad they are so diligent about wearing special plumage so that they can be easily avoided on sight."

wafflegaff · 2021-10-17T04:18:43+00:00

I'm going to include these (which might not be all on the 'net but if you have a local library system that has ebooks, that might be another avenue) under "historical works" since they are outside of your date range but might be of interest for other reasons. I might think of others later and will drop anything newer here that I find that might be of interest.

JoAnn Loulan: https://www.goodreads.com/author/list/260439.JoAnn_Loulan

Radclyffe Hall: This novel, written in 1928, was a turning point for the visibility of lesbians ("The Well of Loneliness made sexual inversion a subject of household conversation for the first time. The banning of the book drew so much attention to the very subject it was intended to suppress that it left British authorities wary of further attempts to censor books for lesbian content."): https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/129223.The_Well_of_Loneliness (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Well_of_Loneliness) (https://gutenberg.net.au/ebooks06/0609021h.html)

Audre Lorde: https://www.forharriet.com/2014/02/5-books-by-audre-lorde-everyone-should.html

wafflegaff · 2021-10-17T03:12:05+00:00

Hasn't that thing been legitimately criticized as well? I forget for what reasons. (Aside from the author being bisexual not being the best starting point.)

wafflegaff · 2021-10-16T20:53:27+00:00

Are you looking specifically for current stuff or would things a few (or more) years old work?

wafflegaff · 2021-10-16T20:34:32+00:00

Best comment:

Children on TikTok are not part of my community.

But I think y'all need to re-read that post. There are actually some rational things being said, there. I note they have voting hidden as well. So while they aren't quite getting it from our perspective they are way closer than most conversations we see among NB/trans-identified people. They are at least willing to tentatively broach topics that we talk about over here bluntly. I'd call that noteworthy.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-16T20:05:36+00:00

At least three. I am probably forgetting someone and there are other trans friends. But I know a lot of people and live in a liberal area so it's not that surprising. I know many more enablers than I know trans people. There are plenty of people drinking the TRA Kool-Aid here.

One of the above ones came out as a lesbian a year or two before coming out to everyone as FTM. That one is only around 20 years old.

Off the top of my head I know at least a dozen trans people (i.e. use that term on themselves). Of those about 90% are transsexual. Of all of them I'd say probably two or three are pretty clearly AGP. Not sure about any of the others but some do just seem to be trying to figure themselves out. At least two are FTM and I am expecting one of those to eventually detransition.

I also know at least one trans widow.

And yeah, it's getting a bit stressful in the sense articulated in the linked article—while it's fine for people to feel safe exploring themselves, I now wonder, each time one "comes out" in some way about this, if they will be the abusive TRA I'll need to filter out swiftly. It sucks.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-16T18:48:14+00:00

Seems like plenty if not most, judging by what people say when they peak. And of course some who do still identify as trans(sexual, usually).

I've thought about this as I watch a couple of friends who are trans and TRAs over time on social media. One of them has gotten very quiet about it, and instead of calling themselves trans now says they're nonbinary. I know they had some cosmetic surgeries in recent years for things like Adam's apple, etc., so I'm guessing there might have been top / bottom as well. That's got to be pretty weird. That is a relatively decent and presumably sane person, so I've wondered: How does one go from permanent body modification to become trans, to being nonbinary? How does that work? How does that feel?

The other one is still a loud, bitchy TRA who looks for victim opportunities regularly. Seems like that's the topic of most of her/his/their (I've given up tracking that one) posts: Some sort of misgendering or other terrible affront. But those don't get endless hugbox responses the way they used to.

A third trans friend I am pretty sure is regretting it. Looks sad in every photo. That one is a lot younger. Used to look happier and more proud.

(ETA: All of these became friends with me several years before they became trans. Would I befriend them now in the current climate? Probably the two who aren't professional victims, but not the one who is.)

I don't know if any of those visible attitude shifts relate to any awareness that TRAs are ruining things for every person just trying to figure themselves out, but it's hard not to assume. None of my trans friends are as open about it online as they used to be and that's several people. (None of whom except the aforementioned ones above ever seemed to be TRAs.)

wafflegaff · 2021-10-16T09:40:13+00:00

Narcissistic smirk. Next...

wafflegaff · 2021-10-16T07:24:33+00:00

For our obscurity we're doing okay, and we have had a steady increase in new members that seems to have accelerated in the last month or two. You can verify that with archived pages here: https://archive.is/https://saidit.net/s/LGBDropTheT/*

Also welcome!

wafflegaff · 2021-10-15T17:56:17+00:00

Given the poor judgment of many of these folks, maybe it's for the best (for the others) that they have an alternative to showing anyone what they had done.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-15T11:12:42+00:00

Watch either the whole thing or the part that starts around five minutes in: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CUf2vIz2Y4

wafflegaff · 2021-10-15T10:24:07+00:00

Was just gonna say this. Here it is.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-15T10:18:58+00:00

Pokemon, perhaps. Which was equally possessed of meaningful substance.

Also I'm glad you got out before the gender cult showed up on campus. Yikes.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-15T10:15:57+00:00

It hardly means anything anyway to announce them, since they've also decided they can change them on a whim.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-15T05:37:02+00:00

Episode 4 of this features an NB stumbling around trying to explain what NB means. He actually says "not stereotypical" at one point.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This guy—nice throne he's sitting on, there /s: https://twitter.com/owenjhurcum

(Incidentally, episode 4 of the copies that were on someone's Google Drive seems not to have been captured. So you'll need to hop over to the BBC site for that one now that they've fixed the access issue.)

wafflegaff · 2021-10-15T00:30:30+00:00

Infantilizing. I get the idea of making getting a tattoo less unpleasant, but I shudder at the idea of ever having to deal with the patrons of this business out in the world, where everything isn't going to always be exactly to their warm, fuzzy specifications. How fast do they go from 0 to tantrum?

wafflegaff · 2021-10-15T00:22:55+00:00

Note: archive.vn is sometimes unreliable and returns a 403 error instead of returning the archived page. Can we also have the original link?

wafflegaff · 2021-10-14T22:35:33+00:00

Yes, he was using a saner definition. I wouldn't call that being stuck in the past, but I agree, it isn't easy to tell if he knows how twisted things have become.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-14T16:06:08+00:00

Sometimes they wander over from a sub that likes to brigade other subs (as we have seen earlier this week). So that skews the proportion of approving responses.

can’t tell if the commenters are full of shit or being played

And wanting to be played because reality sucks. Mass delusion is prettier.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-14T15:54:03+00:00

Could be they were still working on that page. I'm curious why they dropped all the episodes at once, though maybe that isn't so unusual. I don't pay much attention to podcasts.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-14T11:44:17+00:00

I always hear it as "hiss" in my head when they say it.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-14T11:43:17+00:00

The Westboro nutters definitely were not trying to have sex with any of us. Seems quaint now.

Perchance their attention could be directed to TRAs? Wouldn't mind that with some popcorn.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-14T11:40:26+00:00

No problem, I try to archive the more significant-seeming things we find to discuss. I suppose you could ask for an archive.is (a.k.a. archive.vn or archive.today) copy of something if there isn't one yet. Easy enough to make and at least a few of us know how. (For those who don't, just grab the link and head to archive.vn and paste it in the relevant box and respond to the CAPTCHA that is usually presented. There are also browser extensions for Firefox and possibly others, that reduce the number of clicks involved.)

wafflegaff · 2021-10-14T11:36:57+00:00

If you haven't read the whole thing yet I recommend it. I'm on the fence about that being an ulterior motive. A couple of hotheads started derailing things near the end and he decided not to entertain it, from what I saw, and I did read the whole thing.

Doesn't mean he didn't show up with pre-formed opinions but there seemed to be some actual interest on his part in differing ones, beyond lip service.

Feel free to refute this but that is what I saw. However, it would be easy to not trust that type of approach because sealioning, general trolling, gaslighting, and abuse are such common problems from TRAs, so that guy had the odds stacked against him no matter what. But I didn't pick up on as much insincerity as I would need to see for this to be my conclusion. He was a little robotic in how he responded and thanked people but we could interpret that as trying to maintain a consistent demeanor throughout.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-14T10:08:38+00:00

The article lacks meaningful context about what a "gender-neutral" dressing room would even be like, versus whatever they had already. But in any case, it smacks of wanting a certain color of M&Ms removed as a contractual condition (which as I recall was a bit of trolling put into contracts by the band who used that clause, to see if they were being read). I'd be not wanting to deal with that person anymore, either, since victimhood seems to be their agenda.

But...it needs more context. I don't get what the complaint is about. "Wrong" signs on a door? Fantastical imaginings? They could hear people who know they are male or female nearby? Can't imagine. Do not all dressing rooms have chairs, makeup, costumes, mirrors, lights? Etc.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-14T08:15:41+00:00

because you're the same as all the other NPCs

Hot damn, that is the best characterization I have heard yet of these jokers.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-14T08:13:02+00:00

Mods, feel free to lock this post. Consider this a request.

That guy clearly has just wandered in there or not been paying attention, if he thinks that group has mods.

Will skim after I'm done archiving the damned thing. And, here: https://archive.ph/8qB49

wafflegaff · 2021-10-14T08:08:17+00:00

I just watched with the captions and the audio off, and even that was too much when he started thinking he was making any point whatsoever by talking gibberish.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-14T08:07:53+00:00

And he can only rail against the LGB Alliance by implying they are in total control over defining everything and the existence of all LGB+? groups everywhere (which is of course with the TQIAWTF side is perpetrating, which he fails to notice apparently). If he instead thought, "Hey we can have our groups and they can have theirs and we can coexist" then he'd have to shut up instead of whining. But no. Wanker. Very mature of him to stand up and pout about how things are not the way he wants them to be, when he could very well just mind his own damned business with the rest of 'em.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-14T07:56:59+00:00

How do we know they didn't already? They do seem to have been dropped on their heads.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-14T03:04:06+00:00

Ouch! Yeah you are in a time warp, in that case.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-14T03:03:15+00:00

Very. Yuck. Classic as well.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-14T00:46:25+00:00

That's exactly what I just linked to above, the defiant repost.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-14T00:45:33+00:00

Sigh. Which changes my entire opinion. (I nuked my upthread comment.) OP is not innocent and ignorant and well-meaning in that case.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-14T00:44:34+00:00

https://archive.ph/SJr2L

wafflegaff · 2021-10-13T23:34:04+00:00

https://twitter.com/YLFLondon/status/1448205490459193345

https://imgur.com/a/MVA0ipe

wafflegaff · 2021-10-13T22:36:38+00:00

https://archive.ph/OLaXE

wafflegaff · 2021-10-13T21:45:29+00:00

The entire ten-episode set is all available all at once today.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-13T21:38:07+00:00

Yeah, that link works, I am listening to them now. My source was this thread: https://twitter.com/koenig_jakob/status/1448374366702538760

wafflegaff · 2021-10-13T14:36:45+00:00

Which is why I don't. Radical inclusion is utterly dependent on prudent discernment (which is to say it's a pipe dream). It is not something that can be taken literally and implemented with no filters. Sexual (and other) predators will always exploit it.

I'm not sure who thought up the idea but I'm pretty sure it wasn't a woman.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-13T07:54:41+00:00

I am pretty sure that was a decade or two ago. That's where I will be looking, at least, when pondering them.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-13T02:04:39+00:00

I'm just hopping on today to let people know I'm alive,

Thank you, I was starting to wonder!

I think both of your interest areas are worthwhile. I think one of the more compelling things we could compile is airtight examples of the problems with letting male-bodied people into single-sex spaces for women (including actual sports injuries, now that there are plenty of examples), i.e. the thing that most of us (except for the more conservative, who were the ones who issued warnings) were not worried would happen. The hard evidence is overwhelming at this point and that's what our woke friends still don't want to believe. At least for some of them it will just be (like it was for me) because they don't know.

I probably have some saved articles to contribute, assuming I tagged them well enough to find easily. Sometimes it feels like we are drinking from a firehose of this type of news.

Another one: Examples of outspoken people being forced out of their jobs for stating basic facts.

If we can easily lay our hands on a vetted resource list then it'll be easier to cut to the chase with the ambivalent and uninformed.

I'm not volunteering you to do all of that but just thinking out loud. I am busy IRL at the moment too, but am constantly reminded we don't quite have a clearinghouse that would help people.

ETA: Examples of people speaking up to protect women's & LGB rights and actually succeeding. Because it's important that people who are learning about this not feel helpless after reading a deluge of bad news.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-12T23:00:15+00:00

You are very welcome. I've had similar trouble with it on mobile.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-12T21:15:26+00:00

https://archive.ph/CaKs2

No words, except the predictable.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-12T20:56:38+00:00

Somehow I had missed that nauseating detail about this flag's origins. So I went to the perpetrator's Twitter timeline as you suggested on your other post:

His site: https://progress.gay/ https://archive.ph/kPbc2
Sample of recent self-promo tweets:

a. https://twitter.com/danielquasar/status/1429743265612369920 https://archive.ph/KsvCo

b. https://twitter.com/danielquasar/status/1404520365502582788 https://archive.ph/zJaq6

c. https://twitter.com/danielquasar/status/1401276544480251905 https://archive.ph/nXae7

Anyone who cares to add more to this is welcome. Would love to see some verbiage about his refusal to donate any of his profits.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-12T20:45:35+00:00

Related conversation: https://saidit.net/s/LGBDropTheT/comments/8gut/terf_island_government_bans_progress_lgbtqiblma/

wafflegaff · 2021-10-12T10:56:16+00:00

Hope that woman is enjoying her growing infamy.

https://4w.pub/sexual-abuse-charity-founder-penis-repulsion/

wafflegaff · 2021-10-12T10:30:18+00:00

That was extra crispy and delicious.

https://archive.ph/xkjim

wafflegaff · 2021-10-12T10:28:14+00:00

Can we have "FUCK YEAH" flair though? Because it's time.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T21:41:38+00:00

This author should get himself checked for Stockholm Syndrome.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T21:40:27+00:00

Hypocrite.

It's their specialty.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T21:39:30+00:00

Because her enablers are not requiring her to have one. She can still get attention rewards despite not making sense.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T21:37:04+00:00

Yup. Once again their claims that others want to erase them are projection. They are the ones doing the erasing.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T21:34:54+00:00

I've never seen this (a group of women begging for dick) happen in my nearly 40 years of life. 🥴 it must be the HRT lol

Could be. Testosterone increases libido.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T14:21:29+00:00

To her credit she does say she's still figuring stuff out. Perhaps she will keep trying until logic returns.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T14:19:13+00:00

Can, by people who dismiss reality. The rest of us need not play along. But the point remains that this has been done already, so this precious child is several decades late in trying to "normalize" nail polish.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T14:18:10+00:00

The sane one has been financially independent for close to a decade. Just not emotionally. They are too damned earnest of a person to get what's happening to them (or were; I sincerely hope the fog has lifted at this point—they made plenty of motions of protest and showed a desire to distance themselves on a number of occasions).

We are not in contact.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T14:13:14+00:00

https://archive.ph/xzkZA

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T14:12:00+00:00

Lord knows they don’t have trouble making themselves heard.

Just repeating this for emphasis.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T12:09:03+00:00

The problem is trying to have a term for every nuance of existence. She doesn't need "asexual" and it doesn't particularly apply to her from what she describes. The obsession with finding labels is so reductionist. And they don't see themselves doing it.

That was actually, though, one of the less barfy things Autostraddle has published in the last few years (of course, I have not been reading it because I like not barfing, so I won't try for accurate estimates).

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T11:40:35+00:00

Welcome to forty years ago, kid.

https://www.vogue.com/slideshow/celebrity-men-manicures-nail-polish-johnny-depp-brad-pitt-harry-styles-bad-bunny-gallery

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T11:33:19+00:00

Possibly not a world in this solar system, though.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T11:30:59+00:00

I dunno. Let's ask the GNC women who are trying to avoid womanhood by calling themselves trans. /s

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T11:27:53+00:00

Reality-based security personnel. That venue is fortunate.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T03:24:21+00:00

Typical thing they do when a comment or a tweet "blows up"—add a self-promo.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T03:22:07+00:00

In what sense? Because all they're doing now is being textbook for NPD. That inherently involves stunted emotional growth, i.e. acting like a toddler while your body continues to mature into adulthood without you. But that isn't trans-anything, it's pathology.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T02:17:11+00:00

Judging by that, yeah, it might be worthwhile to tell him. Maybe read his other comments from his profile first to get a clearer sense, but he definitely sounds ready for some sanity on some level at least.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T00:51:17+00:00

So many times we've seen stories about someone like this who reports their abusive behavior or actual assault of another person as if the crowd will approve, and someone has to actually show them how to have a conscience. The having-a-conscience verbiage is always added as an edit to the original post.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T00:48:56+00:00

Don’t push anything on her, just let her vent.

I think this is wise advice. She has to do this learning at her own speed and when she's comfortable. Doing it does, after all, put one squarely in the crosshairs of a whole pile of potential abusers.

wafflegaff · 2021-10-11T00:39:12+00:00

She might have some codependence going on. That's a difficult thing to untangle from but it might be interesting to read up on those dynamics and see how they relate to how she interacts with these friends. I can't advise about approaching that with her using clinical language, and in the meantime agree with Mark generally that it might be good to support her with the idea that some distance might be needed here for her own health. She can untangle the other factors about how she gets hooked into that stuff with a little more peace of mind after taking a breather. But she does sound easily hooked, so she'll want to explore that at some point (better with a good therapist than on her own, perhaps). Because people who manipulate for attention will use her endlessly until she firms up her own boundaries and belief in her right to take care of herself. And that will eventually hurt her if it isn't already (and it really sounds like it is).

And remember to take care of yourself, too. You're a helper in this situation. Nothing wrong with being apprehensive about what you disclose about your perspectives. Tread lightly and be supportive while she figures stuff out would be my approach if I were in your shoes. That's not easy either, so please don't forget about your own needs.

wafflegaff