Disappointed in Vanessa Vokey

Portrynial · 2021-10-06T10:26:44+00:00

@Shinnygummy Transgender ideology may be anti-scientific, but I don't think that's the central reason it's supposed to be criticized. The real central reason for that criticism is that tra imposes on the rights of women and harms children.

The science aspect supports the argument, but not everything that's un-scientific is as terrifying as the the alphabet soup cult's entitlement and abuse of women. For instance, reading your weekly horoscope is not as terrifying. Being anti-mask does not seem to be as huge of a social issue, either, as far as I can tell. I'd just as soon say let her have her opinion and not worry about it. Even though I'm not personally anti-mask, and would not find it worth it to be so, I think there are more important issues than mask mandates.

Portrynial · 2021-10-06T10:13:50+00:00

@shzprm I agree. People don't have to agree with each other on every topic, even if they all support the same cause. We should try to be mature about it.

Portrynial · 2021-05-13T12:03:14+00:00

Thanks, yeah I thought something weird might be going on over at the ppf sub. I didn't know this site was less safe, thanks for the info.

Portrynial · 2021-04-16T17:24:40+00:00

Of course this is not an important issue, just something I was thinking of. I don't mean to focus on identity politics like mainstream feminism does. The formatting is random.

Portrynial · 2021-04-03T12:54:32+00:00

Lgbtq is a disgustingly infested rape culture, even worse than mainstream feminism is. Both trans and non-trans alike. Posing as a "community" so that they can prey on women, and probably also prey on their own vulnerable.

I used to be into alphabet soup allyship, but I can't make this stuff up.

Portrynial · 2021-04-01T10:45:30+00:00

Forgot to mention reddit.com/r/femaledatingstrategy if you're not completely boycotting reddit (though we all should.) For straight ladies who want a type of radfem-esque advice on dating prostate-havers. Though some say it's a better choice to opt out of hetero dating.

Portrynial · 2021-03-30T06:29:56+00:00

I found this browsing through the comments:

Help identify the below individual wanted in connection to an assault. On Monday, March 29th at 11:40 AM, at 360 West 43rd St . . . 1-800-577-TIPS.

Link to comment: https://twitter.com/NYPDHateCrimes/status/1376681962086227969

Other commenters say that the building that those security guards work at is called the Brodsky. Their website is: https://brodsky.com/rentals/midtown-west/360-west-43rd-street Someone posted their phone number, which apparently is: (212) 262-2100

Portrynial · 2021-03-27T11:39:29+00:00

This article says that women are 3% more consistent at basketball free throws than men. Or at least they're very close to the same.

https://www.inverse.com/article/52763-women-are-better-than-men-at-the-free-throw-line

Portrynial · 2021-03-27T09:45:14+00:00

This archeology expedition found petite women archeologists to have an incredible advantage advantage in excavating a space.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzLJAa5X4Fo At somewhere between 1:01:00 and 1:04:00 or onward.

Portrynial · 2021-03-26T07:30:20+00:00

It also reminds me of a blog I read. A woman compared times when she was single, versus times when she had a boyfriend who spent a lot of time at her house.

With a boyfriend around, she always had to buy a ton more food than when she was single. The penis-haver would always eat through all her food supply, faster than she ever did on her own.

Portrynial · 2021-03-26T07:23:15+00:00

I have a theory that one advantage the female body has, is it's more efficient in ways. Males are portrayed athletically for how strong their bodies are. But no one has noticed how efficient the female body is.

For example sports are an observance of an athlete's physical performance. But they don't measure how much food and resources athletes have to consume, to fuel their body in order to perform.

If they measured which athletes could perform well with limited food or resources, women might score better. Our bodies don't require as much food or protein as fuel.

I forgot where I read it was suggested that nasa send an astronaut crew of all women on a space mission, because women's smaller bodies don't need as many resources. So their resources would last longer, making them the better choice.

Portrynial · 2021-03-26T07:04:39+00:00

There was also a woman pro surfer in 2020 who broke the world record for riding the highest wave. She did better than the best male surfer. But the World Surf League barely mentioned it, there was conveniently barely any news on it. Here's a link to an article on it:

https://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2020/09/maya-gabeira-surfed-biggest-wave-year/616216/?utm_source=pocket-newtab

Portrynial · 2021-03-22T22:23:08+00:00

View the discussion on Ovarit here: https://www.ovarit.com/o/Radfemmery/23989/not-all-men

Or the twitter thread here: https://twitter.com/sarahradz_/status/1370115353007726594

Portrynial · 2021-03-20T04:37:36+00:00

An illustration I made. A version with tags, and a version without.

Feel free to share it on social media as an insult to the Distracted Boyfriend meme. (No one has really shared it, and that's ok.)

In the fictional world of this illustration, males instead of women walk around with their bodies and looks on display. While women dress comfortably. The women are free to humiliate males, and everyone thinks it's funny when they do.

While in our real world, there are overwhelming legions of douchebags who have laughed at the Distracted Boyfriend meme. Because it's supposed to be funny when a male humiliates the women around him, through overbearing gestures/looks. Subtly suggesting that a woman is not her own person, her only quality is whatever a gross male thinks of her.

Portrynial · 2021-03-20T04:25:53+00:00

The link didn't go through?

Portrynial · 2021-03-18T18:57:31+00:00

While here's the thread where it was misquoted. https://imgur.com/a/tqfuqok

Ps. This sub is not a place to claim women have it easy. I don't know if that was being implied too.

Portrynial · 2021-03-18T18:32:53+00:00

Here's the thread where someone else, not me, made the mental illness comment. https://imgur.com/a/YAbtx9i

Portrynial · 2021-03-18T16:48:09+00:00

Is this petition for it still running?

https://www.change.org/p/survivedandpunished-org-help-support-rape-survivor-brittany-smith?redirect=false

Portrynial · 2021-03-18T16:42:41+00:00

We are living in the dark ages. Women are in a holocaust, but we're expected to not say it- that this is really what it's like.

Portrynial · 2021-03-17T14:54:01+00:00

And the part where he said people think feminism is about choice. I thought more about that idea in general (not specific to bdsm):

I think what's toxic about considering feminism to be about choice, is that the narrative has become that it's only about choice and nothing else. Like feminism has become limited to what shade of lipstick you want to wear, and that's expected to be the end of it.

Maybe the idea should be, that we do need choice, but that's only one aspect. We need a lot more than just that. We need safety. And we need the same amount of resources as males have, opportunities and education, rights, and to not be degraded. And other things.

Portrynial · 2021-03-17T14:42:08+00:00

I find males sickeningly gross, when they assume that a woman is supposed to have a submissive role, whether sexually or socially, especially without even asking her. They're repulsive. I don't know what else to say about it right now.

Portrynial · 2021-03-17T11:41:29+00:00

I was having a mature discussion about this. I saw the post that you removed from the other user, and there was nothing wrong with it.

In fact, you could have tried to tell your side of the story if you wanted to. Instead of reacting like you are now. And also suddenly banning me from PinkPillFeminism just now.

I was not specifically against you when I created this sub. None of us know each other or know who to trust. I just wanted a space to keep Pinkpillfeminism going (without any abusive moderators.) Not just about you, but for everyone else.

I think some of us wonder if you might be a Larper, actually, because of what you did. And because of the way you're behaving right now.

I'm not a male. I invited anyone to meet with me on zoom yesterday, if anyone wanted to vet me a bit on that.

Portrynial · 2021-03-16T15:24:59+00:00

Do you mean, which Femcel subreddit is she talking about?

Portrynial · 2021-03-16T15:24:06+00:00

I guess I'll keep this sub up, at least until/ in case the other mods at PinkPillfeminism return.

Portrynial · 2021-03-15T15:52:52+00:00

There are also other places for radfem discussions besides here, such as: -Pinkpillfeminism.com. Female only, where they are voice verifying new members (but some people who joined earlier were not voice verified.) The person who verified me had a female voice. The forum is not visible to the public

-Spinster.xyz. Which is designed like Twitter. They don't vet you to join the site, but they moderate against male trolls. The site calls itself "A women-first social network. Feminist, federated, and free." Posts on there are not really visible to the public, unless you link to a specific profile. But they can be visible to other social networks connected on what they call the Fediverse.

-Ovarit.com. A publicly viewable forum, where you need an invite code to join. Mostly women, but does not have a women-only rule. I haven't seen male trolls on there though.

s/gendercritical which is mostly on the topic of sexist trans activists. Some occasional posts are about general sexism outside that topic.

Portrynial · 2021-03-15T15:51:45+00:00

Yeah, and I saw that post you made in ppf, before it was removed. I didn't see anything wrong with it either and found it strange that they would remove it. I wonder if the pinkpill sub should be given the benefit of the doubt, if the other mods on there happen to be real, and if they eventually take care of the situation. Or if they're present, since sometimes life is too busy to spend much time moderating a sub.

Portrynial · 2021-03-15T14:48:24+00:00

True, maybe voice chat is the thing to do. I've never done this before, so I don't know which people to trust or what to do about it. I'm figuring it out as I go. Of course nobody should give out personal info.

At least I can also show up for anyone who wants to know the creator of this sub is not a larping male. But I know trolls could also show up to a zoom meeting.

Portrynial · 2021-03-13T17:34:15+00:00

I didn't know there was a book on this! I've always noticed this, the topic that she writes about. I thought I was the only one who noticed. I called it 'women treating males like they're overly important.'

Portrynial · 2021-03-13T17:08:36+00:00

I'll share an experience for example, I had on a different sub; BlackPillFeminism back when it was on reddit. I saw a thread full of trolls there making fun of women who are domestic violence victims. I confronted the trolls. In response, I was banned from BlackPillFeminism on reddit.

I found this strange. It makes it seem like the blackpill subreddit, including at least one or more moderators there, must have been infiltrated by male trolls pretending to be feminists.

I haven't commented much about that before.

In BlackPill's defense, there is a new BlackPillFeminism subsaidit, at s/bpf . Perhaps this new BlackPill sub is an actual honest feminist sub without corrupt/male/troll moderators. Give them the benefit of the doubt.

But there's also an alternate, questionable BlackPillFeminism subsaidit, at s/BlackPillFeminism. According to others, this particular BlackPill sub is run by males pretending to be feminists. And I believe it, because of my experience with BlackPill on reddit.

That doesn't mean everyone in BlackPill is a Larper. There are and were probably many BlackPill sub subscribers, who are actual feminists and women, mingling by mistake with all the infiltrators.

Portrynial · 2021-03-13T16:19:21+00:00

Ah I didn't know about that sub. Maybe it would be even better if I combined subs with that other sub's creator.

Portrynial · 2021-03-13T12:54:17+00:00

Of course your opinion sounds most valid if you zoom chat with me so I'll know you're a woman. Optional. Maybe I'll schedule more zoom meetings another week if I have time.

Portrynial · 2021-03-13T12:34:17+00:00

I respect your opinion, but I was hoping this would be a discussion. Do you want to elaborate? Did you have an experience with the PinkPillFeminism sub?

I personally don't know anything about the mods of PinkPill. I'm not taking sides right now. But I made this alt in case PinkPill really is infiltrated. Because I'm a fan of ppf discussions and want to continue it.

Portrynial · 2021-03-13T00:02:33+00:00

Ok thanks, I believe I fixed it.

Portrynial · 2021-03-12T23:30:27+00:00

This inspired me to quickly just create a new alt pinkpill themed sub. I don’t know if it was a good idea, but do you want to come there to discuss it? s/RadicalFeminism_ppf

Portrynial · 2021-02-05T14:44:19+00:00

Full bush all the way.

Portrynial · 2021-01-30T08:30:35+00:00

I used to be interested/curious in the idea of calling myself gender fluid. But this sort of stuff is *Not * what I'd ever had in mind. Along with that, I'm almost sorry to say, the lgbtq "community" is a rape culture. Not just transgenders, but all of them.

Portrynial · 2021-01-30T08:23:22+00:00

Creepy as fuck. And by "army" she actually means "cult."

Portrynial · 2021-01-26T07:39:09+00:00

I don't know about him specifically, but I'd suspect that some men blackmail women into relationships with them. For that reason, it might not be fair to call any young woman in an age gap relationship a "pick me."

Then again it could also be that the younger woman had bad experiences with immature guys her age. Or is just a sugar baby.

I feel like "pickme" should usually just be used for women who harm or say harmful things to/about other women. For instance the ones who insult women, so that guys will like them. Or the ones who abuse rape victims, spit on feminism, or criticize you by calling you a "man-hater" or tell you to just get over it if a male harms you, and things like that.

I feel like there should be a different word for gals who just make bad dating choices. Maybe something like "lost girls." Or something else.

I shouldn't be commenting on this topic though. It's hypocritical of me because I'm a cougar. Only because guys my age are not attractive, but guys in their 20s sometimes are..

Portrynial · 2021-01-20T07:58:16+00:00

In addition, I think that’s why so many people say sexism doesn’t exist anymore. A lot of situations seem close to equal, on the tv shows and movies they watch. It’d be ideal if it were really like that in real life, but it’s an awful error for people to assume it IS like that when it’s not. Several female characters appear to be empowered, happy, and/or glamourized. The violence they face appears exciting.

Then there’s the trope of women having some hypnotic sexual power over men. Which makes real life people think that women have just as much power in society.

And the stereotype of men being extra chivalrous, treating a woman extra special and giving her flowers etc. That makes real life people scold that women in real life unfairly get special treatment, and that ladies annoyingly think they’re *so special *, vainly expecting to be treated like princesses.

Portrynial · 2021-01-20T07:57:07+00:00

I think it's because that's the image they see on tv. People seem to be subconsciously trained to perceive tv as if it were real life.

Even if they technically know tv isn't real, their subconscious still influences them to respond as if it were real.

It makes me think about how, one of the non-entertainment functions of film is to provide training videos. A training video, for a job, task or education, might portray a potential real life situation. So the viewer must connect film with real life in this case.

But people seem to connect that to viewing fictional film as a representation of real life, too. They learn how they view the world, by the world they see on tv.

I think people also learn a lot of their behaviors and mannerisms by mimicking tv characters too. It's like learning an accent. That's why some people appear different or awkward - they're not as good at or interested in mimicking tv characters.

Portrynial · 2021-01-18T01:31:55+00:00

By the way, I came across a video platform that looks like a good alternative to Youtube, though it's small. It's rumble.com. Though I don't know if it's also corrupt or a woke cult, or not. They seem to also allow monetization through advertisements.

Portrynial · 2021-01-18T01:19:39+00:00

I also tried to leave a comment on that video, talking about how all the aggressive commenters were like a cult. My comment was either instantly removed, or never went through.

Did Youtube instantly remove it? Did somebody instantly report it? Was it just a glitch? I don't know.

Portrynial · 2020-12-08T15:11:28+00:00

I don't think this aspect of the trans issue is as black and white.

This could be an issue with kids who have abusive families, who can't tell their parents certain things because of it. That's a more important problem to deal with, than their choice to id as trans.

I'd assume it's safer to only "self-id" a kid, without physically transitioning them. Though we don't know if they also convince kids to physically transition, or not. And are they simply allowing children to self id? Or are they talking them into doing so?

I do think of the whole lgbtq community as a cult and a rape culture. Most all of them, not just transgender folk. Children shouldn't suffer from neither the indoctrination by lgbtq, nor by their abusive parents.

Portrynial · 2020-12-08T00:34:11+00:00

Ugh could ya'll quit it with the kys comments? The rest of the internet is abusive. We ought to be better than that here. Maybe op is female, but was having an emotional breakdown when posting this, or is young and autistic. You really don't know. I'm not saying you shouldn't be against the content, but deal with it some other way.

Though I think one exception to this, is the way that men (and women) comment to women when they're talking down to us or gaslighting, being overbearing or power oriented in what they say. Those are the kinds of comments that should be shut down. This post though doesn't sound like that to me.

Portrynial · 2020-12-08T00:19:31+00:00

Though she doesn't deserve to end up dead, and aside from the risks, I do find it troubling that so many women act like this with guys. I call it treating a guy like he's overly important. All the constant smiling to him, laughing to him. While NOT a single male ever behaves that that way toward a woman, nor does he. All the continuous flattery, and other ways she positions herself toward him, and looks at him more often, while he barely looks at her. I've seen women act like this so much toward men, regardless of what type of relationship (platonic or romantic.)

I have a theory that women are subtly expected to pose themselves as a status symbol for males. Both for guys they know or talk to, and for guys around them in general. There's an unspoken rule that women are expected to make men look important. Part of that is what the feminine image is meant for: To make men in their presence look or feel important, with seemingly these trophies being there for them.

But even less "feminine" women tend to in other ways, treat men like men are overly important, in their behavior toward them. Just like "feminine" women often do. So I'm kind of gnc, but I'm not always impressed by other gnc types. Also, some males who posture themselves toward women using overbearing body language or speech, seem like they're communicating that women are there to be trophies for them.

Portrynial · 2020-11-18T08:10:09+00:00

It makes sense to worry about this and discuss it. Because I think feminist groups really do eventually turn more against women than men a lot of times. I'm not saying that's happening in this sub very much. But for example, that thread about Tifs fetishizing gay males seemed a bit lop-sided. Considering its un-spoken comparison to Tims fetishizing women. The problems of tifs fetishizing gay males just did not seem to compare, even close. At least not by any level that was discussed in that thread.

But yes there are some really toxic women who hate women. And so called transmen who hate women. And that's not ok.

One problem is that there are some manipulative males who will make it sound like, if toxic women exist at all, then that means you can't complain about men being a problem. They're wrong about that, but it makes it hard to address the problem.

Abusive women are also creepy parasites to other women. But for some people, if you open the door to saying "Let's criticize women too." There are people who will take a mile and be tons more strict on women than men. I don't know how to get around that. I think we should try to be sensible.

Portrynial · 2020-11-14T00:42:03+00:00

No, I do understand about Grindr as a gay men's app. That's why I said before, you can disagree with a trans person being on there. I just don't think it makes sense to get hostile just because you disagree with someone. There are better ways to communicate, if it's not a situation where you need to defend yourself.

I'm not trying to side with trans vs gendercritical. But technically, Grindr says it's "for gay, bi, trans, and queer people" their words. That doesn't mean that gay men have to date tifs. I can understand if one would prefer the site to be a gay only, even if it technically isn't. But like I said, the hostility does not make sense. Just un-match.

The way I understand it, the problem with the modern trans cult is their promoting violence against women, taking over women's sports, shutting down women's spaces, blackmailing lesbians to sleep with them, threatening people for using the wrong pronouns, trying to shut anyone down who even talks about female anatomy or the experience of being a woman, forcing everyone to agree with them.

Your lesbian bar example represents a desire to protest that violence. Though if a man simply shows up peacefully at a lesbian bar, it's more realistic that he'll just be told that he has to leave. I don't think there would be a problem with the trans movement, if all they did was show up peacefully to spaces where not everyone agrees they belong (but if it's not against the rules.) If they weren't collectively trying to harm women. Not everyone agrees on everything.

Now look at the example of the tif on Grindr you were talking about. Fair enough you feel she does not belong there. She still wasn't threatening to shut down men's or women's spaces, nor threatening anyone to not reference male (or female) anatomy, nor erasing male athletes in sports, and probably was not pressuring/blackmailing gay guys to sleep with her (unless there's more to it I don't know about.) Guys can easily click "un-match." Guys were not being threatened by her.

She COULD be doing those things, we just don't know about it. So I don't think your Grindr story about her represents the real problem. It's not whining that "No one should be mean to anyone." It's just, be a little more reasonable.

Saying she should expect hostility from gay men, is the same attitude the lgbtq cult has about wanting to shut down anyone who doesn't agree with them. Trying to shut people down JUST BECAUSE is not healthy, for any reason.

Portrynial · 2020-11-13T21:26:24+00:00

Yeah that's reasonable. You didn't mention whether that tif person was saying something similar to that, in their conversations with gay guys. I don't know what they talked about in your grindr example. I just know that there are guys who have a tendency to jump at the chance to intimidate a woman, when they don't need to.

In your example of the support group, it would be fair for them to disagree with the person, and to ask the person to leave. It would not be fair though, for the support group to get hostile about it, to suddenly speak in a threatening tone to the person, just because they can. Not unless the individual themself was trying to bully someone in the group, or refusing to leave.

Think about it: That intimidation type of behavior is something men tend to do to women, whether they make it seem like a woman deserved it or not. It's not something women do to men, even when men are bothering them. Then the attitude is "She was asking for it." And isn't that strange how nobody keeps males in check even close to that level for women? Somehow it's always made to seem like it's women who deserve men's aggression.

Portrynial · 2020-11-13T21:06:44+00:00

They weren't merely turning a woman down sexually or being rude. It sounds like they were pressing it further to try to intimidate. There's a certain tone of speaking, or way of writing something that people use that's meant to intimidate. It doesn't always have to do with slurs or a specific word.

For instance, if someone says "Shut the fuck up, you fucking feminist cunt." Then the phrase itself is hostile. But not because of just the word "cunt." You wouldn't just say, "Well, 'Cunt' isn't that bad of a word. Therefore that person said nothing abusive."

Portrynial · 2020-11-13T14:02:08+00:00

Should NOT expect hostility. I'm sorry but I have to disagree with you there. Shouldn't the idea be that people can disagree with each other, without getting hostile about it? So those gay guys, or you, can disagree with a tif being on Grindr. But still be civil about it. Unmatch, use the block button, etc.

From what you wrote, I didn't read any hint that the tif you were talking about was trying to guilt trip the gay guys or coerce them. Unless there's more about it you didn't say. A dating app match is only the first point of communication.

You can say no without getting aggressive (if it's not needed.) You don't hear about women screaming at men or "transbians" just because they matched on Tinder. Aside from most probably find it scary to do so even if a guy gets pushy.

What I see here, is an outlook of males looking for an excuse to abuse a woman, verbally, or however he can get away with it. Because if it seems like she deserved it, then he appears to have a pass to do anything he wants -to push things further than needed.

That particular situation doesn't sound like it's so much to do with trans identity/gendercritical issues. It's to do with verbal abuse of women. Those gay guys sounds like possible psychopaths.

Portrynial · 2020-10-25T10:59:25+00:00

I see it differently. I would not call the lion who eats first an "alpha." I would call it a psychopathic male who's abusing the females, even if it's just an animal. It reminds me of an idea someone said back in reddit's pinkpill or blackpill threads. That even in nature, males have almost exclusively existed to act as parasites to the females. From simpler organisms (I forgot what the examples were) to everything else.

Other animal species have a more cooperative social hierarchy that's instead based on the family, with the mother and father obviously as the leader. The best hierarchies are probably based on placing the oldest and wisest creature as the leader, like in elephant matriarchies. https://seaworld.org/animals/all-about/elephants/behavior The male elephants do compete with each other, but their smaller groups are socially unstable.

Portrynial · 2020-10-24T20:35:14+00:00

Yeah I agree. That's messed up that people said that stuff to you! Obviously you don't "have issues" just because you're against violence. I am sick of people. They can't just make it a rule that everything goes, and you're a prude if you're not ok with that. That is some creepy gaslighting. Anyone who assumes it's ok to assault a woman because it's supposed to be no big deal, it's just "bdsm." Without even asking her if she wants that "bdsm" play, that's committing literal violence.

Portrynial · 2020-10-24T18:41:07+00:00

Oh hell no we're not submissive by nature. Actually I suspect that the dominant/submissive dichotomy (outside of fantasy) isn't real. It's more like a psychotic male fantasy that they turned into a social norm. The natural state of women might be neutral instead of either one. And neutral might be interpreted as "submissive" in a masculine-obsessed world. Also https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTyQgwVvYyc

Portrynial · 2020-10-24T13:44:12+00:00

I can see both sides of this. I'm also into playing the domme/bdsm role (only with men, I can't imagine wanting a woman to play a sub) and at the same time I'm getting more interested in radical feminism, because it's the only kind of feminism that actually cares about women and our serious issues.

Just speaking for myself, I don't know if I could be called a radical feminist, I don't know if I fit perfectly due to morale. But maybe that imperfection shouldn't get in the way of dealing with those more serious issues. I could be wrong.

But I don't think it's productive to complain to radical feminists about their non-acceptance of bdsm. It's understandable how they're against it, they're allowed to disagree. Whether they agree with your fetish is not a serious issue. And women are already always being told they're wrong for what they believe in. In recent times, there's already a mainstream acceptance of kinks. So there probably isn't a need to convince a small minority that disagrees.

I personally don't consider my kinks "empowering" or a form of feminism. I see them similar to enjoying drinking beer or smoking. Not every lifestyle choice needs to be praised.

I actually agree with a lot of reasons for being anti-kink. In theory, bdsm can be "safe, sane and consensual" as they used to say. That's how I want it to be, too.

But aside from that, most of the modern bdsm "community", and in real experiences, tends to be gross guys trying to push the boundaries of women, or get away with abusing them. A lot of what they claim to be consent, might not actually be consent. I don't believe people who make it sound like all bdsm is fine.

I've seen so many examples of this in porn titles, and how people talk about the topic online. Also how "vanilla" is now considered prudish. Judging it like that, creates an atmosphere of boundary pushing.

A lot of men into bdsm have an instant assumption that women are supposed to be "submissives." Some guys who call themselves "doms" will contact female doms, to try to convince the female dom that she should instead be a sub. I've experienced this.

I think the pro-kink outlook was supposed to be, that there's nothing wrong with you if you find something erotic, that may be considered strange. As long as it's not illegal or doesn't harm anyone. It's to help people feel comfortable with their sexuality, especially if they're surrounded by an uncomfortably conservative community.

However, gross males have still turned bdsm into something repulsive, most of the time. I suspect most of that community is toxic.

I assume that it's not comparatively that important to argue for your private interest in consensual kinks. There are more important issues. It would be more important to argue for pro-abortion rights, for protecting women from violence.

Portrynial · 2020-10-21T07:57:07+00:00

Ah I guess I've been anti-social for too long, and haven't been talking to many people to know that stuff. I believe you. That's disturbing!

Portrynial · 2020-10-21T07:43:41+00:00

And I shouldn't say this opinion around anti-porn folk, but the way I see it, all porn should be men as submissives to women. And the internet/industry should get strict on not allowing trafficking or coercion. Sorry, I know the outlook here is against all porn regardless of type. I respect that. For some reason I just wanted to say that though.

Portrynial · 2020-10-21T07:31:58+00:00

The way I read that, this "woman" who posted that on reddit sounds like a man larping.

I could tell you all the possibilities I see behind this: He either hired the depicted woman as a prostitute or porn actor. Or worse he could be sex trafficking her.

Or he's just a regular guy who's collected a bunch of porn videos starring the same actor, and he's getting his rocks off by posting the videos and pretending to be her.

Or she could be a real woman who is a (non-trafficked) porn actor who was simply paid to write that, and is also advertising her videos.

Or, this could be the account of somebody who is advertising for a porn site, using one of their actor's videos.

Portrynial · 2020-10-17T05:59:09+00:00

^{^This.} ^ ^

Portrynial · 2020-10-17T05:39:15+00:00

I sympathize with you for assuming she is just awkward and does not understand how to behave civilly. I think that can be true for some people, especially the very young who are just entering college. Some people grow out of being jerks eventually, but a lot of people don't. It's understandable to want to see a person's potential. At the same time it's confusing, because a lot of people with hostile personalities are that way no matter what, and it's not worth it to offer them acceptance.

But considering the idea that an entire community/culture is promoting violence against women, under a validating belief system. So each individual appears brainwashed/confused when they promote abuse of women using that same script:

That's actually no different than all violence against women in general. A LOT of abusers of women make their abuse seem valid or use groupthink/rape culture as validation. It's no different. I think it's difficult to recognize when you see that violent outlook right in front of you, or all around you, in common everyday people. Abusers usually ARE the common everyday people. The ones you're expected to work with, get along with, large groups of friendly people, people who are nice to you, people who are not nice to you.

Every single person who participates in promoting violence against women, no matter how normal they make it sound (they're not saying anything that other people aren't already saying.) Are, each and every one, a toxic person and they are making things less safe for women.

I don't see this argument as a fight, personally, I just felt like trying to show it from a different viewpoint.

Portrynial · 2020-10-13T09:05:41+00:00

Same here.

Portrynial · 2020-10-13T08:59:33+00:00

I shared it on Spinster. I wonder if there's any way to help. It seems like things like this keep being done to women, is there anything we can do about it?

Portrynial · 2020-10-07T23:19:43+00:00

I think people unfairly expect women to be perfect, with an unspoken but obvious rule that any flaw or error of a woman can be perceived as an excuse to abuse her (to any varying degree of abuse.) Sometimes making it seem like she "deserves" it.

This is a lot of what I think toxic female gender roles are about. It isn't just femininity either, it's every type of expectation for a woman to be perfect, judged by other women, even masculine women or tomboys.

But no, I don't think it's unequal to associate men with negativity. When our real experience with men has been negative, we are just telling the truth.

It's not equality to silence that truth. Equality would be ending abuse and violence against women. The one way I might agree is, that a lot of women hate other women. Some women abuse other women. I think that also is part of our oppression.

But our lack of perfection or lack of being perfect little angels, shouldn't be an excuse to let toxic men off the hook.

Portrynial

MODERATOR OF