No link here, I hope personal stories are okay.
Anyways, I've always been quite the odd ball and an introvert throughout my life. I was never diagnosed but I always suspected I have high-functioning autism / Asperger's since I was always odd/unusual but was also in gifted programs all throughout school. I match a lot of the signs. Growing up, I always thought everyone else was the weird one, until I realized I'm probably the odd one out. But I've learned to love and embrace the weird, unusual parts of me. I used to be so obsessed with finding a soulmate and riding off into the sunset to our white farmhouse, picket fence, 2.5 kids, the works. Part of my issue is that I can sometimes be WAY TOO NAIVE and trusting. I thought everyone was just like me, earnest with good intentions, and the 'bad' people just needed lots of love and affection to come to terms with their 'traumatic childhood' to open their eyes and see. As a result, I've been taken advantage of quite a few times, but because I'm so asexual, it's never gotten physical.
I never had sexual attraction and my romantic attraction is quite childlike and innocent, like 2 kids declaring that they're 'in love' and holding hands during recess. So when my first boyfriend started escalating into sex roleplay, I was shocked, confused, and embarrassed. Fortunately, I broke up with him after he ghosted me to have sex with another girl who would actually put out, unlike me. But another wonderful part of my weird brain is that I create an entire fantasy world that I'm also semi-living in. It's a beautiful world where flowers and trees and vines grow everywhere and everything is vibrant and colorful. There are animals frolicking about. And I have imaginary friends, yes, as a 21 year old woman. I am weird in so many ways, even down to my behaviors and the way I interact with people. I end up weirding everyone out / making them uncomfortable accidentally, and sometimes I can be unintentionally rude by not understanding social cues or what's acceptable in conversations.
What I mean to say is that my quirks, my asexuality, and my fantasy realm all make it perfect for me to be alone. I don't feel lonely or isolated when I'm in my fantasy world. And since I'm so easy to take advantage of and naive, I learned to not let anyone in at all, since I wouldn't be able to tell the good apart from the bad. So it's better to stay away from all men. One of my obsessions is true crime and I keep seeing these documentaries about women getting murdered by their husbands. It scares me.
Anyways I hope this isn't too long. Wanted to share my story. I miss pinkpillfeminism on Reddit.
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