They weren't merely turning a woman down sexually or being rude. It sounds like they were pressing it further to try to intimidate. There's a certain tone of speaking, or way of writing something that people use that's meant to intimidate. It doesn't always have to do with slurs or a specific word.

For instance, if someone says "Shut the fuck up, you fucking feminist cunt." Then the phrase itself is hostile. But not because of just the word "cunt." You wouldn't just say, "Well, 'Cunt' isn't that bad of a word. Therefore that person said nothing abusive."