Really need to vent (Apparently I'm crazy)

submitted by Kai_Decadence from self.GenderCritical

So I recently got into another argument with my brother. I made a post about this a few months ago where we got into an argument where he got bent out of shape when we were about drama related to Blaire White and the controversy he was win where my brother got pissed and bent out of shape when I kept referring to Blaire white as a man and using "He/him" pronouns. It ended with him giving me the silent treatment for about a few weeks after he said I'm just being ignorant even after I tested him trying to have him explain to me what a woman is and how do you "feel" like a woman to which he didn't even try to answer and just moved the goal post.

  • So eventually we started talking again and things were fine until last night where for whatever reason we got back to the whole Trans tropic again and as per usual, I was using male pronouns when describing Blaire white (and other Trans-Identified males) and female pronouns when I was talking about Kalvin Garrah. Again he was getting bent out of shape and said I was being a hateful asshole when I was talking about how Blaire White doesn't look how he does in his photos/videos because he kept saying that Blaire white looks like a female to him. (which I had to roll my eyes at). And when I showed him the unfiltered photos, he just says "Oh those are old, he doesn't look like that anymore so you're lying" (he then sends me a pic of an obvious face shopped photo of him and when I tried to explain to him that it was edited, he just dismissed it) - It doesn't even matter in the grand scheme to me since as I said before, it doesn't matter how "passable" you are, you're still a man/woman (whatever you're born as).

  • I did finally say to him that this year I was gonna be talking about my Gender Critical views on my YouTube channel and how I'm working on my "Why I don't believe in Transgenderism" video. He got super angry at me saying that I'm being a "hateful, ignorant asshole", especially when I told him that I don't care about preferred pronouns and that I was not gonna be using female pronouns for TIMs. He hilariously tried to throw some insult at me saying "How would you feel if someone called you a fucking faggot because of how you dress" to which I responded with "I may be a "fucking faggot" but at least I'm not pretending to be something I'm not aka a woman just because of how I dress" which only seemed to rile him up more.

  • I tried to give explanations about my reasons for getting involved in the course of discussion like how I think that I can offer a different perspective what with me being a gender nonconforming feminine gay man and my concerns with the Tavistock situation with the parents taking their children to that clinic to get diagnosed as trans so they don't have non-conforming and/or gay kids. And then when I concluded saying that "I don't care if an adult wants to butcher their body, that's their prerogative but they don't have the right to expect everyone else to fall in line with their fantasy". And all he says is that I' need to stop being on the internet and "live in the real world". That I'm taking things too seriously and being an ignorant bigot in the process and the hat the internet is not real life and then pretty much said that if I end up getting cancelled (I.e. lose my job), I have no one to blame but myself and that I will kinda deserve it. He was right about one thing I can admit. I do get heated when we talk about Blaire white because he uses him as some pinnacle of "true trans" and "Is actually like a woman" and he always is combative with me when I'm not sharing in his graces (aka calling him by female pronouns or saying that he doesn't look like a woman) and I do need to work on being more zen about that but I still meant every criticism I have with the trans ideology. And as far as the "I t ake the internet too serious" thing, he was also mentioning that because we got into a little quick argument prior about what the world's population was. He said that there are like "Trillions of people in the world" to which I did a quick google search to get an estimate and when I told him the number cited on this site here, that's what started the overall argument saying that the internet is not always right (which I do agree with but I digress). And after that

  • The thing is, I know that I'm risking a bit by coming out about my views but as far as my job goes, I don't think I would be fired because i work a pretty menial part time job where while I do work in customer service (I work front desk at a gym), I've never caused a scene there n the 2-3 years I've been employed there, and when it comes to TIMs coming into the establishment (they're very noticeable), I never "misgendered" them (I'm aware of time & place) so I would like to think that attempts of trying to get me fired from my job wouldn't work. And sure, my freelance work is rooted in the art community and there are a lot of "Genderspecials" in the art scene but I never plan to work for some big company anyway and I know that if individuals like your work, they're sometimes able to separate the artist from their cradt.

  • I'm pretty much trying to brace myself for the worse. I'm somewhat scared to come out publicly now but I know that someone like me can help add more to the discussion. Women have been doing an amazing job combating AGPs but the HSTS is an angle that I don't think many women can fully touch up on and the very few GC men who talk openly about this stuff are usually heterosexual, masculine/masculine-presenting men and can't touch up on the gay erasure angle either. I really do think a voice like mine can help add to the conversation and I just don't see any one else like me taking a stand and speaking out so I figured maybe it's time I stepped up in myself.

Anyway I'm sorry for the long post. I just needed to vent because I was so aggravated with the situation and it was so recent too since it happened last night. I'm tired of getting talked down to just because I actually DO LOOK into these kinds of things only to be told that I'm being ridiculous, hateful, angry, and crazy because I know I'm not those things. And honestly when it comes to my brother I feel like deep down he just doesn't care about women. He says he does but when it comes to the trans topic, he doesn't even try to listen when I bring up the trans things that are affecting women's rights and spaces. I even tried to suggest he watch people like Magdalen Berns and You're Kiddin' Right to see the kinds of things I brought up only to be dismissed and disregarded. He pretty much said "some things are just best kept to yourself". I just needed to let all my frustration out.

If you read all this, thank you. I really am thankful that this place exists and is open to letting GC men be a part of it. This place is the place that always reminds me that I'm not alone, that I'm not alone in my views and I just really appreciate it.

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[–]our_team_is_winning 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

Always love your posts, Kai!

I'm glad you live somewhere the gyms are open so you can work. So many places still shut down.

It pains me that your own brother would put random strangers on the internet ahead of you. I mean he's calling you abusive names on behalf of Blaire White, a guy on the internet? < then pretty much said that if I end up getting cancelled (I.e. lose my job), I have no one to blame but myself and that I will kinda deserve it> Nobody deserves to lose their job because they acknowledge reality! In fact, personal belief should be a right and not grounds to fire anyone. (Actions might be grounds, but ideas? That's twisted!)

The trans movement is threatened by gay people who are happy being themselves, be it butch, femme, whatever. Blaire White will never be a woman. He will always be a gay man who hated himself. It makes me sad. Lookism being what it is, so many (most?) people look in the mirror or at photos of themselves and think "I want a smaller nose, bigger eyes" etc. Everyone finds fault. How many surgeries has Blaire had now?

Most people can't afford all that surgery, or would be scared to go through so much, or couldn't get that much time off work. Blaire presents such a pornified version of a fake woman. I don't know why he couldn't be happy as a feminine gay man. Nothing wrong with that. I don't know his life story. Maybe in his youth he got called a lot of slurs and he thought trying to turn his "girly" behavior into being a walking Playboy Bunny cartoon would make it all better. He just seems like a self-loathing gay man to me, and an insult to women.

You would think that we've reached the point of gay acceptance and that self-loathing gay wouldn't be a thing -- and there would be help available for those men -- instead the whole trans thing is making huge leaps backward.

Sorry your brother has such an attitude. Why do you think he's so defensive of the whole trans agenda? Just an overal dismissal of women? But the whole Blaire thing is so anti-gay too.

Stay strong. You're in the right.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

Exactly. And the thing was I was not even saying that Blaire white was even ugly or anything, I was just kinda laughing when my brother kept saying that Blaire "looks like an actual female" because he doesn't. My brother can't tell when a face is edited through a face app and that is more or less what I was trying to say. I was finally able to find the source video where those infamous leaks of Blaire's unedited face pictures came from and I mean, Look at this. Does he seriously look like he has the face of a female? And keep in mind, this was done in August of 2018, a year after he had his FFS which he had done in late December of 2016 to January of 2017 which was just a nose job and his hairline lowered And as far as what he's done since then, I think the only thing he's gotten done were Lip fillers and cheek filler, nothing outright long-lasting.

Most people can't afford all that surgery, or would be scared to go through so much, or couldn't get that much time off work. Blaire presents such a pornified version of a fake woman. I don't know why he couldn't be happy as a feminine gay man. Nothing wrong with that. I don't know his life story. Maybe in his youth he got called a lot of slurs and he thought trying to turn his "girly" behavior into being a walking Playboy Bunny cartoon would make it all better. He just seems like a self-loathing gay man to me, and an insult to women.

Well since you asked, you're not too far off about why Blaire has such low self esteem about himself.

  • He has said that when he was "living as a boy", his father never accepted him because he was a homosexual (he came out as a teenager) and though he didn't say this other part, I am MORE THAN sure it was also because of how he looked which was very effeminate. This is what Blaire looked like when he was in high school and because Blaire mentioned that his father was a tad conservative, I am more than sure he didn't approve of his soon looking this way. And this further extended to his grandfather as well who also didn't accept him. And even when Blaire was starting to transition, his father still didn't accept him till death did him part (he died in 2014, a year before Blsaire started using HRT but came out prior as "transgender" in early 2014).

  • In the dating world, Blaire expressed how difficult he was finding the gay dating scene to be trying to date as an effeminate gay man. Video here The only boyfriend he ever had before Joey was a closet-case bisexual man who literally made Blaire hide in his closet when his parents came to visit him at his dorm and the boyfriend never was open about his relationship with Blaire.

  • In 2015 in a livestream Blaire mentioned how he was not able to attend large family functions because his exterior family didn't want him there.A similar thing happened with an older uncle Blaire had who was also a Gay man and was also not welcome to come to family gatherings neither. This even continued after Blaire "transitioned", his grandmother didn't want him to come to the function for Xmas of 2016 which is why he stayed him and live-streamed that day (and got drunk and spilled out over why he was alone for the holidays). I'm not sure if things got better now but you gotta admit, having to go through that is not easy at all.

Unfortunately Blaire deleted his old livestreams where he talked about his family issues and that experience he had with his ex-boyfriend and no one has seemed to archive it but believe me, I saw these livestreams because that was back when I was a big fan of his and tried to never miss a livestream and putting two and two together, those experiences were all recipe for a disaster of self-loathing. He even admitted last year that he had a drinking problem and wanted to stop drinking.

Sorry your brother has such an attitude. Why do you think he's so defensive of the whole trans agenda? Just an overal dismissal of women? But the whole Blaire thing is so anti-gay too.

You're right and honestly when I think about my brother, I think he actually is bothered with the fact that I'm happy being myself aka looking super nonconforming. I remember one time he told me how our stepmother disapproves of me looking the way I do and from there, made me remember that she would ALWAYS criticize me whenever I dressed the way I wanted to. My Dad as well but he wasn't as vocal as my stepmom was. And then whenever I would be hanging out with my brother in public spaces, he'd do that thing where he'd pretend like he wasn't associated with me when like walking to stores (walk ahead of me and make sure he was like at least 3-5 feet away from me). And with how he tries to throw insults at me when I'm going on my explanation about why Transwomen aren't women just because they perform femininity, I just feel like deep down he's ashamed that he has a brother who "looks weird" .

[–]lefterfield 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I only knew some of that about Blaire White. That's incredibly fucking sad and explains a lot. This is perhaps the number one reason transgenderism is so dangerous - it becomes a way to self-medicate rather than seeking real help.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Agreed. And Blaire is such a good example of this and how it affects Gay Youth since he was experiencing this negativity when he was a teenager. I would love to use him as a speak-piece in my video but I simply can't because he deleted those old livestreams that I can't use as evidence to back my claims up so it would be hearsay on my part and I know that Blaire will just deny, deny, deny these claims like he usually tends to do.

[–]our_team_is_winning 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

I think he actually is bothered with the fact that I'm happy being myself aka looking super nonconforming

You're really a man to look up to. I hope your channel will reach as many young gay men as possible who are being bullied by the TRA. Be yourself and be happy. You're a role model. There are many types of men and you're one of them. Pity you couldn't have had a long talk with Blaire White before his soul was crushed by those who can't accept the wide variety of men.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Thank you so much. I at least want to show to future young feminine gay men who are struggling navigating through life and having to deal with the growing pains GNC people have to go through but I just want to be there for them because it's something I wish I could've had when I was a teenager. When I was in my late teens, early 20s I used to look up to this one older feminine gay man who was in his mid 30s at the time but he eventually trooned out and is now all "I've always been a girl and I knew since I was 4 years old because I liked to play with my mom's makeup" and needless to say, I was mortified lol So I want to be an example of a GNC guy who does accept himself in the same way GNC Centric does for masculine women.

Pity you couldn't have had a long talk with Blaire White before his soul was crushed by those who can't accept the wide variety of men.

Same here. I think just talking things through and knowing you're not alone in your struggle can really go a long way.

[–]our_team_is_winning 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I watched your self intro video from 6 or 7 years ago tonight. I went to your channel to see if you had any GC videos up. You rock those goth bell bottoms by the way! I think you could see huge growth in subscribers if you add some videos on accepting yourself and not going trans. That breaks my heart that a man you admired fell into that trap. I just can't believe at this point the conversion therapy of the church has been replaced by the body mutilation activism of the Woke. You and GNC Centric should do a video together.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Thank you haha. And I hope you're right. It's mostly just about putting myself out there and sharing advice, tips, and tricks to accepting yourself as a GNC person, more so GNC man since it's the only experience I can speak from so I'm pretty much wanting to be the opposite end of GNC Centric whereas while her target is mostly GNC women, mine will be men. And fun fact, I've actually talked to her before and we do plan on making a video together sometime in the future so we'll just have to wait things through till our schedules can match up haha.

[–]our_team_is_winning 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

we'll just have to wait things through till our schedules can match up

Make that a priority, clear your calendars! And promote the heck out of it when it happens.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Will do :)

[–]BiologyIsReal 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Why does he take so much offense at you "misgendering" people who he doesn't even know? I understand why trans identified people get upset at this even if I don't agree with their reasoning. Though I don't get why an ally like your brother would get so bothered up by this.

Anyway, sorry about this whole situation. I hope you don't get in trouble with your videos. Whatever your brother says, nobody deserves to be fired over this.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

From what he said, it's because "It's not nice". and "It's disrepectful and bigoted" and that "I have to be respectful". And that was when I mentioned that depending on the TIM, if I actually like or have some modicum of respect for a TIM, I would use "They/them" pronouns as I feel that's a reasonable enough middle ground and that's when he exploded on me saying I was being a hateful, asshole bigot. And he did also mention how "It shouldn't matter if they actually are making an effort to look like a woman, especially if they had genital surgery" to which again I said that womanhood is not a costume and that the "Vagina" is not a vagina, just a wound that's trying to close itself..

Anyway, sorry about this whole situation. I hope you don't get in trouble with your videos. Whatever your brother says, nobody deserves to be fired over this.

I really want to believe that I won't lose my job over my videos. It's not like a work for a big company or some office-type place, I just work a front desk job in a gym, nothing glamorous at all. I'm sure my freelance art will take a bit of a hit but I'm sure I'll still be okay. I mean have you heard any stories of people who got fired from simple, every day run of the mill jobs for having opinions that don't align with trans ideology? Because so far the only stories I've heard of this were people who worked in corporate-like places

[–]BiologyIsReal 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I don't think so, but I don't live in an English speaking country and I only know what is published. You're also a man, so they won't target you as badly as if you were a woman. So, I don't think is very likely that you may lose your job. Though it's hard to predict what these people may do: TRA are like religious zealots and there are too many people willing to listen to every demand of them not matter how ridiculous.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh okay. Yeah I tried to look for some stories of men who lost their jobs for refusing to use pronouns and I found 2 stories of this but they were men who worked pretty corporate jobs as one of them was a doctor and the other was a teacher. That's about al I could dig up right now so I think you may be right, I may be okay because again, my job is just menial labor job and even with the 4 obvious TIMs who come into my job, I've never causes a commotion with them.

[–]lefterfield 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Really sorry to hear about your brother. These days every day it feels like we're the only sane people in a world that's gone completely mad. It would be hard not to question your sanity under those conditions. Having a contrary opinion is hateful, violent, and ignorant, even if it was considered a fact by 99.9% of the population 10 years ago, and is still a majority opinion today. I can't always process it all myself.

I know that men usually don't get as much abuse when they come as being GC, but don't take it for granted there won't be any real-world repercussions. Take care of yourself, and protect your identity as much as possible. I believe your voice would be powerful. I appreciate that you're willing to take the risk. Still, be cautious. No one deserves the ire of TRAs, whether men or women.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Really sorry to hear about your brother. These days every day it feels like we're the only sane people in a world that's gone completely mad. It would be hard not to question your sanity under those conditions. Having a contrary opinion is hateful, violent, and ignorant, even if it was considered a fact by 99.9% of the population 10 years ago, and is still a majority opinion today. I can't always process it all myself.

That's the thing that is truly frustrating and then these people challenge you, wanting to see what you have to say and so when you defend your position while challenging their views, that's just seen as unacceptable and hateful, bigoted, etc. It's like what do you want?

I know that men usually don't get as much abuse when they come as being GC, but don't take it for granted there won't be any real-world repercussions. Take care of yourself, and protect your identity as much as possible. I believe your voice would be powerful. I appreciate that you're willing to take the risk. Still, be cautious. No one deserves the ire of TRAs, whether men or women.

Right, I have this in the back of my mind to be ready for the repercussions. Like I mentioned earlier, I don't really see myself getting fired from my day job. I mean, it's just a Gym job, I work a front desk and scan people in, it's nothing prestigious or glamorous and I've never posed any problem there for the 2-3 years I've worked there. I'm sure the my YouTube channel may take a hit but I was never trying to make money on YouTube anyway and my freelance art gigs, I mean I'm sure that'll take a bit of a hit as well but I'd like to think there will still be people out there who like my art enough to separate the artist from their craft.

I mean, have you seen any situations where an individual (man or woman) lost an ordinary, menial type of job just for having Gender Critical beliefs? Because the only stores I've heard of people losing their jobs for this were those who worked in corporate/white collar type of jobs.

[–]lefterfield 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That's the thing that is truly frustrating and then these people challenge you, wanting to see what you have to say and so when you defend your position while challenging their views, that's just seen as unacceptable and hateful, bigoted, etc. It's like what do you want?

Yeah :( I just don't see the light out of it many days. They set the rules of debate and never justify them. Follow their rules, you can't make an argument. Reject them, and you're hateful.

I mean, have you seen any situations where an individual (man or woman) lost an ordinary, menial type of job just for having Gender Critical beliefs? Because the only stores I've heard of people losing their jobs for this were those who worked in corporate/white collar type of jobs.

Not sure. It certainly hasn't been publicized, so I hope not.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah :( I just don't see the light out of it many days. They set the rules of debate and never justify them. Follow their rules, you can't make an argument. Reject them, and you're hateful.

It's just a losing battle but I refuse to back down. I guess I'm just too stubborn lol. But even if these TRAS and heir allies try to belittle me and talk down on me, I'm hoping that exposing their irrationality will show to others where us GC people are coming from.

Not sure. It certainly hasn't been publicized, so I hope not.

Same, I have my fingers crossed x

[–]julesburm1891 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Uh, from all of this it sounds like your brother is the one taking things too seriously. He’s the one freaking out that you didn’t use the “preferred pronouns.”

Out of curiosity, how many TIMs does your brother know in real life and how does that compare to his perception of them from the internet?

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I think the reason why he thinks I'm taking things too seriously is because every time we'd get into discussion about the trans topic when he learned I was gender critical, I would link him to sources like Facebook's "ThisNeverHappens" and WomenAreHuman as well as some videos from Magdalen Berns and he would say things like "that's not really important and that transwomen who commit crimes like that are a small minority". That alone just frustrated me to no end because he claims I spend too much time on the internet and not living in the real world when it's like, we're in the modern century and real life does kinda coincide with social media. It's how every day modern people get their information and whatnot but he just doesn't seem to get that and that not everything is right on the internet" Which yeah, I agree that not everything posted on the internet is factual or real but when it comes to this topic, these stories are being archived by women since no one else will do it and that to him is cherry-picking.

He always tended to get aggravated or annoyed with me when we talk about things over the phone and I quickly google search and look up things to get an answer or at least point me into the direction to find the info I'm looking for. Whether it was music information, video games, tv shows, etc. He hates that I use the internet to look things up and research into.

And no he doesn't know any TIMs in real life, at least that I'm aware of. I think to him, if a trans-identified man is "making an effort" aka wearing makeup, having long hair, getting breast implants, and wearing feminine clothing, that makes them women.

[–]fediverseshill 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I would link him to sources like Facebook's "ThisNeverHappens" and WomenAreHuman as well as some videos from Magdalen Berns and he would say things like "that's not really important and that transwomen who commit crimes like that are a small minority".

Facebook radicalizes people, it would be better for both of you to cut down on it, IMO.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm actually not very active on Facebook and haven't been for like 2 years lol. The "ThisNeverHappens" page is just something I tried showing him before.

[–]Shesstealthy 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Sounds like your brother may have a tiny crush on Blaire and therefore needs Blaire to be a "real woman" in his mind.

Unlike a lot of people here I do think Blaire passes pretty well and I do also believe that some people feel a lot more comfortable in a trans identity than any other way. Like you I absolutely worry about childhood medical intervention and parents pushing a trans bandwagon for their own reasons that have little to do with their child's actual welfare.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Sounds like your brother may have a tiny crush on Blaire and therefore needs Blaire to be a "real woman" in his mind.

LOL I don't think that's the case. My brother is gay and his type of guy he's into are masculine presenting plus he has a long-term boyfriend. So I don't think it's because he has a crush on Blaire, I just think he thinks that because Blaire knows his way around a makeup brush, some good photo editing tricks, and got breast implants, that's enough for him to think he's "like an actual female".

Unlike a lot of people here I do think Blaire passes pretty well and I do also believe that some people feel a lot more comfortable in a trans identity than any other way. Like you I absolutely worry about childhood medical intervention and parents pushing a trans bandwagon for their own reasons that have little to do with their child's actual welfare.

See, if I hadn't been exposed to Blaire's unedited photos that were uploaded by people who took pictures of him out in the wild, I would agree that he "passes" very well but after seeing those photos, the smoke has lifted for me. I actually was able to find the source video of where the infamous leaks of Blaire's unedited face came from. This is the video where those images came from. He was a guest on an Instagramer named EthanIsSupreme where he did Blaire's makeup but unlike Blaire, he doesn't use FaceTune for his videos and we got to see what Blaire looks like without the filters

I do also believe that some people feel a lot more comfortable in a trans identity than any other way. Like you I absolutely worry about childhood medical intervention and parents pushing a trans bandwagon for their own reasons that have little to do with their child's actual welfare.

Right. I mean I'll put it like this. If these trans-identified men (and women) were just keeping it to themselves and their inner circle, not pushing this kinda stuff onto children, not invading women's spaces & sanctions (the TIMS), and not shaming people to date/sleep with them, I wouldn't have a problem. I mean , I still wouldn't think they were actually the opposite sex but I wouldn't be talking about it as much.

[–]Femaleisnthateful 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I have a lot of empathy for Blaire White and I'm grateful for the work he's done to expose 'transgender' predators like Jessica Yaniv, and the various hypocrises and illogic of modern trans ideology. Blaire could have gone the Samantha Lux route, and he receives a lot of attacks from the trans community for refusing to tow the trans party line (and also because of his conservative views).

I fully believe that transition for him was a coping mechanism for internalized homophobia. I know he recently learned that medical transition has left him sterile, and that's a painful thing to come to terms with. I really wonder where he and other young trans people will be 10-20 years down the road, when they can no longer pull off the pornified look that they have invested so much into, and the medical effects of transition become more apparent.

Regards your brother, I've been thinking a lot about how men actually perceive transwomen. I strongly suspect that it's not about them perceiving transwomen as actual women, because obviously heterosexual males would never consider a sexual relationship with a transwoman, especially a pre-op one. Rather, it's about them not wanting to consider non-gender conforming males as 'real men'. It is, ironically, an exclusionary and macho attitude that is perversely reframed by gender ideology as 'progressive and inclusive'. It's telling women 'we don't want these, you take them', and then calling women bigots and transphobes if they object.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I have a lot of empathy for Blaire White and I'm grateful for the work he's done to expose 'transgender' predators like Jessica Yaniv, and the various hypocrises and illogic of modern trans ideology. Blaire could have gone the Samantha Lux route, and he receives a lot of attacks from the trans community for refusing to tow the trans party line (and also because of his conservative views).

I do understand that. Though I'm irritated to no end that he gets all the praise for "stopping" Johnathon Yaniv even though there were plenty of women talking about him and warning about him long before Blaire had that infamous "debate" with him. But I know that Blaire tends to expose creepy AGPs and that's all well and go but him doing that doesn't make him any more "true trans" when he's just as much as man as the ones he makes videos on. It's obvious to him that he thinks so long as a person "passes" aka looks pretty, it's enough to make them "true trans" and that is just absurd. And I mean don't you find it a little funny how he seems to be too cowardly to even debate or "school" a radfem or Gender critical person?

I fully believe that transition for him was a coping mechanism for internalized homophobia. I know he recently learned that medical transition has left him sterile, and that's a painful thing to come to terms with. I really wonder where he and other young trans people will be 10-20 years down the road, when they can no longer pull off the pornified look that they have invested so much into, and the medical effects of transition become more apparent.

But see you're absolutely right about that. Blaire did transition because of internalized homophobia (and most likely from homophobia as well). Blaire comes from a family who didn't accept him for who he was. He came out as gay as a teenager and his father and grandfather highly disapproved of it and they ended up having a strained relationship. I'm also more than sure that Blaire's looks also didn't help the matter since this is what he was looking like when he was in high school It's not so much that it's an alternative look but also that it's a pretty effeminate look and Blaire mentioned in a previous livestream way back in 2015 when he was new to YouTube that his father was a bit on the conservative end (and I'm sure by extension, his grandfather was as well). And this rejection extended to his exterior family to the point that he was not allowed to attended big family gatherings like for Thanksgiving or Christmas, the same thing happened with an older uncle he had who was also gay who was not allowed to attend family get-togethers neither.

  • This hardship also carried over to his dating life where he was having a rough time trying to find a relationship in the gay community as a feminine gay man. See this is something that women don't tend to know about the gay dating world for men but the truth of the matter is that not many gay men are attracted to effeminate men. On dating profiles/apps, it's common to see things like No Fems" or "Masc Only" (Masculine only) or "Masc4Masc". Blaire even made a Video diary blogpost about how hard it was for him to find a partner.

So when you couple these things together, of course it can create low-self esteem and self loathing which I'm more than sure happened to Blaire and as a feminine man myself who also has to go through this kinda things in my own life, I can sympathize with him Feminine man to feminine man.

I really wonder where he and other young trans people will be 10-20 years down the road, when they can no longer pull off the pornified look that they have invested so much into, and the medical effects of transition become more apparent.

That's what I worry about and why I'm so against children transition. Like fine, if you're an adult and want to "transition", that's you're right and you're an adult who should more or less be able to understand the consequences but for children? Absolutely not. I mean that Samantha Lux person actually got bottom surgery at the age of 20, he's not even 25. That to me is horrifying. And liek you said, Blaire is now sterile and will never be able to have children of his own which I'm sure is not an easy thing to deal with if you want/wanted children. And Blaire medically trnaistioned when he was 20and he's 27 now so that's about 7 years worth of taking HRT so that should be a wake up call that these drugs have some serious side effects.

Regards your brother, I've been thinking a lot about how men actually perceive transwomen. I strongly suspect that it's not about them perceiving transwomen as actual women, because obviously heterosexual males would never consider a sexual relationship with a transwoman, especially a pre-op one. Rather, it's about them not wanting to consider non-gender conforming males as 'real men'. It is, ironically, an exclusionary and macho attitude that is perversely reframed by gender ideology as 'progressive and inclusive'. It's telling women 'we don't want these, you take them', and then calling women bigots and transphobes if they object.

I think you're right on the money with this. I think back and remember how my brother used to act whenever he was around with me in public spaces and he'd pretend like he didn't know me but try not to make it too obvious like whenever we'd go into stores, he'd quickly separate from me, pay, and quickly head out. Or before we had cars and walked everywhere, he'd try to make sure he was at least 1-2 feet ahead or behind me unless it was dark out. Or how whenever it'd come to family gatherings, he'd always have something to say about what I was wearing. And just so much more. I think he's genuinely bothered that his bother "looks weird" (Because I don't dress masculinely) and that he's embarrassed of me. And I think deep down because I'm so vocal against Transgenderism, he may think I'm Trans in denial. Oh and also, my brother is gay as well, not straight but he's one of those people who thinks that if a man only has sex with other men but dates women, the man is still "straight". lol

[–]endless_assfluff 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Hey, I don't know if you need to hear this, but this random internet person is backing you 100%. You're right: you're not hateful, ignorant, an asshole, ridiculous, or crazy, and you're not alone in feeling frustrated and scared for standing up against these things. Your voice is absolutely valuable. I could see you making a huge difference for young, vulnerable GNC men.

I have no doubt that your reasoning is airtight and your heart is in the right place. But if talking rhetoric and strategy with someone else would help your confidence, do feel free to message me. (We both know people like your brother are going to bring up BS arguments that have no place in a good-faith discussion anyway, so, uggggh. Can't do much about that.)

(Also, You're Kiddin', Right? is hilarious.)

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I really do appreciate this so much. I don't have a support network of people outside of this space who even try to understand why I feel the way I do about this kinda stuff so that's why Gender Critical is like a second home to me since I know there are people here who understand and doin't try to make me feel like I'm the worst person ever just because I feel the way I do. Especially since I'm a guy, I know other guys who notice that I do support Women's rights, they think I'm some kind of sellout or "simp" (even though I'm gay) for daring to speak out against TRA nonsense. And I really do want to help young, vulenerable GNC men the way people like Magdalen Berns and GNC Centric help vulnerable GNC women.

But if talking rhetoric and strategy with someone else would help your confidence, do feel free to message me. (We both know people like your brother are going to bring up BS arguments that have no place in a good-faith discussion anyway, so, uggggh. Can't do much about that.)

Thank you so much, I really appreciate that. I think I have most things figured for when I post the video but it could never hurt to have extra prepping to be more than ready to handle the onslaught I may receive and I'd rather not be caught off guard so thanks for the support, I will keep this in mind for sure.

[–]cinnaflo 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Have you thought about showing your brother TIF fujoshis? Or the TIFs who don't make an effort to pass at all and make yaoi their life? For example there is already an understanding among women that there are some things that we just don't do, and my peak was when I saw how often transbians acted like incel straight men. Maybe that will peak your brother...

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I have but honestly here's the thing he tends to do. Regardless of any article or person I send to him to show how fetishistic Transwomen or transmen (with the yaoi) are, he'll just dismiss it all and say it's just a minority and that they don't represent the majority of "normal" trans people. And in the case of Fujoshi's which I'm sure he's never heard of, he would say that they aren't men because "they don't try to look like men" whereas he'll turn around and say that women like Kalvin Garrah and Buck Angel because are men because "they look like men". He's very looks based I think and so long as the person "passes" he thinks that's enough for them to be seen as the sex they want to be seen as. Though I'll also note that one time I did trip him up saying that if he sees these women as men, would he date or have sex with "men" like them and he said no to which I responded with "why not? they're men aren't they" and then he just got mad at me and said "I'm not talking about this" .

And if it's internet related he'll just resort to the "You spend too much time on the internet" thing. He's just very dismissive when I show him any evidence of how the trans ideology does not work or make sense.

[–]cinnaflo 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Wow that definitely is extra frustrating, now that I think about it I also have a sibling who's very dismissive like that and I completely get it. It can feel like you're not being heard trying to convince someone you care about something that's important to you. It is kind of weird though for your brother that it's only looks that is the most important for a trans person to pass. Among the TRA crowd, it's got nothing to do with looks at all, but about how one mentally feels inside. Hopefully he'll come around for the best, it definitely takes time and a lot of persistence.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Right you understand. It's the absolute dismissal when we present these kinds of things that really make it annoying but what's worse is when they say that we're "taking things too seriously" and being on the internet too much when the reality is that social media/internet has seeped into real life. I think he thinks that because it's not something he has to deal with in his day to day life, it's not a real issue (whatever goes on on the internet)

Oh and I remember one more thing he said that really did get to me. When I brought up to him the Tavistock incident where a good number of doctors resigned after the influx of parents bringing their non-conforming children in to get diagnosed as trans, he asked me "why do you even care about all this? It's not your life". I tried to explain that I really am genuinely concerned for children about this but cut me off and said it's not important. And then top it off, when I mentioned how women's spaces and rights are being infringed on by Trans law, he said that it's not my business because I'm not a woman and that he just thinks I'm using this as an excuse to hate on trans-identified people. I was so angry and flustered because it's like he didn't even listen to anything I said. But also the belief that because I'm not a woman, I shouldn't be talking about issues that affect women.

I don't think he will come around, at least not anytime soon.

[–]PeakingPeachEater 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That sounds frustrating trying to talk to someone who deems you "narrow-minded" (ex. "You're on the internet too much!") for trying to have a civil discussion. It's a bit childish that he gave you the silent treatment for that---especially since he's not even personally, affected(i.e. he's not a TiM).

I dealt with something similar with my brothers and their religion, mostly the youngest, he was in a cult for 1-2 years and finally left---he gets obsessed with every new hobby/interest then gets bored easily. My lil bro also gave me the silent treatment for a couple of MONTHS because he didn't like what I said and during that time, I thought he was busy with school and had NO IDEA. It took my oldest brother telling me the younger one is giving me the silent treatment so I thought "whatever, not going to waste my time".

After reading your comments, it sounds like your brother is semi-aware that his arguments are illogical that he tries to shut you down instead of reflecting and going "I haven't thought of that, let me get back to you" because that would be much more constructive.

Also, if you need more receipts of Blaire White looking like the man that he is:

B. White BEFORE surgery

B. White in 2019's shoulders

B. White no makeup

If you need more receipts, I'll look for them!

Furthermore, I can relate with the GNC aspect...Growing up, I got called the T-slur and F-slur. People thought I was a boy, and when I dressed like a girl, they thought it was drag(ex. Relatives thought I was one of my mother's sons---I'm the only daughter, guess they didn't know)...ouch. Even in early adulthood, I would be refered to as a "boy" when I'm a woman. The only reason I look more like a woman now is that I grew out my hair lol. Apart from cleaning myself up a bit(fix bushy eyebrows, shaving, clothes that actually fit and aren't baggy., occasionally, but very rarely, put on makeup etc). I dig looking androgynous vs looking either hyper masculine/feminine for myself.

The GNC part of you could be why he's against you being against TiMs/TiFs. I see trans ideology as a more modern way to convert GNC people to be "normal", it sucks.

My mother HATED that I looked hyper masculine when I was younger and wanted me to shave my legs, put on makeup and straighten my "frizzy"(curly) hair to be a "normal girl".

Anyhow, I would love to watch the YouTube video you put out! And it's cool that your freelance for art! I used to draw ever since I was maybe 4-5 and fell in love with art. I stopped recent-ish. I haven't drawn in a year or two.

Hopefully your brother comes around, so far he seems a bit stubborn. Have you confronted him directly in how he feels about you being GNC and making an analogy to TiMs/TiFs?ーHow can he accept them but not you?

Edit: Format

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That sounds frustrating trying to talk to someone who deems you "narrow-minded" (ex. "You're on the internet too much!") for trying to have a civil discussion. It's a bit childish that he gave you the silent treatment for that---especially since he's not even personally, affected(i.e. he's not a TiM.

Yeah it really is frustrating with how he just dismisses me when it comes to this kinda stuff and he ALWAYS uses the "You're on the internet too much" BS. He's always tended to do that though even before the Trans crap. Whenever we'd talk about certain subject matter whether it was video games, music, my being into the Goth scene (he didn't understand what it was about), or even current events going on in he world. I would look up info using the internet to inform myself on certain things and whenever I'd contribute that to our discussions, he'd always chastise me for it and give me that dreaded phrase. He doesn't really understand that the internet by and large is a large well of information that you can use to learn things as well as socialize. Also he once used me being autistic to explain why "I'm doing too much" i.e getting into topics and researching them extensively. Which yeah, I am autistic but it's not a bad thing to learn about things and take advantage of a source that helps you inquire said information (i.e the internet).

I dealt with something similar with my brothers and their religion, mostly the youngest, he was in a cult for 1-2 years and finally left---he gets obsessed with every new hobby/interest then gets bored easily. My lil bro also gave me the silent treatment for a couple of MONTHS because he didn't like what I said and during that time, I thought he was busy with school and had NO IDEA. It took my oldest brother telling me the younger one is giving me the silent treatment so I thought "whatever, not going to waste my time".

Oh wow, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm sure you must've felt a little frustrated with how your brother would not even try to listen to what you had to say. I totally feel that. I'm happy that you're brother got out of the cult and I'm assuming, is socializing with you again?

After reading your comments, it sounds like your brother is semi-aware that his arguments are illogical that he tries to shut you down instead of reflecting and going "I haven't thought of that, let me get back to you" because that would be much more constructive.

I think you're right. Like I said in another comment, when I turned it onto him asking if he'd have sex with or date a transmen, he said he wouldn't and when I challenged him asking him why he wouldn't if they were men according to him ,he just freaks out on me and refuses to answer the question. I'm pretty sure this is a case of cognitive dissonance?

Also, if you need more receipts of Blaire White looking like the man that he is: B. White BEFORE surgery B. White in 2019's shoulders !< B. White no makeup If you need more receipts, I'll look for them!

Oh I've seen those pictures haha. Yeah even before he had his surgery, he still looked obviously male when not in front of his camera setup. That picture of him at Vidcon 2017 where he's inside the building sitting surrounded by those other people was hella shocking to see. And fun fact on those current 2018 pictures of him in the makeup, I was actually able to find the video those pictures came from. Here it is See, even in motion it's a dead give away that he looks like a man but according to my brother, the pictures (he hasn't seen the video) are fake and that Blaire looks like this now Nevermind the fact that it's an obviously edited photo. And this Again, it's edited but even if you look at his face closely, you still see the man features. But nope, that's just me "lying" according to him.

Furthermore, I can relate with the GNC aspect...Growing up, I got called the T-slur and F-slur. People thought I was a boy, and when I dressed like a girl, they thought it was drag(ex. Relatives thought I was one of my mother's sons---I'm the only daughter, guess they didn't know)...ouch. Even in early adulthood, I would be refered to as a "boy" when I'm a woman. The only reason I look more like a woman now is that I grew out my hair lol. Apart from cleaning myself up a bit(fix bushy eyebrows, shaving, clothes that actually fit and aren't baggy., occasionally, but very rarely, put on makeup etc). I dig looking androgynous vs looking either hyper masculine/feminine for myself. My mother HATED that I looked hyper masculine when I was younger and wanted me to shave my legs, put on makeup and straighten my "frizzy"(curly) hair to be a "normal girl".

See I think that people like us, GNC men and women can have a much deeper introspection when it comes to this kinda thing. After all, we're the ones who don't conform to gender expectations and we have to deal with the fallback and negativity that comes with it. Like you, I had to grow up getting called "faggot", "fruit", and "gaylord" and that was way before I started dressing the way I do now and it was because I was very meek and timid as a kid and didn't exude masculinity. When I started looking more feminine in appearance when I was in my early 20s, my stepmom hated it and my father while not as vocal, disapproved. I still remember when he was weirded out when he saw me wearing nail polish. And they'd always give me snide comments on how I'd look better "normal" but anyway, point is I so understand.

The GNC part of you could be why he's against you being against TiMs/TiFs. I see trans ideology as a more modern way to convert GNC people to be "normal", it sucks. Hopefully your brother comes around, so far he seems a bit stubborn. Have you confronted him directly in how he feels about you being GNC and making an analogy to TiMs/TiFs?--+How can he accept them but not you?

I think you might be right. While he hasn't been as outright vocal about his disapproval of how I look like our stepmom has been, thinking back, whenever we'd be hanging out in public places, he would try to look like we weren't related or that he knew me or if we were walking (before we got cars), he'd make sure to at least be 1-2 feet away from me unless it was sunset to night hours though he wouldn't do this with his friends. And sometimes he'd make little comments about a piece of clothing I was wearing. And then finally when I was blowing back on the Trans stuff, he'd try to frame things like "what if someone called you a faggot/crossdresser" for looking the way I do. So yeah, I think deep down he does have issue with my being GNC and he probably thinks I'm trans in denial. I haven't actually confronted him about it but I do plan to. Because if he is so willing to accept delusion men thinking they are women and women thinking they are men as valid, I think that will speak volumes. Because even besides me, he never seemed to have as high an opinion on GNC men unlike GNC women since he has had women friends who were more on the masculine side.

Anyhow, I would love to watch the YouTube video you put out! And it's cool that your freelance for art! I used to draw ever since I was maybe 4-5 and fell in love with art. I stopped recent-ish. I haven't drawn in a year or two.

Thanks! I mean, I'm not going to be turning into an outright Gender Critical channel as mmy channel will still mostly be about Goth stuff but I also intended the channel to be a life channel and this is something that I have strong beliefs on so I figured I'd make a few videos talking about this kinda stuff.

[–]akkordeonplayer 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I would avoid talking to your brother about this issue, or any issue really. It seems people are eager to dox/shame/call out anyone they regard as "transpbobe", even among siblings. Why do you so desperately need him to understand you? Sometimes siblings simply demand that their brothers or sisters "obey" them in a hierarchical sense and will refuse to listen to any arguments made by their "inferior" siblings. You might be wasting your breath on him. You don't want to lose your job because your brother gets so angry at you that he wants to get you fired.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah I think after this I'm definitely not gonna be talking about this kinda stuff with him anymore because it's obvious he just doesn't agree with me and probably never will. As far as I'm concerned, I think the reason why he can't understand is because this kinda stuff doesn't affect his life. He's not a Gender nonconforming gay man neither (he's gay but he's also somewhat conforming to masculinity) so he won't understand why someone like me feels the way I feel about this kinda thing.

Why do you so desperately need him to understand you?

It's not so much that I think he has to agree with me on everything. It's just that HE was the one who asked me about why I "misgender" people like Blaire White (And Kat Blaque) and so I gave him an explanation which I thought made sense.

Sometimes siblings simply demand that their brothers or sisters "obey" them in a hierarchical sense and will refuse to listen to any arguments made by their "inferior" siblings.

This is most likely true with us as well. I mean I'll be honest. He is a little more further than I am. I was always the shy, introverted one who struggled making friends growing up while he was the extroverted, social one who made friends easily. Where we are now, he is the one who has a stable relationship with his boyfriend while having next to no problem finding guys to date while I myself have never been in a relationship ever and most guys don't find me attractive because of my gender nonconformity. And because of my Autism & Social anxiety, I haven't been able to progress in my job while he was able to advance and become a manager at his job. And finally because our parents clearly like him more than they like me (I know this because they always speak highly of him but don't think much of me and do take issue with me being gender nonconforming). So yeah, you're most likely right that he does think he's above me and so for that, will think that my views are ridiculous and make no sense.

But yeah, this is definitely the last time I'll be talking this stuff with him. The reason why it came up in the first place was because he brought up the Blaire white controversy where Blaire lied about that one athlete and how he's been losing subscribers ever since and he just got angry at me because I kept using "he/him" pronouns on Blaire. But anyway yeah next time he tries to bring him up again, I'm just gonna have to say "I really don't want to talk about this", it's for the best.

[–]fediverseshill 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

He got super angry at me saying that I'm being a "hateful, ignorant asshole",

I'm going to take a guess, OP, was he also raging at you for criticising Joe Biden's views on women?

"How would you feel if someone called you a fucking faggot because of how you dress"

lol. I love how progressive and accepting these TerfHaters are ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I really do think a voice like mine can help add to the conversation and I just don't see any one else like me taking a stand and speaking out so I figured maybe it's time I stepped up in myself.

That's probably the only reason that you owe them, op ;)

Upvoted thrice.

not alone, that I'm not alone in my views and I just really appreciate it.

👍

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

lol. I love how progressive and accepting these TerfHaters are ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

That was exactly the though I had when he asked me that lol And it's not the first time he tried to use something like that on me lol.

That's probably the only reason that you owe them, op ;)

Yeah I told him that actually and that's when he said "Some things are best left to yourself"