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The cat in that image I inherited from my late grandparents. They called her kitty or Katie. I call her Miss Ivana Barvsalotte. (Long before Trumps famous daughter came to fame.)

Before her I had 3 cats...

• Bud Mewsephalus Asquith

• Charlie Agador Spartacus

• Thurston Howell III

Bud and Charlie were rescues that came with boring names, and because it's bad luck to rename a boat, I didn't want to take any chances with these cats. Sound logic right?

Baron Munchausen (and Alexander The Great) had horses name Bucephalus, and Asquith was something a friend was going on about while on acid (and had nothing to do with H. H. Asquith).

Charlie was supposed to be a temporary rescue guest in need of a new home, but after he and Bud quit hissing at each other they got super gay licking each other all the time. The Birdcage was a moderately funny 1996 movie about a middle aged gay couple and the Agador Spartacus scenes stole the show.

Thurston Howell The Third was the only logical name for my next cat.

I barely remember our Alaskan Malamute dog named Chimo and my folks gave him away when my baby brother was born.

We always had cats, and their names were always Bijou or Bijette, or both when there were two. (My grandparents named their white dog Shawna and when she died of old age they got another who looked almost identical and named her the same.)

It was only after I'd moved out they started used a 2 new names. A few years ago Miss Fluffandstuff died and they got Lucky a three legged cat who was hit by a car and rescued.

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Bonus: Your porn name is your first pets name and your first street.

I don't know my first street but using the first one I remember my porn name would be Chimo Pleasant Valley Road. Without the road.

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CAUTION: If you're paranoid about security, then don't share your pets names if you ever uses them for extra passwords.

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