all 33 comments

[–]strawberrysun 24 insightful - 8 fun24 insightful - 7 fun25 insightful - 8 fun -  (1 child)

"Nonbinary men who feel as though the term lesbian best fits their attraction" is the stupidest thing I have ever read.

[–]Horror-SwordfishI don't get how flairs work 24 insightful - 1 fun24 insightful - 0 fun25 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

lol "There's no perfect definition"

There freaking used to be!

Honestly, as a gay man, I've always been fine with "gay" being an umbrella term that included lesbians (while at the same time being a bit jealous that gay men didn't really have a term like "lesbian" that we could claim), but trying to turn "lesbian" into an umbrella term that includes straight relationships is just disgusting to me.

[–]reluctant_commenter 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

(while at the same time being a bit jealous that gay men didn't really have a term like "lesbian" that we could claim)

Really? I always wished that there was never a word specifically for homosexual women, lol. Funny how perspectives can differ, I guess.

[–]Three_oneFourWanted for thought crimes in countless ideologies 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

If you don't mind me asking, why do you dislike that homosexual women have a unique name?

[–]soundsituationI myself was once a gay 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm not the person you asked, but since I'm of a similar mind I'll give you my reason. Both 'gay' and 'bi' work as adjectives; lesbian doesn't, not in English anyway, and not in any language that I'm aware of. I think that when a descriptor takes noun form it's far more likely to be seen, and felt, as an identity category. It's the subtle difference between "I run" or "I like to run" and "I'm a runner"; there's a sense of persona with the noun version where I think a lot more is assumed beyond the essential qualities. I'm not against all identity categories and in fact do sometimes use them to describe myself, but usually only when it's something I'm really proud of, usually something that's been earned, or else when it's a simple convention of the language for which there's no legitimate replacement. I'm not ashamed of being attracted to women but I'm not proud of it either. It just is. So when I do tell people I either say that I'm gay or that I date women. But what usually happens is I mention I'm seeing someone, they assume it's a guy, and I correct them and we move on.

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My reasons are similar to the other commenter's-- I don't like referring to myself as "a lesbian" or "a gay" as in noun form; I'd prefer to just describe my sexual orientation with an adjective, because it's just one part of me. Yet when people use the word "lesbian" they usually expect it to be used in noun form. I often use it in adjective form-- I refer to myself as "a lesbian woman"-- but sometimes people get pissed off about that. Whatever.

I think this is also related to the sort of homophobia I heard growing up. I often heard straight women describe gay men with an adjective and say, "Oh, they're men who just happen to be gay," and nothing was assumed about their character on the basis of sexual orientation-- but lesbian women, they would refer to as "lesbians" and claimed that female homosexuality is always associated with certain negative character traits (e.g. being predatory/mean/violent/aggressive/masculine/whatever else they thought lesbian women were like).

I think that having a separate word "lesbian" for homosexual women encourages these stereotypes and de-emphasizes the fact that we are just... women. We are just human beings. u/soundsituation put it well:

I think that when a descriptor takes noun form it's far more likely to be seen, and felt, as an identity category.

And I would add that identity categories often imply group character traits or cultural traits. That would be misinformation: the only requirement to being a gay woman is being female and homosexual, that's it. (Misunderstanding of this fact is part of why we end up with TRAs who call themselves gay/bisexual and aren't same-sex attracted at all!)

Finally, I have come to additionally distance myself from the word "lesbian" more and more because of the homophobic "political lesbians" concept perpetuated by some radfems. Saying that I'm a gay woman, rather than "a lesbian," emphasizes objective descriptive information about me, and it also emphasizes the fact that I don't participate in this type of subculture. I'm just boring old homosexual, that's it.

It's a great question by the way, I don't mind you asking at all. :) That was probably a longer answer than you were looking for, though, lol.

[–]soundsituationI myself was once a gay 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Same. I don't really care but it's what I'd prefer.

[–]reluctant_commenter 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Interesting to hear I'm not the only one. I liked your comment describing why, that's a good way to put it. Sounds like we have pretty similar reasons.

[–]Rage-Xion 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I've seen the word "Achillean" but it's not widespread.

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

And Sapphic has been taken by genderspecials, so even that isn't ours to use.

[–]wendyokoopa1 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Fuck I knew it was only a matter of time before they hijacked that.

[–]SerpensInferna 16 insightful - 5 fun16 insightful - 4 fun17 insightful - 5 fun -  (3 children)

Wikipedia keeps asking me for a donation.

Is there a way to turn them down and let them know why I'm turning them down?

[–]julesburm1891 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

This is from some wiki, not Wikipedia. Here is the actual page.

[–]SerpensInferna 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh geez, I feel stupid. Thank you for the correction!

[–]wendyokoopa1 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Give a penny then tell them why they're not getting a dime more.

[–]DrMantisToboggan 17 insightful - 2 fun17 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Another queer gobbledegook definition.

[–]jay-dayGold Star Gay Woman[S] 15 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Part of the definition was demanding men be allowed in the lesbian definition because if we exclude them that'll hurt their feelings. I legit hate every queer, trans, nb, and bi "lesbian" for doing this to us.

[–]hufflepuff-poet 11 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

There is a perfect definition of lesbianism; female homosexuals.

The kweerios just wanna complicate the definition because that's what "queering" is all about, detaching words from reality and complicating simple concepts to pump up their egos.

[–]jay-dayGold Star Gay Woman[S] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I can't wait for this to be over. Hopefully LGBs will learn to not allow straight people in the community, and to stop taking everything someone says at face value. I'm still trying to figure out how we let a bunch of maladaptive teenagers to completely take over our community. Once we saw stuff like omni/abro/poly/pan-sexual, xenogenders, and neo-pronouns we should've put our foot down but we didn't take it seriously, now 8 almost 9 years later it's gotten worse.

[–]antares 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

This inspires me to call my friends (straight men) lesbians just so I can watch my former or moderate SJW friends' heads explode.

[–]jay-dayGold Star Gay Woman[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I remember when it was a dumb thing for a man to say "well lesbian just means attracted to women so technically I'm a lesbian," and we were all in agreement that was ridiculous.

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It used to be an old joke that straight men would say, but now it's treated with deadly seriousness. God help you if you say a male presenting straight man isn't a lesbian like he claims.

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

They need 4 paragraphs to define what a lesbian is. You only need 2 words: homosexual female.

[–]MarkJeffersonTight defenses and we draw the line 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Tbh, that site has hundreds of bs sexualities and genders and probably shouldn't be taken seriously as reference. There are even some named after people(Blanesexual, Donnasexual). It's mostly managed by minors and it shows.

[–]jay-dayGold Star Gay Woman[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's fine if they want to post about bs sexualities, I don't want them to try to change or drag in legitimate sexualities though. It is a popular LGB/T website and many people will see this.

[–]Q-Continuum-kin 6 insightful - 6 fun6 insightful - 5 fun7 insightful - 6 fun -  (3 children)

Does "anonbinary" mean they are binary but don't want anyone to know?

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I think it's more along the lines of their gender being connected to whether they'll listen to their nurse and leave Romeo hanging on the windowsill.

[–]jay-dayGold Star Gay Woman[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

From what I could find its defined as "Anonbinary is a gender that is not binary, but even still, is outside of non-binary." So meaningless.

[–]Q-Continuum-kin 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

"let me tell you how special and unique I am."

[–]Hannibalboy93 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

How do we stop this shit?? Is that wiki some bullshit wiki

[–]jay-dayGold Star Gay Woman[S] 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Here is the link, the page is locked and no one can edit or comment on it. Idk if there is a way to contact the creators. It's a very, very, popular LGBT wiki, but not an official wiki. Even though it's not an official wiki, it is extremely popular and any popular informational websites saying lesbians must include men in their sexuality needs to be called out. .

[–]dilsencySame-sex community 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I miss in the olden days of tumblr when people would make up new gender labels, as they would also invent a fake "sexuality" to go along with it.

Don't you dare be attracted to that faegender girl person before you announce yourself as faesexual!

[–]EtoileLesbienne⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

guess all girls really are bisexual after all