how can i best explain why a white man cannot identify as a black lesbian?

dilsency · 2023-06-30T07:45:26+00:00

Gender is a social category that is not based in heritage (women don't only give birth to women), not genetic (even if you don't count trans people, there are XY women and XX men)

While the male-determining gene (SRY) may not be located on the Y chromosome due to atypical development... how does this disprove that biological sex is not genetic?

dilsency · 2023-03-02T07:14:52+00:00

Leave the kids alone. Just be a good role model and kids will look up to you on their own.

dilsency · 2023-03-02T05:54:17+00:00

The past one-two years I’ve come more to terms with being gay and primarily liking men

Is that really something you have to come to terms with? Female people being attracted to men is very common.

dilsency · 2023-02-23T10:10:40+00:00

it's my choice to exclude the opposite sex [...] from my dating and shagging pool

Curious about your use of "choice" here.

dilsency · 2023-02-17T08:07:06+00:00

internalized sex essentialism

The understanding that there are only 2 sexes? Or?

dilsency · 2023-02-16T13:19:42+00:00

examine your tastes for influence from unconscious biases

If your sexual orientation could be influenced, no one would be gay. Society only pressures people to be attracted to the opposite sex.

dilsency · 2023-02-16T08:40:04+00:00

Sounds like pseudo-science, but what do I know.

dilsency · 2022-07-08T06:52:59+00:00

Seems like labeling yourself as woke is just an invitation for others to scrutinize you.

dilsency · 2022-06-22T07:39:15+00:00

And absolutely refused to deal with the fact that sometimes preferences are shaped by society.

In a post complaining that lesbians are not interested in male people. In this reality, society is telling women not to be with men.

The clown jumped out.

dilsency · 2022-06-08T09:53:22+00:00

Are they going to have a temper tantrum if you at any point stop pretending it's real?

dilsency · 2022-05-28T15:30:40+00:00

Oh god option 4.

I kind of don't hate this version of the BLM rainbow flag. I think the design of it gives the impression that it isn't made to be used as the official flag, but in the relevant context.

They could have done something similar with the trans flag, but no. We get that visual abomination.

dilsency · 2022-05-27T13:34:58+00:00

Gays and lesbians also do things separate from one another, yes. There's no animosity or forced exclusion however, because we shockingly have the decency not to include ourselves in spaces that are not for us.

dilsency · 2022-05-25T22:21:40+00:00

Haters will say it's photoshop.

dilsency · 2022-05-25T12:49:50+00:00

Any new thing added to the flag moves the conversation away from same-sex.

dilsency · 2022-05-25T12:47:58+00:00

Ukraine. Which is a nice sentiment, but uhh... feels misplaced?

dilsency · 2022-05-24T22:25:51+00:00

How often do they think that happens?

dilsency · 2022-05-24T21:45:43+00:00

My big awkward body that will never look feminine or attractive

You can still look feminine in relation to the common man, if that matters to you. I guess that won't be good enough.

Attractive is subjective. Chances are someone is already attracted to your body type.

dilsency · 2022-05-23T07:58:13+00:00

My dick is not a figment of my imagination. Last I checked, it worked fine. Sometimes it's not very big and other times I have to strap it on, but it's definitely real.

Oh, let me guess... you're really curious about my genitalia. Surprise, surprise.

I don't see the benefit in dating a person with whom you can't even reference their actual body. Wouldn't it be easier to go with a person you wouldn't have to walk on eggshells with? If having a ~~sexual orientation~~ ✨genital fetish✨ is an unforgivable sin to some people... why choose those people over others?

dilsency · 2022-05-22T11:07:37+00:00

Banning therapy to become comfortable as gay IS the pressure to live as straight.

English is not my first language, so I'm having difficulty in parsing this sentence. If someone could elaborate that would be kind.

dilsency · 2022-05-20T08:32:26+00:00

take that if you are married to [...] one that you thought was a woman

You're fucking gay. Get over it.

If you think it's somehow homophobic of me to say that

What a loon.

dilsency · 2022-05-19T21:05:17+00:00

Just use multiple flags. This is an eyesore.

dilsency · 2022-05-19T13:53:35+00:00

I'm mad at how well this applies.

dilsency · 2022-05-17T07:26:55+00:00

It's like they're blaming them for being surprised. Their profile stated that they were a man (I'm assuming they didn't have a face pic). Then they send unsolicited pics of their entire vajine. I'd be taken aback too.

dilsency · 2022-05-15T19:29:40+00:00

Who knew Karl Heinrich Ulrichs and Karl-Maria Kertbeny, grandfathers of the modern gay rights movement back in 1867, were secretly black transwomen all along?

dilsency · 2022-05-12T09:32:12+00:00

The ✨LGBTQ+ community✨ contains a large amount of men. If they're referring to bi women, say bi women.

But I don't actually know what they're trying to say here. The ✨community✨ is at higher risk of homelessness, which is a factor, but then why not just say homeless women?

EDIT: Replaced lesbians with bi women because of... logic.

dilsency · 2022-05-11T08:08:57+00:00

You can see that in action when people start talking about "sexuality" as being "who you have sex with" as opposed to "what sex you are attracted to."

I can't tell you how much I hate the former. Really messed with my head back when I was coming to terms with being gay.

dilsency · 2022-05-11T07:47:28+00:00

I don't know about this person specifically, but... a person has no credibility if they advocate for transitioning in minors without being honest about both side effects, and the fact that it isn't appropriate in every case.

dilsency · 2022-05-10T09:41:51+00:00

"Queer" and "LGBT" doesn't help. I'm beginning to value specificity more and more. If something relates to gay men, it should be natural to refer to it as such, not "2SLGBTQQIA+".

dilsency · 2022-05-10T08:40:17+00:00

I wear men's clothes because of the way my body is shaped... as a result of being male. I don't think dresses or skirts that accentuate my hips would be particularly flattering for me, for the same reason I don't try to highlight my breasts. I don't have that body shape.

Some parts of fashion are arbitrary and artificial (gender), some are a result of men and women being shaped differently (sex).

dilsency · 2022-05-10T08:31:57+00:00

Most people do not have a gender identity. Most people don't have special requirements of how others are allowed to refer to them in third person (when they are not even present).

dilsency · 2022-05-10T08:27:11+00:00

People shouldn't be shamed for only being interested in one of the sexes, nor should they be shamed for not being into mixed sex characteristics.

I'm assuming most people who are interested in male people lose interest when those males have breast implants.

dilsency · 2022-05-09T08:49:53+00:00

I'm assuming it means there can be no conflict stemming from a character being gay, if they're not referenced as being gay.

On one hand I'm not opposed to skipping labels in media, since that tends to come across as cringe, as long as it's understood that the characters are indeed gay. It is undermined entirely when these supposed gay men date female people.

dilsency · 2022-05-09T07:45:47+00:00

It's the straight-girl-from-tumblr way of looking at gay people. Can't believe people thought it was well-written in any way.

Also, if the characters are around 14 years old, why are they acting like they're 8?

dilsency · 2022-05-09T07:41:27+00:00

effeminate twink-ish guy

hyper masc top

Hard for me to take any of that seriously, lol. Both of those are just performances. The former for online attention (I assume, I don't know if the male hourglass is actually popular in the dating scene), the latter for... his father's approval, idk?

dilsency · 2022-05-09T07:30:14+00:00

I call it mixed-sex characteristics. I'd assume most people who are attracted to men would prefer them without breast implants, for example.

dilsency · 2022-05-09T07:26:16+00:00

I think that person was just looking for online attention, but whatever. Most gay men do gym training, not corset training.

dilsency · 2022-05-09T07:23:46+00:00

"The only good gay man is a straight one"

dilsency · 2022-05-09T07:21:08+00:00

She seems to acknowledge that the gay men she talks to on Grindr don't actually want any of what she has to offer. She should have the decency to delete the app instead of treating it as her personal gay zoo.

dilsency · 2022-05-03T16:47:07+00:00

my gender is Queer as I'm both Intersex and Gender Non-Conforming

Neither of those relate to gender identity (or same-sex attraction). How do they make you ✨queer✨?

dilsency · 2022-05-03T08:02:49+00:00

Declassifying homosexuality as a mental illness is one milestone in same-sex history where the Americans were in fact first. We love to see it.

dilsency · 2022-05-03T06:24:14+00:00

Somehow deep down I knew I was queer even when I thought I was a straight cis woman.

🤡

I rejected any suggestion that I might be gay

You wouldn't have this inner turmoil if you understood that gay describes a homosexual person.

dilsency · 2022-05-02T07:40:06+00:00

I'd work in "same-sex" somewhere. That's what the activists cannot stand, but everyone else don't see a problem with.

dilsency · 2022-05-02T07:37:33+00:00

I wonder if some do know. My child is acting what I think a gay person acts like - let's nip that in the bud.

dilsency · 2022-04-29T10:02:51+00:00

People being repulsed by certain genitals isn't uncommon. While some gay men can be quite explicit about it, I imagine it's a type of bonding of shared experiences, and the expression of it is simply exaggerated.

But of course, some people take things we say so literally when they want to. I remember people making a huge stink about the term "gold star gay" some time ago, describing it as an exclusive club and something that determined your "worth in the community". It's really not that serious.

dilsency · 2022-04-29T07:10:56+00:00

There is a reason why the harshest critic of gay men that are Republican yet also want to stomp on women's rights exist... and that is because he is still wearing his mask. ;)

It's a common theme for straight people in general to call very evil heterosexual men "secretly gay".

I've seen it too, and I hate it. People calling homophobic politicians like Mike Pence secretly gay. It feels like pushing the blame of homophobia onto gay people.

dilsency · 2022-04-29T06:54:17+00:00

✨Lesbian culture is so rich and diverse.✨

dilsency · 2022-04-28T10:04:03+00:00

I have a hard time taking that as a personal offense, to be honest. I imagine they're referring to some bad experiences they've had, and not to every man on an individual level.

dilsency · 2022-04-26T07:16:40+00:00

Right? If attraction based on gender refers to the self-identification of others, then how would you ever know? You would never be able to think a stranger looks attractive at a glance.

If attraction based on gender refers to the gender role(s) that a person may perform, then isn't that borderline offensive? This person wears the woman costume imposed by society, regardless of who they are, so therefore I'm attracted to them?

dilsency · 2022-04-26T07:12:18+00:00

If I happened to see a trans man that was somehow both my type and also could not be clocked as a woman (I know that I'm talking about unicorn, but let's roll with it), I'd probably experience some attraction. As soon as I find out that attractive man has a vagina, all of my attraction would be lost.

I think attraction is largely based on your assumptions of a person. When your assumption is proven wrong, it's natural to lose attraction, if you can even call it that in such an early stage.

dilsency · 2022-04-23T09:19:14+00:00

we chat to former Staff Pride Network Co-Chair and Trans & Non-Binary Officer Rosie about what lesbian visibility means to her

Does it matter what Rosie thinks about lesbian visibility? He's not a lesbian.

dilsency · 2022-04-23T07:56:02+00:00

If people spoke of their own experiences, we wouldn't have a problem. Saying that sexuality is fluid for everyone is quite offensive to us homosexuals.

dilsency · 2022-04-22T06:45:15+00:00

Frustrating. Specify the group you are referring to, in this case trans. ✨LGBTQ+✨ doesn't clue the reader in on who you are talking about.

dilsency · 2022-04-20T07:57:37+00:00

How does this relate to or benefit homosexuals by the way?

use the bathroom matching their gender identity

Bathrooms are segregated by sex, not ✨gender identity✨. It's the reason why only one of the two have urinals, which only male people can utilize.

dilsency · 2022-04-19T15:39:18+00:00

you would think that a community built off the backs of trans people and people of color

Source please. From what I can gather, modern gay activism started in Germany and Austria in the 1860s, and it was centered around homosexual men.

dilsency · 2022-04-13T08:41:05+00:00

Conversion therapy kills

The conversion therapy that same-sex attracted people go through is not the same thing as seeking out the underlying reason that a young person may want to transition. Conflating the two is appropriating the struggles of same-sex attracted people.

dilsency · 2022-04-12T09:03:27+00:00

The only time they acknowledge the problems of their community is when they deny that they exist.

dilsency · 2022-04-11T07:52:13+00:00

Here's the Irish Times article.

Some excerpts, but do read the article yourselves:

Sexual orientation and gender identity are very different things and they should not be conflated. Sexual orientation is the enduring pattern of romantic or sexual attraction to the opposite sex, your own sex or both. We know it is enduring because, among other evidence, we know gay conversion therapy does not work, and tragically many people took their own lives rather than live an outright lie.

‎

Not everyone feels they possess a gender identity, but we all have a sexual orientation, another reason for not conflating the two.

‎

The proposed wording of the Bill leaves therapists and clinicians unsure to what extent it is permissible to employ therapeutic interventions around a person’s gender identity. Gender dysphoria for example, may have many underlying causes not necessarily related to being transgender. If we explore this, will therapists find themselves accused of practising conversion therapy?

‎

There has been a very sharp increase in adolescents presenting with gender dysphoria or gender questioning or simply identifying as trans, particularly in the last three years. Not all will go on to socially or medically transition, nor should they, as not all gender dysphoria means an underlying trans identity.

‎

Gender-non-conforming behaviours in children may continue into adulthood, but such behaviours are not necessarily indicative of gender dysphoria and a need for treatment. Studies also consistently show an association between childhood gender dysphoria and homosexuality and bisexuality in adulthood. An important statistic to keep in mind is that of the “gender non-conforming” or gender-dysphoric children who go through the natural puberty related to their natal sex, approximately 70 per cent go on to realise they are gay, lesbian or bisexual. So, to affirm a 13 year old with recent gender dysphoria as “trans” when they are in fact gay could certainly leave therapists open to accusations of conversion therapy after the client has completed adolescence.

‎

If therapists are fearful of accusations of “conversion” therapy, first the majority won’t work in the area of gender and, second, there will be no chance for gender-questioning clients of this age to explore or be challenged. No room for growth, no time for reflection or self-discovery. The result of which would be a rigidity most alien to both effective psychological therapy and every single child development model that has every existed. It is bad practice. As ethical therapists and clinicians, we should not support it.

Good points that need to be discussed. It would be interesting to hear what the genderqueer crowd's rebuttal would be, if they could ever hold a debate or form a coherent argument.

dilsency · 2022-04-10T07:11:10+00:00

Because the real problem isn't individuals at all.

It's the ideology itself.

Ultimately, transgenderism holds that biological sex must give way to gender. And gender is the source of both women's status as inferior, and the stigmatization of same-sex attraction.

This is exactly it. Picking out individuals is pointless. If they all share the same ideology, that biological sex is to be erased and replaced with gender identity, which in turn wouldn't exist without the harmful expectations imposed upon women, then target the ideology. You can at least hold a debate that way.

dilsency · 2022-04-10T06:58:56+00:00

Neither Pride nor the Stonewall riots are important enough to me that I would lie to invent heroes out of any of the people who were there. There were other milestones, both before and after, but why talk about those?

dilsency · 2022-04-08T07:47:30+00:00

The idea that we are all in one big community is a joke. The same-sex-attracted side can't relate to the gender identity side, and vice versa. There isn't a characteristic that all members have in common.

If we were considered separately this wouldn't be a problem; conversion therapy based on sexual orientation should be banned, and the bill shouldn't be pulled just because it is unrelated to this other group.

dilsency · 2022-04-08T07:20:20+00:00

Would going to a therapist to seek out the underlying reason that a young person may want to transition (which can be many things mind you), constitute as trans conversion therapy?

dilsency · 2022-04-06T08:38:45+00:00

I mean... you get called transphobic for breathing whilst homosexual.

Either the word is used when it doesn't apply.

Or the word really refers to a person who won't undergo conversion therapy for the whims of strangers. In which case the word has no weight behind it since it applies to everyone.

dilsency · 2022-04-06T08:29:02+00:00

When I searched for “queer wedding,” I found images of happy, nontraditional ceremonies: husbands hugging, wives kissing. Many of them were masculine-feminine couples. [...] It is beautiful, sure, but it was more of the same: male/female, masculine/feminine, and suit/gown. I couldn’t envision myself in those roles. My sense of being the odd one out intensified.

Imagine being this obsessed with gender stereotypes that you think everyone around you is performing gender to the extent that you are.

Pondering who the wo/man in a same-sex relationship is says a lot about you, Claire.

dilsency · 2022-04-04T19:53:55+00:00

A lack of repeated exposure makes it difficult for straight society to empathize with us. Most people don't seek us out to engage with us or our issues.

But everyone has a gay cousin. Same-sex attracted people being less afraid to share their lives and experiences with their families does have a positive impact.

wasn't meant to be

Nothing is meant to be. We are able to influence how society views us.

dilsency · 2022-04-04T08:26:33+00:00

I don’t mind my breast but if I have top surgery in the future

I would recommend not removing parts of your body unless medically necessary. This person has no problem with having breasts, but still may remove them in the future?

dilsency · 2022-04-04T08:23:41+00:00

Another person who goes from being attracted to the opposite sex, to being attracted to the opposite sex. Groundbreaking.

dilsency · 2022-04-03T12:35:54+00:00

xam/zim/kimselves

Is that a Harry Potter spell?

dilsency · 2022-04-01T08:02:41+00:00

Dumb question, but are trans users more lucrative for them or something? With this post and the other one, they seem quite hostile to their lesbian userbase. Is there an economic reason that they're alienating their larger demographic, instead of avoiding to comment and taking on an "everyone is welcome" approach?

dilsency · 2022-04-01T07:44:59+00:00

Wow, that's embarrassing.

dilsency · 2022-03-31T07:27:19+00:00

No, homosexuals are not going to undergo conversion therapy for you. Gays and lesbians are not the ones committing violence against trans people. Stop blaming us.

dilsency · 2022-03-30T07:16:39+00:00

There are two sexes. Society has different expectations of people, based on which of the sexes they are. The term gender historically either referred to these two sets of expectations, or as a synonym for the two sexes when the word sex could be misinterpreted or deemed inappropriate.

The 85 genders refers to... what exactly?

dilsency · 2022-03-29T07:28:05+00:00

Opposite-sex relationships don't need us to highlight them. They're doing quite fine at the moment.

dilsency · 2022-03-28T07:03:07+00:00

If you want to vent about anything in general, be best places for that are:

Saidit (right here)

This is exactly what I do. Reddit for gaming or whatever, and whenever I see something that frustrates me, I come here.

dilsency · 2022-03-28T05:52:11+00:00

"person of alphabet" stoppp

dilsency · 2022-03-27T14:23:18+00:00

There seems to be some overlap between being attracted to trans people, and being trans yourself. Men attracted to transwomen are more likely to experience autogynephilia themselves, than those who are not. Cambridge article | Wikipedia paragraph

dilsency · 2022-03-25T22:02:17+00:00

Thank you. They always gloss over this part.

dilsency · 2022-03-25T21:59:54+00:00

If you start off with two whack statements, of course your conclusion is going to be whack.

dilsency · 2022-03-24T09:11:30+00:00

The same-sex attracted community is very different from the trans/gender/queer community, including in what they wish to accomplish (and what they demand from strangers).

The idea that all minority communities have the same goals and ideologies is very strange to me. A few of them would love for homosexuality to not exist at all.

dilsency · 2022-03-23T14:24:18+00:00

I'm basically aro until I make a relationship/bond/connection with someone

I was under the assumption that aro meant you didn't have romantic connections with people. This person doesn't have romantic connections with people... until they have a romantic connection with them? What?

dilsency · 2022-03-22T07:28:41+00:00

I would try not to internalize that. Some men are going to dismiss you for being feminine, whether their justification is that they don't like male femininity, or that they try to "explain you away" with calling you trans, it's the same thing in the end.

dilsency · 2022-03-18T11:26:53+00:00

Interesting to note that men attracted to transwomen are more likely to experience autogynephilia themselves, than those who are not. Cambridge article | Wikipedia paragraph

Little research done on the transman counterpart, however.

dilsency · 2022-03-18T09:07:54+00:00

I think people mean well. As condescending as it sounds, when people promote ideology that is ultimately not in the best interests of women, same-sex attracted people, or children, I think that they genuinely haven't thought of how it can affect others.

When people bring up transitioning as "being your true self", it's easy to get people on board. But when you bring up transitioning for children, how the methodology is not scientific, and how gender non-conformity in children is often not permanent and a sign of something other than gender identity, you'd make a lot of people uncomfortable.

dilsency · 2022-03-17T13:36:35+00:00

I mean... just use the 🍑 or ⬇️ emojis?

dilsency · 2022-03-17T08:40:32+00:00

an aro ace-spec demigirl

The comedy of this sentence aside... she's on the "ace spectrum", so she has sex or experiences sexual attraction sometimes. But who is she attracted to?

The problem with putting the "a spectrum" in the same category as homo/bi/heterosexuality is that you don't actually describe which people this person is attracted to, in whatever way she is. It'd be much more clear if she described herself as a heterosexual (I'm assuming) who is not interested in relationships, with a low libido.

dilsency · 2022-03-16T21:25:50+00:00

Gender ideology is framed as more progressive; this person clearly feels enlightened and is ready to preach.

Same-sex attracted people need to consider what they can relate to, and what is actually beneficial for them.

If gender is on a spectrum

"Gender" in this context is arbitrary and pointless. There are infinitely many ways to express yourself, and infinitely many words to use to describe yourself. This isn't profound.

then homosexuality doesn't really exist

Sexual orientation, including homosexuality, is based on biological sex. Biological sex exists even for people with gender identities.

dilsency · 2022-03-16T20:54:36+00:00

it's a bad look to equate manhood with penises

They're relating manhood to being male. A penis is a result of normal development whilst male.

dilsency · 2022-03-15T14:40:53+00:00

(gay children don’t exist)

More and more, I'm starting to think this is true. [...] Sexual orientation requires sexual desire and feelings and an ability to process that

While I didn't know I was gay at the time, or what gay was, I remember being very interested in the older boys when I was in 3rd grade (so around 8–9 I guess). And showing no such interest in the girls. I don't think sexual desire is the only component of being same-sex attracted, all I wanted was a hug.

dilsency · 2022-03-15T08:59:57+00:00

🤮

dilsency · 2022-03-14T14:03:00+00:00

"It isn't arbitrary" killed me.

dilsency · 2022-03-14T09:49:50+00:00

They say out loud that they're not into dick... and you think they're joking? The narcissism.

dilsency · 2022-03-10T10:30:42+00:00

What a juvenile idea of sexuality/attraction.

dilsency · 2022-03-09T07:58:39+00:00

They really thought they did something.

dilsency · 2022-03-06T07:09:40+00:00

Superstraight and Supergay existed for a moment. I guess those are not dehumanising enough. They really want you to feel shame for being a homosexual.

dilsency · 2022-03-06T06:38:18+00:00

Maybe this confusion is why you got so upset.

That's quite condescending.

dilsency · 2022-03-06T06:37:16+00:00

Is this in response to what I wrote?

No.

dilsency · 2022-03-05T18:32:32+00:00

I wish bisexual and bicurious people would just stick to speaking on behalf of their own community. Your understanding of your own sexuality changing doesn't mean the sexuality of everyone else is up for debate. Telling homosexuals we don't actually know our own lived experiences is very condescending.

dilsency · 2022-03-05T18:20:24+00:00

it starts to feel strange to put men in categories based on this aspect of personality

"Gay" doesn't describe a personality type... it describes exclusive same-sex attraction.

dilsency · 2022-03-05T18:18:39+00:00

Some truth to it, for you.

dilsency · 2022-03-02T14:48:05+00:00

Clearly they aren't claiming to actually be speaking for every gay person. (cough ~~every gay male is exclusively interested in other males though~~ cough)

dilsency · 2022-02-24T09:16:00+00:00

You may have gotten a skewed view of Sweden. Most of the TRA stuff was only supported by default, or "because it's the right thing to do". If you were to bring up specific points of how TRA activism actually manifests, you would get a lot more dissent.

dilsency