ColonizationHow does one supposed to improve straight man's experience of not getting lesbian matches?

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[–][deleted] 43 insightful - 4 fun43 insightful - 3 fun44 insightful - 4 fun -  (8 children)

C, D, and E are all the consequence of straight men trying to match with lesbians. WTF did they expect? A bit concerned how the app plans to fix those. Going to force lesbians to match with men or something?

A lot more B should happen to these men.

[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman🇬🇧🌳🟦 32 insightful - 1 fun32 insightful - 0 fun33 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

It wouldn't surprise me if they got rid of the match feature altogether, and moved to a 'Grindr Model' where everyone is fair game to everyone else. That way nobody is 'excluded' and all the men can just harass the lesbians to their hearts' content.

So inclusive.

[–]Rosefield 25 insightful - 4 fun25 insightful - 3 fun26 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

But then the remaining 2% of lesbians left are going to leave. I don't know if the HER creators thought about that but apps can be deleted. And then there are only men screeching into the void.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

How does that model work? Like you can message people without matching first?

[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman🇬🇧🌳🟦 25 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 0 fun26 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Yes, that's the general idea. Profiles are organised by distance. You can apply filters (age, height, 'position' etc. [Race was removed some time ago]) so you only see profiles that you are interested in, but that doesn't make you invisible to those you aren't, and they can still send you messages.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 32 insightful - 1 fun32 insightful - 0 fun33 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I prefer the match system, when you contact someone only after you know they also interested. I would find sending messages and getting ignored quite not funny, and also receiving unwanted messages. Don't get why race fiter is deemed more controversial than other filter based on genetic out of control traits. Not being attracted to a certain race is as legit as any any kinda of physical/character dealbreaker.

[–]Cable 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Really, height? Couldn't you just filter out more transbians that way?

[–]malloww 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

From the sounds of it you could avoid seeing them (and the poor actual tall women), but they could still see you and message you even if you've filtered them out.

[–]dilsencySame-sex community 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You get a list of all logged-in users sorted by distance to you, and you can interact with all of them.

(at least that's how it was when I used it, some years ago)

[–]shveya 38 insightful - 2 fun38 insightful - 1 fun39 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

"Having to educate matches on being trans" Real world translation: "talking down to lesbians to explain why being same-sex attracted is wrong and why they should give men in drag a chance"

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 37 insightful - 1 fun37 insightful - 0 fun38 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

So, what's the point? They want to force people to match them?

[–]ChunkeeguyTeam T*RF Fuck Yeah 32 insightful - 13 fun32 insightful - 12 fun33 insightful - 13 fun -  (2 children)

You sound surprised

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 32 insightful - 1 fun32 insightful - 0 fun33 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I thought people had the right to consent still. Silly me.

[–]hufflepuff-poet 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Consent is exclusionary now. Gotta spread your legs for whoever or your a hateful bigot 🙄

[–]Virginia_Plain 33 insightful - 6 fun33 insightful - 5 fun34 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

How would some of these be fixed? I'm serious, what would people seriously expect an app to do? Send overbearing pop up messages to remind users that trans people can have any genitals? Warn users that they have not responded in X minutes to a user, and repeated violations will result in a suspension?

I'm all for stopping abusive behavior, but for all the think pieces, PR campaigns, and pledges to "do better," these apps are all about whether or not that person on the other end says "yes." And that is really, really hard to influence.

[–]dilsencySame-sex community 30 insightful - 1 fun30 insightful - 0 fun31 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Why doesn't the app just let you specify if you are attracted to transwomen in the first place?

[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman🇬🇧🌳🟦 37 insightful - 10 fun37 insightful - 9 fun38 insightful - 10 fun -  (3 children)

Because some people would select 'no' and that would be unacceptably trabsphobic.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I don't know how they did it when there was an option, but just making it opt-in ought to cover it. Nobody has to say no to anything, just yes if they are including X demographic. "Check all that apply."

Only the insane and the rapey want to match with people who don't want them.

[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman🇬🇧🌳🟦 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Only the insane and the rapey want to match with people who don't want them.

Therein lies the rub, my friend. Some people wouldn't opt in, and that would be unacceptably trabsphobic.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm aware of the rub (let's not think about that too hard) but taking away the "no" takes away the claim of active rejection. When dealing with narcissists, every way you can find to disengage is preferable, because they will victim the shit out of even being looked at funny (I am not joking)—or thinking that you did when you didn't.

Related, out of morbid curiosity, I want to know how these people react to 1. not getting hired for a job they applied to and 2. not getting customers for a business they started. If your product or service isn't selling, maybe your product or service is the problem.

But we beat this horse to death years ago and are basically now just talking to ourselves. Give an inch to a narcissist and they'll take a time zone.

[–]kwallio 33 insightful - 4 fun33 insightful - 3 fun34 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

I think Her had this feature at one point - you could filter out or specify people who id'd themselves on the app as transwomen, but the transwomen said it was ~transphobic of course so they stopped it.

[–]ChunkeeguyTeam T*RF Fuck Yeah 16 insightful - 14 fun16 insightful - 13 fun17 insightful - 14 fun -  (0 children)

Trans women are womennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

[–]julesburm1891 30 insightful - 1 fun30 insightful - 0 fun31 insightful - 1 fun -  (14 children)

Okay, so they want people to be forced to match with them? What do they honestly think will happen next? They’re just going to get ghosted and still get their feelings hurt. So then what? Are they going to try to force women into accepting dates with them? To fucking them? To marrying them? Really, where does it end? Because at every single step the outcome will be the same—lesbians will still be avoiding these guys and fucking/dating/marrying each other. Straight men pushing themselves into spaces where no one there wants them are going to get their feelings hurt regardless of how hard they try to push past other’s boundaries.

[–]shveya 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (12 children)

I've heard of people hiding the fact that they were obese on dating apps and thinking they could sweep their match off their feet with their stunning personality when they meet irl. A lot of hetero trans-identified people simply don't understand human sexuality, so they're likely thinking like this.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 21 insightful - 2 fun21 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 2 fun -  (8 children)

No amount of personality can make me want to sleep with someone obese.

[–]julesburm1891 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

I can do overweight. However, there’s definitely a line where I would cease to be physically attracted to a woman no matter how great her personality is.

Moreover, someone lying to reel you in is a whole bag of red flags. If a lady says she 5’6” and 135 pounds on her profile and has a bunch of old photos up, but shows up and is 275 pounds…why would you trust anything else she tells you?

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Are there app when you tell your weight? Not on tinder. Most people in the USA are overweight. So I guess you got not very many choices. Personally I do love slimness, and totally flat stomachs. A bit of chubby can be cuddly, especially on the boobs, for me to rest , but not really fat and skinny is preferable for me. That being said, lying by a lot of physical traits makes no sense, because you will just waste your time and others people, and being rejected in person.

[–]julesburm1891 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Are there app when you tell your weight?

I think I stand corrected here. I don’t recall Tinder or Her requiring a weight. I did catch a lot of “here are some photos of me from six years ago.” Like, just be honest.

Most people in the USA are overweight

Savage. 😂 I mean, yeah. There are definitely more overweight people here than Europe, but it’s not like you can’t find thin people. I live in an area that’s one of the fattest in the nation. Anywhere you go, I’d venture that 45% of people are perfectly normal or underweight, 45% are a bit overweight, and 10% are super fat. And that’s in a place where obesity is a major problem. If you roll up in most cities or in other places, it’ll be different.

A bit of chubby can be cuddly

Idk. I just like when women have hips and curves and am not super into the bony look. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I live in an area that’s one of the fattest in the nation. Anywhere you go, I’d venture that 45% of people are perfectly normal or underweight, 45% are a bit overweight, and 10% are super fat.

Math nerd poking my head in here... If those were the actual stats in your area, then your area would be probably one of the least overweight in the nation, not the most. There was a 2017-2018 general population survey that got released recently, and it suggested that 73% of Americans are overweight, and 30.7% of Americans are obese. Although, I will caveat, u/theytookourjerbs is right to point out that CDC and similar organizations can make mistakes on this stuff, and that people sometimes overestimate the US's extremity. This chart suggests that the US is #14 in obesity, though New Zealand, Australia and Canada are not far behind.

/nerd rant, sorry haha.

[–]julesburm1891 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You’re right. The rate of obesity is higher and I’m not using it correctly. I’m using it as when you see someone and think “damn, they’re obese” (e.g. Lizzo). However, what actually counts as obese doesn’t always look obese, if that makes sense. My father-in-law is a guy with defined legs and arms and, also, a medium-ish beer belly. He’s medically classified as obese. Looking at him though, I’d never say he’s obese, just that he should cut back on the Miller High Life. But, yes, your math is correct.

[–]theytookourjerbsXX only. 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I always felt like the visibly obese population was around 1/3 as well. I saw some place backing that stat up, but forgot where. My state's obesity stats is in the 30's, and so are most of the other states, and the only obese states with 40% is Mississippi and West Virginia, so the 40% obesity would be accurate for those states, just like it would be accurate for the Canadian Province Newfoundland and Labrador.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I remember a study sayig 40 percent obesity, so you must to live in one of the thinnest place.s For what I get, obesity is concentrated in the red poor states, while the richer states are slimmer.

I loves bones lol

[–]theytookourjerbsXX only. 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Obesity is actually underestimated. A study shows, not only US men over 20, but Kiwi, British, Greek, and Icelandic men 20 and over had 90% abdominal obesity, regardless of BMI. (Study: https://europepmc.org/article/MED/28791284) (table with percentages https://europepmc.org/articles/PMC5523552/table/T2/) Also, the CDC is a quasi governmental organisation, and they've been wrong on things in the past. Not denying America isn't fat, but it gets tiring when people are like "hurr duur America fat and Europeans Slender". Heck, people even say Canadians are thinner when a study put Newfoundland and Labrador as 40% obese, which is the same percentage as Mississippi and West Virginia's obesity rate.

[–]ShotTopic 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

As someone overweight (but working on myself - so far down 45 pounds!) that's so ridiculous. I know what I look like, I don't want to trick people. That just wastes everone's time and makes the rejection even more painful.

[–]shveya 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Congrats on the weight loss!

[–]ShotTopic 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks!!

[–]Rosefield 11 insightful - 4 fun11 insightful - 3 fun12 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Are they going to try to force women into accepting dates with them? To fucking them? To marrying them?

An app which can do all that could also take over the world 😂

[–]Rosefield 23 insightful - 10 fun23 insightful - 9 fun24 insightful - 10 fun -  (0 children)

LMAO isn't that garbage app mostly men and bi women anyway?

Sorry Robert, ur still not getting lesbian pussy and never ever will. Seethe and dilate.

[–]fuck_reddit 25 insightful - 5 fun25 insightful - 4 fun26 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

Good, they can die mad.

[–]SerpensInferna 23 insightful - 7 fun23 insightful - 6 fun24 insightful - 7 fun -  (1 child)

Oh my goodness, how the hell do they plan to fix the fact that no one is interested in men in dresses?? Offer an option to dial 911 when they don't receive a favorable response within 20 minutes?

[–]Rosefield 26 insightful - 1 fun26 insightful - 0 fun27 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

how the hell do they plan to fix the fact that no one is interested in men in dresses??

Crying, whining, screeching, complaining, screaming, suicide baiting... The same crap as always with the same results - it doesn't work.

Same sex attraction is natural. Nothing can ever stop it. It has been tried for centuries. Gender clowns are just another group of disgusting homophobes in history they fail like all the others.

[–]ChunkeeguyTeam T*RF Fuck Yeah 24 insightful - 1 fun24 insightful - 0 fun25 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

JFC this is enraging. Creeps and their handmaidens.

[–]censorshipment 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

This is so embarrassing. I hate when minority groups whine about this shit. If you are not considered conventionally attractive... (mainstream) DATING APPS ARE NOT FOR YOU. The onus is not on dating app developers to force people to give you a chance. 😐🤣

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 29 insightful - 1 fun29 insightful - 0 fun30 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This isn't about being conventionally attracive, but trying to date people whose sexuality excludes you. It isn't like only models can use dating apps. People conventionally attractive will have more likes thats for sure.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Summary of reasons: "We're doing everything wrong and we don't like it."