Straight woman translations, meets guy she likes, but he is straight. If only there was another way?

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-20T22:15:50+00:00

this is just so pathetic and sad.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-20T22:11:16+00:00

I agree. a mental illness to be sure. not to be indulged and affirmed, but actually TREATED.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-18T20:37:35+00:00

at least one of them spoke up for her.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-18T20:35:46+00:00

assuming gay men who do drag are all pedophiles is JUST homophobic. "Drag Pervs Sex Hour", do you even listen to yourself? I get the distinct impression you enjoy all this.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-18T20:22:57+00:00

I don't think any of us are much interested in fascism tbh!

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-16T05:47:10+00:00

just past the intro and I'm already hooked. although I never identified as trans in any way, I was surrounded by people who did in my local LGBT community for close to twenty years and already I recognise so much of what she has said. this part especially punched me in the heart:

"It took another year after that to decide what I wanted to do with the knowledge I’d acquired from my experiences; relatively “inside” knowledge of what I now knew to be a deeply unhealthy community, full of wilful misinformation, emotional manipulation and phobia-inducing, medical malpractice, and widespread protection of rapists and sexual abusers."

yes. yes. completely in line with my experience of my local scene. one of the major contributing factors to my peaking was the crushing realisation how abusive and toxic so many prominent members of the community were, and they just keep getting away with it.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-16T05:28:36+00:00

yikes. paranoid anti-semitic conspiracy theorist. I guess there always has to be one.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-16T05:27:26+00:00

very much the same. it felt so freeing. just to have the simple pure fact of biology recognised! living under the gaslighting for so many years really had a huge impact on me I'm only lately realising. I just hope the tide turns in women and LGBT communities too... right now they are suffocating.

I miss r/superstraight. it was so much more fun. there just aren't enough people here on saidit.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-16T05:23:34+00:00

thank you. it's just so terrifying how this ideology has gained so much legitimacy in so many institutions.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-16T05:10:56+00:00

god I went up against SO MUCH of this in the queer community where every afab "enby" acts like changing their pronouns to they/them counts for ANYTHING. I SWEAR TO GOD, a pre-Covid memory was an event supposedly for honouring butch identity and history where a female person, ENTIRELY gender conforming (I guess jeans and no-makeup was 'butch' to this person?) got up and did a 'stand up' routine about being a 'demi boy' and how it amused her to hook up with straight men knowing it made them 'a little bit gay'. people in the room were laughing and clapping. my friend and I looked at each other like what the FUCK?

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-16T05:02:38+00:00

I didn't get to go to uni. I was doing sex work instead.

not all of the women here have pristine perfect backgrounds. just because you've been sheltered in certain ways didn't mean we all got that. radical feminists seem determined to provide their own barriers to more women willing to get involved.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-11T22:31:23+00:00

being angry and resentful towards them is one thing. considering them traitors disregards the specifics of their experience and what lead to the formation of their beliefs. all of which is the same misogyny and sexism which we all try our best to cope with. when there are plenty of women participating in opposing women's rights in myriad ways, the special hostility libfems and radfems cultivate towards each other seems particularly counterproductive and almost designed to stifle any possibility of mutual ground. and the elitism, judgment and mean-spiritedness that both camps engage in towards each other keeps a lot of women like me from wanting to even identify as feminist. why would I want to be a feminist when it seems to mean rejecting or accepting other women based on their perceived moral purity?

I understand the anger and frustration because I feel it too. I left 'queer' spaces because I was tired of seeing other women get slammed for everything and nothing. I hoped these spaces would have more compassion and empathy. instead I am finding the same cruel judgements, like we all forget how fucking hard it is to be a woman once we disagree ideologically. of course you are entitled to feel however you do and I don't discount that as an individually complex experience with a great deal of pain and struggle behind it. but you can't expect women to come here and see themselves being called traitors and handmaidens by women who clearly believe they are superior and expect to gain any ground with them.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-11T21:50:21+00:00

and TIMs seem to not realise that men who do react violently to them are doing so out of homophobia, not misogyny. what they experience overwhelmingly is homophobia.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-11T21:48:02+00:00

but that isn't a misogynistic reaction - it's a homophobic one.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-10T22:57:05+00:00

they think they ARE supporting other women.

being treated like an enemy that didn't give a fuck about women kept me from peaking earlier.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-07T22:55:55+00:00

the irony being that TIFs demand everything be about them in women’s spaces. trans people are utterly exhausting.

any time a TIF tries to talk about TIMs male socialisation, she gets shouted down for transmisogyny. females are never allowed to speak while males are present. too bad some females are also self obsessed narcissists who can’t stand not being the center of everything all the time.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-03T20:22:58+00:00

there you go again. would you like a prize for being Smarter Than The New Girl?

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-03T20:21:59+00:00

no problem!

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-02T23:09:47+00:00

I totally see where you're coming from.

the reason people have responded differently to the concept of transracial rather than transgender is because of the perceived materiality of experience. a visibly black person has a very specific experience of racism that no white person, regardless of their ancestral history, can understand or simply 'identify' into. of course it is the same with transgender at the end of the day BUT the reason that people have felt differently about gender is because gender has such strong visual elements tied to it in our culture than can be adapted by either sex that it forces something of a mind trick when we see it. if that makes sense. sex is binary and this is obvious once our clothes are off. but gendered fashion and modes of dress are just the trappings we put on top, and the significance attached to them socially is very important to many. I think this is PARTLY why transgender has been more readily accepted than other outrageously offensive identity appropriating.

also, wheras a white woman braiding her hair and tanning will NEVER lead her to experience what black women do, people dressing as the opposite sex do experience stigma and discrimination that others are able to observe and recognise - which then lends extra credence to the claim they are an oppressed population.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-02T23:03:07+00:00

such transparent misogyny being rewarded. so sick of TIFs doing that in women's spaces.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-02T23:01:47+00:00

I am LGB and find it a total violation of the community. most of the subidentities simply describe perfectly ordinary fluctuations in libido and sex drive, as well as personal preferences for sexual behaviour, that the majority of people experience. I do think so much of it evolved from young people immersed in media and social landscapes that gives the impression everyone else is 24/7 horny and that's just not how it works.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-02T04:29:17+00:00

I don't feel asexuality itself is suspect; but the entire concept of 'the spectrum' of 'ace' identities, which is all utter nonsense. having no or little sex drive is a very different thing to the drivel the ace community comes up with,

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-02T03:31:33+00:00

also, as someone whose reality has been pretty fucking grim a few times, I have absolutely used fandoms as pleasurable escapes. but it always reaches a point it fails to satisfy and I actively involve myself in the real world again, always with the ambition of making my reality better. almost like fandoms were a safe place for me to take a break before gathering my strength to get back out there again, stay connected with my material life and those in it. the idea of trying to reshape reality entirely to suit my fantasy just... never occured to me. I think there must be some extra element of extreme alienation and isolation, a sense perhaps that you simply can't reenter the world as you are.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-02T03:26:02+00:00

my observation of the overlap between these communities makes me wonder just how far off we are from some people giving furries and others some legitimacy in their form of dissociation. the current pseudo-science formed by people pretending to have the disorder in insular virtual communities around DID, for example, is rapidly gaining traction in some material spaces, just as the 'ace spectrum' has. both I would've argued a few years ago would never be taken seriously by people more grounded in reality. a lot of the DID nonsense about 'alters' and 'switching' etc comes straight from roleplaying communities I saw functioning on tumblr ten years ago. there's a lot of overlap in the rhetoric and concepts from those spaces, and the current trans narratives - a lot of overlap between participants too. a loooooooooooooot of overlap. people participating in the trans community are often also in the ace community, the roleplaying communities, the autism communities, the furry communities, the fringe kink communities (littles, adult babies, vore etc), the DID communities... there's a reason we all have a checklist of stated attributes we anticipate them revealing. watching people deeply invested in the DID nonsense argue that their 'black alters' should be allowed to use racial slurs even if their 'host body' is white and be defended for it makes me nervous about how far these and other outrageous concepts are from emerging into the real world, just as the trans narrative has. it seems impossible to believe that any decent person would take the concept of being 'transracial' seriously, but isn't that what happened with transgender? somehow a whole lot of people got roped into it. I no longer take any of it for granted, no matter how ridiculous it obviously is. these movements work insidiously.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-02T03:03:04+00:00

and I don't for one second believe he's married. his fixation on the feminist and femcel subs kinda speak for themselves.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-02T03:01:26+00:00

wow, look at this... a male comes into a feminist sub and intentionally posts an inflammatory comment to prompt women to engage with him so he has a 'premise' to demean them and call them a bunch of names. here is my total failure to be surprised. another day, another misogynist engaging in his own twisted form of foreplay by subjecting women to his narcissism. at least we know the nut he jacks off after this will be swiftly followed by tears at the misery of his own existence.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-02T02:36:59+00:00

how about you stop trying to make women do all your work for you and just keep your mouth shut.

also, you just made your attempts to troll completely obvious. why don't you just go vent your hatred for women by beating off to some porn, like the rest of your buddies do. stop annoying women in feminist spaces and making everything about you.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-02T02:16:45+00:00

yeah I've noticed fandom spaces are absolutely plagued by this garbage now. all the self-hating straight women (often married) who fetishise gay male rships (not actual gay male of course - straight men they find attractive and then awkwardly 'ship') as a conduit for self insertion without feeling like they're competing with another woman are all calling themselves 'enby' and all the 'characterxreader' self-insert fics use 'gender neutral pronouns' even though they can't avoid describing female body parts with the accepted language. so somehow they're not made dysphoric reading sexual fiction describing male and female body parts interacting with each other, but use the pronouns she/her and all of a sudden it's toottaaallllyyyyy inaccessible to them and they can't RELATE.

I've noticed a huge uptick in people starting to pursue transition after immersing themselves in fandoms where they become wholly invested in fantasising about opposite sex characters and pretty obviously use it as a way to detach from painful realities. people have already observed this in TIMs who love anime of course, but it's huge amongst TIFs heavily invested in slash fandoms too. internalised misogyny in female-heavy fandoms projected outward onto other women has long been a problem in those spaces, but now it's being obfuscated by the trans narrative. women can deny their own misogyny by simply saying they are trans and slash is just the only expression of their sexuality that really validates it.

it'a not a hobby for them. it's an escape from a reality they loathe and they want to drag the rest of us down into fantasy with them. it's very hard when you just want to have a good time.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-02T02:05:26+00:00

seriously? are you here to learn, or wave your peen around? in a sexist world, you saying you 'let' your wife do something occurs in context with patriarchal domination of women and is therefore not neutral value. since women lack the power and status to oppress men as a class at the same level as men oppress women, 'misandry' therefore CANNOT exist in this equation.
you could've avoided coming across as a misogynist just by using different language. what you say and how you say it matters in these spaces. THINK.

but fuck, why am I allowing a man to bumble his way into being spoonfed, like you don't do that enough everywhere else all of the time.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-02T00:06:48+00:00

it was only a matter of time. butches are ruthlessly targeted by this insanity. :(

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-01T23:44:13+00:00

now I think of it, I'm also very glad my SIL has always dressed her in pants for the very reason that it allows her total freedom to move around and play.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-01T23:42:11+00:00

THIS is exactly what I'm referring to. thank you. I can already see how other adults appeal to her be better behaved than her brother on the basis she's a girl and more sensible and mature. she's 9!!! just let her be. thank goodness none of the family are hung up on extremely strict gender roles, but it filters in from the outside. it's already inhibited my nephew's freedom of expression because of what he now thinks boys 'can't' do and that hurts. I am so proud of my 72 yo father who recently let my nephew put lipstick on him to show him it was okay for boys to do. I just want them both to be their own free, unpoliced, individual selves and this world just won't let them.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-01T00:11:06+00:00

I can see from your comment history you have a vested need to challenge others and leverage a false intellectual superiority over them. perhaps this is the way you deal with your own internalised misogyny, I don’t care - you can keep it away from me, thanks. it’s not your job to run around correcting women and girls on how we parse our experiences of misogyny and sexism, especially if your view is that other women and girls must always be stupider than you.

persistentlywoman · 2021-03-01T00:03:04+00:00

don’t fucking lecture a total stranger you know NOTHING about her or her family. what is WRONG with you? where’s your compassion and empathy?? why can’t you just let a woman speak her experience without having to tell her she’s wrong for what she identifies as part of it? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? honestly, this was such a nasty and condescending way to reply to me sharing a personal experience and really fucking presumptuous to boot. I grasp the situation just fine. I focused on the elements relevant to my anecdote. I didn’t need to also detail what I witness being inhibited in my nephew to prove to some internet stranger I “get it” sufficiently to focus on what misogyny and sexism does to girls. being snooty on the internet doesn’t make you a superior person. THIS ISNT A DEBATE SUB. have some respect for other women and try not to assume too much about what we think feel know or experience just because I didn’t add a fucking zillion caveats to my post. let women express our distress and trauma without detailing it.

also stay invested in the myth girls don’t have it harder... like denying reality helps anyone. male privilege still be very real.

edited to remove excessive swearing.

persistentlywoman · 2021-02-28T20:38:08+00:00

this is so absolutely sick to me and hits a little too close to home.

my amazingly vibrant, active, adventurous 9 year old niece is already too well aware of the enormous pressures put on women, expressed through repeated declarations that she's not going to have a husband or kids. recently, I overheard an exchange between her and my nephew where he said "I thought you wanted to be a boy?" and she replied "I do". when I heard this, my heart sank straight into my stomach. I know exactly what she meant - little girls have been saying they want to be boys since forever, because they can see boys have more freedom, even just the freedom to keep running around shirtless (which she is no longer allowed to do). they can see boys don't have as many expectations placed on them, not so much pressure. but in today's world, this perfectly normal time-true expression of little girls resisting the restrictions of misogyny and sexism would be immediately pounced on and exploited as a trans narrative if she had any people like that in her life. thank god she doesn't - but I have no idea how safe she'll be at school or once she starts using the internet. this insane and extreme binary is pure poison to a child's mind and the pathway of surgery and drugs that follows is something I wouldn't want anyone I love to have to endure. this movement has distorted itself beyond all ethical consideration. they won't get my niece.

persistentlywoman · 2021-02-24T00:25:05+00:00

submitted my story:

last year a male trans identfified person started attending social events I was organising. he claimed he was a trans butch lesbian. he attempted to latch onto me and through our conversations (I wanted to be kind and inclusive) I learned more about his identity that troubled me: he didn't identify as a woman but insisted he wasn't a man. he had no genital dysphoria and ensured he was still sexually active. he lied to doctors to get estrogen, but just enough to grow breasts. he prefers he/him pronouns and a male name and presenting entirely masculine as he gets 'dysphoric' otherwise. despite all of this he insists his experience is that of a butch lesbian and that our community is where he belongs, without question. and he was very quick to frame any confusion about all of this as transphobic.

I noticed he was quite misogynistic and I reacted against this a couple of times - a reaction which he framed as abusive to him. of particular note is him standing over me in my own home, after I had cooked and fed him dinner, yelling at me about what a terrible, harmful person I am for the way I reacted to misogyny in the community. a terf. I sat there and cowered because I was too afraid of further escalation to name the gaslighting (not to mention profound disrespect and cruelty) that was going on.

finally, in the lead up that confrontation, he had presented himself as having been the victim of false accusations of rape and the victim of a witch hunt in his former city's community. but as he revealed the details of this story that same night I realised with horror that he absolutely HAD committed rape (of a trans woman no less!) and was trying to pass it off as something more 'nuanced', as he claimed. something I have experienced many rapists doing in trying to absolve themselves of responsibility. after I asked him to leave subsequent to his attacking me, I investigated further into his past as the communities between these cities are linked, and found out his predatory behaviour was serial.

I expressed my confusion and distress anonymously on a reddit sub, which he found. we had a charged exchange in which I named him as a rapist and detailed his manipulation and distortions about it.

I later found out he had gone on to commit rape here as well since relocating from his former city. in this instance it was a gnc woman, and he repeatedly forced her to say she was 'really a boy' throughout the experience.

relatedly, he was also in the butchlesbian subreddit pontificating about how gnc women should all identify as trans and it was denying reality to claim otherwise. the agenda was so obvious it made my stomach turn.

I was to be on the guest list of a recent event celebrating butch identity where I live. I had assisted the organisers with contacts. he was to be walking the runway of this event. the week before the event the organisers contacted me saying the reddit post (again - anonymous) had made them aware I held views which could be damaging to their brand as a safe, inclusive event and they could not have me on the guest list. I asked them if having a rapist on their stage would damage their brand. these two women replied they would not get involved in a personal conflict. when I pointed out that they already had and were excluding a lesbian from a lesbian event in favour of a rapist, they claimed the call was not productive and ended it - though I did tell them to go to hell before hanging up.

I am now left facing the sordid reality that a lesbian - a participating member of my local community for close to 20 years - was blocked from a lesbian event because an abusive male weaponised identity politics against her, whilst leveraging bogus claims of shared identity to coerce women into sex with him, either through intoxication or intimidation. or both. all the while telling everyone around him that they're transphobic for objecting to any of this. that he recruited other women into discriminating against a woman who knew too much about his true nature and intentions amongst us. that he is protecting himself behind crocodile tears about his own feelings and pain, like he hasn't devastated the lives of several women through sheer hate and a sense of entitlement towards us.

persistentlywoman · 2021-02-23T23:03:34+00:00

I just submitted my story to noconflicttheysaid.org and while I planned to tell a more detailed version here, tbh this sums up why I reached my peak trans suddenly very rapidly after years of being a pretty staunch ally. I have definitely been veerrrrryyyy sloooowwwwllllyyyy peaking for a decade or so, after witnessing what the trans tsunami, as I call it, did to butch lesbians in my community. the peakening started increasing the last two years as the ideology grew more and more unscientific and gaslighty. but this piece of shit definitely pushed me right over the edge. I am as staunchly anti-trans now as I ever was pro-trans. it's a mental illness and the below individual illustrate all the reasons why indulging and coddling it only leads to more harm: