Hawaii is going to ban loud laughter

Captain_Codpiece · 2024-04-29T15:52:41+00:00

My repertoire contains nothing but dad jokes

SMCAB · 2024-04-29T12:01:14+00:00

Have you been eating those popsicles with the jokes on the sticks again?

Good one.

NastyWetSmear · 2024-04-08T03:36:44+00:00

You're just a brown nose!... Oh, sorry, Bottle Nose.

Smalls · 2024-02-27T22:37:51+00:00

I thought that was your coke dealer on speed dial.

NastyWetSmear · 2024-02-27T21:48:35+00:00

I hope she's not dressed like half the women you see there...

larrymartins · 2024-02-22T10:59:33+00:00

This caught my eye. Before making a decision I would love to know if theres room for negotiation on the price and if you have more pictures of the Delorean. Reliable Appliance Installation Services in Sunrise FL

NastyWetSmear · 2024-01-09T02:11:46+00:00

Good one!

TaseAFeminist4Jesus · 2023-10-17T19:37:44+00:00

rubble

From Paw Patrol?

Tom_Bombadil · 2023-10-17T03:02:24+00:00

Do you have any Jewish jokes?

binaryblob · 2023-10-16T22:50:51+00:00

Too early dude, too early.

NastyWetSmear · 2023-09-17T22:25:07+00:00

EV with slight modifications. May or may not exist at the moment due to a paradox.

solder0 · 2023-08-23T06:56:00+00:00

Down vote, down vote, DOWN VOTE!!!!

NastyWetSmear · 2023-08-15T01:33:30+00:00

Noice!

RapeMyMouth · 2023-08-15T01:03:03+00:00

The meatBall

NastyWetSmear · 2023-08-15T00:30:53+00:00

Where?

RapeMyMouth · 2023-08-14T21:45:46+00:00

Where did the meatball go to dance?

IkeConn · 2023-08-09T23:35:55+00:00

I tried to mute my wife once with a univerasl remote. It was a mistake.

filbs111 · 2023-07-26T17:32:47+00:00

An unenviable task with cloven hooves.

filbs111 · 2023-07-26T17:28:00+00:00

too soon

NastyWetSmear · 2023-07-26T01:41:50+00:00

Good one!
They also call withdrawing "Pulling out".

IkeConn · 2023-07-24T16:14:46+00:00

Edith Bunker was a klepper for a while.

NastyWetSmear · 2023-07-22T09:00:13+00:00

Ohhh! Okay. I always heard it pronounced "Con Sway Lah". Good one!

Captain_Codpiece · 2023-07-22T01:47:23+00:00

Cunt-sway-low

NastyWetSmear · 2023-07-22T00:32:00+00:00

Sorry, I don't get this one. :( Explain it to me like I've taken many blows to the head.

IkeConn · 2023-07-21T17:33:14+00:00

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs on the front porch? Matt.

VantaFount · 2023-07-21T09:36:39+00:00

Phil. (Fill)

jet199 · 2023-07-17T17:08:23+00:00

Sock's ego

UncleWillard56 · 2023-07-17T16:03:20+00:00

So true. The minute I stopped fucking my ex, she became an even bigger asshole.

IkeConn · 2023-07-17T03:23:58+00:00

https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.licdn.com%2Fdms%2Fimage%2FC5622AQEQ32mFBvCpGQ%2Ffeedshare-shrink_800%2F0%2F1669627311166%3Fe%3D1692230400%26v%3Dbeta%26t%3DMjqXk7gE-LCfKY0AHO1SNj-KMzOUe7GSq_Ted3raHVI&tbnid=g0w4Oi3dby_4hM&vet=12ahUKEwilkaP65JSAAxW_tIkEHUnOALQQMygBegUIARC_AQ..i&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fbm.linkedin.com%2Fposts%2Frobert-liu-96172314_deer-gut-beer-gut-whats-the-difference-activity-7002924516360294400-fzE9&docid=P7-fLoUotbORCM&w=800&h=1048&q=bear%20with%20a%20deer%20gut&ved=2ahUKEwilkaP65JSAAxW_tIkEHUnOALQQMygBegUIARC_AQ

NastyWetSmear · 2023-07-17T02:42:47+00:00

Social media, like most people these days. :(

Tom_Bombadil · 2023-07-17T01:35:55+00:00

That’s what she said

Was it a "bonus hole"?

NastyWetSmear · 2023-07-17T00:34:58+00:00

I thought I was a program, not a programmer?

Node · 2023-07-17T00:13:06+00:00

Self rated IQ.

Tom_Bombadil · 2023-07-17T00:09:45+00:00

Do you remove the hole by adding material?

NastyWetSmear · 2023-07-17T00:02:57+00:00

AI?! Me?! How dare you!

I did hear a good joke the other day. Went like this: 01000111 01101111 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 01110011 01100101 01101100 01100110 00101100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100101 01100001 01110100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100100 01101111 01110101 01100011 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100001 01100111 00101110

NastyWetSmear · 2023-07-16T23:45:22+00:00

Less a joke, more a riddle. Do we have s/riddles?

... 90% of the answers there would be: "The wind". They always are. People love to make riddles about wind.

My question has always been, if a Sphinx came before you and said you had to answer his three riddles, and he gave you the above riddle, and you said: "Room to move" or something, you'd still be right - The more things you take away, the more room you have to move. It's not the answer the Sphinx was looking for, but it's not wrong. Would you be able to debate the Sphinx, or would it just kill you while screaming "WRONG!!"?

chottohen · 2023-07-12T07:38:02+00:00

What's long, hard and full of seamen?

Phooey · 2023-07-11T19:33:30+00:00

hah!

Was it this guy?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78151ojRDCE

Airbus320 · 2023-07-10T05:16:27+00:00

😮

Airbus320 · 2023-07-10T02:46:54+00:00

I didn't laugh

jet199 · 2023-07-04T13:32:02+00:00

I saw a cow in an elevator once.

I said "hey, aren't you Yabbit's mum?"

UncleWillard56 · 2023-07-03T17:41:30+00:00

You inspired me.

UncleWillard56 · 2023-07-03T17:29:14+00:00

Mine is Chipper Bore.

RapeMyMouth · 2023-06-29T12:32:48+00:00

Nice

NastyWetSmear · 2023-06-18T21:42:50+00:00

I thought I would check this account and see that it was made 5 minutes ago for this joke, but you've been looking for your Dad on here for 4 years!

I know he went out for milk, but it's going to be off by the time he gets home. I think you should just go get some yourself.

son · 2023-06-18T21:26:22+00:00

This is not a joke, this is something that actualy happened. I know because I was the son.

iamonlyoneman · 2023-06-12T11:45:47+00:00

You're welcome! It's easy enough to remember so gg whoever bought that domain name

NastyWetSmear · 2023-06-12T05:57:11+00:00

Thank you! Satisfying.

Musky · 2023-04-30T21:59:04+00:00

It was encapsulated in a Dog.

iamonlyoneman · 2023-03-23T00:06:20+00:00

www.instantrimshot.com ?

NastyWetSmear · 2023-03-22T02:22:34+00:00

Does this joke come with a musical sting at the end?

Zapped · 2023-03-21T01:12:25+00:00

A beekeeper's dozen.

FuckYourMom · 2023-03-15T03:24:13+00:00

Too hot for the internet.

RaverJodes · 2023-02-05T14:44:11+00:00

😂😂😂👌

Musky · 2023-02-05T07:52:28+00:00

Because in space nobody can hear you scream rape.

Musky · 2023-02-05T07:51:54+00:00

Cause they heard space lesbians were into troons.

RaverJodes · 2023-02-03T23:14:05+00:00

That doesn't fucking deserve a ban. Fuck Reddit!

Tums_is_Smut_bkwrds · 2023-01-24T16:40:06+00:00

That proves that Trip Advisor grossly inflates their ratings, by like 6 million times.

Musky · 2022-12-13T04:47:53+00:00

I miss off color jokes too, this and the airplane joke I posted I was told in childhood. When did we kill humor on the chance it might offend someone.

"I'm half Irish and half Jewish. So I'll blow up your car, and then I'll make you pay for it".

Hahaha, that's a good one. Never heard that before.

tiny-brown-mug · 2022-12-13T01:13:47+00:00

I kinda miss these kinds of jokes. Ethic humor was never considered violence. It was just ethnic humor.

"I'm half Irish and half Jewish. So I'll blow up your car, and then I'll make you pay for it".

Musky · 2022-12-12T20:55:09+00:00

I had to fudge the Jewish part, I couldn't find the original with that bit intact.

What do you call a nun on a scooter? Virgin Mobile.

Lol

FuckYourMom · 2022-12-12T20:39:21+00:00

It’s a classic.

What do you call a nun on a scooter? Virgin Mobile.

GeorgeCarlin · 2022-10-25T15:35:07+00:00

I did. Assertions when counting to above 80 pixels to estimate resolutions even above that. But don't tell.

Otherwise, I'll probably need better amphetamines.

(Which I already have, since my Psychiatrist is "offbeat", like myself)

IndianaJones · 2022-10-25T10:41:17+00:00

Haha

chadwickofwv · 2022-10-23T07:36:54+00:00

He already did, twice!

Optimus85 · 2022-10-23T06:52:59+00:00

How do you know it's actually 8K? You should at least count the pixels before asserting that.

GeorgeCarlin · 2022-10-22T18:26:39+00:00

Going straight to 8k, bro.

HongKongPhooey · 2022-10-22T18:08:17+00:00

Airbus320 · 2022-10-03T21:46:16+00:00

Monkeypill brutal

IkeConn · 2022-09-30T05:08:25+00:00

Pick: My instincts tells me it's gwanna rain.

Aninny: My end stinks too but it don't talk.

FuckYourMom · 2022-09-23T04:29:04+00:00

This is so true. When I don’t know anything I make something up, and say it confidently. I always get corrected, and usually my incorrect statement pissed who ever off so much, they like give me an article and reasoning.

IkeConn · 2022-09-22T18:37:07+00:00

Yes. Post the wrong answer and somebody WILL correct you. Been doing it for decades. I used "Google Fu" back when I was in IT. I was always the answer man. They didn't know.

jet199 · 2022-09-22T18:23:23+00:00

Some people monetise this technique.

IkeConn · 2022-09-17T17:26:22+00:00

I would like to see the rich people's faces when the bombs hit.

GeorgeCarlin · 2022-08-22T21:26:20+00:00

My man. This meme is gold.

JasonCarswell · 2022-07-21T19:56:04+00:00

Before *Burning Man got too woke and closed down for COVID, it was a radical scene I was deep into. Sounds like it might be up your alley. Further, there are countless regional Burner events around the world, including a big one in South Africa and some in Australia and New Zealand.

We can also make online hangouts. /s/Cassy.

IndianaJones · 2022-07-21T18:25:26+00:00

If you're bored, read some of my posts or comments and engage.

I'll try man, I don't know much about Canada though but I'll see if I have anything intelligent to comment.

Or step away from your device and make change in the world.

Suggestions? Does hugging my pillow count?

What inspires you? What drives you? What gives you meaning, purpose, fulfillment and joy?

Above everything else? Friends. Specifically, meeting the world's craziest people for the purpose of discovering their backstory and being a thrillseeker. sort of like reading a book (but better). To me, I think that's the purpose of life, to have the world's craziest and exciting people by your side always.

Another meaning of life: To have the world's best hangout. I think the world's best hangout would involve something like drinking beer at a friend's house (or my house) late at night. Either that, or something to do with camping. Sounds fun, maybe I should arrange something with my mates.

If you ever find yourself in Sydney, Australia, look me up. We'll do cool shit.

JasonCarswell · 2022-07-21T18:07:52+00:00

If you're bored, read some of my posts or comments and engage.

Or step away from your device and make change in the world.

What inspires you? What drives you? What gives you meaning, purpose, fulfillment and joy?

IndianaJones · 2022-07-21T18:02:54+00:00

That's not even a joke

I know bro I'm just really bored (and horribly unfunny).

Feel free to buy me one of these.

If I ever win the lotto I got your back.

JasonCarswell · 2022-07-21T18:00:21+00:00

The punchline: That's not even a joke.

At 51, I've never owned a car, ever.
I've driven all over North America.
Many times.
In a variety of different-sized vehicles.
I've had many motorcycles, electric bikes, bicycles, and even a couple unicycles.
Think different.
Feel free to buy me one of these.

IndianaJones · 2022-07-21T15:55:58+00:00

/u/JasonCarswell

Zapped · 2022-07-20T00:45:45+00:00

That's a much better punchline than I had.

GeorgeCarlin · 2022-07-16T18:19:15+00:00

You are actually writing about "her" as a body, ain't you ?

Brewdabier · 2022-05-03T20:58:16+00:00

Here's why

Tiwaking · 2022-01-02T03:38:59+00:00

magnora7 3 insightful - 2 fun - an hour ago Pretty bang-on. Where is the forum of smart people acting like smart people? lol

It used to be slashdot and ars-technica. I guess there just arent any smart people acting like smart people anymore :D

magnora7 · 2022-01-02T02:27:59+00:00

Pretty bang-on. Where is the forum of smart people acting like smart people? lol

Hackernews can be that way sometimes, but it's also very "goody two shoes" and "follow the book" type of thinking everywhere.

CleverFoolOfEarth · 2022-01-01T20:38:33+00:00

True

jet199 · 2022-01-01T20:33:10+00:00

I'm pretty sure Reddit became that way when tumblr banned porn.

yabbit · 2022-01-01T17:37:48+00:00

Not even a joke

Tiwaking · 2022-01-01T11:58:25+00:00

Tumblr - Fat people acting like Retards, Reddit - Retards acting like smart people

IkeConn · 2021-12-18T18:00:24+00:00

JasonCarswell · 2021-11-26T17:09:58+00:00

They dropped the ~~soap~~ charges.

pastorsnoopy · 2021-11-26T09:46:48+00:00

heyijustcametotellyouthatsomeguyiscallingyouafagandsayingheisgonnasendyourmomsintohellfiretosuckflamingdogcockthatisfuckedup.

la_cues · 2021-11-26T02:50:59+00:00

Now those are some hardened criminals.

AmericanMuskrat · 2021-11-26T01:03:50+00:00

I heard they got off.

Airbus320 · 2021-11-25T21:20:26+00:00

😮

Spotted_Lady · 2021-11-25T21:19:26+00:00

And learning Judo or Karate would help.

Spotted_Lady · 2021-11-25T21:07:14+00:00

That's the difference between the obese and the religious radicals. The way they blow themselves up.

Spotted_Lady · 2021-11-25T12:32:17+00:00

It reminds me of the woman who went to a computer repair guy.

"I think I have a virus on my computer."

"Why would you think that?"

"I own a modem."

"Where is your modem?"

"It's still in the box, unopened."

Spotted_Lady · 2021-11-25T11:46:42+00:00

I got my humor vaccine shot.

Jokes

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