My rapist has come out as trans (possible tw...)

submitted by Lilithe from self.GenderCritical

The man who raped me so many times I lost count while we dated as well as landing me in the hospital with a broken rib, a kidney contusion and last of all a skull fracture, has recently come out a trans woman and been met with the kind of unconditional love and support I didn't see even a glimmer of as a victim.

I found this out through an old acquaintance after finally getting away from him where he can't find me and after being made literally homeless trying to get away from him and not being able to turn anywhere. I'm literally speechless. On social media he's being applauded as incredibly brave and beautiful and getting so much support. I have no contact with him for obvious reasons and this was over a decade ago now (while we dated I was a teenager... He is almost 20 years older) but it sickens me so fucking much and I don't know where to even turn to to talk about it.

What sickens me about this is that as a trans woman I know he's going to have way more access to women. Being let into their bathrooms. It's surreal as fuck. I don't even know why I'm posting this here, I tried to find this sub on reddit but it isn't there. I don't know where else to post it without people saying I'm a TERF for daring to suggest someone might be pretending to be trans with the intentions to sexually assault women. What am I even supposed to do in this situation?

Sorry if this isn't allowed here but I really need advice or support right now and it seems all the female spaces on reddit are fucking gone.

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[–]ShotTopic 26 insightful - 1 fun26 insightful - 0 fun27 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Just take care of yourself, unfortunately not much you can do other than vent. Not having control over his actions towards others is probably going to make you feel worse, it might bring up some old emotions, so do what you need to feel safe. I don't use SaidIt super frequently but I'll leave it up for a little while tonight in case you need to talk or vent or whatever.

(Not a survivor myself, I've just been alongside someone who is and I've helped her through a lot of things. From talking to detectives to researching therapists). RAINN has lots of resources.

[–]Vari4 26 insightful - 1 fun26 insightful - 0 fun27 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

It's surreal as fuck. I don't even know why I'm posting this here, I tried to find this sub on reddit but it isn't there.

Reddit banned Gender Critical and all of our sister sub's about a month ago. The social media giants and legal authorities are making it increasingly clear that they will no longer tollerate woman's skepticism of men's fantasies of gender.

I don't know where else to post it without people saying I'm a TERF for daring to suggest someone might be pretending to be trans with the intentions to sexually assault women. What am I even supposed to do in this situation?

I would suggest telling those you care about - including your old aquaintance something along the lines of

This man raped me so many times I lost count and beat me so bad that I ended up in the hospital with a broken rib, a kidney contusion and fractured skull. I'm saying this to you because I want you to understand that just because he chooses to wear a skirt and identifies as a womandoesn't change the fact that he is a man who is disposed to beat women. I really don't think it is wise for you or anyone else to let this man to gaslight you to gain access to your sympathies.

I know it's difficult to speak out about this stuff in the current political climate. But the more way stay silent the harder it will be for women like you to speak out about it. We need to reach out to each other and back each other so that our skepticism can become normalised.

[–]luckystar 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Oh man, I admire your courage. That paragraph would probably be a friendship-ender for many people I know. I'd have to couch it in terms of "even if she is a woman now, she's still a violent, predatory person that raped me as a teenager". What you write is correct, but not something I could just lead with, not in my part of the country at least.

[–]Vari4 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Question: Is someone really your friend if you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them and hide who you are from them. IMHO at best someone like this isn't friends with you - they're friends with who they think you are.

Also for anyone in this situation remember that the women who are raped by men have the high moral ground here. Don't let them take it without a fight.

[–]luckystar 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

So my close friends I've talked about this stuff with, one was a permanent friendship ender but the rest all agreed with me. But I'm talking more like... casual friend from college level of friendship. It's a minefield and if I can avoid the topic I do. Gotta choose your battles

[–]threefingersam 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I don't know what to say, but I think it's worth sharing the experiences you've been through on saidit. It saddens and angers me that a rapist can LARP as a woman, and thus be treated like an idol. And you're right, reddit has been erasing female spaces. I don't have advice, but you are welcome to post here.

[–]drx453 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It saddens and angers me that a rapist can LARP as a woman, and thus be treated like an idol.

It would be fine if it stopped at that. We have already had cases of rapists LARPing as women, being sent to women's prisons and raping some more. Because apparently trans rights are more important than right not to get raped.

[–]threefingersam 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I have read about some of those cases. Trans rights (more like privileges) continue to trample on womens rights. What a era to be alive..

[–]jet199 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

One thing you could do is set up an anonymous website with a list of his actions and all his names and aliases so if anyone googles him they can find it. I think a lot of TiMs use transition as a way to try to hide their past and appear innocent.

[–]yishengqingwa666 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Come and join us on Spinster.xyz and Ovarit.

I share your rage. You are not alone.

[–]msteacherlady 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Whenever someone makes the "small kindness" pronoun/language police request either at work or in any organization I will think of your story as I have been thinking of all the stories just like yours every time the request comes up.

Trigger Warning: It fills me with rage and who knows at what point I'll finally get the ovaries to stand up and ask, so, what pronouns should a victim use when being raped by a penis? I know you can predict the ugly response you'd get on twitter, but I really want to see all of the kind, open-minded, and honestly good people I work with squirm on that one. Like, wake up people!

[–]spinell 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That's a tough spot. I can only give you advice from my own perspective, and that is, in the end you just have to keep going. Stay strong, dont let it get you down, dont let the negativity win. Personally, looking at things from a deeper, more spiritual place has helped me a lot, that was my choice.

[–]Hollahollara 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If so many women were not thoroughly-groomed libfems, this is where the whisper network may be helpful. There is no guarantee, in my personal experience

I agree with what people said about tracking aliases. That is an excellent idea.

[–]watermelonsappho 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hi, I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. Identifying into trans womanhood is what my abuser did too, and it's incredibly common. I am so sorry for what you went through. If you need someone to talk to who isn't brainwashed by TRA rhetoric, I'm here.

[–]Skipdip 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you have to go through that. Thank you for sharing your story. ❤️