Reddit user who wrote /r/actuallesbians policy on dating transwomen is a man who tries to breastfeed his child

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[–]Terfenclaw 62 insightful - 4 fun62 insightful - 3 fun63 insightful - 4 fun -  (15 children)

The are often indistinguishable from cis women

Whew. The delusion is real.

[–]GConly 23 insightful - 3 fun23 insightful - 2 fun24 insightful - 3 fun -  (14 children)

I know. I've never ever seen a transbian pass IRL. They just look like men in drag.

[–]Bitchcraft 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

Frankly, you wouldn't know if they pass. The biggest giveaway is usually height, a small subset of men are naturally in the female range in that particular parameter.

See https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Toupee_fallacy

e. (sorry I don't have a better reference for this. rationalwiki used to be cool)

[–]Sebell 24 insightful - 3 fun24 insightful - 2 fun25 insightful - 3 fun -  (7 children)

Anytime someone on reddit says "I'm passing..." look at their history, you'll find their selfies pretty easily, and... never has one been close to passing. I'm not going to say across a room you might not notice, or you might not notice right away until someone speaks, but unless someone has had a lot of surgery, they don't tend to pass - and then they look like someone who has had a lot of surgery done.

The transwomen who pass the best are actually 60 - 80 year olds who aren't super concerned with their looks anymore and transitioned a long time ago. But they aren't transbians - they are attracted to men. That makes a HUGE difference. Transwomen attracted to men are much more likely to pass, for whatever reason.

[–]Marsupial 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Plus those selfies are usually with a ton of makeup, taken at specific angles and modded with filters. At best TiFs will be in that awkward "are they a man or a woman?" group. Most of the time they just look like men in drag though.

[–]blackrainbow 5 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

I mean, it's (straight) male socialization, women are never this confident about their looks ahahah

[–]RedditHatesLesbians 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Even if some transwomen can and do pass, it doesn't make them "more" female than the transwomen that absolutely don't past. Even if every transwomen you passed on the street was indistinguishable from a woman, they'd still be creepy men in dresses, and "passing" isn't an argument for demanding to be seen as a potential partner for lesbians. Yeah, well done dude, you've achieved society's version of what a woman should look like clothed. Real women can go out wearing rags and no make up with their heads shaved and there would be no mistaking them for a man.

[–]Bitchcraft 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I don't disagree with the idea that most don't pass. I'm just saying that this argument -- that you know because you knwo -- is flawed.

[–]MadLass 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Omg Ive come across this so many times. One time one was talking about dating stealth and they for sure dont know and their photo was 😬 literally a man in makeup.

[–]ruskiix 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I saw one once. They said they started hormones early enough for their hips to widen—I don’t know if that’s a thing or maybe they just had slightly wider hips to start and hormones boosted the look with fat distribution. They posted a video and spoke to show their voice. Zero AGP vibes so probably HSTS.

I haven’t really seen anyone else even close to that level though.

Edit: I went looking for it and can’t find it anywhere, so, it’s also possible that was an actual female human posted to give unrealistic hope to others. But if they did pass that well they’d probably want to delete everything.

[–]SaidOverRed 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Now this is what I come here for. Some actually varying opinions that's not just the standard "what do you mean there is more than one wave of feminism?" and "I don't know where the T in the alphabet soup came from!".

I mean, I disagree with the application of the evidence. In fact, I am aware of some toupees that I could not tell were toupees. But I have never seen a man that I thought was a woman who had to explain 'actually I was born a man.' They are always at best in the uncanny valley. You know something's wrong with them but you know they don't have downs and you just can't put your finger on it in the first two seconds. And then they speak.

[–]jelliknight 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Of course you wouldn't know if someone did pass, but don't forget hands, shoulder/hip ratio, gait, adams apple, brow, voice etc. There's lots of ways to tell a persons sex.

I would say any that "pass" are most likely just falling into an uncanny valley where you think "Is that a man pretending to be a woman, or a reeeeeeeeeeeeaaaallly masculine women with a hormonal disorder? How do I avoid causing a scene?"

I do find TIFs on testosterone are sometimes really hard to tell though, once their voice breaks, but again IRL shoulder/hip ratios and gait and pretty obvious.

[–]Taveing 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

You know what I've noticed? Men struggle to spot TIMs where women can easily identify them. Admittedly it's only anecdotal evidence but seriously see if the men in your life can easily pick them out.

It's really interesting - I think it's because women are socially trained to be much more aware of potential threats.

[–]MarkTwainiac 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I also think that evolution might have equipped female humans with greater visual perceptual abilities than males - and with some additional ones as well. But human culture and society are not aware of these additional female perceptual powers because males have always been considered the default humans, so only their perceptions/senses have been studied extensively. Male perceptual abilities are considered to be the norm and to represent the end all/be all of human possibility - but I don't think that's actually the case.

[–]moody_ape 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

i think it makes a lot of sense.