Being pressured to put pronouns in my bio

submitted by [deleted] from self.GenderCritical

I've been requested to do it at work in my email, woke friends have asked me to do it in my social media bios and to be honest it makes me uncomfortable. I've had a breast reduction, my voice is low, I dont care how I present or what people perceive me as.

Why should I have to announce the fact that I'm a woman to you? and the defence is always "so its normalised for trans people" so transphobes know or whatever

I'm a lesbian, at NO point during the gay rights movement did gay people go I'm going to force you to come out as straight too in order to normalise the coming out process for me.

So then people asked me if I cared if I got misgendered and I said no. I dont care. and that's a problem too? How I personally feel about MYSELF being misgendered?

all 29 comments
sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun

[–]Femaleisnthateful 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I feel this.

I've noticed senior managers at my work doing this as well, and I recall a blog post from a gay male manager with a particular interest in sexuality and gender identity issues (seriously, he brings it up constantly) encouraging staff to put their pronouns in their bio. I keep my gender critical beliefs quiet at work, but this will be my line in the sand, and I have been thinking a lot about how to formulate a response if I am ever confronted with the issue.

I think a good strategy with both your work and your woke friends is to simply state that your sexuality and gender identity is nobody's business but your own. Feel free to conflate the two, because they obviously do. Tell them their persistence makes you feel harassed.

I think there's a valid argument to be made that women are subject to gender-based (however you want to define 'gender') discrimination in the workplace, and forcing women to publicize their 'gender identity' (again, that means different things to different people) opens us unnecessarily to bias and discrimination. I shouldn't be compelled to publicly identify my race, religion or sexuality, so why should I be compelled to disclose my gender identity?

Honestly, I hope someone files a lawsuit over this at some point.

The argument about 'normalising it for trans people' has never held water for me. If we want to normalise something, we should be less obsessive over it, not more.

Here's my analogy: body positivity. We want everyone to feel comfortable in their own bodies, right? There are a range of body types and weights and we want to be inclusive of all diverse types of bodies, right? So let's all go around and state how much we each weigh. This will normalize marginalized bodies, right? Maybe we can have discussions about which body types are privileged or given status over others. So what will be the outcome after we all identify how much we weigh, in every single interaction even when weight is completely irrelevent to the topic of conversation. Will we all revel in our diversity and inclusivity, or will we all have fucking eating disorders?

Anyway, good luck to you. Let us know how it pans out.

[–][deleted] 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I shouldn't be compelled to publicly identify my race, religion or sexuality, so why should I be compelled to disclose my gender identity? Honestly, I hope someone files a lawsuit over this at some point.

God I hope so. This is exactly how I feel.

[–]our_team_is_winning 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

There are a range of body types and weights and we want to be inclusive of all diverse types of bodies, right? So let's all go around and state how much we each weigh.

That's probably coming. You'll see in-shape people deliberately piling on pounds to be "allies" to the obese.

[–]SanityIsGC 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I shouldn't be compelled to publicly identify my race, religion or sexuality, so why should I be compelled to disclose my gender identity?

Excellent point.

[–]Finnegan7921 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

So. Fucking. Ridiculous. Does anyone ever stop and go "normalize it for Trans people ? Why are these people SO.DAMN.FRAGILE. Why does everyone have to cater to them ? They get offended and meltdown at the drop of a hat over PRONOUNS IN EMAILS yet everyone at a business is supposed to bow and scrape to them ? Stop it."

[–]SnowAssMan 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I imagine your place of work wouldn't appreciate the following suggestions:

Everyone's pronouns are: you; my third person pronouns are: Her majesty the Queen

In the UK they often say 'partner' instead of husband/wife. I always thought it was to normalise gay civil unions (in the days before gay marriage). Now I think it's more likely people just don't want to reveal that they aren't yet married.

Your work would probably back off real quick if you told them you're actually trans & trying to live stealth & that the pronouns thing triggers you lol

[–]WildApples 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I think that there is a good argument that it is unlawfully discriminatory. It would be unthinkable to make an employee prominently identify their race, national origin, religion, or disability status at work, and I would argue that the same applies to sex, which as others have noted can have a detrimental effect on female employees.

Secondly, if you live in a jurisdiction that protects discrimination on the basis of creed, you could argue that you are being forced to violate your creed by the requirement to choose an identity that you do not personally believe in.

Also, for anyone working in government (including public schools and hospitals) in the U.S., remember that government cannot infringe on your right to free speech. That protection includes freedom from compelled speech.

[–]MarkTwainiac 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Having to divulge this sort of info at work, school or in other settings is also 100% contrary to the thinking that led the US to pass very strict laws about privacy of medical records and personal information known as HIPPA. If you go to the website of US Health and Human Service Administration, you'll see the amazing lengths that armies of attorneys in the US have gone to make sure information about people's health history and status remains private.

Similarly, it's due to a respect for personal privacy and an awareness of the ways that people's personal information can be used - and has been used - to discriminate against them in the workplace (and other settings) that the US Congress was finally moved to pass the The Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act of 2008. This law - and the reasons why it came into being and is necessary - strikes me as directly analogous to all this "provide your pronouns" nonsense today:

https://www.eeoc.gov/statutes/genetic-information-nondiscrimination-act-2008

Also, people who go along with the idea that everyone should announce their "gender identities," political leanings, membership in the "LGBTQ" and other personal info at work, in school, and all over social media don't seem to have considered how this very same information might be used against them if there's a big cultural shift, or even a revolution, that causes the political climate to change 180 degrees. Like it did in Russia in 1917-19, in China in the 1940s and 1970s, in Cambodia in 1975, in Iran in 1979, in Poland in the 80s, in Berlin/East Germany in 1990, in the USSR in 1991 - and during the past few years in places like Hungary, Poland, Turkey and Ukraine.

The very same information that can be used to signal that you're "a good person" who's "on the right side of history" under one regime could well be used to make you as a pariah who is suddenly toast under the next one.

[–]SanityIsGC 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

protection includes freedom from compelled speech

This is a great point. How is this not compelled speech?

[–]ShieldMaiden 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It feels like every time we're asked to repeat "TWAW" is compelled speech, too. At least it's not legally compelled (yet, lol).

[–]SanityIsGC 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It would be compelled speech and those words will never cross my lips. Transgender women are transgender women as far as I am concerned and that is the whole truth of the matter.

[–]divingrightintowork 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I would put "Private," or "personal," and maybe talk to HR about how you feel like they're forcing you to out yourself and your gender identity and that feels deeply invasive - your beliefs about your gender identity are very personal and private and this feels like discrimination by forcing people with private gender identities to out their selves / lie.

[–]SharpTomorrow 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Don't do it.

it's also interesting how it started as allegedly 'voluntary' and that practice is now imposed on unwilling participants, under thread of begin suspected of 'transphobia'. It's absolutely ridiculous how low society is sinking... especially when working in a business where now the primary concern is to force gender theory onto collaborators... what the fuck is that era?

[–]filbs111 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

A good source of info: https://duckduckgo.com/?q=mumsnet+pronouns

[–]NeedMoreCoffee 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

This article is a great read aswel that shows women have a disavantage. So announcing pronouns can hurt women at work

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/business/news/gender-inequality-man-woman-switch-names-week-martin-schneider-nicky-knacks-pay-gap-a7622201.html

[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

You're being asked to provide emotional labor and normalization for trans people. It's pretty obnoxious. The best you can do to pushback without putting job in jeopardy is to conveniently "forget" and see how long it takes anyone to notice or care.

[–]SharpTomorrow 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

it's a race to the bottom but unfortunately, there are forces at work that makes very hard for anybody in a professional setting to resist, under threat of being labelled "a bigot".

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If you're not submitting to the blackmail, you're the enemy and will be expunged unceremoniously.

It's pretty awful.

[–]cinnaflo 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Exactly, keep standing up for yourself! Unless you're actually dysphoric/trans I don't see why everyone else should be putting down pronouns when they're not even dysphoric or trans...? Seriously like what are you even trying to normalize?? It's already assumed that if you're a woman you'll use she/her pronounces and vice versa and if people get it wrong, you just correct them. It's just pandering to the TRAs at this point. Also aren't people who aren't dysphoric putting down pronouns like "they/them, ze/zir" etc just making things more difficult for everyone else including people who are trans? Who even has time to remember all this?? No one!

[–]Femaleisnthateful 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

So much this. The irony is that no one would dare compel a trans person to state their pronouns. Remember when Ellen Page came out as trans and her wife was all, "My gender identity is private, thx". Compelling pronouns makes an assumption of 'cisnormativity'.

[–]WildApples 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Unless you're actually dysphoric/trans I don't see why everyone else should be putting down pronouns when they're not even dysphoric or trans...

And I bet it is exacerbating the issue for dysphoric people in the long run to encourage them and everyone around them to obsessively focus on the thing that is causing them so much pain. It would be so much healthier to focus on things that make them feel fulfilled and whole instead of the things that don't.

[–]PeakingPeachEater 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

So then people asked me if I cared if I got misgendered and I said no. I dont care. and that's a problem too? How I personally feel about MYSELF being misgendered?

That's what my former pansexual coworker said to me when I said I don't care that people misgender me and that I laugh it off. I get called "sir" a lot over the phone. In person, I still got called sir with long hair. Now that I'm older that mistake doesn't really happen unless I cut my hair short and let my eyebrows grow. I look rather androgynous to people I suppose.

The pansexual former coworker said exactly the same thing as the woke people around you---how we need to put our pronouns in the bio because it normalizes trans people. I don't understand how that "normalizes" them. If they want to be "normal", then don't talk about gender 24/7 nor draw so much attention to it.

She also got upset with me and said "Pronouns are SERIOUS business" and lectured me. It was stupid. I don't have to deal with her anymore happily, but she is a bit creepy and obsessive. She still asked my GC friend at work about me and he didn't say anything to her and lied saying we don't talk LOL. We talk all the time.

EDIT: As someone else mentioned in this thread,I would tell them you prefer to stay private and do not wish to share any information about yourself in any type of way if they're pushing the pronoun crap on you.

[–][deleted] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Honestly the only thing its normalising is women feeling uncomfortable being women and wanting to be "they" instead.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh, absolutely. If men who identify as women get to colonize the term "womanhood", actual women are completely justified in feeling like they don't want to associate themselves with "womanhood". Men who identify as trans are ruining the concept of being a woman and eroding women's rights. Females have every right to be pissed.

[–]Rockette 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This kind of corporate crap is why I'm so glad to be an independent consultant. Not having to deal with this crap makes it more than worthwhile.

Have I ever been misgendered? Maybe once when I was a little girl. Did I really care? No.

[–]Seahorse 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

This is happening more and more.

I refuse, isn't it nobody's business? Isn't that what these dickheads are trying to imply?

[–]purrfect 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I suppose that, since the "personal is political", you CANNOT not care about being misgendered, so yes, in Clown World not stating your pronouns is problematic. Now, if not stating your pronouns means losing a job or anything else really important, I suggest stating really difficult pronouns that fit your ~inner sense of self~

My gender identity is gaiagender and my pronouns are bark/hee-haw.

[–]SanityIsGC 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My gender identity is gaiagender and my pronouns are bark/hee-haw.

Absolutely hysterical. What a truly brilliant idea.