wherethelonelyroam

Im not sure if this helps but I also have a problem with avoidant attachment and thats why I have trouble finding and maintaining relationships and friendships. I find it difficult to open up and be vulnerable with people and I regret having many missed opportunities at making a meaningful connections. I used to immediately panic and choose either to wall off or deflect whenever I sense that someone is crossing an emotional barrier.

I think that my avoidant attachment stems from anxiety of ppl leaving me so Id rather not be too close. Over the years I've managed to slowly curb this anxiety but its still a work in progress. I also constantly have to remind myself that whenever people are personal with me, they genuinely want to know me and want to have a connection.

I think in the gay community, alot of us grow up trying to hide the gay part of ourselves. We try to build a wall around us and only let those we truly trust in. And in the process, we mute a large part of our personality as well. We might become more distant or cold because we never know whether people will leave us when they find out about our true selves.

Even when we come out, the habit of detachment that might still linger and cause problems in relationships.

I dont have any solid dating experience but if youre dating someone with avoidant attachment problems the best way might be for you to be self assured and confident in yourself as a partner. It'd be easier for there to be one person to be stable and the other avoidant than one anxiously attached and the other avoidant. I think not everyone is purely anxious or avoidant, but when it causes problems in a r/s, it is a problem that should be looked at.