Attraction primarily to faces or bodies?

submitted by RedditHatesLesbians from self.Lesbians

This is something I've been thinking about, but my physical attraction to women almost entirely depends on me finding her face attractive.

I'm usually attracted to her body too as long as I find her face attractive, but I'm never attracted to a woman's body alone. I might think she's definitely attractive body-wise, but I only feel that magnetic pull and crush if I'm very attracted to her face, if I'm not then she could have the most perfect body in the world and it wouldn't matter. I'm bringing this up because men seem to talk a lot about being boob/ass men and women's bodies as objects, and I just can't relate to that at all. Of course I like boobs as much as the next lesbian, but it's not something I think about when I'm attracted to a woman? It's her presence, her smell, her voice, physical closeness of any type and her face that I'm primarily entranced by, I've never been really into a woman because "she has nice tits" like guys seem to be. All tits are good tits.

How do you all feel about this? I'm so face focused in my attraction to women that I actually thought I must not be a lesbian for ages because women's bodies are objectified so much in media, and I simply felt wrong engaging in that and I don't think like that. I also tend not to be into female celebrities but I find many women in real life attractive, the only exception is Olivia Wilde lol. But when I hear people go on about how attractive a certain celeb is and straight girls "girl crushes" on airbrushed celebs in make up, I just don't feel attracted to those women because it doesn't seem genuine. Even though they're clearly beautiful. Idk, am I making sense?

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[–]emilyprentiss 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (12 children)

Face over body. And I agree, her presence, the way her brain works, her sense of humour, her smell, her laugh - these things come first. I think you just have a type and I do too. So I can find a range of people attractive, but I'm only attracted to a very small subset of them.

[–]RedditHatesLesbians[S] 13 insightful - 7 fun13 insightful - 6 fun14 insightful - 7 fun -  (11 children)

Very frustrating that only maybe 3% of women are into women, an even smaller percentage of those are in our respective age ranges, an even smaller amount are near us geographically, an even smaller amount share the important-can't-compromise-on-it values and then we dare to have extremely specific types!

[–]emilyprentiss 12 insightful - 3 fun12 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 3 fun -  (6 children)

Haha! But then, we have 7.8 billion people on Earth. 49% are women, so: 3.8 billion. I'll say 10% are in the eligible age range: down to 380mil. 1% are near enough to us geographically - a train ride or short flight away: 3.6mil. 2.2% of the female population are bisexual or lesbian: 83.6k. Women we find attractive, probably 2% of those: 1672. Compatible values, opinions, hobbies, personalities, education levels, beliefs: 2% probably? So we're down to 33.

So there are 33 women, still, in the world for you! Which is not a lot, but if you think about it, you only need the 1. So it's going to be OK!

[–]RedditHatesLesbians[S] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

The difficulty comes with the fact that these 33 women won't just fall out of the sky in front of you, ready to go on a date. You need to actively search them out, and if they're a short plane flight away you definitely won't bump into them on the street, or even at a local event. And dating apps are full of the other 10,000 people who are trans women and bisexuals looking for a third, so that's a lot of painstaking scrolling to find even 1 out of the potential 33.

[–]florasis 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Dating apps are a saver actually. It would be quite more hopeless without them. Internet helps you access plenty of people you wouldn't meet in real life.

[–]emilyprentiss 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Oh, definitely, that's a given. Sorry, I didn't mean it like a joke or to offend. I just mean in the course of your lifetime, knowing there are 33 people out there you may meet, that's quite cool, and it helps when you feel down.

[–]RedditHatesLesbians[S] 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Oh it's totally fine, don't apologise! I was just saying that although 33 looks promising in theory, in reality it's still so hard to find those women. But it's definitely a good thing to keep in mind when you feel hopeless and like there's nobody for you. Statistically, that isn't true. Thanks for doing the maths :)

[–]oofreesouloo 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This this this. Preach! No one leaves lesbians alone! I mean, genuine bi women are welcome on dating apps. But "transbians", random dudes, couples, """"bi curious"""" women, women looking only for friendships, etc etc etc and the list goes on. Like, can we have something for ourselves once please?!

[–]florasis 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Being attracted to only 2 percent, seems extremely ridicolous low number, for something with super selective taste, I would say.

[–]VioletRemi 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

By some studies there around 10-15% of bisexual people. However, seems majority of them are leaning to heterosexual relationships anyways.

[–]RedditHatesLesbians[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

With bisexual women, there's always the fact that being with a man is always going to be much much easier than being with a woman permanently. Bisexual women have to be really female leaning for them to form serious same sex relationships imo, and I understand why, since socially being in a straight relationship is simpler even today.

[–]VioletRemi 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That is true, even if they like women more, it is very hard to be with a woman or to find a woman in majority of the world, even in western world.

[–]oofreesouloo 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Exactly... The problem is that bi women have it so much easier when it comes to dating. Unless they are febfems or are exclusively dating women for some reason or the other, for every woman they eventually date with lots of effort searching, they have met 20 or more men who could be potential partners with 0 effort. 😂 There are some struggles they do not face in comparison to lesbians (as there are struggles they face that we do not).

[–]VioletRemi 12 insightful - 4 fun12 insightful - 3 fun13 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

For me it is: Personality > scent > face > body. Scent is so high because I am synesthete.

because women's bodies are objectified so much in media

They are objectified for straight men, thought. And they are liking different things in women that we do.

[–]florasis 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

personality/face/body, exactly. Personality is the most deal breaker. Having a mental connection is important, especially for an introvert who struggle to open up. And because, really, if personality don't fit, relationship can't go far. Eyes, though, they're the first thing that attract me. Their expression and deepness.

[–]yousaythosethings 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Face is what grabs my attention and attraction to her face has to be a given. But more than her body itself or her individual body parts, I am attracted to the way that women carry their bodies.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

If she got the strut, she got my butt.

Jokes aside: hard agree 😅😆

[–][deleted]  (9 children)

[deleted]

    [–]florasis 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

    So, true. I got a thing for voice too. And spanish accent lol Certain voice can make you hot in an instant.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]florasis 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      Hormones really make you do dumb shit lol

      [–]TarshishJupiter 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      Have you heard Zelda William's voice. Holy moly I got a crush just on her voice in Legend of Korra.

      [–]florasis 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      Pretty hot, you are right

      [–]RedditHatesLesbians[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      Voices, absolutely. I love girls with thick and distinct accents specifically. It's instantly attractive to me. Doesn't seem to matter what accent it is, but specifically French/Romanian/Spanish do it for me lol

      [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      My favorite in particular is the New Zealand accent. I can’t get enough of a girl talking like that! 🤤💕

      [–]yousaythosethings 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

      You are describing ASMR. I also get an ASMR-like response to certain women’s voices. A big part of why I chose my particular language tutor was because of her voice having this quality. Also, she is certainly pinging my gaydar, which is interesting. . . .

      [–]les4les 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      Voices, yes!! I also can fall pretty hard for a girl's laugh, lol.

      [–]Lessom 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      Has to be Face as the most important. Body can be improved potentially but face is more permanent.

      [–]florasis 3 insightful - 6 fun3 insightful - 5 fun4 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

      There is plastic surgery :D

      [–]wherethelonelyroam 4 insightful - 5 fun4 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

      Dat sapphic aura ;)

      [–]TarshishJupiter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      I’m attracted to a wide range of bodies (perhaps 80%), but only maybe 10-20% of faces. So on a purely aesthetic level I’m only attracted to maybe <15% of women.

      Of course, personality and style play a huge part. I like butch women (not exclusively though), so I generally prefer a tomboyish style. And then personality wise, she’s gotta be kind, compassionate, and have common sense. And she has to line up somewhat with me value wise.

      So while I generally don’t look at most women and think they’re ugly or something, I’m really pretty picky.

      [–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      First, for me, it is her butch masculinity, her presence. It is almost an intangible.

      I know it and I feel it when I see her.

      Then, a genuine and easy smile and her eyes. After that, if we talk, what matters most of all is her intelligence, her ability to communicate and her kindness.

      Body type is much less important to me.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–]les4les 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        I think my sexual attraction was partially stifled for so many years due to how plastic so many women and girls have to be in order to be considered conventionally attractive.

        I wonder sometimes if this is why so many lesbians are more masculine; less pressure from other women to perform this artificial and forced femininity. I think most women would be more masculine in general if they didn't feel pressured to the contrary. It did take me some time to come to terms with lesbianism at least partly because so many of the women that are touted as "extremely attractive" or "the hottest ever" just did not do it for me

        [–]randomlesbian 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        To me personality comes first, then face and lastly body. As long as you aren't anorexic or morbidly obese I will like your body. Small boobs, big boobs, small ass, big ass, they're all great. I never understood some men's fixation with bodies, especially boob size.To me it really doesn't matter, every woman's body is beautiful. I like unique features, like having a bump in your nose, textured hair, moles, or dark spots. All these things some people consider imperfections, I find them hella attractive. But overall, personality is really what makes a difference. Beauty doesn't last forever. Confidence is definitely the most attractive thing a woman can have.

        [–]knownasness 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        hate to be that person but, sense of humor. i feel nothing for women that i can't laugh with regardless of how their face or body looks. i've never 'crushed' on anyone based on their looks so i don't even know how to answer this any other way. hahah. also, all of my exes are super pretty with amazing bodies so????? funny how life works.

        [–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        Gotta be both. But I'm not too picky about bodies so long as she has hips / curves.

        [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        I too am attracted to the face first, body second. If she doesn’t have a beautiful kissable face, then there’s not much there for me. Bodies can change, but your face can’t!

        [–]MyLongestJourney 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        Face!

        [–]sunzzy 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        For me personality hugely affects my physical attraction. I can look at a woman and think she looks good but usually I feel more physically attracted once I feel attracted to other things about them.

        Like, if you have a nice accent I'm gonna swoon and it might just be the musician in me thinking 'ooh listen to da pretty sound' but it works.

        But I also think that the way you act and the things you wear can make you so much more attractive than just wearing the least amount of clothing possible

        [–]lmaonope333 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        usually faces catch my attention first, but in covid era I cant see faces so its bodies