The younger staff, however, are all some weird combination of any two or more of the following

I have bad news. I did an 8 year stint in the corporate back office for a few large corporations. There is a new normal forming. In order to progress in your career, you have to either be a racial minority or become some sort of freak, like a purple haired genderbender or short haired obese lesbian, or man with fake boobs. There are still some regular people, but they are struggling or have to move to client facing roles where normal people are still needed.