LifestyleHow was your experience as a gay or bi person in high school?

submitted by oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]CaptainMooseEx-Bathhouse Employee 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

  1. I would say it was a negative experience being gay in high school (2007-2011). While I didn't experience homophobic abuse everyday, there were some incidents that majorly impacted how I interacted with my classmates, how safe I felt in that building, and how I felt about the trustworthiness of the adults in my life. The biggest one was that, on a class trip in 2009, I was sexually assaulted out of the closet. Several of my classmates in the specialized program I was in dared a girl to give me a lap dance and the violation I felt caused me to come out in the heat of the moment. They then tried to play it off like they didn't know I was gay (trauma bonding; gaslighting), but one of them told me the next day that they had known since we were in the 8th grade. Shortly after the assault, I went through another traumatic experience at the hands of two more classmates and one of the girls involved in the dare thought my coming out was a good opportunity to talk about how she was the victim after sexually assaulting my crush (a closeted gay man) because he yelled at her.

  2. I feel like I missed out on more because of having an overbearing, boundary crossing mother. I think if I were straight, I would be like my one friend's ex-boyfriend (his mother was the one who talked her into dating him despite him having no interest in her, they ended up having a several years long relationship he couldn't break up from because mommy dearest was a psycho). I think in high school I would have had more real friends if I were straight (instead of being pushed and groomed into fulfilling the GBF sexpert role and being treated like shit every time I deviated from that by being my own person).

  3. There are definitely things I've experienced because of my sexual orientation that I would not have experienced if I were a straight man (or would have experienced differently if I were a bisexual man). It's made me hyperaware of female predators (hence one of the reasons why I rally against trans-identified women in gay men's spaces), made me selective about who I'm friends with, and made me into a much more guarded person overall.

  4. I feel that it's important for gay kids to have other gay friends, not just other gay kids in their life who are romantic prospects. A big part of why I founded the GSA in my high school was so that we could have a comfortable place to discuss experiences we had among our peers or at home because of our non-heterosexual sexual orientations that we may not have felt comfortable disclosing in front of our straight peers, however the first person to join was the girl who sexually assaulted my crush so out the door went that possibility. I think it's important to have someone similar enough to you that you can cross-reference your experiences with, even among other friends, so you know you aren't going crazy when you reflect on your interpersonal interactions. I don't think it's healthy for a gay teenager/young adult to be in a friend group that is made up exclusively of straight women because (in my experience) they will shatter your self-esteem and act like you are the bad friend for not living up to whatever Will & Grace fantasy they had in mind.

[–]DrMantisToboggan 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

You bring up some interesting points vis-à-vis the complicated relationships many gay men have with straight women. Although I graduated high school in the early aughts and was closeted the entire time, which made for a miserable experience. Once I went on to college and fell into the GBF trope with different straight women, it took many years to realize how demeaning, demoralizing and toxic these friendships were. I was also a victim of sexual assault at the hands of one of my self-proclaimed fag hags. It wasn't until my mid twenties that I formed much more meaningful friendships with other gay men and even several lesbians.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That's interesting. I honestly had no idea straight women could be so toxic to gay men or that it was that common. That's why it's so bs when people claim that only men are evil and women are these perfect princesses who harm no one. If I hear one sentence or other or both from someone, I won't hang out with that person.

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There's a reason why fag hag exists as a term. Straight women can be extremely predatory towards gay men, and it's difficult to get rid of them simply because men aren't believed/are ridiculed when they say women are harassing them.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sorry about your experience with the girl who gave you the lap dance. And yes, this is why I prefer to hang out with straight guys over straight women, because I refuse to be that Will and Grace stereotype. Thankfully, most of the women at my college didn’t care that I was gay, so I hung out with women as often as I hung out with men.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your story and having the bravery to share such horrible incidents that happened to you! <3 I'm so sorry about that your boundaries and dignity as a human weren't respect by your peers and I truly hope youre at an amazing place right now. One of the things I related the most about your answers were point 3. It happened the exact same with me and that's how I feel too (except it is the lesbian version and not gay man version lmao). Take care!

[–]MarkJeffersonTight defenses and we draw the line 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

A big part of why I founded the GSA in my high school was so that we could have a comfortable place to discuss experiences we had among our peers or at home because of our non-heterosexual sexual orientations that we may not have felt comfortable disclosing in front of our straight peers, however the first person to join was the girl who sexually assaulted my crush so out the door went that possibility.

Damn, that's so creepy. She's was clearly seeking more opportunities to prey on gay guys and then act the victim again once it went sideways. I wouldn't be too surprised if she became of those gaydens who transed later on for the same reason.

[–]CaptainMooseEx-Bathhouse Employee 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's been ten years. He graduated before us, so I honestly think she thought she was just being a good person. She also didn't apologize to him until she saw that I had reached out to him after he came out. She's still a woman, is engaged, and got everyone she knows to contribute to a GoFundMe so she could go to the States for grad school while he couldn't even raise enough for vet bills.

[–]strawberrycake 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Wow, we have similar experiences. Similar graduation time, overbearing/abusive mother, and sexually assaulted by straight women (and one who later transitioned to a “gay guy”). I remember at that time there was a lot of straight people throwing around f-slurs and calling everything gay. That took a toll on my mental health since I heard it literally everyday. Did you have a similar experience? Also at my school there were only a handful of openly gay guys. There were more bisexual/lesbian girls who mostly settled down with men later in life.

[–]CaptainMooseEx-Bathhouse Employee 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I didn't hear many people call things gay or drop slurs in my presence, but based on what happened to the young lesbian I mentored in my first semester of my final year of high school (she got gay bashed in the locker rooms), most of the violent, overt homophobia was directed at lesbians while gay men dealt with more covert types of homophobia as well as sexual assault from "allies."

As for the out bisexual/lesbian girls from my school, yeah, I noticed that trend too where they all ended up with men. I'm not surprised about the ones who said they were bisexual because at least they were honest about their opposite-sex attraction. The girl who came out as a "lesbian" while at university and then slinked back to being with men irks me because we were friends, she did try and groom me into fitting that GBF role, and then she deleted me off Facebook when she went back to riding dick. All of us who were out as gay/bi men seem to remain out.

[–]strawberrycake 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hmm… I went to school in the Midwestern US so maybe it was more regional.