My girlfriend thinks masturbation is evil and whenever we touch ourselves, a kitten dies

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[–]CreditKnifeMan 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

whenever we touch ourselves, a kitten dies

That's a misinterpretation of an eastern folk tale.

Essentially, it's a comedy tale about a guy masturbating, and claiming his hand is "killer pussy".

The "kitten dies" joke is lost in translation.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    So you're god is Jesus Christ...

    The incarnation of him your grandparents already told you about when you were young?

    That already the catholic church morons confabulated about when their dementia-ridden pedos hallucinated mostly lies about his life while finally writing down his story about twelve generations after it happened ?

    I got you :

    Here on saidit, we have the real Jesus.

    He possibly can absolve you from the "wrong" sins, you "accuse" yourself with, i can think.

    But since my gods don't intervene in "christian defined" ways, so to say, i can't really tell if this opinion is of any "real" use to you. At least not beforehand.

    [–]Canbot 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    What if you touch each other?

    Also, where are all the dead cats?

    [–]jet199 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Where in the bible does it say female mastrubation is bad?

    [–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Just last night three kittens died on her face, her tits, and on her tramp stamp.

    [–]IkeConn 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Kick her to the curb.