My girlfriend thinks masturbation is evil and whenever we touch ourselves, a kitten dies

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So you're god is Jesus Christ...

The incarnation of him your grandparents already told you about when you were young?

That already the catholic church morons confabulated about when their dementia-ridden pedos hallucinated mostly lies about his life while finally writing down his story about twelve generations after it happened ?

I got you :

Here on saidit, we have the real Jesus.

He possibly can absolve you from the "wrong" sins, you "accuse" yourself with, i can think.

But since my gods don't intervene in "christian defined" ways, so to say, i can't really tell if this opinion is of any "real" use to you. At least not beforehand.