How straight women react to butches / women they clock as lesbians

submitted by Innisfree from self.Lesbians

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[–]whateverman 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (13 children)

Do you have that other thing happen to you with straight guys that categorize you as a male-friend equivalent? Where they call you bro and say things they would never say around a woman they want to fuck? Like, what is that? It's like, because you're more masculine-presenting and attracted to women, they forget you might not like some of the sexist jokes and objectifying comments they have to make.

Doesn't happen to me now that my hair's long and I wear feminine outfits.

[–]Innisfree[S] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Yep, you get quite a window into masculinity, i. e. you hear some shit. It also doesn't happen to me now, I've softened.

[–]florasis 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

I guess being masculine as opposed to looking like an average woman makes the experience pretty different and for a masculine women their orientation impacts their life much more.

[–]Innisfree[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Agree, and also I find a more homophobic environment really brings out what u/carrotcake and u/violetremi so well describe. But I really appreciate hearing the different perspectives shared here.

Edit: I don't know about being masculine impacting my life more than say for a feminine lesbian, depends on the level of homophobia, but in general - it's just a different way. I think this thread illustrates it very well.

[–]florasis 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

A femme lesbian will be considered straight until she says she isn't.That's a great difference.

[–]oofreesouloo 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I personally think it sucks to be either a femme or butch lesbian. As a femme, I feel like people rarely believe me or think I must be bisexual constantly "because it's impossible that a lesbian is feminine". The struggles are just different.

[–]florasis 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I know that I wouldn't want everyone everywhere to know my sexuality. Not that I got a problem, but I would rather a freedom of keeping it to myself, or not beign see as a central part of me.

[–]VioletRemi 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

I actually only have two gay men friends and one straight, but he is relative and with mental health issues.

[–]whateverman 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I have a few close guy friends, but they're all old friends from my school years or extended family. I don't think I could easily befriend other men now.

It's weird. I can see them, empathize with them and try to understand them, but there's this tacit understanding that they're always thinking about women, sex with women, being with women. It's weird and the only thing that seems to turn it off is shared history or being categorized into a non-fuckable label (family, old friend). If they can't do either and they're not attracted to you, you don't even exist and they won't even see you. They'll outright ignore you and barely recognize you as a fellow human being.

It's so frustrating because there's this part of me that wants to say "I'm human too and I wish we could be friends," but they'd never see any value in that. You're either a fuck hole or you're nothing.

[–]VioletRemi 6 insightful - 5 fun6 insightful - 4 fun7 insightful - 5 fun -  (2 children)

always thinking about women, sex with women

Not my gay friends, ha ha.

If they can't do either and they're not attracted to you, you don't even exist and they won't even see you

You mean "there can't be friendship between man and woman and there always more"?

I'm human too

Sadly this only started getting to the society after second wave of feminism...and not even in majorities of countries. And now with this gender ideology stupidity, everything is rolled back to sexist stereotypes and oversexualization of women. Like "having a personality" is not male gender trait, pffffffft.

[–]whateverman 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I do think gay men can understand this to some degree. I've heard at least some complaints about straight women treating them like women or using them as a prop rather than an actual friend.

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You mean "there can't be friendship between man and woman and there always more"?

I have run into a disturbing number of straight men who believe this.

[–]lairacunda 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I had one male friend for a few years. Can't remember now why I thought it was a good idea. Maybe because he was gay and pretty innocuous and we had some things in common. The thing I started to notice at some point was that my expectations of him were a lot lower than for women. He mostly used me for emotional support when things got rough for him. He was nice but bland.