LifestyleAdvice on dealing with the insanity of the queer movement.

submitted by notmuchunique from self.LGBDropTheT

Hello everyone! I wanted to get people's insight into this as Im having trouble with it. Since this sub is one the only places where I feel people are still sane, i trust your opinion. How do you guys deal with the general insanity of the new queer movement and allies' complacency and willingness to just accept new unfounded ideology? I know I should learn to brush it off as i thankfully rarely interact with such people, but even the sheer ignorance needed to accept without question some of this new shit annoys the hell out of me. I feel like im going crazy with people going along with the concept of sexist non-binary rhetoric, pronouns craziness and usage of slurs as an identity (ex. queer) , as well as the overwhelming fixature on identity politics, and the infringing on lesbian spaces by MTFs. I have little connection to lgb communities irl cause all of them seem to have lost the plot and are againt my morals at this point. But I dont want to fully close off and end up not finding other bi/lesbian women to connect with. And i am concerned how widespread this seems within my generation (Z), making me worried about the prospect of getting close to the wrong people. Hope this makes sense. Would love any advice people have. Thanks in advance.

all 11 comments
sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun

[–]Q-Continuum-kin 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I think now you just need to keep people as aquaintances until you can see how they respond. Like participate in some gay spaces but don't participate in any of the gender BS and it might be OK to step over the line a bit. People who are heavily in invested in that ideology will make it known easily. (Meaning those people are hyper aware of where the line is and if you put a toe over the line they will notice while everyone else will have no clue.) Other people who aren't crazy will gravitate to you a bit and make it easier to judge if they are going to be subservient to the gender cult.

Sometimes you still misjudge and people I have considered friends have ghosted me for some nonsense. Amusingly I lost quite a few friends where the gender ideology and Hillary Clinton Stans intersected. Those people are concerned with the performance of wokeness while doing nothing for actual policy of people in need so if you declare yourself as not being in lockstep with the cause of the month then they freak out.

[–]notmuchunique[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks for taking the time to reply. Your advice is great. I don't pretend to be for the new queer movement but also dont go out of my way to comment on its insanity cause I know how intense the response can be. I am hesitant to join gay spaces in general, since at least from the outside looking in, it is all queer oriented if that makes sense. Since I'm not social by nature, it makes me even more distanced in general. But if I do get the courage to participate, I won't pretend to agree with gender ideology and hope there will be people to gravitate towards me once they hear my opinions. So thanks for your input. Sad to hear you were ghosted but sounds like it was for the best, removing yourself from people like that can be quite liberating, cause it feels you're tiptoeing and not addressing the elephant in the room most of the time. Hope you have found more like-minded people.

[–]dilsencySame-sex community 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I think people mean well. As condescending as it sounds, when people promote ideology that is ultimately not in the best interests of women, same-sex attracted people, or children, I think that they genuinely haven't thought of how it can affect others.

When people bring up transitioning as "being your true self", it's easy to get people on board. But when you bring up transitioning for children, how the methodology is not scientific, and how gender non-conformity in children is often not permanent and a sign of something other than gender identity, you'd make a lot of people uncomfortable.

[–]INeedSomeTimeAsexual Ally 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I remember my past self, who didn't understand people having issues with transitioning and whole trans topics. In my head I just thought all trans people go through the good old school diagnosis process. But then I found out about detransitioners... and I'm much more informed ever since. I am sure a lot of people are just similarly clueless of the nuances.

[–]notmuchunique[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you for the reply. I definitely agree, most allies are not doing it for malicious reasons. I think a lot of us here have gone through the path of being accepting, then seeing more closely the bigoted homophobic attitudes that come up in these discussions and no longer supporting such causes. Still, just because people dont know any better, doesn't make it any easier, cause when you know how sinister it can be, it's hard to see average people supporting it without knowing any better. At least in my experience, that is the exact part that drives me crazy, the complacency and willingness to accept whatever is told to them.

[–]JohnWhyGay Man 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

All you can do is try to avoid those people, I've found. But fortunately, in the real world that people are not generally as crazy about it as the ones online. Normal people don't care that much. Test the waters a bit and people will show their true colors soon enough. It might be worse in different places, but I've found most gay people I've met in real life versus online to be somewhat reasonable? How they dress and present themselves can be a huge clue about who to avoid, though.

I just wish I knew how to navigate the online space better, because as soon as you so much as say anything even slightly in opposition, you have a whole mob of people jumping on you, calling you a cruel heartless monster, and chomping at the bit to take away your ability to say a single word. They have managed to capture pretty much every major space online, and it baffles me as to how all of these sites are run by seemingly the same type of people.

And unfortunately, the forcing of the T onto the LGB almost forces us to have to confront it head-on lest we seem to tacitly accept their craziness by default. But it also gives us a bit of authority to kind of defuse the craziness with the average joe and normalize the idea that gay people don't necessarily all buy into this stuff. More of us speaking out in sane and civil ways is the only thing that can eventually shift the tides in our favor.

[–]notmuchunique[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, the few gay people I organically met in real life seem more distanced from such discussions. The point about dressing is so incredibly true and it's genuinely fascinating how blue hair has become the sign of the queer movement and people heavily invested in it, from my experience.

Online spaces are absolutely insane, it's echo chambers which have successfully created a hivemind and allowed for contrary opinions to be censored due to being labelled 'bigoted'. I can only assume the reason is most these people spend their whole lives online and police the spaces they are a part of? Hence maybe why they're less common in real life.

Agreed. All we can do is let people know that this is a specific subset of the community that none of us want a part of. I just hope it doesn't become the majority, it seems overwhelming online.

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Hey, I'm a couple days late but just wanted to say I appreciate your post, and I also feel like I'm going crazy, lol.

I have little connection to lgb communities irl cause all of them seem to have lost the plot and are againt my morals at this point.

Same. I've been slowly distancing myself from other LGB people I know who are drinking the koolaid :/

But I dont want to fully close off and end up not finding other bi/lesbian women to connect with.

I completely relate. This is my current dilemma as well.

And i am concerned how widespread this seems within my generation (Z)

Hey!! I'm gen Z too! Man it's nice to hear there are others like me out there, lol. I don't have any wise answers for you, friend, other than that you're not alone and I'm out here too, and I bet there are a bunch of others like us out there, too. :)

I don't know about you, but in real life, I try to be as quiet about my real opinions on gender identity ideology (and my LGB-related pride... because even the very acronym "LGB" offends people...). I think almost everyone around me has no idea that I feel and think the way that I do. That makes me wonder how many more people there are in our generation who are like that, you know? I think it's especially hard for our generation, too, because we have had fewer opportunities to socialize in-person than teens/young adults in other generations did, due to a lot of socialization time being spent online-- and there is a l o t of online condemnation of anyone who believes in LGB pride or who at all questions the tenets of the gender identity faith.

Anyway, to answer your question, I've honestly just been spending the past few weeks feeling depressed about the whole situation, lol. But I'm trying to get back into the swing of things by 1) participating more here, and 2) talking to one or two more-trusted people IRL about LGB issues. I made a subsaidit called s/LGBmemes if you want to see some more lighthearted content; hoping to update that soon.

[–]notmuchunique[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's great to hear from someone from our generation! Thanks for taking the time to reply. It's very reassuring to know there are others like us out there, just wish it was easier to meet them amidst all the craziness.

I'm somewhat similar, I don't bring up any topics related to the new gender ideology (unless it's close people I trust/share opinions with), but personally won't shy away from voicing my opposition either (unless i perceive the person in front of me to be particularly unhinged lol), since I want people to feel free to talk to me about such things, and not assume I agree with this bullshit simply because I'm lesbian.

I agree, this lack of real-life socializatoin and constant social media usage has driven people crazy and allowed for even the youngest of Gen Z to be exposed to stuff they really should not be concerned with. The fact is people would not be labelling themselves half this crazy stuff if they didn't learn about it on twitter/tiktok etc., which just tells you how insincere and unfounded all of it is.

I'm glad to hear you have people you trust! Even one person to share your opposition to this craziness is enough. I'll check out the subreddit, thank you once again :)

[–]reluctant_commenter 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

No problem!! (Sorry I'm slow to reply lol, trying to get back in the habit of logging on.) Completely agree with everything you said. I wonder if there are any strategies that people like us might be able to use to figure out other people who share our opinions. I have a couple of "tells" in my language-- I describe myself as having same-sex attraction, and I do sometimes use the correct (sex-accurate) pronouns for describing transgender people, when they're not around. I notice when other people do the same. I have come to believe that most straight people unfortunately just don't care at all about LGB/T issues, so I doubt I could have very in-depth conversations about these topics with most people around me, unfortunately. But maybe there is a way I could find one or two people who are quieter about it. Lol, the fact that opposition to gender identity belief is so taboo is absolutely insane.

I'm glad to hear you have people you trust! Even one person to share your opposition to this craziness is enough. I'll check out the subreddit, thank you once again :)

Thanks!! And glad to hear it :) hope you're doing well!