Wanting to drop my best friend because she recently moved to fucking la la land.

submitted by fuckupaddams from self.GenderCritical

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[–]yousaythosethings 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

To be fair, this relationship is queer in the most literal sense of the world and I would be delighted if "queer" was limited to describing dumpster fire relationships like this and that they would leave gays and bisexuals out of it.

Sadly, it sounds like your friend is a codependent identity void, and she needs just as much counseling as he does. Women with a reasonable amount of self-esteem and/or a reasonably healthy mind do not react to situations like the way your friend is. As a codependent, she will be lifelong prey to the personality-disordered, mentally ill, and men with other addictions. Unfortunately she will also contribute to making all of their conditions worse too. So buckle up, because you will see this play out over and over again.

Have you noticed other codependent patterns with her?

[–]fuckupaddams[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Oh yeah she even admits she's always been codependent. She was with her last (emotionally abusive and extremely codependent) boyfriend for way too long. And in general she's extremely boy-crazy, which is another reason I find her spouting how gay she is all the time to be pretty funny.

What you say makes sense. And I know she's definitely encouraging her boyfriend to become a woman for God knows what reason. I'm genuinely concerned he's going to become a 41%-er down the line because he needs REAL help, not fucking estrogen pills.

[–]slushpilot 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I'm genuinely concerned he's going to ...

If I take a huge step back and look at what you're saying like some kind of objective alien, it sounds like the person we should be most genuinely concerned about is this guy, and not the girlfriend or your friendship with her. She can keep her crazy beliefs and be OK (although still a little weird) but if she's applying these beliefs to encourage an emotionally vulnerable person in a direction that leads to his suicide, that's quite concerning.

It might not be popular for me to say this here, but He should be protected from Her, as the more vulnerable one in that messed up relationship.

I don't think it's really your place to intervene, but if this guy is being encouraged to transition for the wrong reasons (and it sure sounds like it) it would be helpful for him to just have someone to talk to who isn't neck-deep in the same shit. It's a huge risk for you to get tangled up in their mutual craziness & have it blow up in your face though.

You mentioned your boyfriend: maybe talk to him about this and see if he wants to reach out to this guy to just be a "bro" to talk to in confidence. I don't know how close you all are as friends, so that's probably easier said than done. Ultimately, I agree this guy needs a professional, not an enabler girlfriend.

[–]fuckupaddams[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

But do you realize how the environment is? If i suggest to him, who I don't even have a personal relationship with, or her, that maybe transitioning is not the thing he needs, I will be the hateful asshole, and my intolerance and the same intolerance of everyone else is what leads to the depression and suicide. They literally won't see it rationally. To them, the suicide statistics of trans people is so because people didn't accept them as trans, NOT because of the transition in itself. There is no room for that conversation. They would both equally just consider me a bigot if I even suggested it. Even though she's encouraging it, he is the one coming out and saying "I hate being male, I want to be a woman." What can I do? I don't even know him. I just know what she tells me about his mental health.

[–]slushpilot 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yes, I do get it. It's an impossible situation, so it's best to just stay out of it. It's not your responsibility to fix.

[–]fuckupaddams[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's not but the whole thing makes me feel crazy. He comes to hang out with us wearing a skirt as if that affirms his new identity, when I wonder if anyone in his life ever told him he could dress how he wants as himself. The whole thing is depressing.