Whats your favorite bible story to masturbate to?

submitted by ChocolateChipit from self.AskSaidIt

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[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 4 fun6 insightful - 3 fun7 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

When Lot's daughters get him drunk so he'll impregnate them.

[–]DrRaccoon 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That is the best one

[–]SMCAB 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

There's a black chipit?

[–]IkeConn 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

The one where 16 year old me was fucking 16 year old Connie and she was yelling "Jesus Christ" and "Oh my God" for 15 solid minutes. It was totally Biblical.

[–]cisheteroscum 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Sick fuck

Just go to the holocaust museum like a decent person

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[removed]

    [–]cisheteroscum 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    KYS

    [–]weavilsatemyface 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    My favourite is when God tells Moses to go back to Egypt to free His People, then changes His mind so He sends the Angel Of Death to kill Moses. But instead of just killing him, the Angel decides to have some hot man-on-angel gay wrestling with Moses, until Mrs Moses stops the bout by taking the bloody foreskin from newly-circumcised baby Moses Jr and rubbing it on Moses' forehead.

    [–]twolanterns 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

    which bible version are you referencing ?

    [–]weavilsatemyface 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    As far as I know, all of them, although I admit I haven't checked them all.

    The New International Version has God himself come down from Heaven to fight Moses. Exodus 4:18-31:

    24 At a lodging place on the way, the Lord met Moses and was about to kill him. 25 But Zipporah took a flint knife, cut off her son’s foreskin and touched Moses’ feet with it. “Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me,” she said. 26 So the Lord let him alone.

    with a footnote that the meaning of the Hebrew phrase "touched Moses' feet with it" is uncertain. Other translations have her touching it to Moses' forehead.

    [–]LarrySwinger2 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Lot and his daughters of course.

    [–]transbob 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    All evil people await the same fate.

    You have an appointment to hold and you will not be late.

    Your future has already been written in stone.

    Prepare thyself for an eternity without God.

    This is your reward for your evil deeds.

    All praise to the creator of gravity and time.

    Kind regards,

    Trans Bob

    [–]KyleIsThisTall 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Onan