Whats your favorite bible story to masturbate to?

submitted by ChocolateChipit from self.AskSaidIt

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[–]weavilsatemyface 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

My favourite is when God tells Moses to go back to Egypt to free His People, then changes His mind so He sends the Angel Of Death to kill Moses. But instead of just killing him, the Angel decides to have some hot man-on-angel gay wrestling with Moses, until Mrs Moses stops the bout by taking the bloody foreskin from newly-circumcised baby Moses Jr and rubbing it on Moses' forehead.

[–]twolanterns 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

which bible version are you referencing ?

[–]weavilsatemyface 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

As far as I know, all of them, although I admit I haven't checked them all.

The New International Version has God himself come down from Heaven to fight Moses. Exodus 4:18-31:

24 At a lodging place on the way, the Lord met Moses and was about to kill him. 25 But Zipporah took a flint knife, cut off her son’s foreskin and touched Moses’ feet with it. “Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me,” she said. 26 So the Lord let him alone.

with a footnote that the meaning of the Hebrew phrase "touched Moses' feet with it" is uncertain. Other translations have her touching it to Moses' forehead.