Trying something out

submitted by cqtzFlair from self.sub

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[–]Vulptex 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (11 children)

She's here, just not very active. I'm only active a lot because it's all I'm able to do really, since I'm not capable of much else and I don't know how else to enjoy myself. Of course even if I could do things I haven't been able to really feel much since I was young either, everything is monotone now, even the most exciting things. The only thing I can feel with any kind of intensity anymore is anger, which got worse.

[–]cqtzFlair[S] 4 insightful - 4 fun4 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

Hi!

Formatting:

Without the CSS, one of the boxes in the post would look something like this:

ThisIsntMyAccount

Banned

This user was permanently banned 1 month ago by one of the SaidIt admins

Ban reason goes here, maybe with a link like this.

  • 488 post karma

  • 1,249 comment karma

The outer blockquote is styled into the outer box (the one with the thick outline). It's also an inline-block so the boxes can be shown side by side. The inner blockquote is the white/dark gray (depending on whether you're using day mode or night mode) part inside the box.

In the above example, the Banned (in italics) is styled into a red box. The "1 month ago" text (that links to #timestamp) is styled to have the same color as the surrounding text. The horizontal rule is styled to be a dotted line.

In the examples with a large red box containing the "ban message", the box is another blockquote.

Currently, the styling only applies to the post itself (meaning any other post on this sub with the exact same markdown won't have it). It's like that because I didn't really know a way to distinguish something that should be formatted from something that shouldn't be formatted. (On reddit, I think they sometimes use headers as a way of indicating that something should be styled.)

This probably took her like 1 second to learn and execute a perfect result with zero issues.

No one masters anything instantaneously. Reddit/SaidIt's quirky CSS takes some acclimation time and experience to learn, much less gain expertise.

Yeah. I spent quite a bit of time trying to style things on reddit (I think I started in 2017, before I had an account).

[–]JasonCarswell 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks for the run down! Saved.

I looked but not hard. I tried /s/sub/wiki/about/stylesheet but wasn't mod so I should have tried /s/sub/wiki/config/stylesheet.

Reposted:
/s/IdeasForSaidIt/comments/862q/trying_something_out_ssub_repost_for_the_record/

[–]Node 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (8 children)

Yikes. Just saw this and your edit above.

It sounds like you're saying your life is fine, but that's not working for you. Any hope for a cure, or a different path that might take the edge off a bit?

[–]Vulptex 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (7 children)

Nope. That would require getting a new brain, at which point I might as well be a different person anyway.

[–]Node 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

I might as well be a different person

Agreed. (in a sense) As it turns out, the software brains run on can be reprogrammed. It can be somewhat of an art in a professional therapist setting, but vastly easier than a brain transplant.

Would you like to see a recap of your current programming?

My brain and body and genetics fucked me over

I was basically born to suffer.

Even when my life should be fine, it's not,

I am cursed.

I'm not capable of much else

I don't know how else to enjoy myself.

I haven't been able to feel much since I was young

everything is monotone now

The only thing I can feel with any kind of intensity anymore is anger

With this level of self-trolling, it's no wonder you're not experiencing enjoyment.

Block your internal troll.

Replace that emotional abuse with positive self-talk.

Even if you don't suddenly become the master of all skills and abilities, there is zero need to suffer for that. Maybe you deserve to suffer for other reasons (do you?), but certainly not just for not being the most impressive person on the planet.

[–]Vulptex 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

It wasn't always this way. A switch just flipped one day and everything went to hell for me. I've tried to change it back with various different methods and none of them do jack squat. Apparently this was normal pubescent development and I'm supposed to be happy about it. It costs me everything, but hey, I get to fulfill my pointless primal role for a society I already don't like! This is my baseline state now and it just sucks. All I can do is try and accept it but that's going to be damn near impossible. I've had plenty of therapy, all they do is tell me to deny reality and mask my problems, which I can't even do nor is that a real solution. Outside of there, I am scolded for having any problems or emotional difficulties because only women matter and I'm just a burden.

Whether I'm human or even earthling is becoming more and more questionable to me.

[–]JasonCarswell 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

We are creatures of habits, good and bad, pros and cons, on spectrums. Our greatest strengths are often also our greatest weaknesses.

If I could go back to 2008 and avoid starting the "anti"-depressants that destroyed my life and almost killed my I would have 1) taken a blood test, 2) taken vitamin D and ginseng, and 3) started CBT.

Have you considered Cognitive Behaviour Therapy? It's different than just therapy by someone in a chair who may/may not care.

I invited you to co-mod /s/Fulfillment and /s/WellBeing - or you can just share good, bad, and ugly stuff there, or simply seek information or feedback.

cc /u/Node

[–]Node 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

A switch just flipped one day

Interesting. I flipped mine manually, but much earlier.

I've tried to change it back with various different methods and none of them do jack squat.

Yep, frustrating. Some of those switches appear to be one time use only.

From your other comment, it sounds like you're still relatively young and under the influence of your hormones. Noted by your undue focus on the human female.

I will just point out here that it is possible to have a marriage or long term relationship with a female, but much denial of reality will be required. If you have trouble masking your problems or denying reality, acquiring one would lead to trouble. Like a failed shotgun suicide, you could end up far worse off than you are now.

only women matter and I'm just a burden.

This is untrue, and you will do better and be happier once you stop believing it. I mean, I'm not qualified to tell you what to do or believe, but I do know that saying negative things about yourself to yourself is a technique that's often successful in making you more miserable. You can still be the way you are without the need to deliberately make yourself more miserable.

Disclaimer: I don't know all that much about the autism, so read my opinions with that in mind.

Cheers \o

[–]Vulptex 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I don't want to get married or even date or have sex. The problem is all my developmental energy has been channeled towards exactly that and I'm barely capable of anything else now.

[–]Node 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Can you change your focus away from females and concentrate more on your other interests?

Do you have hobbies, or things you like to work on?

[–]Vulptex 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I do not want sex or women. I want to focus on my hobbies. But my brain and body do not understand that and always trade in my ability in the latter for more in the former. Me just existing now pretty much gets girls chasing me so I'm very good at exactly what I don't care about. And it's cost me everything I actually do want.

My only focus on women is how much better life seems for them than us. They go through puberty and get breasts and periods and that's it, everything else continues as normal. For us everything we once knew changes, and not in a good way, as I already described. It's productive for the species but not good for us personally. On top of that women have hardly any social obligations, and there's something called the Women Are Wonderful Effect and Male Expendability which means humans of both sexes inherently care about female humans but couldn't care less about males. Because females are both the default state and serve a much wider range of natural roles than males, and because you need a lot more of them to reproduce as one male can impregnate thousands of females. This is also probably behind the unfortunate development of males compared to females. In nature's view we exist solely to continue the species and provide for females, and that's what I'm being given the tools for, and the ones I need for my hobbies and stuff I like are being traded in for them.

Probably because of autism I couldn't care less about society or the species but unfortunately my natural processes aren't aware of that. I feel like a ghost trapped in the body of a practically demonic species who can't think for themselves.