Seems like that wasn't her first time getting that response

submitted by Oyveygoyim from files.catbox.moe

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[–]NastyWetSmear 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

It's not that I'm saying she's not attractive, I'm just wondering if your goal is to find a long term relationship, if that's what you lead with? You see what I mean?

If I just wanted to get my dick wet I wouldn't be giving too much of a toss, right? But this picture says: "I don't really care enough to try"... And that's fine if we're going to hook up every few months when we can't do any better, but if you're saying: "I want you to fall in love with me"... And you can't muster up a smile? You can't even wait to take the photo when you get home in a nice environment? You're just acting like this whole search for love is an after thought? I feel like that's not a great start.

Let's say you were looking for Mr/Mrs right, okay? Not a quick screw that might turn out long term, but someone serious - That's what it says on her profile, after all: Long term relationship. You've got two pictures -

You having just mowed the law, pit stains on your shirt, dirt under your nails but nothing really manly, like a big streak of earth up your arms or anything. Old sweat pants with holes in the knees and a shirt two sizes two big and you take a photo of yourself near the "clippings bin". You look tired and a little annoyed and the grass clippings have activated your hay fever so your eyes are a little red.

Another of you at a friend's wedding where you were dressed up very nicely, freshly shaved, smiling warmly in a room decorated with flowers and curtains. You look 100% and you look alive and welcoming.

One of these two pictures is saying: "Hell yeah. I'm looking for love, and this is my best look!"... The other says: "Whatever. I'm not gonna try. Take it or leave it."

[–]weavilsatemyface 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm just wondering if your goal is to find a long term relationship, if that's what you lead with? You see what I mean?

I see what you mean about presenting yourself in the best possible light, but because she's quite good looking it also goes the other way. Like the photo is sort of "No time wasters" without being so rude about it. Here I am, in my every day clothes and make-up, not dolled up for a party, with my kid. If you like what you see, let's talk. If you're looking for a babe or a barbie doll or a hooker, just move on.

Guys and gals have very different experiences on dating sites, including Tinder, especially when they're young (20s or early 30s). Any young woman who is even average looking will receive huge numbers of pings. They don't have to dress up unless they're below average, and dressing down may help weed out the shallow time wasters. (But probably not, because no matter how shallow you think guys on dating sites are, they're worse.)

[–]NastyWetSmear 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ehhh, yeah, I guess. I can see a: "This is what you get" approach, like I said in my first post:

Is this a case of: "Here's me at my worst"? Kinda like this is what you can expect every day?

It just seems to me, if I was looking for someone to marry, and I couldn't even see a picture of them smiling and looking like they showered that morning, I think I'd be pretty inclined to move on, you know? I'd like her to look like at least she cares if or not I'm interested?... I guess that's just personal choice in the end though. Some guys might see that and think that's great.

Yeah, I know you're right about the tipping of the balance on dating apps. A woman could look like she's just shaken her meth addiction and hold up a sign that says: "Fuck off" and still get more hits than a dude in a tux. I guess maybe she's accepted that she doesn't have to worry about her effort?... But I think she'll find that she gets what she's advertising for then.