Have you had anyone question you for your stance on dating trans people?

submitted by reluctant_commenter from self.Lesbians

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[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (11 children)

There is one obvious one: people thinking bisexuality is fake. My family growing up straight up believed bisexuals are all making it up, and are either gay or straight. "Those people are just saying they're attracted to women for the attention", etc.

That is a different issue though. My point was just that people often figure out what sexual orientation they are after mistakenly thinking they are a different one, and that this is a benign reason to misuse the terms. That and not understanding that "gay" means homosexual only-- the term is often used as a blanket, and I'm not sure it ever should be.

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

    [–]reluctant_commenter[S] 1 insightful - 3 fun1 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

    There's no such thing as bisexual sex (no, not even mixed-sex threesomes

    Completely agree.

    When bisexual people call themselves gay and then pursue heterosexual relationships, they make people think homosexuality is fake or changeable.

    I agree.

    If a gay person calls their self bisexual and only pursues homosexual relationships, it doesn't counteract bisexuality.

    Correct, but what I am trying to say is-- if a bisexual person "changes" to calling themselves homosexual (really they did not change, they were homosexual all along), it makes people think that "bisexual" is just a holding-place for those sorting themselves out, not a real sexual orientation. I am not bisexual so I can't really speak to how much of an issue it is, but I know that back when I thought I was bisexual and called myself such, I heard people say that stuff.

    I agree, but I think most of the straight/bi people who use the term 'gay' are using it for the reason u/Astrid2448 mentioned. Not because they are confused about their sexuality or anything.

    I guess this sort of breaks down to our anecdotal experiences with people. I will admit my bias-- I err on the side of giving people the benefit of the doubt, which is perhaps too optimistic in this situation, lol. It is possible that you are right and I am being too generous. But I know that it was the case for me, and I have read about it being the case for other people.

    I mean, It's pretty hard to not realize that you are straight or attracted to the opposite sex in this heterosexual world.

    I disagree. I was brainwashed by misogynistic and religious nutcases, though, so I suppose that is also my bias. But I think it is also more common than we think because there is so much lesbophobia on Tumblr and other places, "you have to like dick", etc.

    Probably because so many people who are not homosexual use it. It's like a vicious cycle

    Yes, but also thanks to media. E.g. "Gay pride" referring to all LGBT, that is misleading.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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      [–]reluctant_commenter[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      Hey-- I am going to have to eat my words and admit you are right on people wayyyy over-abusing the term "gay".

      I just did a data analysis on the AL survey and although AL is not representative of all LGB out there (thank god).. the results are telling. There are a lot of "bisexual lesbians" on that sub. I think I can actually address your question @ how many bisexuals are calling themselves "gay". https://saidit.net/s/Lesbians/comments/64mp/i_did_some_data_analysis_on_the_al_demographics/

      I'm really confused. Are you saying that it's hard for straight people to realize they are straight in this world? I think you misread, but I could have phrased that sentence better.

      Ah, I did misread, my bad. Sorry, I have had a ton of people on this sub tell me that "It's really hard to not realize you are gay", which is what I thought you said.

      [–]VioletRemi 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

      In my experience it is other way around. Everyone is thinking that lesbians does not exist and we are always bisexuals.

      [–]Astrid2448 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

      Lots of people don't even think straight women exist. They pressure them to try sleeping with women, too.

      [–]VioletRemi 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

      Well, according to date apps in time when I dropped them (years ago), it is true, as there were a lot of "couple searching lesbian for threesome" around. And both in couple were straight. I guess it all comes from porn, and men always pushing on their wifes their fetishes, while women often just comply (just remember that rape victim of transwoman, when her husband transitioned half a year ago and she divorced with him and even after rape she was saying that "it is woman who raped me with her penis, lesbians are rapists too"). I suppose "two hot woman" is sexy and appealing for men's eye.

      And this situation is ugly, yeah.

      [–]Astrid2448 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

      Yeah it happens a lot. Actually once I was in a bar talking to some strangers, and I saw two gay men telling their straight woman friend that she should try sleeping with women. She was unsure and they kept telling her it would be fun and she should do it.

      Would anyone do this to a straight man? Of course not. Plus plenty of bi women use being bisexual as a signal to the world for how special, sexy and openminded they are.

      [–]VioletRemi 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      Yeah, and for some reason couples never searching gay man (and almost never another man for woman). I wonder why?

      [–]Astrid2448 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      Because if its two women, it benefits the man, is "no threat to the relationship", and "doesn't count as real sex" for the woman. In other words, sexism and homophobia. |:

      [–]Gearbeta 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      I think it's less they legit think women are all bisexual and more they don't give a shit what women say about their own sexuality. I've seen legit discussions on the internet where men honestly believed that no women were attracted to men. So then straight/bi women came into the thread and said yes we are attracted to them and these dudes said they didn't believe them. See also: refusing to believe lesbians are real, refusing to believe a woman could want sex in general