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[–]VioletRemi 30 insightful - 7 fun30 insightful - 6 fun31 insightful - 7 fun -  (11 children)

Many bisexual people are calling themselves lesbians (or gay), if they are prefering same sex more than opposite sex (I wonder if it is they who invented this stupid "sexuality is fluid" thing) or it is "political lesbians", who are often straight. I tried relationship with one once, and I clearly saw that she was not really liking to be in relationship with women, and she was feeling something like "and i will be doing 'this' until those men apologize to me or until i find my perfect prince".

You should not call any of them lesbians, as they just aren't. If we will call everyone who calling themselves lesbians, then those guys with beards and penises who claiming to be lesbians in dating app will be lesbians too. And that is just ridiculous!

[–]Ricky_Ticky 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (10 children)

Maybe the problem could have been solved if there was a clear distinction between sexual and romantic attractions. Some people are sexually exclusively attracted to their own gender while romantically they might as well like the oposite gender.

If a girl is wired like that, theoretically she has all the rights to call herself a lesbian. Sexually she is only into women and being lesbian is a sexual orientation. But for "real" lesbians she is bi and it would be unfair to make us think otherwise.

[–]oofreesouloo 34 insightful - 4 fun34 insightful - 3 fun35 insightful - 4 fun -  (5 children)

Omg, for me the split attraction model only makes sense to assexuals. This biromantic thing makes no sense to me. A deep connection platonically without any sexual component with it already has a name - friendship. Literally everyone in the world, unless you're a psychopath or have clearly some mental issues, is theoretically capable of connecting emotionally with anyone, regardless of the sex.

[–][deleted] 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It makes a lot of sense when describing asexuals for sure, but for us a relationship without sexual attraction potential would be a close friendship.

[–]yousaythosethings 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I had a moment where I thought the split attraction model made sense for non-asexuals and then realized that it causes more confusion than anything and causes people to not dig into their own feelings. I had a mental block around being in a relationship with a woman because I didn’t know what that looked like. I had no examples. As soon as I saw it up close in real life, a switch was flipped and I realized that that was what I wanted some day. Suddenly I could picture it happening. The problem was lack of female-female relationship representation and that even women are taught not to take other women seriously.

[–]reluctant_commenter 10 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

See that's exactly what I've wondered about the "romantic" vs sexual attraction model! People are like, "I'm only romantically attracted to this sex" and I'm like, I must not be romantic at all lol because it just seems like friendship to me.

This is my trouble with asexuals who are "sexual but not romantic" (that is literally an oxymoron..). If someone is heterosexual but just doesn't want a romantic relationship, how the fuck do they relate to they asexual community? Isn't that like, bad for asexuals because people could be like "Oh, so they say they're not into sex but actually they might be. You just have to find the right one." ?

[–]plumedoomer 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

You're aren't romantic. You don't have romantic feelings. You only have sexual ones.

You are aromantic.

[–]reluctant_commenter 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Goddammit. Time to check out an asexual card.

[–]VioletRemi 16 insightful - 4 fun16 insightful - 3 fun17 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Well, she still will not find "that one prince" and marry him, if she is only romantically attracted to men.

For the reasons of society pressure and me being homeless - I married a man when was 18, and he was amazing person, but nothing was happening in bed, and even on cool romantic dates I felt more about the surroundings and atmosphere, than about person I was on date with. So I ended up thinking I am frigid or "broken". And even I really liked him as a person, nothing really romantic or sexual was happening. This means that if woman will be into romantic or marry and be happy with man - she was just bisexual all along and had feelings for men, just never found good man to really relate with.

[–][deleted] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Romantic attraction without physical is called “friendship” lol. Usually we like our partners as friends and sexually.

[–]carrotcake 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I feel that sometimes lesbians use this split attraction model when they don't want to recognize that they are actually lesbians - because they are "biromantic". Maybe more like internalized homophobia?

It's weird seeing straight women that only say "boyfriend/husband" when talking about hypothetical partners calling themselves bisexual, people that are bisexual calling themselves lesbians and actual lesbians failing to recognize that they are lesbians.

[–]Lizzythelezzo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I have come across asexuals who like kissing, cuddling and building a life with someone, but they don't want to touch someone's boobs, butt or genitals. I would consider that to be a romantic non-sexual relationship, though some people might just call it platonic partners or committed friends. I mean you can call that whatever you want but from the outside, most people will just assume it's a regular romantic relationship. I doubt many non-asexuals would be interested in a relationship like that, though.