you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–]oofreesouloo 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

Ehh... I don't really think being a lesbian is wonderful. It made my life considerably harder. And besides, relationships between two women are far from being this 'rainbow amazing thing' some women tend to think and I actually think the break ups are so painful. I honestly think lesbian break ups are the most painful of all because two women tend to be very emotionally involved/connected with each other, which isn't so true in man/woman or man/man dynamics. I'm absolutely terrified to ever feel a break up again, nor do I know if I'm cabaple of being in a relationship again. I do think being a lesbian has some perks which are great but... to say it's wonderful amazing fantastic being a lesbian and how-can-anyone-not-want-to-be-a-lesbian-feeling? Hell no.

Obviously, this depends on each one personal experience and own journey and how lucky/unlucky they were.

Regardless, I'm glad that you're happy with yourself now. :)

[–]Innisfree 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

I get your point. I have been musing lately about it myself. Would it be better if I could take a magic pill and be straight? Of course much depends on context. In my very patriarchal country being a straight woman comes with it's own baggage. So, impossible to compare on a large scale. The one undeniable thing is that the dating pool for lesbians is so much smaller - if companionship is important to one, this is a huge drawback. I myself have seemed to go straight from wide-eyed wonder at the lesbian world and the possibilities it opened in my 20s to a sort-of self-imposed celibacy now in my 30s. God knows where the resignation came from? :) But I can't say I'm unhappy, considering the mess that things are in, there is a strange comfort in being on the sidelines. Looking forward to getting a dog, among my books and you lovely people, I shall truly want for nothing. :D

[–]VioletRemi 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

That is why so many young lesbians in UK, USA and Canada are trying to become transmen. Being woman is hard, being lesbian is double hard. And all media is advertising that sweet pill of "you can be straight men", and not saying at what big cost it comes.

[–]Innisfree 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

It is very hard for me to imagine what it would be like growing up in such countries where the option of transition as you put it, is made to seem easy and risk-free. My recent interest in the issue, as I am sure, for quite a few on this sub, was conditioned by my own desire as a teenager to somehow be a boy. For a child it may seem as a solution to all problems. And the key word here is "child". Add to that neurodiversity, of which we are only beginning to scratch the surface, body dismorphya and perhaps even the possibility of some hormonal influences on the brain during pregnancy (who really knows?). It is very hard to untangle which influence here is primary and which is secondary and so on. I would also like to add that it seems neurodiveristy has been with us since the dawn of time, and body dismorphya as an issue (especially in women) is also historically pretty well documented - the difference is that people now are encouraged to put these experiences into certain frameworks and have the time and what seems most strange to me, the agency from a pretty early age, to focus on these instead of dealing with the prosaic business of getting on with life. I also think parents in the West are in an extremely unenviable position - there seems to be little time for quality parenting (work eats all) and few opportunities for kids to have a meaningful and rich social life offline.

[–]VioletRemi 18 insightful - 4 fun18 insightful - 3 fun19 insightful - 4 fun -  (2 children)

You reminded me one phrase I liked "Womanhood by transwomen is 'wanting to be a women', they don't realize that most women don't want to be a women". Especially when growing up, I think most girls/teens dislike themselves for painful changes to their body, periods, and all this male attention and rude jokes/sexism that fell down on their shoulders to bear with.

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

That is a really fantastic way to summarize it. I think a lot of transwomen think it is all fun and games, pink stuff and giggling...

[–]Innisfree 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's an interesting phrase to summarise it. It is cruelly ironic both for transwomen and women. As a woman, you don't need to read Simone de Beauvoir's Second Sex - especially the chapter on puberty, to know how traumatic it is. But having read it, I also think that despite her thoroughness, she hardly comes close to the pernicious effects the "male gaze" has day in day out on our experience of being in the world. And for all the Postmodern talk of "centering bodies", queer theory seems to be strangely blind to the male body with a female identity and how its corporality affects the so called norm. Or perhaps I don't know my Judith Butler :D

[–]plumedoomer 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hmm... but, if you're a straight man, you get the vast, vast world of desirable straight women opened up to you. I can see the appeal. Even if it's insane and self-destructive.

[–]oofreesouloo 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I honestly thing dating as a woman sucks, regardless of your sexual orientation. Each one has its upsides and downsides, but the overall opinion is more negative than positive. I really don't know what it's like to be straight or bisexual and I've realised my sexuality pretty early and came out early as well, so I can only really speak from my experience as a lesbian. I also think dating as a gay man or bi man sucks as well. I think the ONLY demographic that I would say is lucky as hell are straight men lmao. Definitely, I agree with you - for me, the biggest downside of being a lesbian is the tiny dating pool. I think if it was bigger, I'd probably say being lesbian is overall good.