all 46 comments

[–][deleted] 31 insightful - 3 fun31 insightful - 2 fun32 insightful - 3 fun -  (3 children)

Most people that want to be a lesbian only want to be one because they haven’t realized it’s not a lifelong sexy pillow fight. I wouldn’t trade being with women, but it’s not the easiest life, and can be very lonely at times. Especially now that it’s hard to find eachother. Being straight or bi looks much worse, though. They are on a PATH. At least gays are not expected to reach the same life milestones.

[–]Fleursdumal 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

It's great when you're in a relationship but oh man it was tough being single for so long. I don't think most people understand how hard it is to find other women. I was strung along by so many women who wanted to explore their sexuality and just took it because I didn't want to be alone.

[–][deleted] 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, they don’t understand because they think every woman is “fluid” and that means there are just loads of women popping up in every flower bed that are ready to get gay married. Those “fluid” women want temporary sex, at best, which is the reason lesbians are such gatekeepers because we don’t have infinite lifespans in which to get fucked over by women who are not as lesbian as they say they are.

[–]oofreesouloo 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This this this this this this (this) ...

[–]oofreesouloo 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (35 children)

Ehh... I don't really think being a lesbian is wonderful. It made my life considerably harder. And besides, relationships between two women are far from being this 'rainbow amazing thing' some women tend to think and I actually think the break ups are so painful. I honestly think lesbian break ups are the most painful of all because two women tend to be very emotionally involved/connected with each other, which isn't so true in man/woman or man/man dynamics. I'm absolutely terrified to ever feel a break up again, nor do I know if I'm cabaple of being in a relationship again. I do think being a lesbian has some perks which are great but... to say it's wonderful amazing fantastic being a lesbian and how-can-anyone-not-want-to-be-a-lesbian-feeling? Hell no.

Obviously, this depends on each one personal experience and own journey and how lucky/unlucky they were.

Regardless, I'm glad that you're happy with yourself now. :)

[–][deleted] 19 insightful - 7 fun19 insightful - 6 fun20 insightful - 7 fun -  (23 children)

I am happy to be a lesbian because I love women, but it is lonely and a lot of us are insane. Lol.

You clearly have met some of the less stable ones and had the unfortunate experience of dating them, I hear ya.

I’ve had some relationships where I can conclude that “two crazies do not add up to a sane,” but at least I learned from them and don’t regret any of it.

One day you will find the perfect crazy to balance your own and that will be magical!

[–]oofreesouloo 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (22 children)

Thanks for your support! <3

but it is lonely and a lot of us are insane.

I'm not sure if you said this unironically, but if you did, I definitely agree with you. I've found that many lesbians or bi women as well tend to be very crazy, and not exactly in the good way. I find straight women to be overly into gender roles and have very 'traditional' ideas of romance, which I also don't find very appealing. But I've come to realise many lesbians are too 'loose' and seem kind of 'lost' about what they want?

The women I find to be the more emotionally stable and 'traditionally romantic' and looking for a serious relationship are butch women or more masculine women at least. I don't know if it was a coincidence or not, but that has been my personal experience. But no, I will be attracted instead to that total crazy femme alternative ~so different and cool~ insane woman. I've always hated the 'type' of women I'm usually attracted to, I like the crazy women. But like for real, the perfect for me would be a sexual femme women and an assertive one in all senses (sexual and personality wise) but not crazy. And I find it very hard to find one woman who is both. Either she's sexually very appealing to me, but crazy emotionally or she's emotionally very sweet, but so boring sexually. 😅

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (21 children)

Oh I mean it. I think there is a higher level of crazy within the gay community than outside of it, for many reasons. But we are definitely pretty nuts.lol

Bi women are usually crazier than lesbians. I have found this. Maybe it’s not true across the board.

I think once we get to the point we are okay with being lesbians and are able to find other lesbians, we still have a lot to improve on relationship wise and not being on the heterosexual timeline delays it even more.lol. By the time I got my shit together all of my friends were damn married!

Edit: do not go for crazy in bed as a selling point. EVER. I mean DO NOT. “Crazy” sex can be trained-in. Lol. Go for the sweetie who remembers what you say about yourself and make sure you’re not the only one asking questions, or that you’re not just supporting her. That’s a mistake I have made.

Edit: almost everything I say is completely unironic.

[–]oofreesouloo 7 insightful - 5 fun7 insightful - 4 fun8 insightful - 5 fun -  (20 children)

I think there is a higher level of crazy within the gay community than outside of it, for many reasons. But we are definitely pretty nuts.lol

God, I hate that my instinct was right and was not just a coincidence or bad luck lmao.

By the time I got my shit together all of my friends were damn married!

Loool. I seem to be one of the only lesbians who had their sh*t together and very enthusiatic on the early stages, but due to disappointment, I'm starting to just fuck it. I'm pretty lost right now. I wished more women were into hook ups as well... I'm so horny for real, and there ain't no women lmao. I'm currently very impatient. To have the slightest chance of having some sexual going on, I have to heaaaaaaar about how her life story has been for the last couple of years, her dreams, her insecurities, talk to her for a cooouple of months........................ and there's literally no guarantee of it actually happening ugh. Maybe I'm just unlucky or there's something wrong with me lmao.

do not go for crazy in bed as a selling point. Go for the sweetie who remembers what you say about yourself and make sure you’re not the only one asking questions, or that you’re not just supporting her.

100% agree with this if I'm actually looking for a relationship.

[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (19 children)

Plenty of women do hookups, they are just part of gross couples. Lol. Barf. When I went on dating apps it was like wading through a sea of couples, women way too young for me, transes, and women who were really into astrology and personality typing stuff that was such an uncompelling snooze-a-thon it basically killed my boner’s hope. So if you want to lose the sex drive just open up tinder or something.

[–]oofreesouloo 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (18 children)

I'm already on tinder haha. And yep, you're totally right. Tinder is a mess. And HELL NO, I don't do hook ups with women who are in couples. I never match those. In the last 2 weeks, I think, I've spoken to 4 women if I'm not mistaken. One I wasn't even attracted to begin with (I matched because I thought she could be an interesting woman and I'd like to have lesbian friends. She clearly didn't like when I subtly friendzoned her, ended up ghosting me); the other was a 'TERF' lesbian, I liked her and I freaking thought I could make something happen as she seemed interested in me and answering real fast, but unmatched me unexpectedly; the other 2 were interesting women but I got bored and ghosted (I only ghost in the early stages of knowing someone though, when there is no real emotional bond).

Anyway, I'm fine. I'll distract myself with other stuff and until something, I'll get off by myself lol.

Also, Tinder is now full of women looking strictly for friendships as well. WHAT THE F*CK. Felicia, stop invading and let lesbians mingle jeez.

[–]florasis 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (17 children)

Sorry, but why did you get bored if you were interested? lol

[–]oofreesouloo 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (16 children)

the other 2 were interesting women

I said they were interesting women, not that I was interested. I can acknowledge a woman is an interesting person and still not be interested in them on a romantic and/or sexual level. (And if you care to know, I got bored because I'm just fed up of talking and talking and talking and not having any sexual tension ever)

[–]florasis 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (15 children)

I don't know. If I find someone interesting, I would just give it a go and meet in person. But maybe I'm saying it because I'm fucking horny, since have been months since last hook up.

[–]VioletRemi 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

My life was hell and I hated myself and my sexuality, and wanted to be either straight or a man. But...if they all were doing this to me, why should I love them? So now I am grateful that I actually love women, even if it is so much harder to live like that here.

[–]oofreesouloo 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

My life was hell and I hated myself and my sexuality, and wanted to be either straight or a man.

Totally. If you happen to read one of my comments here, you'll see I think straight men definitely have it the easiest when it comes to dating and I think they're lucky as hell. On the other hand, I've learned to embrace my sexuality too and I do love myself now and I love being a woman too! :) I love women :D

[–]VioletRemi 9 insightful - 4 fun9 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Lucky

They were reshaping this world to themselves for few thousand years, there no luck involved :P

And last hundred years is our time to bite our piece back!

[–]Innisfree 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

I get your point. I have been musing lately about it myself. Would it be better if I could take a magic pill and be straight? Of course much depends on context. In my very patriarchal country being a straight woman comes with it's own baggage. So, impossible to compare on a large scale. The one undeniable thing is that the dating pool for lesbians is so much smaller - if companionship is important to one, this is a huge drawback. I myself have seemed to go straight from wide-eyed wonder at the lesbian world and the possibilities it opened in my 20s to a sort-of self-imposed celibacy now in my 30s. God knows where the resignation came from? :) But I can't say I'm unhappy, considering the mess that things are in, there is a strange comfort in being on the sidelines. Looking forward to getting a dog, among my books and you lovely people, I shall truly want for nothing. :D

[–]VioletRemi 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

That is why so many young lesbians in UK, USA and Canada are trying to become transmen. Being woman is hard, being lesbian is double hard. And all media is advertising that sweet pill of "you can be straight men", and not saying at what big cost it comes.

[–]Innisfree 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

It is very hard for me to imagine what it would be like growing up in such countries where the option of transition as you put it, is made to seem easy and risk-free. My recent interest in the issue, as I am sure, for quite a few on this sub, was conditioned by my own desire as a teenager to somehow be a boy. For a child it may seem as a solution to all problems. And the key word here is "child". Add to that neurodiversity, of which we are only beginning to scratch the surface, body dismorphya and perhaps even the possibility of some hormonal influences on the brain during pregnancy (who really knows?). It is very hard to untangle which influence here is primary and which is secondary and so on. I would also like to add that it seems neurodiveristy has been with us since the dawn of time, and body dismorphya as an issue (especially in women) is also historically pretty well documented - the difference is that people now are encouraged to put these experiences into certain frameworks and have the time and what seems most strange to me, the agency from a pretty early age, to focus on these instead of dealing with the prosaic business of getting on with life. I also think parents in the West are in an extremely unenviable position - there seems to be little time for quality parenting (work eats all) and few opportunities for kids to have a meaningful and rich social life offline.

[–]VioletRemi 18 insightful - 4 fun18 insightful - 3 fun19 insightful - 4 fun -  (2 children)

You reminded me one phrase I liked "Womanhood by transwomen is 'wanting to be a women', they don't realize that most women don't want to be a women". Especially when growing up, I think most girls/teens dislike themselves for painful changes to their body, periods, and all this male attention and rude jokes/sexism that fell down on their shoulders to bear with.

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

That is a really fantastic way to summarize it. I think a lot of transwomen think it is all fun and games, pink stuff and giggling...

[–]Innisfree 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's an interesting phrase to summarise it. It is cruelly ironic both for transwomen and women. As a woman, you don't need to read Simone de Beauvoir's Second Sex - especially the chapter on puberty, to know how traumatic it is. But having read it, I also think that despite her thoroughness, she hardly comes close to the pernicious effects the "male gaze" has day in day out on our experience of being in the world. And for all the Postmodern talk of "centering bodies", queer theory seems to be strangely blind to the male body with a female identity and how its corporality affects the so called norm. Or perhaps I don't know my Judith Butler :D

[–]plumedoomer 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hmm... but, if you're a straight man, you get the vast, vast world of desirable straight women opened up to you. I can see the appeal. Even if it's insane and self-destructive.

[–]oofreesouloo 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I honestly thing dating as a woman sucks, regardless of your sexual orientation. Each one has its upsides and downsides, but the overall opinion is more negative than positive. I really don't know what it's like to be straight or bisexual and I've realised my sexuality pretty early and came out early as well, so I can only really speak from my experience as a lesbian. I also think dating as a gay man or bi man sucks as well. I think the ONLY demographic that I would say is lucky as hell are straight men lmao. Definitely, I agree with you - for me, the biggest downside of being a lesbian is the tiny dating pool. I think if it was bigger, I'd probably say being lesbian is overall good.

[–][deleted] 17 insightful - 3 fun17 insightful - 2 fun18 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Being a lesbian means being born to a long history of awesome women who have no need for men! I love it too!

[–]florasis 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I love being a lesbian too. Not having to deal with men sexually and in relationship seems fucking blessing. Women are amazin, having sex with them is amazing, there are not strict gender roles and expectations. It's great. But it can also be very difficult, when it comes to find the right partner. Seem like one is stuck in bigger cities, because going to a small place means little chances to finding someone. And today, well, we also have to deal with mean in dresses.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]IamWomanHearMeRoar 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    Lucky you

    [–]IamWomanHearMeRoar 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I love being a lesbian and being attracted to woman. Now, if I can leave where I am, (a bunch of creepy religious people trying to set me up with straight men, gay men, and trans woman - not to mention a lot of unicorn hunters trying to hook up with me, mainly the men) find a gf, and go somewhere nice and live the rest of our lives to the fullest. Wouldn’t that be nice?

    [–]11mile_house 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I definitely appreciate it more now that I know men want to be us so badly.

    [–][deleted] 5 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

    well done on the self-acceptance!! love between women really is beautiful. glad i won't have to explain bodily functions to a partner or accidentally create a new person either lol.

    [–]Urzsiah 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I'm really hoping to get to that level of acceptance myself! My only real life lesbian experience wasn't a completely positive one, but I'm trying not to let it sour me on dating women in general. It's just tough out there with the dating pool being so much smaller than it is for straight people. And Covid-19 and the trans invasion and unicorn hunters. 😒How do I find the one woman who's interested in my particular brand of weird amidst all of that? It's definitely not what I expected when I finally came clean with myself and left the closet.