" . . . and then I was finally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which explained my distorted and unstable self-image."

I mean... I went through that pipeline until my late 20s.

I hated femininity with a passion because I associated it with straightness (if you were a feminine girl, that meant you liked boys)... so I was a tomboy because I liked girls and wanted girls to like me. But girls didn't seem to like me back, so I wanted to be a boy... not a tomboy. I became a butch and started telling some girls I was a guy during my teens. I packed my underwear with socks to create a faux bulge so girls would feel something when they sat on my lap or danced on my crotch. I switched between being a butch and saying I was guy throughout college and in my relationships until I met a febfem (female-exclusive bisexual female) who didn't want me to "transition". I still have a male alter ego and struggle with being a woman (some would say I am "nonbinary"), but I don't believe I'm a man.

One of my exes (bi but not a febfem) contacted me this weekend and called me by my male alter ego name (Carlos)... I got so horny. 😖🤷‍♂️