DiscussionBi men in gay spaces – examples of constant homophobia, misinformation and undermining our definitions

submitted by lazy-summer-godSuper Gay from (self.LGBDropTheT)

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[–][deleted] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (15 children)

It is hard, but that's not really an excuse though. Because I'm frustrated with LGs who identify as bi before coming out as homosexual due to being unsure or confused. It delegitimizes bisexuality in the minds of many people. So I don't think sexuality being confusing is an excuse for bi's to call ourselves gay or for LGs to call themselves bi. Both scenarios are damaging. People need to get more comfortable with saying 'I don't know' and less eager to slap a label on their sexuality when they haven't figured it out yet.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I thought I was bi at first for like two weeks lmao. But that was because I thought I liked men because that was all that I saw as growing up - I'm a woman, therefore I must like men. So me being homosexual was felt somehow impossible to me lmao. I agree with you, it is harmful for bi people, and as soon as I realised I wasn't bi (again it lasted two weeks lmao), I corrected the only person I told I was bi and told them I was mistaken and that I was a lesbian after all. But I fully support your opinion. What I mean by my comment is that I kind of "forgive" gay people who genuinely think they're bi until they realised they're not the same way I forgive bi people who have a really strong preference towards a certain sex and mistake it for monossrxuality and only later do they realise theyre bi. Which is harmful for homosexuals. It can happen both ways and we're not perfect. But I hate when gay or bi people acknowledge their attraction and misidentify themselves on purpose - that's the worst and cannot be tolerated.

[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I understand. And I know my comments can come off as harsh. I don't mean to ruffle any feathers, really. I just think if people were more comfortable with taking a little more time to figure things out and saying 'i don't know' if asked about their orientation when they really don't know, we could avoid a lot of this.

I'd be more forgiving in both situations if people didn't act like only LGs get to be upset at this kind of thing. I agree that the ones who misidentify their orientation on purpose is the real issue here. I'm not sure if the guys OP has spoken to are doing this on purpose or not, but it's still damaging regardless of where those guys are coming from.

[–]thump 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That's understandable, but the huge difference here is you did not (I'm assuming?), go on to have sexual relationships with men. It was a pressure, and perhaps even fear, which kept you from admitting to yourself that you are homosexual. Again, this is what I think I can infer from the info you've given. I can't fathom "trying it out" with a male for any reason whatsoever, even when I was very lonely, sexually repressed, and curious about sex. This is where you and I differ from the bi's in our lesbian community making every single excuse imaginable to call themselves lesbians.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, exactly. I'm actually a gold star lesbian, so I've never been with a man sexually speaking.

[–]reluctant_commenter 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Because I'm frustrated with LGs who identify as bi before coming out as homosexual due to being unsure or confused.

Yeah, that would be me, lol, sorry. I try to explain that to people whenever it comes up, but I recognize that that happening does cause damage.

I wish that "Q" still just meant questioning, like it used to. If the "Q" just meant questioning then I'd say LGBQ no problems. Unfortunately, sometimes I hear people say: "Not sure? You're bisexual!" as if it is a default setting or something. Perhaps that tends to be more TRA-speak, though.

[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I agree that Q should stand for questioning instead of what it means now. And I've seen that too. I really fucking hate it tbh. Because it just gives people even more reason to view bisexuality as something transient and flaky. Bi is not a synonym for 'unsure' and I wish people would stop treating it as such.