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[–]Climblikeabee 67 insightful - 1 fun67 insightful - 0 fun68 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

"Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm" comes to mind.

I have mixed feelings because lesbians SHOULD be able to say (to anyone) that dicks are disgusting to them, despite the gender ID of the person it belongs to. Sexuality/attraction is based on sex, and you aren't obligated to pretend otherwise.

However, since you asked for specific help on how to end things without bringing up sex, we can focus on other problems. An almost 30 year old unemployed mentally ill person is not fit to be in a relationship with you or anyone else. They need therapy and help and support that you can not/are not obligated to provide. There are so many red flags in your post but ultimately you are not happy, and it is unfair to both of you to continue in this relationship.

[–]lunemoonjune[S] 28 insightful - 1 fun28 insightful - 0 fun29 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Thank you, that’s a good point. I didn’t see it that way because I’m so focused on the trans thing but there are plenty of other things. Appreciate your help.

[–]Climblikeabee 27 insightful - 1 fun27 insightful - 0 fun28 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Of course. Wish you all the luck. Please end this for your own happiness and wellbeing and don't allow them to gaslight/manipulate you.

We have to push back against these dynamics (trans "lesbians" pressuring lesbians specifically, into dating them, claiming transphobia etc). You aren't disgusting or transphobic for only being attracted to women (adult human females).

[–]MonstrousRegiment 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, since you are in the center of the "trans" storm, just set that aside for now. This person has needs that you can't meet, and vice-versa, and that's enough reason to end it.

When I was ending my marriage and felt so guilty about leaving this person who couldn't take care of himself, a friend said to me, "sometimes there's only room for one person in the lifeboat." And that is so true. You're not obligated to save anyone at your own expense, even if you could, which you can't.