How the social role of being a wife makes women depressed

submitted by WhyDoesHeDoThat from youtube.com

sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun
you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–][deleted]  (23 children)

[deleted]

    [–]RevengeOfTheCis 28 insightful - 10 fun28 insightful - 9 fun29 insightful - 10 fun -  (2 children)

    Men when they get caught watching porn: It's not MY fault, men are VISUAL creatures!

    Men when they don't clean their own mess: It's not MY fault, men don't SEE mess!

    [–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I have more sympathy for messy people, as I’ve always been a messy person. The porn addiction is another story. A large part of why I don’t date is because most men are addicted to porn. I’m not wasting any more time on a porn addict.

    [–]Girlwiththeraventat 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

    I can't even express how deeply that statement hurt my feelings. He never struck me as particularly sexist or misogynist but after that and some more recent statements I have realized how he really feels.

    There is no bar for men. They think they are owed a submissive wife who does everything as long as they bring home a paycheck. The expectation of me doing everything honestly crushes me. I hope the younger generations of both men and women learn to work together to make a equal life. No so lopsided. But older men dont even how truly lopsided it is and that's the whole problem.

    [–]jelliknight 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Of course it's crushing you. You're being expected to run THREE lives at once. Yours, your husband's, and your kids. You're only human. The only way the next generation will catch on is if THIS generation stop accepting shit men. Make him step up or kick him out. Start your kid doing their share of the housework, and teach them to expect that everyone they live with does a fair share of the housework. Men are shit housemates before they're shit husbands.

    [–]tuesday 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    sorry to sound so unsympathetic but... honestly even though it hurts, women need to hear this. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Every generation of women is expecting and hoping some other person will fix her boyfriend.

    And i'm just like, damn it to fucking hell. Do you go pick out a dog and expect someone else to train your dog? He's your dog, so it's your responsibility to train him how you want him to behave. If women don't want to train their idiotic fucking dog, then don't get one.

    And yes, from the way so many women describe their relationships with men, yes he's a dog who needs training.

    [–]Realwoman 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

    Thankfully, there are exceptions. My husband does every single traditional male work around the house, he's done a lot of home improvements entirely on his own, he makes more than me and he never expects me to be cook or clean or anything. He doesn't even want me to fold his laundry when I do decide to do it. He likes to cook and he cooks more often than I do. He's even tidier than me, I'm more messy. No kids yet, but he was like that even when I was unemployed for many months and he was going to work. Once when he was working nights at 14-hour shifts and I wanted to spoil him by making him elaborate meals and after the second one he told me I don't need to put in that much effort. We do have issues in our marriage but gender role expectations are not one of them.

    [–]jelliknight 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Yep. Mine has always tried but he used to drop the ball constantly and didn't understand how important it was to me to not be left with the slack because he felt he wouldn't mind in the reverse situation. However, he has turned it around he he puts in a genuinely equal share of the work these days, does extra if I ask etc. It feels like bragging or undermining the OP however i think it's important to say. As a comment above said, young women are being convinced that these shit, useless men are all that's out there. They aren't. There are better men. If he won't change get rid of the dead weight and find a real partner, or go it alone.

    [–]Realwoman 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Yep, and women demanding better is the only way men will change.

    [–]Aquadog 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Lucky! My husband views food as fuel and couldn't care less if something tastes good, so I always end up cooking for us. He does clean the kitchen up after me but it can be very mentally taxing to plan meals, shop, etc. and even though I love cooking I always worry about how our future will look with kids.

    [–]our_team_is_winning 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

    She's staying with him because, in her words, 'they are all like this and at least he's not abusive'.

    The bigger question here then is why a woman should have one? If all boyfriends are awful and the best you can hope for is not to be abused, why pair off with one? Is it just expected of us? The desire for sex? Help with the bills (which all too often becomes the woman paying his way)?

    [–]yishengqingwa666 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Separatism from men is the closest to freedom women can ever hope for. I will never put up with another male parasite in my life.

    [–]Aquadog 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I think it's always deeply ingrained that women need to have a really strong "safety net." It won't matter how much money we save or invest, or how fit we are, or how great our social circle is; we're used to feeling unsafe. So many women think they need to be in a relationship to feel physically secure, even if a partner doesn't care all that much.

    [–]jelliknight 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    men can't see the mess

    This old bullshit goes along with the "We just don't know how to clean/ aren't as good at it".

    Hey, guess what's going to give you a GREAT awareness of mess and experience of how to deal with it? Being the one fucking doing it all for the next 4 months. Don't worry, I'll follow you around the house and point out exactly where the mess is and explain exactly how to do it. Because i love you :) and because cleaning is a life skill I'm only too happy to help you learn. Just like any skill, you need to practice it every day. About an hour a day should do it!

    He'll figure out how to 'see mess' on his own in no time, I promise ;)

    Thing is, I genuinely accept that they don't register mess. Because it's not their issue. They ignore it, someone else takes care of it. We are more inclined to register what we focus on and when they're allowed to ignore mess, and it resolves itself, I do believe it genuinely stops registering for them. So, help him out by making him pick up after himself 100% of the time.

    [–]one_special_turnip 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Partly it's just out of laziness "why should I do it when my wife will get around to it?" But I do think part of it definitely socialization men are socialized to not care about mess. A visit to most bachelor pads and houses with guys rooming together will show that a lot to a lot of guys cleaning is optional and they just don't give a shit. Conversely women are socialized to be almost neurotic about cleaning,and an unclean house in society is generally seen to reflect badly on the woman. Society is sexist and gender roles are bad, what else is new? But I do think these nuances are sometimes missed when this conversation comes up in feminist spaces, I'll bet if you asked a good portion of these chuds they would see a large portion of this work as unnecessary, sure they like it that their wife creates a clean environment but they'd be ok wallowing in filth as well.